Rubble of Babel
chapter 2
The house was already dead quiet when she finally made it up to Kristoff's room, having had procrastinated on it so much she had a hard time keeping her eyes from closing for long enough not to trip over her own feet.
She opened the door quietly, hoping for two things only. One, that Elsa would be already asleep. And two, that Kristoff did bring in that inflatable bed she'd asked him for. With only a few swears and one instance of Kristoff putting his hands up in defense.
A quick sweeping glance around the tiny room told her neither of those were true.
"Why are you still awake?" she muttered, closing the door behind herself as Elsa sat up on the bed, her head bowed to dodge the slanted ceiling as she put the book she was reading on a bedside table. "It's 2 a.m."
"I know," she answered in the same quiet, defeated tone she'd had for the entire evening. She ran a hand through her loose hair, still damp after the shower she took over an hour ago. "Anna–"
"Don't."
She let her shoulders slump. "Kristoff came by about forty minutes ago," she said, fumbling with the rim of the cover she sat under. "He said he was sorry, but he couldn't find any more mattresses."
Anna groaned. "Peachy."
Elsa bit down on her lip again, before suddenly throwing the covers aside and jumping out the bed, hitting her head on the way. "Sorry, I should just–"
She brushed past Anna and made towards the door, but even with her brain already asleep, Anna's body acted on instinct.
"Where the hell do you think you're going," she hissed, grabbing one of Elsa's arms before she even had the chance to reach the doorknob.
"I'm just gonna find some space in the living room–"
Anna scoffed. "Don't be ridiculous." She pulled her back, a little harder than she meant to, almost crashing the top of Elsa's head into her own chin. "You'll wake people up. Get back in bed."
Elsa turned around and looked up–and it only struck Anna now how far up exactly she had to look– when the hell did that even happen?–at her, probably only the second time she actually locked eyes with Anna this night. "Are you sure?" she asked, softly, uncertainty lacing every letter.
"Yeah, I am," she answered irritatedly, and gave her a gentle push in the bed's direction. "Just scoot closer to the wall."
Elsa did as she was told without any further questions, slithering under the cover–one cover, Kristoff? Really?–and rolling over on her side, her back facing Anna as she almost became one with the wall.
Anna let out a long, tired sigh before unzipping her hoodie, kicking off her slippers and then sliding off her sweatpants, until she was standing in only a tank top and boxer shorts in the cold air of Kristoff's room.
Before she could second-guess herself and do exactly what she told Elsa not to do, as much as it was tempting to just go out and maybe try to lodge herself in a single bed with Kristoff and one of his brothers, she hit the light switch off and practically jumped in the bed. Ignoring Elsa's quiet, surprised sharp gasp, she slid under the covers and turned on her side, facing the room.
Their backs were touching.
She watched the broken moonlight dance on the floor.
A few minutes passed.
It was so quiet.
And Elsa was trembling.
Why the hell was she trembling, it wasn't cold under the cover.
Anna tried to move a bit further away to avoid touching her, but as it was already, she was at a high risk of flying off the bed.
She managed to worm her way maybe half an inch away, her shoulder now on the wooden frame of the bed, her knee hanging in the air, way out of the warm cover, but she could still feel Elsa's trembling.
"Elsa," she whispered, kinda heatedly, and the trembling stopped for a second, as if it was politely waiting for a continuation. "Are you cold or what?"
The trembling resumed. "No," Elsa whispered back, and Anna could barely hear it, muffled by the pillow or cover, and literally said into the wall.
"Then why are you shaking?"
The trembling intensified. "I'm sorry."
Anna blinked. "No, I mean–" her voice was now louder than a whisper, but still quiet, too afraid anyone on the other side of the wall could hear them in the dead silence. "Not your fault, I guess? But it's, uh... distracting."
"I'm so–"
"I told you it's not your fault," she murmured, angrily, the cold wind seeping in under the door and the broken isolation of the window now irritating her hanging limbs. "Just… calm down, okay?"
There was a harder shaking for a moment, and Anna could only guess Elsa shook her head.
She grit her teeth. Gripped the cover tighter. Flexed the muscles of her thighs.
No, she was not going to kick her. She was going to be civilized, and not use brute force. Even if she really, really, really just wanted to ki–
With another shake, Elsa let out a choked sob, and Anna realized she wasn't just being stubborn to spite her. Of course she wasn't just being stubborn to spite her, why the hell would she even think that in the first place.
So instead she tried to calm down herself and, with some effort, she turned over flat on her back, moved closer to Elsa, then turned all the way over to face her. She moved even closer still, until her own butt was not hanging over the edge of the bed and Elsa's butt was snug against her pelvis.
She circled an arm around Elsa's waist, and the trembling stopped.
She was literally stiff as a dead body for a few seconds.
"A-Anna?" she asked, her voice strained, like she was trying to speak with a hand squeezing around her throat.
"Calm down," Anna muttered into her damp hair, too tired to try and be suave about anything. "I can't sleep if you just keep… vibrating like this."
Elsa answered something, but all Anna could hear was a choked sob.
"You have to speak clearer."
Elsa tensed even more, for just a second, before she started to shake so violently Anna could feel her own bicep contract in trying to pin her down.
"I'm so sorry," she whispered, trying to move away from her, but Anna held on steadily. "I'm so, so sorry, Anna–"
Anna sighed, adjusting her grip to hold on to her tighter, her nose lodged deep into Elsa's hair while her fingers grasped for Elsa's silky nightdress. "Stop just saying you're sorry," she murmured, feeling goosebumps form where her breath fell behind Elsa's ear. "If you wanna talk about this, then let's talk about this."
Elsa had nowhere to run to, with Anna lodged firmly behind her and the ceiling just above her head, and Anna took full advantage of that by pinning her to the wall.
"And maybe once it's all said and done you'll go the fuck to sleep."
Elsa coughed. "I–" she seemed to realize she couldn't escape this. "I'm sorry. For running away, without a word."
Anna nodded. "Yeah?"
"A-and for–" Elsa gulped. "F-for kissing you. In that game. I'm sorry."
Now, it was Anna's turn to stiffen. This wasn't exactly what she expected to hear.
"What?" she asked, tightening her grip around Elsa's waist.
Elsa shifted, as much as her hold allowed her to. "Don't make me say it again," she whined, pleading, her hand going over the arm draped around her.
"No, please, do say."
"Anna–"
"Say it."
"I'm sorry I kissed you," she sobbed. "I'm sorry that you– that I– I enjoyed it."
There it was. Something new.
"You did?"
Elsa nodded. "I couldn't just–" her voice got stuck in her throat, and she fell silent for a few seconds. "I'm a horrible sister."
Anna nodded back. "You are." She could feel Elsa freeze in her place again, and by now she was as stiff as a marble statue. Anna feared she might spontaneously collapse into a black hole the next time she said something. "Not for kissing me, though."
Elsa whimpered.
"I liked it too."
Elsa whimpered louder.
"I didn't like you leaving," Anna continued. "And disappearing." She tightened her grip again, Elsa's ribs biting painfully into her forearm. "Without a word." She moved so close to her ear her lips were grazing it as she spoke. "For seven years, Elsa."
Elsa's hand on top of her arm was now holding on like she was the last thing that tethered her to reality.
"I am so sorry," Elsa said, again, and Anna just rolled her eyes. "I shouldn't have– I was scared, Anna."
Anna huffed. "What, you were scared?" she asked, making sure every whispered word conveyed as much of her anger as it should. "How do you think I felt? You left me. Alone. Completely alone." At one point, her teeth grazed Elsa's skin, but she couldn't care less about that. "I was fifteen."
Elsa just swallowed, and Anna could feel the motion reverberate in her throat.
"But it doesn't matter now," Anna continued, Elsa's hair tickling her nose with every breath she took. "You're coming to New York, right?"
Elsa nodded weakly.
"Were you planning to tell me?"
No response.
"Thought so," Anna whispered bitterly. "You know what, I'm glad Kristoff invited you. At least I got to see that you're alive."
She made a move to turn around again, but Elsa's hand on her arm held on steady.
"Let me go."
"Can you–" Elsa's fingers circled around her wrist, not terribly tight. "Y-you said… you liked it too?"
Anna rolled her eyes. "That's what you took away, really?" She tried to yank her arm free, but Elsa's hold suddenly tightened.
"I– I ran," Elsa whispered so quietly Anna could barely make out any words. "I ran because I was scared of what I did. Of how– what it made me feel."
Anna closed her eyes for a moment, and she was back there. On that couch. Hours after Elsa's friends have left and the game was over, still holding on tight to her, their lips roaming wildly about their bodies, kissing every bit of exposed skin, exposing more skin to kiss, going back up for the lips, then back down for the neck, hands exploring areas sisters were not supposed to explore with each other–
Elsa packed up and left the next day.
She opened her eyes again.
"Yeah, I get that."
"But you…?"
"Yeah." At this point she gave up trying to turn, and just settled against her. "You'd have known if you talked to me."
It took some time to get over it herself. The shame she felt anytime she thought about Elsa's lips soon turned into anger anytime she thought about her at all. The guilt for doing this to her, for crawling over her on the couch and continuing after there were no dares to be done and no one to witness them anymore turned to hurt because Elsa left without as much as giving her a chance to explain herself.
"Oh."
A few–literal, she could feel it hammering in Elsa's chest–heartbeats passed in uncomfortable silence.
"So you–"
"Yes, Elsa, I did."
"So, uh–"
"I'm still mad at you."
Elsa let go of her arm, then stirred. Then, before Anna was even totally aware of what was happening, Elsa was facing her, blue eyes glistening with tears in the moonlight.
"I ran away," she repeated, her whisper cracking to sobs. "Because I was afraid I hurt you. That I did something terrible to you. That you'd hate me."
Her hand found Anna's, lying limply between them.
"And I thought you didn't want to even see me, ever again."
This time, it was Anna who was rendered speechless, just lying there, watching the tears stream down Elsa's temple and nose.
"I was scared of what you'd say to me."
Anna let out a heavy breath. "I thought you just…" she trailed off, bringing her free hand up to wipe the bridge of Elsa's nose. "That you thought I did something wrong, and you didn't want me to talk to you. So I gave up trying."
There it was. A standard, textbook case of apparent miscommunication that made her want to groan till the end of time. She'd thought stuff like this happened only in the movies. She almost felt bad for being angry at all those characters.
Elsa let out a short, sad laugh. "Wow."
"Yeah, wow."
"So you don't… hate me?"
"Are you kidding me?" Her hand slid to cup Elsa's cheek. "I am incredibly mad at you, and now at myself, too, for not trying harder to get through to you. I wanna slap us both." She wiped at the fresh tear brewing in Elsa's eye. "But I love you. I have always loved you. Even when I wanted to hate you."
The smile that spread on Elsa's face was almost enough to make her forget all about her anger.
"I'm really glad Kristoff invited us both," she said softly.
"Yeah." Anna smiled, too. This much she could do. "But this isn't worked out. We still need to talk."
Elsa nodded, still smiling. "At least now I know we can."
"Especially about New York," Anna added, furrowing her brows, and relaxing them right away when she saw Elsa's face fall. "But it can wait until morning."
Talking. She wasn't even sure how well that would go, and how well she'd keep her anger at bay, but they could try. Like the rubble of Babel that they had to pick up, piece by broken piece, until there was enough to build a small house.
This was the cornerstone.
She watched Elsa close her eyes and lean into the soft pillow, letting out a shaky sigh. Led by her tired brain and years of longing, she leant in, before stopping herself abruptly just an inch away from Elsa's face.
"Is this okay?" she whispered, her lips almost touching Elsa's nose at this point, and Elsa's eyes shot back open again, wide and surprised. Anna immediately pulled away. "Shit, sor–"
Elsa's hand was at the back of her head in an instant. "No, wait–" she moved closer in, biting her lip, eyes dashing between Anna's.
The longing part of her brain winning the internal struggle, Anna closed the distance between them, leaning down to meet her with a chaste, uncertain kiss. Once she felt Elsa relax a bit, she deepened it. Elsa's lips were as soft as she remembered, and she let out a tiny gasp when Anna, in a surge of bravery, parted them with her tongue.
This was wrong. This was exactly what she'd beat herself over for years, the way this single kiss made her entire body light up. Like a lightning bolt going down her spine. An adrenaline shot straight to the heart. Molten iron in her stomach.
But this wasn't a stupid game anymore, she was not a kid, and she was too happy to have her back, lying beside her in Kristoff's tiny, single bed to be able to give a single shit about that now.
She pulled away and looked at her again, trying to gauge what Elsa could be thinking about, but there was just that beaming smile on her face again.
"We'll talk," Anna assured both Elsa and herself. There was hope. "In the morning, okay? We'll figure this out."
Elsa hummed in agreement before placing another soft kiss on Anna's lips.
"But now you have to sleep, or so help me God I'll make you."
Elsa laughed, then snuggled closer to her. She melded into Anna nicely, head tucked just below Anna's chin, hips flush against hers, and one cold foot stuck between Anna's ankles. Anna nuzzled into her hair with heavy eyelids, breathing in deeply as she felt herself slowly drift off.
Hope.
She didn't miss Elsa whisper I love you too into her chest.