Billie Eilish's music served as the inspiration for this chapter.

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

xxx

March 2008: Renee's House

He looks like shit.

My eyes scan his blackened eyes and broken nose. He looks so tired. Seth offers me a smile. I grasp his hand and sit down beside him. My mother watches us, her eyes are sharp and I look away before I say something that starts a fight.

She does something awful, but somehow I'm still the problem.

My fist curls. It's been three hours since I've gotten to her house and she still hasn't spoken one word to me.

"How's your head?" I ask.

He smiles a bit more. "Yeah, I banged it up pretty bad didn't I?"

A little laugh escapes my mouth. "Yeah, just a little."

His smile falls a little. "I've missed you, seems like it's been forever since I've seen you."

My breath catches in my throat. He doesn't mean to make me feel guilty, but I do. My own selfishness and self loathing bubble up. My eyes start to burn and prickle. Stop. Don't cry. You'll only make this much worse. I take a deep breath and slowly exhale.

"I know, I've missed you too." I squeeze his hand.

My mind goes to Edward and how he held me as I completely fell apart in his arms just a week ago. He had talked me out of rushing here, and instead calmed me down. But he's been really weird ever since. Something changed between us, and I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not.

"Bella, I want you to listen to me." I remember how his hands grasped my face, forcing me to look him in the eye. "There is nothing wrong with you. These people-" I remember how he had closed his eyes, his mouth in tight, thin line and how when he opened them it took my breath away. His gaze, so intense, it set my skin on fire, it had been like he was finally seeing me- all of me, every ugly, twisted, pathetic and frightened piece of me.

Edward is so good. His only darkness is what I've brought him. When he sees the world, he sees that people are inherently good. I've shown him that the world is cruel, dark and lonely. Part of me hates myself for it.

"Well, I'm happy I got to see you," Seth says with a yawn.

I squeeze his hand a little more. "Me too," I say with a small smile. "You look tired, why don't you sleep for a bit and later tonight we'll watch a movie."

He yawns again and closes his eyes. "Mkay."

"Get some sleep." I let go of his hand and stand up.

As I turn and walk towards the door, my mother glares at me. Things have been extremely awkward since she's picked me up from the airport. Charlie's working late and Leah is at a friend's house.

Ignore her. You're not here to fight. You're here for Seth.

Walking out, I go towards my old room. Seth's door clicks behind me and my mother's hand curls around my arm. I freeze.

"Bella, this has gone on long enough. You need to come home." Her tone is short and catty.

Rage bubbles up in me, my fingernails dig into my palm, and my chest tightens. I jerk my arm free and turn around to face her.

Her stance is rigid and she steps back, folding her arms across her chest.

"Do not treat me like I'm some petulant child," I say, my voice dangerously low. "The only reason I'm here is because of Seth. I'm not here for you-

"Now you listen-

I step closer to her. "He loves you!" My voice rises and her eyes go wide. "He loves you and all you ever do is hurt him, hurt me," I pause and close my eyes. "And Leah-," I trail off, opening my eyes and looking into her own that's now red and tearing up. "I'm tired. Just give me space Mom."

"Bella please! I'm sorry," she cries and shakes her head.

I just walk past her and her begging. My eyes burn and I know I'm going to completely lose it. Just get to the room. My feet move faster.

She follows me. "I know I'm mean sometimes, but I do love you. Please just-

Just get to the room.

I reach my door, open it and quickly duck inside and shut it. My hand quickly locks it before she can open it. I stare at the door, listening to her crying and back away towards my bed. My feet hit the edge and I fall back. I take in another breath and get control over myself.

The front door slams and I hear the car start.

Run away Mother. It's what you do best.

I turn my head against my pillow and close my eyes. I'm so tired. I'll sleep, just for a bit.

My body starts feeling light and I sigh a little.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

BANG.

My body awakens with a start.

What the-

I fall out of bed, landing on the floor in a tangled mess of sheets and blankets. My feet scramble to a standing position and I run towards my door.

Moonlight shines through the windows casting an eerie glow in the house as I run towards Seth's room. I throw open his door.

He's not here. Maybe he dropped something in the kitchen.

I rush towards the kitchen.

"Seth!" I yell but there's no answer.

Fuck! What if he's had another seizure!

I reach the kitchen but there's no one there. I can feel myself panicking. Calm down, everything is probably okay.

But with each empty room and the constant silence, my stomach rolls.

My feet stop in front of my parents room and a shiver goes down my spine. My hand reaches out and grasps the knob.

"Seth." My voice is shaky.

Silence.

My fingers turn the knob and I open the door.

I feel myself falling.

Knees smack against cold, wooden floorboards.

Everything is cold.

My eyes won't close.

No, no, no, no NO!

I scream.

xxx

Please don't hate me. This was incredibly hard to write.

Please let me know what you think.