This chapter is something I wrestled with. To be honest I wasn't sure I was going to put it in here, but decided to anyways. I hope you guys enjoy this one and maybe have a better understanding of Bella's home life. Not everything is black and white.

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

xxx

NOV 2007: Olive Garden

"I'll have the Fettuccine Alfredo," I say handing my menu to the waitress.

"Okay, and you Miss," she says looking at my mother.

My mom closes her menu and hands it to her. "Just a Caesar Salad, thanks."

We've been out all day, how is she not starving?

"Alright, we'll have that right out," the waitress says with a smile before walking off.

"Are you sure you just want a salad?"

She shrugs. "I'm on a diet."

I laugh.

"You're barely over 5'3 and weigh 120 pounds, why on earth are you on a diet?" I ask.

She takes a sip of her water.

"Oh you know, I've got this little pudge going on, so I'm just being careful."

My eyes blink at her.

Pudge? What is she going on about? I just saw her in the changing room at the mall. There's no pudge.

A sinking feeling falls to the pit of my stomach.

She promised me!

"Mom, you're being ridiculous, you don't have a pudge," I say with an annoyed tone.

"You're just saying that because you're my daughter," she says with a laugh.

But it's not funny. Nothing about this is funny.

"You haven't eaten anything all day," I start.

"And I'll be eating a salad now, calm down Bella," she says with more authority.

There's no point in arguing. If she eats her salad, I'll let it go.

We talk about nothing in particular until our food arrives. My mouth salivates as I get a whiff of my plate.

I swear, I could only eat Italian food for the rest of my life and it'd never get old.

My fork digs in, the creamy goodness bring my taste buds to life.

My mother starts talking, while stabbing a piece of lettuce before putting the fork back down, suddenly changing the subject.

My eyes narrow.

This won't work with me Mother.

"Honestly, I just don't know what she was thinking," she says enthusiastically waving her fork around before stabbing another piece of lettuce. "I mean-

"Are you actually going to eat that," I cut her off.

Her eyes go wide, a look of panic crosses her face. But it passes quickly and she smiles instead.

"I have been eating Bella," she says waving me off. "Honestly, sometimes you just don't pay attention."

I drop my fork. My fingers dig into my palms.

Do not yell. Do not yell.

"I'm not leaving this table until you finish eating that," I say with much more calm than I actually feel.

The smile is gone. Her face pinches. She's angry with me.

I could care less Mother.

"I am your mother and you do not get to order me," she says coldly.

My fingers grip the edge of the table as I lean forward.

"And because you're my mother you don't get to starve yourself," I say just as coldly.

"Enough Bella," she says slamming her hand on the table. "We were having such a lovely day and you just have to find a way to ruin it."

I'm seething.

I'm ruining it? I'm ruining it?

I don't understand why she's doing this. I don't understand what could have set this off again. Charlie's face pops up. An anger and rage that has me shaking slams into me. My hands are shaking. Stop. You can't do this here. Calm down.

"What did he say to you?" I ask.

She blinks at me, clearly confused seeing as she was banking on me retaliating.

Because that's what you do. I call you out and you twist it back to distract me. But it won't work this time.

"I honestly don't know-

I lean across the table, my hand knocks against my glass nearly tipping it over.

"What did he say to you?" I spit out.

Her face goes white, her eyes wide. She looks like a cornered animal.

Why? Why is he doing this.

My mother's cold eyes. "If only I knew what raising you would be like."

"I don't know why I'm like this."

"Bella, your mother is just jealous of you."

"You don't understand what he's like sometimes."

I feel like I can't breathe. One minute I hate her and am running to him, and next I'm hating him. I don't know who is worse than who.

Memories of his fingers sliding up my thigh, the vomiting.

"You and dad are weird."

"I just have a bug, it's nothing," her voice weak as she heaves over the toilet.

I feel like I'm drowning. I love her so much and hate myself and her for it.

Love isn't supposed to feel like this, is it?

"Please just eat Mom," I say my voice soft, all fight draining from me.

She looks down, staring at the salad like it's poison.

She takes a bite anyways.

Because to her, maybe it is poison.

The feels in this chapter.

Please let me know what you think! More B & E to come!