The days were passing much like they always did. They passed in drills, paperwork, and meetings. Normal routine resumed as if the Eighth captain hadn't been close to death. He was just as communicative as before, but now he seemed to focus more on actually conversing with Nanao; as opposed to lavishing her with compliments and declarations of love. It was a welcome change, but Nanao still tip toed around him. It was taking more effort to wrap her affections back in a tidy bow deep beneath her surface. Everything about him was suddenly more appealing. The way his hands brushed hers when she handed him paperwork, the way he smelled when she caught him in the fields, the way his hair was tied, it was as if all these things that were so common weren't anymore. They were moments that could possibly end at any point. Yes, he was strong and highly intelligent. But he had weak points, just like any Shinigami. Just like any captain. She had realized hers that day in the hospital. Oh yes, she wasn't the best at combat. But her biggest weakness was him. No amount of boundaries could prevent that from being true.
"Nanao-chan," Shunsui called from the couch. He had just returned from his one one instruction with Enjoji. He barely greeted her and instead crumpled into the cushions with a lurch. "Can you bring me some tea?"
"I'm in the middle of," Nanao began but paused when she looked up at him. His face was pale. His hair was sticking to his sweaty forehead. A river of fear burst through Nanao's composure. "Taicho?"
"Please? I'm feeling run down." He tried to smile but failed, his face paled further. "That's all."
"You've been working too hard. You need more rest." Nanao quickly poured him a cup and swept close to his side. He managed a faint smile this time as he accepted the cup from her. He swallowed but it did nothing to help him.
"I never thought I would hear you say that Nanao-chan."
"I shouldn't have tried to maintain the prior schedule. I should have considered your injuries. Would you like to lay down sir?" Nanao spoke quickly, guilt seeping into her voice with the added pace.
"That would be lovely Nanao-chan." Shunsui sighed and swayed a bit as if he meant to lay down on the couch in the office. She caught his waist and hefted him up with all her might. Then she half carried him to the captain's quarters next to the office. The rooms weren't used often, he had his own house he much preferred, but in cases of upheaval or emergency he was expected to use them.
"I'll be alright Nanao-chan." He wiped his sweaty brow as she lay him back on the bed. "I just need a few moments."
"I'll call Unohana-sempai. She should check you over, just to make sure none of your wounds have reopened." Nanao made to leave back to the office but his hand caught her wrist in time.
"It's nothing Nanao. I'm just tired, that's all. Please sit with me awhile?" His voice was gentle and earnest. It was impossible to resist. Nanao returned to his side. She sat down next to his body and examined his face, keeping her hand on his jawline.
"You're so pale sir, I need to be certain."
"Please Nanao?" He reached out to take her waist and pulled lightly on her. She half sat, half leaned down next to his body, her hips pressed against his torso.
"I couldn't live with myself if you furthered your injuries because of my schedule, Shunsui." She whispered and he sighed. Nanao crumbled against him, pressing her cheek against his shoulder. Shunsui began to stroke her arm. "Please?"
"Fine," He exhaled again, "But not Retsu-san. She will tear me to shreds. Insane-chan will know how to handle the diagnostic kido just as well."
Nanao nodded and he released her. She sent off her hell butterfly and when she returned he was already asleep. Nanao never understood how he managed to sleep with a hat on but she figure it must have been slightly uncomfortable. She removed it, as well as his pink haori, and sandals. Nanao ran her thumb along the chain of his ankle bracelet. The urge to remove it and stuff it inside her shirt ran through her but Nanao was chaste, she left the trinket where it was. If she wanted a keepsake of him she would rather have a memory, something was invisible to everyone else but her.
Isane came quickly and with discretion. The tall woman busied herself with a diagnostic kido while Nanao quickly informed the rest of squad 8 to keep up with the schedule. They were instructed not to bother the captain at all. Any further one on one sessions that week had been canceled. When Nanao returned to the captain's quarters she found Isane's kido was completed.
"Well?" Nanao asked.
"His injuries are fine. He's just exhausted." Isane replied. "His wounds are still closed but he does need new bandages. They were supposed to be changed this morning."
"I forgot." Nanao shook her head. "I'm doing a terrible job taking care of him."
"He hasn't been in this position for a long time." Isane soothed. "It's an adjustment. Help me change the dressing?"
The two women got to work. Isane untucked and opened his shirt, revealing his wide bronze chest. Nanao swallowed her jealousy and busied her hands with the knot in the bandages closest to her. When she released it Isane motioned for Nanao to turn him so Isane could wind new bandages around his back. While she balled up the used white gauze Nanao studied the damage from his attack. She traced the outline of the deepest cut and he inhaled deeply when she skin connected with his. Isane looked up over his shoulder at her. Nanao flushed and pulled the new spool of gauze around his chest.
"He needs to rest." Isane said slowly, gently, stretching her words over a whisper. "But really, he just needs to not exert himself."
"Hmm." Nanao nodded. But she felt her friend's eyes on her. Nanao looked up. "What?"
Isane blushed and then Nanao blushed and both girls awkwardly tried to not make eye contact.
"I didn't, we didn't." Nanao flushed deeper. Isane chuckled and pressed lightly on Shunsui's shoulder. He fell back easily, landing partially on the bed, and partially on Nanao's lap. Her hand came up and rested on his chest almost instantly. Shunsui responded by covering her hand with his own. He sighed in his sleep again. Nanao looked up at Isane.
"Again," the healer grinned. "No exertion."
"Does everyone know I love him?" Nanao trailed her other hand up to his head and gently brushed his hair back from his face.
"Many assume." Isane explained. "But I heard you crying in the waiting area. And well, you don't cry like that over someone you have don't love."
Shunsui's eyes opened slightly and he glanced over at Isane. Nanao suppressed a gasp. He most definitely had to overhear their conversation.
"Isane-chan." He tried to sit up but the healer's hands pressed him down again.
"You need rest Captain Kyoraku. Your attacker was swift and wielding a stolen bankai." Isane explained. "Plus you put more stress on your body than necessary far too early."
"I was testifying." He tried to explain but his eyes closed shut again. Nanao ran her hand through his hair again and he grunted an approval.
"She knows that you were. She isn't scolding you." Nanao picked up a brush on the end table and began to gently pull it through the tangles of his hair. He made a happy noise and sunk deeper into her.
"He'll need low level pain kido, which I know you can handle." Isane instructed. "You can add it to a low level healing kido if you want. He's healing but it might help him feel better overall. If he spikes a fever or begins vomiting let me know as soon as possible. But for now rest is the best medicine."
After a few more instructions Isane stood to go and Nanao followed her, dropping the brush back on the table. Shunsui muttered and reached for her but Nanao simply kept following her friend. He groaned but she continued to ignore him, despite the rising color in her cheeks.
"Nanao-chan." Isane said softly. "I can see myself out. Your job now is to make sure he rests and rests well. Keep everyone out of the office for a day or two. Assign them their work and make sure they only report make in case of emergency. He'll probably sleep until morning. His body was fatigued in a way I haven't seen in a long time. Make sure he gets plenty of decent food. No alcohol."
"I will,"
"And no exertion. However difficult that one might be." Isane winked before fleeing.
Shunsui called out to her again and Nanao complied. She sunk down on her knees next to him and pulled the blankets up to his chest. Nanao knew that he had heard what Isane had said. It made her cheeks redden but it was too late to deny it. Still, Nanao was desperate to talk to him about it another time. When he was stronger and her heart was tucked firmly away from her sleeve.
"You need rest." Her voice was gentle and so were her hands as they stroked his cheek. "I'll check on you in a bit. I can bring some food if you'd like."
"I'd like that." Shunsui nodded. Then his eyes closed again. Nanao did a quick sweep of the room for any hidden sake bottles. She found two, and then headed back to the office to handle the rest of the day. She informed the rest of the squad to keep to their duties and routines but to avoid the office unless absolutely necessary. After she completed her hours Nanao went back to her own quarters on site. Unlike her captain she utilized the rooms assigned to her. A quick shower was needed. The hot water and fragrant soaps were relaxing. Afterwards she changed into a simple navy yukata with roses patterned across it. She grabs some food from the cafeteria, simple but flavorful dishes that they both liked, and headed to his door. Nanao knocked on the captain's door and when there was no answer she simply let herself in.
He was standing by the windows, shirtless but in his hakama with his back to her. His hair was ratty and needed to be combed again. He was so still and peaceful that Nanao debated backing out of the door but then he called to her and she knew his peace wasn't long lasting. His voice had the same lonely ring it always did, but this time it felt deeper. Shunsui got this way occasionally, when the anniversary of the death of a friend came around, or he got a note that someone he knew was now dead or married. In the past Nanao had left him alone for most of those days but today she had no desire to do that.
"You've trained them well Nanao-chan." Shunsui said quietly with his back to her. Nanao crossed the room, stopping first to deposit the food on the low table in front of the bed.
"What do you mean sir?" Nanao placed her hands on the bandages wrapped around his back. He stretched at the contact and turned to face her. "You've trained them. You lead drills and combat lessons."
"But without you I wouldn't have done those things. You've transformed this squad Nanao-chan. Without you we would all fall apart. They need you more than they need me."
"Sir?"
"You will be a good leader one day Nanao." Shunsui smiled sadly. Nanao shook her head but Shunsui caught her chin and tipped her head up. Her eyes were wet behind her glasses.
"I don't want to lead without you." Nanao explained. "If something happens to you."
"Something will happen to me Nanao-chan, one day." Shunsui explained. "It's bound to be that way. The human world doesn't appeal to me and neither does the Royal Guard. That leaves one natural option."
"I couldn't lead the way you lead. Don't talk to me about this, not now." Nanao pleaded.
"What shall I talk to you about then? My love for you? How it is my constant lonely companion?" Shunsui blinked.
"Why are you doing this? Why are you making me talk about these things?"
"Because I want to be with you Nanao." Shunsui explained. "And I am tired of waiting."
"You want to be with everyone." She rolled her eyes and tried to huff but he held her chin.
"I want to be with you." He repeated. "Only you. And you want to be with me. I know it. I heard you."
"I shouldn't have told you that." Nanao sighed. "I knew if you heard you'd,"
"I would what?" Shunsui quirked an eyebrow.
"If I gave that inch you would take a mile." Nanao finished.
"But you gave it to me anyway." Shunsui tugged lightly on her shoulders, moving her closer to him by an inch.
"Of course I did. I love you. What else was I supposed to do when you were so white and cold?" Nanao's hand rested on his wrist. She ran her other hand down the muscled forearm and up to his shoulder. "I'd say anything to make you come back."
"I came back because you love me." Shunsui said. "This love inside me finally had a place to call home and I couldn't resist that. I couldn't resist you."
Nanao was silent but her eyes were beginning to spill over and her pursed lips quivered at the edges. She took a deep breath before she leaned her body forward into his. She was silent, but she was pliant.
"Nanao-chan." Shunsui sighed and rested his forehead on hers. A wide smile spread across his face. He was tired but her subtle confession was pouring energy back into his body. "Nanao."
"Tell me you love me. If these are the only options of what you will talk to me about. Tell me you love then."
"Just talk? I've told you I love you time and time again." Shunsui asked, his brow wrinkling as he slide his hands from her shoulders to her back and down Nanao's side. "I love you so much Nanao. And I can tell you I love you in so many ways."
The deep need in his voice sent a chill down her spine, but she stepped closer to him anyway. She had waited so long to relax any of the boundaries she had erected between them. In many ways she didn't even know how to tear them down. But Nanao knew the hands that rested on her sides could tear them down in one swoop.
"I'm supposed to let you rest." Nanao whispered against his lips. She teased his mouth with her own, licking, nibbling, before finally claiming his kiss for hers. No part of her wanted to separate from him, even though she knew it would be breaking both her and Isane rules.
"Oh my Nanao-chan," Shunsui captured her lips with his own. Her hands traveled up his chest, lingering over the muscle and heartbeat before coming to rest on his shoulders. "It would be the sweetest kind of rest."
It was romantic and overboard. It was all his pomp and circumstance, but Nanao loved it. It was what she wanted as an excuse to arch up into his body and open her lips to his. Her arms curled around his neck as her chest pressed against his. His tongue plunged into her mouth and she groaned, relief pouring through her. Years of tension began to unwind under this gentle tutelage. He bent to pull her near and guided them backwards to the bed. They paused there, with her hands clutching at muscle of his shoulders and his hands poised on the knot in her yukata.
"Do you trust me?"
She blinked. Did she? She trusted him with her life on and off the battle field, but this was more than life. This was everything else. Life, spirit, essence. Integrity. Dignity. All the big words she chalked on blackboards and painted in journals about who she wanted to be. She placed one of her hands on his chest, right above his heart. His eyes were open now, and she saw what he was offering wasn't a mindless tryst. It was everything, all of him, even the dark parts no few had ventured to see. He was romance, darkness, loyalty but danger. Just like any person, if Nanao wanted him, she would need all of him.
"Yes." Nanao nodded. She took of her glasses and hair clip and rested them on the coffee table.
He smiled as she shrugged out of the sleeves of the yukata. He worked through the knot quickly, with expert fingers. Their clothing fell in a tangled heap on the floor. They joined together, careful but needy, their years of intimacy finally finding home in their shapes and forms. It was heat and liquid joy. It was lingering hands with heated touches, kisses that were gentle and firm. Gasps of delight and groans of pleasure. Neither was sure who made what cry. Afterwards Nanao lay back beside him, sated but hungry, and giggling in relief. Shunsui turned his head to face her, his panting lungs at odd with his peaceful face.
"What is it?" He asked. She curled next to him and flattened her palm against his chest. Shunsui picked it up and kissed it. "Tell me, please?"
"I wasn't supposed to exert you." Nanao licked her lips. "Isane will scold me if she knew."
"It can be our secret." Shunsui offered. He didn't want it to be a secret. He wanted to tell Juushiro that she finally let him love her, and that he would do it again. He wanted to place his hand on the small of her back when they were in the courtyard and not be afraid of the sting of her fan. He wanted to kiss her neck in the hall. He wanted all of it, but he was only one player in this decision. Se had desires as well, he would need to respect those.
"This moment can be our secret." Nanao rested her head on his chest. She felt him exhale his relief. "But I want everyone else to know that you are mine now."
"I've always been yours."
"That didn't stop them from trying. And it won't stop them from trying." Nanao grinned and kissed his sternum.
"I'd like to see them try." Shunsui kissed her shoulder. "No one would dare tempt a kido master."
"Just you." Nanao ran her fingers down his abodmen and he inhaled sharply. "You're mighty tempting."
"As are you," Shunsui groaned. "But where my spirit is willing my body is failing. My injuries are taking over."
"Do you want me to heal you?"
"No, I want to feel all this. I want it all with you."
"That's very noble of you." Nanao snorted. "But lie still. I'll be gentle and you'll feel better."
"I already feel better." Shunsui yawned as her fingers lit with kido. "This moment is just not long enough."
"There will be others." She murmured as he nodded off to sleep slowly. "Sleep now."
Nanao pulled the blankets higher around their bodies. His breathing was deep, even, and soothing. Most nights she slept curled into a ball but tonight she stretched, throughly warmed through by his body heat. All her boundaries had been faithful friends when she needed them; but now it was time to say good bye. She had outgrown them a long time ago. There were new lines and shapes to fit into now. This place next to Shunsui had opened, and so far, it was her favorite place to be.