A/N- Writer's block is a terrible curse. I'm so sorry.

Alec made sure to keep a particularly close eye on Magnus after his nightclub escapade.

It had forced him to realise that it wasn't just a low mood that was affecting Magnus. It went deeper than that. The depression was only one symptom. The nightclub had shown Magnus's destructive and impulsive behaviour, had proved that he craved a numbness and a release that alcohol could give him.

It scared Alec more than he could say, so he said nothing. He didn't pester Magnus over trying to recover or do better because he knew the warlock needed to move at his own pace. The last thing he wanted was for Magnus to become irritated with his presence. He just wanted to help. Somehow, he decided the best way to do that was to keep his distance.

Later, he realised what a mistake that was.

It was just two days past that the storm hit Brooklyn, lighting so surrounding and intense that Alec winced at the brightness as it cracked across the sky, illuminating the black clouds. There was no rain, only deep rumbles of thunder and frequent crashes of lightning. Magnus was in his room. From what Alec understood, Magnus had developed an aversion to storms over the course of his long life. It definitely had something to do with his suicide attempt over a century ago. That night had brought the most terrible storm.

Alec supposed he should check on him. It would be a bad night.

However, when he rapped his knuckles against the door, pushing it open for lack of response, the bedroom was empty. There was an open flask on the bedside table, an empty bottle on the floor. The panic hit Alec's chest before he could take a breath. Last time, Magnus had just been out at a club. Maybe Alec was overreacting again, but the storm was what worried him. Magnus's fragile state of mind, and the fact that he had clearly been drinking again, was what fuelled his panic.

Checking the balcony first turned out to be a wise decision, although he wished it wasn't so.

Alec was startled by a rush of cold air as he flung the doors open, but he couldn't stop to care for the chill because, when the lightning struck again, Alec could see a figure silhouetted against the flash, sat up on the balcony ledge with their knees up and feet resting along the edge with them. Magnus stared out across the city, perfectly still. A stone carving perched up on the wall.

"Magnus," said Alec, struggling to keep his tone light because one wrong move or misplaced emotion could be devastating. He tried to quash his fear, but he was certain the emotion touched his voice. "Baby, what are you doing…? Come down from there."

Magnus turned his head a little to glance at Alec, and his eyes brimmed with tears, illuminated from the light that came from the apartment and just barely touched him. Alec knew he'd been drinking again—he could see it in the warlock's eyes—and that scared him so terribly. This would be a lot easier to handle if Magnus was in a more lucid state of mind.

"I just wanted to…" began Magnus, his hands clutching harder at the edge of the wall, "I wanted to be in control… I can't dictate my feelings or my triggers, but I can control this." His head tilted back, lifting his face to the sky. "I have control over whether I live or die. No one can take that from me."

Alec swallowed hard, edging himself closer with an outstretched hand, prepared to lunge forward and make a grab for his boyfriend if he started to tip over the edge. "Take my hand, okay? Let's get you back inside."

A weak smile crossed Magnus's face, but it didn't reach his eyes. "Alec, do you understand what I can feel when we touch?" Alec didn't reply because he knew Magnus would continue. "You are a trigger for my pain, and I don't want that… I hate that… If I can't touch you again without feeling that pain then… maybe I don't want to live after all…"

Shaking his head, Alec still kept his hand up: an offer, a promise, but—most importantly—a choice. "We can fix this," he said, hoping his voice conveyed more confidence than he felt. "We can get through this. You said yourself, we just need time. So, let me help you down and we can wait it out together."

The silence was equally as terrible as Magnus's words, probably more so. Alec had no gauge on Magnus's mind, no idea if he was stable enough to listen to reason and climb down. He might be too far gone already. It was okay that he was hurting, but this was too much. Alec hated himself for not realising that Magnus was already this bad.

Perhaps he had realised. He had just chosen to ignore it because the truth was so horrifying.

Lightning forked the sky.

"What if we run out of time?" whispered Magnus, almost too quiet to hear.

"We will, if you do this."

Magnus glanced back to him, eyes roaming up and down Alec's tense body, clearly noticing he was closer than before. "I'm immortal," he reminded the shadowhunter, tears in his eyes and his voice. "I can wait as long as it takes, but if it's longer than you have…" He shook his head, turning back to face the fall. "I won't ruin your life by living broken. I can't do that to you."

"What do you think this will do to me?" asked Alec, his voice lifting in panic because Magnus was more focused on the street below now than he was on Alec. "Magnus, look at me! I will never recover if you do this. I would feel the guilt forever. If you want me to have a good life, then you'll take my hand and you'll come inside. You'll stay with me and let me love you, because I will, Magnus. I'll love you until I die."

A soft sob shuddered Magnus's body. Perhaps it wasn't the best idea to remind the warlock of Alec's fleeting mortality. Despite the painful reminder, Magnus turned to face Alec. Alec just barely saw him, but he felt Magnus reach for him and immediately grabbed his boyfriend's hand, moving closer to pull him from the ledge.

Safe with both feet firmly planted on the balcony, Magnus all but collapsed into the shadowhunters arms, sobbing at a volume that rivalled the thunder. Alec held him, kneeling with him when the sobs came too hard to stand.

Then it rained.

The weather mimicked Magnus's actions, rain in place of tears. Alec didn't mind. Either the rain or the tears. He buried his face in Magnus's already soaked hair, just holding him as close as possible, as if his touch could stop the warlock from falling to pieces. It was a little late for that, Alec realised. He hated himself for not doing something more drastic sooner.

"Broken or not, I'd rather have you alive," said Alec. "Don't ever doubt that again, Magnus. Promise me."

Rain streamed down Magnus's cheek's, mixing with the tears. The warlock just rattled in breaths that broke with the occasional sob. Honestly, Alec hadn't been expecting a reply. The rain was cold where it seeped into his clothes and clung to strands of his hair, sending droplets racing down his face and chest, trickling down along his spine.

Part of Alec knew that Magnus wouldn't have jumped. It was just the drinking and the helplessness that had driven him to get up on that ledge; there was no serious risk of him trying it again. That's what Alec hoped. Regardless, he wanted Magnus away from the balcony edge.

"Come on," he murmured, easing his grip a little. "Let's get you inside."

Compliant and silent—save the occasional sniffle or stifled sob— Magnus let Alec pull him up and help him inside. He sat heavily on the sofa as Alec closed the balcony doors, drawing the curtains for good measure. Perhaps it would be better if Magnus didn't see a height for a time, at least until Alec was sure he wouldn't try that again.

He fixed up a mug of tea and came to sit beside Magnus, wordlessly passing him the drink. The warlock didn't move for a long time. He simply sat and cradled the mug between his hands, as if benefitting from the warmth radiating out from its contents.

Alec shared his silence awhile, letting the sound of rain become almost deafening in the absence of any sound from inside the apartment. Thunder rumbled overhead and Magnus shuddered softly, lifting the rim of the mug to his lips. He drank silently and returned the mug to his lap.

"Magnus," said Alec eventually. "I love you."

Magnus closed his eyes and took a breath. "I know that… I love you too."

"So, you understand how much you're scaring me…?" Alec swallowed thickly and wrung his hands in his lap. "I know it's not your fault, I'm not saying it is, I just… I'm afraid because it isn't getting better. Seeing you up on that ledge… It would have killed me, Magnus, you know that? I would have jumped right off after you."

A faint movement shook Magnus's head. "Don't say that."

"What, so it's okay if you're suicidal, but when I even mention it—"

"It's not okay," interrupted Magnus, a hint of heat entering his words, and Alec could feel nothing but relief that at least there was some emotion there other than numb sorrow. "I hate myself for even thinking about it. I hate that I can't stop feeling like this." Tears brimmed in his eyes and he inhaled shakily. "I hate that you had to come and talk me down. I never wanted that for you."

Alec regarded him a long moment, just staring at this man for whom he held so much love, whose actions scared him so terribly. He just wanted everything to go back to normal. That wasn't an option anymore. It would never be how it was, because Magnus would never be how he was, not completely.

"I want to stay," Alec insisted, clenching his hands in his lap. "I want to be with you."

Magnus's lower lip trembled. "I want that too."

"Then you need to stop pushing me away." Alec reached a slow hand to rest atop Magnus's wrist, giving the warlock plenty of time to pull away. He didn't. A steadying inhale rattled slightly when Magnus drew it in, but he didn't pull away. "Do something for me," requested Alec softly. "Get help… Isabelle has her mundane group for addiction. I'm sure they have one you could go to… some PTSD group or something."

Magnus closed his eyes and bowed his head. "That's really what you think is happening?"

Alec canted his head a little to one side. "What did you think was happening? Magnus, what you went through was traumatic. It's still affecting you… If you would try the group sessions, they could help you."

Swallowing thickly, Magnus ducked his gaze and gave a stiff nod. "Okay," he murmured. "If you think it will help… I'll try."