Nanao Ise was not a particularly physical woman. In battle she excelled in incantation and kido arts. She could hold her own physically, but her preference was wielding her knowledge. She was not particularly affectionate. Most of the troops knew her to be a strong and empathetic leader; but she was not one for phony sympathy. In moments when comfort was needed, a few people were surprised to find her gentle hand upon their shoulder. They would look up at her and she would give them one squeeze before carrying on with the mission. It wasn't much but it was enough. They knew it was all she could comfortably give. Most people who new Nanao, who knew her abilities and her heart, were comfortable with the distance between them.
Shunsui was not most people. He knew boundaries, he had several of his own. In general he disliked boundaries between him and the people he cared about most. While he respected everyone's set lines Nanao was different. For one thing, she had more boundaries than anyone Shunsui had ever met before. For another, he was completely in love with her. He had been for some achingly long, lonely time. Nanao had always been just a step too far away from him. He had known her as a child and thought nothing other than her skill and safety for some time. It wasn't until long after she had grown into a woman with fire in her veins and ice on her lips that he realized she was beautiful. A special kind of beautiful, the kind that anchored his romantic brain firmly to the earth. He had respected that beauty, both inner and outer. When she proved more than worthy of it he promoted her to vice captain. Yes, he flirted with her long after her appointment but he flirted with lots of women. It was just harmless fun, he told himself. It was a lie he clung too for many years. Just harmless fun.
"Except it's not." Juushiro told him one night over drinks at Ugendo.
"Of course it's not." Shunsui grimaced as the sake went down. It was a cheap brand, they had burned through good stuff. They would need to restock soon. "I know that. You weren't supposed to know that."
"We've been friends for too many years." Juushiro shook his head. "I knew it wasn't just some fun a long time ago."
"When?"
"The time she left something in my office. I can't even remember what it was."
"The hair clip." Shunsui said automatically. The memory flashed quickly in his brain.
"See? That's my whole point." Juushiro explained. "She had left it there when Kiyone asked to braid her hair. You came in to get me for lunch and saw it there. The look in your eyes, I hadn't seen that look since we were in training together."
"I thought," Shunsui closed his eyes and swallowed. "She just always seemed to like you more than me. The thought of you getting to see her with her hair down before me."
"You didn't talk to me for a week."
"Well, I was on a mission for part of that week." Shunsui rubbed the bridge of his nose. "But, still. Jealously is an ugly emotion."
"Why don't you just tell her how you feel?"
"It's not that simple."
"Of course it isn't." Juushiro scoffed. "Would that take away part of the fun?"
"No, it's not that. It's something else entirely." Shunsui disagreed.
"Ahhh yes," Juushiro rolled his eyes. "All your wisdom of women and you can't-"
"I know how she feels about me." Shunsui cut him off. He'd rather not argue with his friend, but he especially didn't want to argue with Juushiro about Nanao.
"How? When?" Juushiro stuttered his question. "Do you mean, the way she carried you and held you during that whole face-off between Kusaka and the Captains?"
"It was before that. When I was lying in the hospital bed." Shunsui closed his eyes for a moment at the memory. Nanao's form filled his memory. He was back in the hospital bed again, shirtless under a paper thin blanket, his hair hanging in a tangled pony tail behind his head. The sound of the machines whirled and he could feel her presence next to him like he could that day. Then he opened his eyes and she was gone again.
"What did she say?"
"That's," Shunsui swallowed and closed his eyes once more, "That's private."
"Please don't go." The strength of her voice was steady but the words came out uneven. She was warbling through the tears in her throat. Her back was ramrod straight as she sat in the chair next to him. Nanao wasn't touching him at all, in fact her chair was a good foot away from his bed. Still, this was the closest he remembered her being to him. She was never this open before.
"I promise I'll be good to you. I won't hit you anymore, at least, not with the book. I won't scold you as much when I come to collect you late at night. I won't even be mean to those stupid sluts who get to touch you more than I do. Even though they hate me. Even though I hate them." Her voice was swaying now. "Please don't go. Don't leave me. I love you. Please? I promise I'll be good to you."
His eyelids were so heavy but hearing the pain in her voice grated on his nerves worse than the physical pain. He sighed heavily and Shunsui heard the rustle of her clothing as she stood. Nanao leaned over him with one of her hands placed on his. Everything around him had been so cold until her skin came in contact with his own. She was his ice queen yet the heat within her was waking him.
"Captain, come back. Please? Come back to me?"
"Nanao-chan?" She went to move her hand but he gripped it. "Please stay Nanao-chan, it's so cold without you."
"I should get a nurse,"
"I don't want a nurse, I want you. It's so cold."
"You were attacked by Hyorinmaru."
"What? Oh." Shunsui placed his hands next to his hips and pushed his chest forward. His entire body protested and he groaned in agony.
"Captain please!" Tears sprung to Nanao's eyes. "You'll injure yourself more. Please don't."
"I have to, they will think it was Hitsugaya. Nanao-chan we have to stop them." He groaned again and she came quickly to him, wrapping her slender arms around him. Shunsui sighed and leaned into her, taking an extra moment to collect any loose strength inside of him and distribute it back evenly into his limbs. Nanao pressed in closer to his body, her forehead resting on his shoulder. He didn't smell the same. The hospital was starting to rub off on him. He smelt sterile and flat. His body was cold, he even smelled cold. Where was the warmth that she so often associated with him? Where was the scent of grass and earth in his hair? Her lips ghosted over the muscle of his shoulder. The skin pricked beneath them.
"Nanao-chan," He whispered, bringing his lips to her ear. "You know I won't be able to live with myself if something happens to Hitsugaya. Please let me go."
"I'm going with you." Nanao's voice found its footing again.
"Of course you are." Shunsui smiled. It was a pained smile, but it was a smile nonetheless. "I need you my Nanao-chan."
He hoped saying that would reassure her. But she only nodded in return. Once the whole situation with Kusaka was diffused she returned with him back to the Fourth. Retsu gave him one very eery and very polite lecture on the dangers of threatening his current physical state. She almost started another lecture for Nanao but Shunsui interrupted her. The healer ordered rest, and Shunsui was glad to comply. Nanao waited until he fell asleep before she left. When he woke up he was hoping that the connection they formed during the battle would linger. He wanted her to cling to him again the way she clung to him during the battle. True, she had been supporting his weight. But he wanted her to look at him that way again. Shunsui wanted her eyes to be that clear all the time, that open and vulnerable. He wanted her lips on his skin again. Perhaps she thought he hadn't noticed? Or rather perhaps she knew he noticed and wanted to hide again.
That was the more likely answer. He could tell by the way she behaved recently that she was trying to save face. Nanao was being cooler than necessary. She snapped at him, she criticized his work, she even scolded Ukitake for keeping him out too late one night. It was all one very obvious act to try to prove to everyone else that her feelings were the same irritated feelings they had always been. But everyone knew they weren't.
"Apparently," Juushiro broke his train of thought, "Rangiku-san teased her the other day about the way she never left your side during that whole battle."
"Hmm." Shunsui made a non-committed response. Rangiku would be the person dangerous enough to attempt that.
"It didn't go over well." Juushiro took a sip of tea before continuing. "She threatened to stick her with all of the SWA paperwork for the rest of the year if she continued."
"She would never do that." Shunsui said calmly. "Nothing would ever get done."
"I know. She's slipping in her threats." Juushiro chuckled. "You should just tell her you love her."
"I have."
"You should mean it this time."
At that Shunsui's eyes opened. "I've always meant it."
"And yet you've always gone back to other women in the past. When was the last time you told her you loved her?"
"A week before this whole rebellion. It fell flat. Like it always does."
"Did you try it without the flowery behavior and excessive use of," Juushiro paused to consider his words, "Pomp and circumstance?"
"No. That would be boring."
"That would be your problem." Juushiro shook his head, amazed at how dense his friend could be. "Ise Nanao isn't your typical bar floozy. She values security and truth. Everything you offer that makes other swoon doesn't work for her. She is strong in her own right. She is intelligent in her own right. She makes her own money. What can you give her?"
Shunsui gave him a sideways glance.
"You need to appeal to who she is and what she wants. Even if she does love you, which we all know she loves you, you need to make sure she doesn't question herself for that decision." Juushiro finished.
"You are right. As usual." Shunsui sighed and stood up too quickly. He had only was relieved from medical leave that morning. His ribs were still bound and the motion had pricked sharply at the tender muscles and bones.
"You should go home. You should be resting. I don't want to risk another lecture again."
"You are probably right about that too." Shunsui nodded and placed a hand on his side. A slender hand reached out and covered his own. Shunsui's head whipped around. His ever productive lieutenant was there, one hand on his, one hand on her hip.
"It's too late to miss a lecture Captain Ukitake." She scowled. "You know he should be resting instead of drinking."
"Ah you're right Ise-san." Ukitake grimaced. "I should have been more responsible."
"Don't blame Juushiro Nanao-chan," Shunsui shook his head. "I can be responsible for myself."
"Right. That would be the day. It's time to go home sir." Nanao rolled her eyes and lead him out of Ugendo. She moved sharply as she escorted him back to his home. They walked in silence, Shunsui considered what his friend had said. It was true, many of things that attracted other women were superfluous to Nanao. She had her own money, her own rank, even her own community. He could offer physical affection and love but love was a vague thing. It involved loyalty and fidelity and he was well aware that she thought it was doubtful that he could offer her those things. Plus, she wasn't a very affectionate person. Still, it was more than he could bear, to have her close for one day and for it to be over before nightfall. He would need to convince her of his surety, and it would have to start now.
"Thank you for taking care of me Nanao-chan." Shunsui said quietly as they reached his house.
"Who else would take care of you if I didn't?" Nanao led him to his bedroom and removed the hat from his head. She took the glass sitting on his night stand too the kitchen to fill it with water for the night. When Nanao returned to his room he had removed his shirt. Shunsui was examining his bandages, one end was beginning to unwrap itself from the rest. Nanao reached up to assist him with rewrapping it. His hand caught her wrist and her finger tips remained on his chest.
"You must know how important you are to me, Nanao-chan." Shunsui's voice was gentle and calm. "You are indispensable to me."
"Sir?" Her voice was melting around the edges as his thumb began to stroke her hand.
"There are still many areas in which you don't trust me, I understand." He nodded. "I haven't given you much to trust in. But I will. I will prove it to you."
"Sir?" Nanao's eyes began to search his face for signs of immaturity or teasing. But he was perfectly serene and honest. She let her fingers brush over his chest one last time before she removed her hand from his body. "Thank you sir."
"Good night Nanao-chan." Shunsui smiled, "I'll see you in the morning."