Summary: He knew it was wrong. Every fiber in his being told him it was wrong, but he couldn't stop. Every time he was with her, he couldn't help but think how right it felt. She was his everything, but he wasn't hers. Love kept him going back... Even if it broke his heart every time. Mental hospital AU, one-shot.
My submission for nalu angst week. Day Two: Secrets
Rated: M for foul language, sexual content, controversial issues, mentions of past self-harm, and adult situations. Additional warning: This does not have a happy ending.
Pairing: Natsu/Lucy
Genre: Angst
Secrets- Part One
Natsu kept to the shadows as he made his way down the familiar halls. His steps were silent, his movements swift. He couldn't afford to get caught. He didn't know what might happen to him if someone found out about his secret. Their secret.
In order to avoid the orderlies, he took the long way to her room. He tried telling himself it was worth it, but even he knew this was a foolish mistake. Every time they were together it did more harm than good, but that didn't stop him from going out of his way to be with her.
Natsu's breath hitched when he looked around the corner of a hall, seeing a janitor mopping the floor. After stealing another glance, Natsu realized the man was wearing headphones, his head bobbing with the music as he pushed the mop back and forth. Waiting for the right moment, Natsu darted across the halls undetected.
Before heading to her room, Natsu slipped into the male's bathroom. He kept the lights off, not wanting to alert anyone that he was inside. It took a moment for his eyes to adjust to the darkness, but he was able to make out the sink after a moment.
Natsu turned on the faucet, filling his palms with water to splash on his face. He was getting antsy, his heart pounding as he thought about what he was about to do.
'What am I doing?' he asked himself, already knowing the answer. He moved to the wall, pressing his forehead against the cool tile. Natsu sighed, whispering to himself, "Do you really want to do this again?"
Maybe he could resist, just once?
He shook his head, knowing he couldn't stay away. Before he knew it, Natsu was sneaking down the hall to her room, stopping when he saw the white board over her room number.
Heartfilia, Lucy
Natsu pulled out a single key from his pocket, a key he wasn't supposed to have. Instead of dwelling on the rules he was breaking, he used the key to unlock her door. After making sure the hall was secure both ways, he closed the door, locking it behind him.
Slowly turning around, Natsu's eyes zeroed on the girl asleep in her bed. Moonlight bathed the room and her pale skin. Lucy used to have curtains, but they were confiscated after she tried hanging herself with them.
There was no window on the door, so Natsu didn't fear being seen from the outside. However, the room wasn't soundproof for obvious reasons. Nurses and orderlies needed to hear when a patient was in trouble, meaning he had to be quiet so he didn't alert anyone.
Natsu didn't think twice as he kicked his shoes off, removing his shirt before gently placing it on the side table next to her bed. He slipped into her bed, noting she wasn't wearing a shirt, only her bra and pants covering her.
He wrapped an arm around her middle, pulling her flush against him. Her body was cool, causing her to melt against the heat of his skin when they touched. Natsu considered not waking her up this time. He could just hold her, lay with her for a while before leaving. It would spare him the pain that was sure to come when he left this room, at least for a little while until he felt the need to visit her again.
He desperately wished he could spend one whole night with her in his arms, but they would surely be caught. What made him worried was he didn't know if it was worth the risk or not, further blurring the line between right and wrong. He had crossed that line already, many times. At this point, he wasn't sure he could see the line that divided the two anymore.
In the end, Natsu decided to wake her. He needed to feel her against him, to remind him why he came back again and again after all the heartache. Gentle kisses were placed on her bare shoulder, making her stir in her sleep.
Natsu's hand massaged her stomach, feeling the scars adorning her soft skin. He buried his face into her hair, inhaling her sweet scent. "Lucy, wake up," he whispered, praying she would disobey him.
Brown eyes fluttered open to take in her surroundings. She took a deep breath, hand covering his before intertwining their fingers. "Natsu," she mumbled, voice rough from sleep. She closed her eyes, pulling his hand to her mouth so she could pepper his knuckles with kisses. "I didn't think I'd see you tonight."
Natsu curled around her, moving his nose to press against the crook of her neck. "I'm sorry, Lucy. I couldn't get here earlier."
"It's okay," she assured, slowly releasing his hand so she could turn around to face him. Natsu's hand settled on her waist, feeling a thicker scar from years back. "You're here now," she whispered, leaning up to press her lips to his, stealing his breath away.
Her hands lightly grabbed his arms as she pulled him closer, until he moved to hover over her. Natsu kissed her back slowly, savoring the feeling. It had been too long since their last encounter, and he wanted to make the most of this. He didn't know how long it would be until their next, or if there was a next.
Natsu pulled away from the kiss before pressing his forehead against hers. "I missed you," he murmured, breathing in her scent once again. It always worked to relax his nerves, which were on high alert at the moment. The thought of getting caught terrified him, but it also worked to excite him. He had been called an adrenaline junkie before, but he always shrugged it off. What was wrong with wanting some excitement in his life?
Natsu's lips found hers again when he felt her hands tugging at his back. She lowered her hands until they rested on his pants, fingers pushing at the waistband. He frowned against her lips, wishing she wasn't so impatient. He wanted to enjoy the moment, not rush it.
"Wait," he whispered before kissing her again, dragging his tongue against the seam of her lips.
Lucy obeyed the silent and verbal commands, opening her mouth and releasing his pants. She hummed when he invaded her mouth, tongue swiping at every inch before nudging her tongue with his.
Natsu's eyes slid shut as he enjoyed the kiss and the soft noises she made, tasting her minty toothpaste and unique flavor. His hand shifted down, carefully pushing at her legs until they spread. He settled between them, never breaking the kiss as his hand went back to her waist.
His fingers traced the largest scar on her body. She never told him what caused it, but he overheard a nurse tell an orderly it was from a kitchen knife. It was the reason Lucy wasn't allowed in the kitchen under any circumstances.
Natsu's lips moved to pepper kisses on her jaw, traveling down until he reached her neck. She jutted her throat out for better access, sighing heavily when his tongue lathered over the skin. Natsu's hand wondered over her body as his lips trailed down to the crook of her neck, smiling against her flesh when he felt her arch her back.
Her breasts pressed against his bare chest, his cock beginning to harden as he lightly sucked at her collarbone. He couldn't leave any marks where they might be seen, so he had to be careful. It was a shame, one of his favorite things was to bite Lucy, but he could rarely do it.
Luckily for him, she got her last 'surprise' inspection yesterday. The nurses would check her body for any new cuts, but with the control they had over Lucy, she didn't have any time or materials to harm herself. Her next inspection wouldn't be for another twelve days. It had been the same every time, giving away the 'surprise' aspect of it.
Natsu pulled back, eyes narrowing at the offending object on Lucy's chest. With a growl to his voice, he said, "Take it off."
He watched as her hands went behind her back, brown eyes never leaving his as she unhooked her bra. Her heavy breasts fell an inch when they were free, her bra discarded on the floor. She placed her hands on her stomach, waiting for her next order.
However, Natsu wanted to undress the rest of her himself. He scooted back, fingers slowly slipping down her body, making sure to flicker over her hardening nipples on his way down. She let out a soft sigh, but other than that she was silent as she watched him tug at her waistband.
Lucy lifted her hips, swaying them as he slid her pants and panties down, revealing inch after inch of scarred flesh. His stomach churned at the sight of what she did to herself, but he couldn't find it in his heart to blame her. She was here for a reason, and that reason was her depression.
Lucy was a bright and kind soul, but there was a darkness that lurked inside her. Despite the help she received at 'Magnolia Psychiatric Clinic & Hospital', she still tried to kill herself.
The last attempt was a month ago, but she seemed to be doing better. Natsu noticed she went longer without an attempt the more frequently he visited her, but he wasn't delusional enough to think he had anything to do with her health.
Natsu's eyes tore away from a particularly nasty, jagged scar on her thigh to look up at her face. He saw the sadness in her brown eyes, the emptiness. His heart hurt for her, wishing he could do more to help.
"You're beautiful," he murmured, watching as a soft blush surfaced on her pale cheeks. He knew she didn't believe him, but she accepted the compliment anyway.
Natsu looked back at her legs as he took off her pants. He couldn't understand why she hurt herself. He found happiness in so many things, but Lucy didn't respond to anything besides pain and pleasure. She had hobbies, but apparently they weren't enough to satisfy her.
He saw her reading and writing on occasion, and they even talked about it from time to time, but she still craved death. He wished he was enough to make her happy, that his love for her could cure her pain, but it wasn't enough. He had to wait and hope the therapy and medication did its job, and even then it wasn't a guarantee that she would get better.
Lucy had been at this facility off and on for three years, much longer than someone like her should have been. She left every few months, but her father always put her back in, saying she wasn't cured.
Her father wanted instant results, but that wasn't going to happen. Lucy's recovery was a marathon, not a sprint. No matter how much money he threw at the problem, it wasn't going to speed things up. Though, she might have done better if Natsu didn't interrupt her treatment for his own selfish reasons. No matter how much he loved her, he knew he was probably hindering her progress.
Honestly, Natsu didn't know if he was hurting her by doing this. All he knew was they both liked it. Lucy was eighteen years old, so legally she could consent to having sex. It was the mental part that was questionable. Half of the time she was voluntarily committed, the other half being a struggle to get her to cooperate with the nurses and orderlies. Those were the times Natsu didn't visit her. He didn't want to further upset her after she was forced to be here.
Natsu let her pants and panties fall to the ground, leaving her naked beneath him. He took a moment to let his eyes wonder her body, moonlight making her skin look ethereal. Even with her scars, he thought she was flawless. She was too beautiful for this world, but that didn't stop Natsu from trying to convince her to live.
He lowered himself, mouth covering hers as he breathed her in. Lucy responded immediately, fingers clawing at his back to tug him closer. He allowed it, his hardness pressing against her exposed core. Lucy hummed and he sighed. She was too good for him.
The love he held for her bloomed soon after meeting her. She was at the facility long before he arrived, but it didn't take him long to get to know the people around him. Lucy caught his interest quickly. The first time he saw her, she was sitting by herself in the cafeteria. He wanted to talk to her, but one of the nurses brought him away so they could talk.
The next time he saw her, he didn't waste a moment before walking over to her. He wanted to ask her why she sat alone when there were so many other people around, but he found himself speechless when he met her gaze for the first time.
Her brown eyes were dull, her lips pressed into a thin line. She neither smiled nor frowned, expressionless as she asked him what he wanted.
"To talk?" he said, but it sounded more like a question.
Lucy had turned away from him, her void eyes looking back at the book in her hands. "Okay," she muttered, but she didn't say another word to him that day.
It took weeks before he could get her to have a real conversation with him, but it was worth it. Lucy was full of knowledge. Instead of talking about herself or her family, she only spoke of literature and history. Natsu found himself coming back for more, even if he desperately wanted to know why she never showed any emotions. She puzzled him.
She was like that now, her face missing any emotions until they were alone. When she was beneath him and he was buried deep inside her, showering her body with affection, a light flashed in her eyes. He craved seeing that light, those emotions. However, the only way to get her to show any expressions was to get intimate with her, which is where he crossed the line.
The first time had been an accident. He was walking by when he saw her crying. She made no noises, showed no emotions, but tears still fell down her cheeks. He slipped into her room, closing the door behind him as he went to sit beside her on the bed. He asked her what was wrong, but she didn't respond with words.
Instead, she hugged him, holding him close. Natsu didn't have it in him to push her off, so he allowed her to embrace him. That was the moment he forgot why he was sent to the facility in the first place. Instead of focusing on his goals, he found himself wrapped up in Lucy.
Literally.
Somewhere between the tears and the hug, Lucy kissed him. The right thing to do would have been to push her away, but he caved, kissing her back. That was when he saw it, that flicker of light behind her eyes. He kissed her deeper, and it grew.
Before either of them knew it, they were both undressed and Natsu was inside her. Her eyes were bright and her lips were finally curved into a smile. She was the most beautiful creature he had ever seen in that moment, but they both crossed a line.
Patients weren't allowed to have sex, even if it was 'consensual'. It was against the rules, and they both knew that. Still, it didn't stop Natsu from visiting her again, and again, wanting to recreate that moment and see her smile.
He fell in love with Lucy along the way, finding himself thinking about her almost every minute of the day. Maybe he was confusing love with obsession? Either way, he felt strongly about her. He knew their relationship wasn't healthy, and it was messing up both of their lives, but that didn't stop him from sneaking into her room countless times.
He felt Lucy tugging at his waistband again, his time more forcefully than the last time. Making no efforts to stop her, Natsu continued exploring her mouth while she managed to push his pants down enough to release his throbbing cock. She took him in her hand, giving him a few pumps to draw a strangled moan from him.
He rocked into her hand, cursing against her lips when she gave him a long stroke. He kissed her rougher, groaning into her mouth at the sensation. She swallowed it, letting out a whimper herself when he pressed his tip against her clit, Lucy used him to massage her bundle of nerves, body arching against his to seek out his warmth.
"Fuck," Natsu panted, mouth moving to tease one of Lucy's nipples as she ran the head of his cock along her entrance. "Don't put it in," he warned, not wanting to risk getting her pregnant.
The first time they had sex, they didn't have protection. He worried for weeks after that incident, praying she wouldn't get pregnant. He remembered being so happy when he found out she got her period. There was no way he could get her pregnant without it ruining their lives further. The risk was too great. Not now, and certainly not at the facility.
'Maybe some day...'
A pang stung at Natsu's heart, but he tried to push the pain away by biting at Lucy's breast, leaving teeth marks behind. Maybe one day when they were both better, they could be together, but it wasn't possible now. Lucy wasn't getting better with her treatment, and him... Well, he didn't want to think about how messed up their relationship would be if they had a kid.
Not only would their secret be exposed, but neither of them were mentally ready to take care of a child. It would be taken away without a doubt. Natsu and Lucy would be separated too. He couldn't imagine what her father would do if he found out his daughter was having sex while under the facility's care.
"N-Natsu," Lucy moaned when he suckled on her nipple, his other hand roughly squeezing her neglected breast. She almost slipped his cock between her wet folds, but he pulled back, barely resisting her touches.
"We can't," he whispered against her skin, brows furrowed and sweat beading on the back of his neck. "Not yet."
"I know, it's just, I want to feel you." Lucy's hand tightened around his arousal, causing him to grunt. "I love you."
Natsu's chest constricted, trying to force his brain to shut off so his heart could warm. It didn't work. The logical side of his mind worked again, reminding him that it was a lie.
"I love you, too," he admitted, but he didn't know if he was even capable of loving. He cared for her deeply, and he didn't want anyone besides her, but he didn't know what love really was. He was truly the fucked up one in their relationship. He was the one who deserved to be at that facility.
He didn't know if his love for her was real, but he knew one thing.
Lucy didn't love him back, at least not in the traditional sense. She loved what he did for her. She used him to feel alive, but he let it happen. He was fine fooling himself into thinking this relationship was normal, even if he struggled with his morals every day because of it.
Natsu gave her breast another rough squeeze, pulling a moan from her. Natsu closed his eyes, enjoying the way she whimpered when his fingers flicked over her nipple, the bud hard under his touch.
He took her other nipple between his teeth, nibbling on her before sucking. Lucy shuddered when his tongue circled her bud before latching on again, turning her pale skin red from the attention.
Lucy's jaw fell as she let out a rather loud moan, Natsu instantly covering her mouth with his hand. He feared they would get caught if she did that again. He felt her own hands grab his, leaving his cock alone. It was a good thing. With the tip wet with her juices, he didn't think he could hold back any longer.
He thought Lucy was just going to hold onto his hand, but she proved him wrong when she moved his hand until two fingers pressed into her mouth. She sucked on his digits, causing him to growl, his cock pulsing for her touch again.
"Damn," he hissed against her breast, heat crawling over his body as her tongue lathered his fingers. He looked up, seeing the glimmer in her brown eyes. She was enjoying it, so he continued. They might not know what real love was, but he knew whatever they had was enough for now.
Without warning, Natsu pulled away from her body. Lucy whimpered at the loss of contact, hand grabbing his wrist to prevent him from taking his fingers away from her mouth. Natsu smiled down at her, seeing the curiosity in her eyes. He wet his lips, glancing down at her core.
When he looked back at her, he saw the recognition in her eyes. Slowly, she released his wrist, her hands resting over her breasts with her nipples caught between her fingers.
Natsu shifted back until his toes touched the edge of the bed. He wished patients received bigger beds, but he knew he should count himself lucky Lucy was in a private room at all. If it wasn't for her father's money, she would have a roommate like everyone else. Then they wouldn't be able to spend this alone time together.
Natsu's hands traveled down her body, fingers flickering over thicker scars that lined her waist and thighs. Lucy was a cutter, but thankfully she had no fresh marks on her body. He wished that meant she was getting better, but he knew it wasn't true. If he offered her a blade right now, he knew she'd use it.
However, Natsu wasn't that fucked up yet, though he knew if she asked him to get her a blade, he would have a hard time telling her no. He would tell her no, at least he hoped he would. She hadn't asked, and he prayed she wouldn't think of the question. Their relationship was already bad, no reason to make it worse.
Natsu lowered himself between her legs, taking a moment to appreciate her womanly scent before dragging his tongue against her slit. She jerked at the contact out of surprise, but she was quick to settle against the sheets again. Natsu licked at her wet folds once more before parting them with his tongue, thrusting into her core to taste her wet heat.
He heard her muffled moans. She was doing her best to keep quiet, but the soft cries coming from her was enough to make him want to push the boundaries. Natsu's lips wrapped around her clit as his fingers teased her entrance. He slipped a finger in, feeling her body jolt as he rubbed at her spongy walls.
"Mmmmm, Na-Natsuu," she whimpered behind her palm, body jerking more when his tongue lapped at her bundle of nerves.
He pushed another finger into her body, joining the other. Slowly, he started thrusting into her, drawing out a moan that made his cock throb. Natsu wanted to be inside her already, but he needed to wait. His time with Lucy was precious, and he didn't want to end too quickly.
Green eyes flashed up to hers, seeing her eyes were squeezed shut, but her face was full of expressions. Her mouth was parted, her fist near her head as she breathlessly gasped. He pulled at her clit, watching with fascination as her hand slapped over her mouth again, preventing the moan that tore from her lips to echo through the room.
"Do you like that?" Natsu asked, dragging his tongue against her clit. "Does it feel good?"
She nodded, hips jumping when he sucked on her. He moved his mouth to her thigh, biting at the soft flesh. "How about this?" he asked, voice muffled.
She whimpered, so he did it again, enjoying the feeling of biting her flesh. A devilish smile crossed his face as she jerked beneath him, moaning for him to keep going. Natsu purposely left hickeys on her inner thighs, loving the marks on her body. They were a lot prettier than her scars, but he would never tell her that. He knew she was self-conscious about her skin.
Natsu bit down again, a little harder than intended, sharp canines piercing into her flesh. He pulled away at the taste of blood, smirk falling from his face at the crimson beads on her flesh. Before he could apologize, he heard her speak.
"Do it again," Lucy begged, fingers slipping through Natsu's pink hair to pull him towards her thigh. "Please?"
Natsu frowned, knowing what she wanted him to do. If she couldn't cut herself, she wanted him to do it for her. "No," he murmured, gently licking over the small puncture wounds so the blood couldn't drip onto her sheets. That would certainly alert the staff that something was wrong. They might even give her an inspection earlier than scheduled. If they found the bite marks...
Natsu pushed those thoughts aside as he moved back to her core. He didn't dare look up at Lucy's face, not wanting to see the disappointment. It was unfortunate, really. He actually wanted to bite her again, but he couldn't if he knew she would react like that. He had to push down his own desires for her benefit.
'Ironic,' Natsu thought as he pressed his lips to her folds, fingers resuming their thrusting. 'If only I could use that same logic and just stay away from her completely. It would be for her benefit.'
Despite all that, Natsu continued to eat her out. It took a moment, but Lucy's breathless sighs came back. The grip she had on his hair loosened, her body twitching as he increased his speed. He hoped that meant she wouldn't try to pressure him into biting her like that again. He would have to be more careful from now on.
He hooked her legs over his shoulders so he could go deeper, three fingers now entering her soaked, tight core while his tongue switched from dragging along her slit to flickering over her engorged bundle of nerves.
Pleasure coursed through Lucy's body, bringing her closer to the edge. She called out his name, voice strained as the air left her lungs. She writhed beneath him, loving every bit of attention he gave to her body.
Her inner walls started clamping down on his fingers, signalling her climax was coming near. Natsu looked up, watching her face as he sucked roughly on her clit. Lucy closed her eyes, skin flushed as she gripped his hair tighter than before.
He loved it all. He loved bringing out this side of her. All day long, she would just sit and read, barely speaking to anyone, but when they were alone, she came to life, just for him. He loved her expressions, the light in her eyes, her taste, her smell, everything about her!
"N-Naaaatsuuuuu," she whimpered, her palm barely covering her voice.
He would have been more concerned, but the gush of wetness that hit his mouth made his mind shut off, finally.
Natsu let her ride out her orgasm, fingers slowing down until he finally pulled them out, dipping each digit into his mouth to suck the juices off. While he had Lucy's full attention, he stood up, pushing down his pants and boxers, letting her see his thick cock without anything obstructing her view.
Before he let his pants hit the ground, Natsu took the single condom from his pocket. He didn't want to think about the rules they were about to break, instead focusing on Lucy's movements as she crawled to the edge of the bed.
Natsu threw his head back when Lucy started stroking him, the tip of his cock resting on her tongue before she took him in her mouth. He moaned, hand falling on her head to make sure she didn't go too fast. He would easily cum if he didn't watch it. It had happened before. Her tongue always felt amazing running against his heated flesh.
He took a moment to pretend this was normal. In his head, they were in their bedroom at their house, just a normal girlfriend sucking off her normal boyfriend. Nothing weird or wrong about their relationship. Everything perfect and legal.
Natsu cringed when he thought about how illegal this act was. If anyone found out about their relationship, Natsu was sure to be fi-
"Oh fuck!" Natsu moaned, fist coming up so he could bite on his knuckles. Lucy was rubbing only his tip as quickly as she could. He had to push her away gently or he really would cum by her hands. He already had pre-cum dripping down his length and over her fingers. His knees went weak when he saw her delicate tongue come out, lapping at his essence. It was one of the hottest things he had ever seen.
Panting heavily, Natsu waited, seeing if anyone might have heard his moans. After a minute of silence, he turned back to Lucy, hoping no one heard him. He held up the condom, breathing still labored as he asked, "Can I?"
She nodded, so he ripped the wrapper. After making sure the condom was secure on him, Natsu climbed on top of her again. Lucy spread her legs, hands grabbing his hips to guide him closer to her dripping core.
Natsu took a moment to rub his length against her clit, loving the moan that slipped from her parted lips.
He leaned in, stealing a kiss from her just as he slipped past her drenched folds. Lucy hummed into his mouth, his cock spreading her as he entered, inch by inch. She was hot and wet, squeezing him already. She always felt perfect wrapped around his cock.
"Fuck," he murmured as he pulled away, saliva connecting their bottom lips. He watched her face closely as he shifted his hips, pulling out a few inches before thrusting into her again.
Before she closed her eyes, he saw that light. She was smiling beneath him, her expression peaceful as he slowly rocked into her, enjoying every second of it. No matter how many times he had sex with her before, he always tried to commit it to memory.
It helped when he had to leave the facility... leave her. He would think about their moments together while alone in his bed, wishing he could have Lucy with him.
Because Natsu couldn't have her, he savored every minute with her instead. "Open your eyes," he whispered as he went in deeper, the tip of his cock rubbing against her walls.
She obeyed, eyes hooded as she gazed up at him. That shine was there, making her brown eyes glimmer. Or maybe it was the moonlight. Natsu didn't care, as long as she looked happy, which she did.
"How do you feel?" he asked with a moan, supporting himself on one arm while his other hand landed on her breast. His thumb brushed over an erect nipple, her back arching to get closer to his fingers.
"Alive," she confessed, her nails digging into his hips. "Thank you, Natsu."
He tried to ignore the last part. It only reminded him that she was using him to feel alive. Of course, in a way, he was using her too. He loved her, but he wasn't good for her. If he was a better man, he would stay away. But Natsu was as greedy as a dragon, wanting to hoard the woman he fell in love with, even if their relationship was wrong.
Natsu lowered his head to nuzzle his face into the crook of her neck, fingers teasing her breast while his hips rammed into hers. Lucy's moans filled his ears, her scent filling his nose. He loved being surrounded by her, craved every bit of her.
"I love you," he growled, sweat dripping over his body as his blood heated up. She whimpered in response, voice stuttering when he pinched her nipple. She always made him feel powerful, dominant. He didn't feel that way in real life, but with her, everything felt right.
"So... fucking g-good," he moaned, licking at the salty skin of her throat.
She bucked her hips up to meet his thrusts, walls tightening around him when he started whispering directly in her ear.
"You're so f-fucking amazing." He picked up the pace, roughing his movements every time she gave an encouraging moan. "So beautiful, damn!"
He had to press his mouth to her shoulder or else he would be too loud, the only sounds now echoing through the room was the wet slapping of his hips to hers, an occasional muffled groan accompanying it.
"I love you s-so much," Natsu whispered, feet digging into her bed so he could ram into her harder, causing her to gasp. "Say it back, please."
"I love you too." Her voice was quiet, but he played it off as her being winded.
"Ngghh!" Natsu moved, lowering his head so he could bite at her breast. He couldn't leave marks where they would be seen, but he could where her clothes would cover them.
Natsu roughly sucked at her tender flesh, turning it an angry red before it bruised. Lucy took that opportunity to scratch at his back, her nails leaving red welts behind. He didn't think as he bit down harder, breaking her skin. Once he tasted blood, he realized what she did. Still, he couldn't bring himself to stop, biting and sucking at her breast.
Her walls were clamping around him, squeezing him for all he was worth. His hand moved from her breast to her clit, vigorously rubbed at it with his fingers. Lucy's moans started getting higher and higher, until soon her voice cut out and all she could do was silently cry in pleasure.
Natsu nearly fell when he felt her coming around his cock. She was massaging him, coaxing him to come with her. He tried resisting, but he made the mistake of stealing a peek at her eyes. He saw that light, the pleasure written on her face.
He was done after that, spilling into the condom with her still wrapped around him. Natsu gave her body two more soft thrusts until he became too sensitive, stilling inside her for a moment before slowly pulling out.
He didn't want to, but he sought out Lucy's eyes. Just as he thought, once it was over, those brown orbs darkened again, her expression fading until she was void of emotions.
Natsu sat up, puffing out hot breaths as he tried regaining his composure. His hands shook a little as he removed the condom, rolling it up until he was sure the semen wouldn't escape.
With numb legs, Natsu walked over to his pants, pulling out a small bag. He disposed the used condom and the wrapper inside, sealing it up to hide the evidence.
Natsu looked back at Lucy, wanting to tell her that felt amazing, but he saw she wasn't in the mood to hear it. She was already pulling her panties back on, her body turned away from him so he couldn't see her chest, or the marks he made on her.
He tried to not let it bother him, but the pain in his heart wouldn't go away, the stinging reminding him that their time together was over. 'Until next time, anyway,' Natsu reminded himself. He would have to wait until after her next 'surprise' inspection, that way he was free to leave marks on her again.
As Natsu started getting dressed, he couldn't help but imagine a life with Lucy outside of the facility. They could move in together, maybe get married, have kids, the possibilities seemed too good to be true.
Natsu pulled on his boxers and pants, but left his shirt off for now. He sat at the edge of her bed, resting a hand on her shoulder. Lucy glanced at him, eyes vacant but still observant. "Yes?"
Natsu forced a smile, heart clenching in his chest. "I... I was just wondering if you were gonna stick around, after you get released." Her voluntary commitment was over in a few weeks. Then she would get to decide if she wanted out or if she wanted to stay. He hoped she would stay.
Lucy shrugged, shifting a little so she could face him. Her voice was distant as she said, "I haven't thought about it."
"If you did get released... where would you go?" Her father always took her back, but there was a chance she wouldn't stay with him.
"I don't know," she mumbled, hands resting in her lap. "Maybe Crocus... or Hargeon?"
Natsu felt his heart sink. She didn't say Magnolia. Despite the voice in his head telling him to stop talking, he found himself asking, "Would you consider staying here? Not in the hospital... But in Magnolia?"
For a moment, Lucy was silent. He wondered if she was thinking about her answer, but in the end, it didn't matter either way. "No."
Natsu felt the emptiness inside him spread to his limbs. He didn't know why he bothered, it was only further hurting him. "Oh... Would you consider staying at the hospital?" It was his last hope to stay with her, even if it wasn't ideal and he couldn't truly be with her.
Once again, she pained him. "I don't think so. After this, I want to leave."
Natsu swore he could feel his heart break. He was going to lose her, no doubt about it.
Lucy stayed quiet after that. Natsu felt the urge to cry, so he moved to hug her. He only stopped when she shifted away from his touch, causing his arms to fall by his side. He clenched his teeth as his body went numb. "I-I know your birthday's coming up... D-do you know what... you might want?" He struggled to keep his tears at bay.
Lucy said nothing, her eyes dropping to her lap, watching her motionless hands.
"I think I'll get you a b-book." His voice cracked when he reminded himself that he was truly going to lose her. She didn't owe him anything, but that didn't stop him from wanting her to stay with him, even if he wasn't good for her.
After a few silent minutes, Natsu took the hint. He wasn't needed anymore. He stood up, grabbing his shirt to put on. While he pulled it over his head, he heard something hit the ground. Looking down, he saw a white badge.
He grabbed it, reading his name and employee number on it. Natsu clipped it on his shirt. He would need it for when he started his shift soon.
He knew better than to have sex with a patient. He broke so many rules to be with her, and for what? Love?
That was laughable.
He knew Lucy didn't love him. Even when she said it back, he knew she was lying. Or, maybe she honestly thought she did love him, just like he was sure he loved her. With their troubled minds, he didn't think either were capable of feeling love, but he still wanted to be with her, even if the feelings were one-sided.
Lucy might be the patient, but he was the truly fucked up one.
As he slid the bag into his pocket, he heard Lucy clear her throat.
"Natsu?"
"Yeah?" he said a little too eagerly.
She paused, not bothering to meet his gaze. "We shouldn't do this anymore."
Natsu's shoulders fell. He swore he felt his heart being ripped to shreds. "Wh-why?"
She took a deep breath, finally locking eyes with him. For the first time, her eyes held an emotion, but it wasn't one he wanted to see. She looked upset, like what she was about to say hurt her. "This isn't fair..."
Natsu's bottom lip quivered, but he nodded. It was painful facing the truth, but he needed to hear it. "I... I underst-stand. It's n-not fair to y-you." He barely held back the tears that threatened to spill, the pain in his chest being almost too much to bear.
Lucy shook her head, her lips pulling into a frown. "That's not what I meant. It's not fair to you."
"Me?" he asked, not understanding. "Wh-what do you mean?"
She looked uncomfortable, hands fidgeting in her lap as she admitted, "I hate seeing you sad... You deserve to be with someone who makes you happy."
"You make me h-happy," he choked out, but once again, she shook her head.
"I don't. I can see it in your eyes. You're sad when your with me. I like you, Natsu, but I don't want to hurt you anymore."
"What if I'm okay with being hurt?" he asked, desperation coating his voice. "Then will you stay with me?"
Lucy looked down at the floor, sighing. "I don't know... I'd rather you be happy."
"I'm happy when I'm with you, I promise!" Natsu closed his mouth, realizing he was being too loud. At that point, he hardly cared if he got caught. If Lucy didn't want to be with him, what did he have left?
'My friends... my family... my cat,' he tried reminding himself, but in that moment, all he wanted was Lucy.
"Please, just... don't make any decisions tonight," he asked, ready to get down on his knees and beg if he had to. He wasn't ready to let things end. If she wanted to end this because she didn't want it anymore, he would understand, but if she was only doing it because she didn't want to hurt him, he wasn't going to give up that easily.
The pain was worth it, if it meant he got to be with her. Deep down he knew that wasn't true, but he didn't want to face reality, it was too cruel.
Slowly, Lucy nodded. "If you're okay with this... arrangement, then I don't mind continuing."
Natsu grasped onto that last bit of hope. He lowered his head, pink bangs hiding the tears that flooded his eyes. "Thank you." Even if they were bad for each other, he didn't want it to end.
He was risking her health, and she was risking his job. No, that wasn't true at all. He was the one risking his job. He was older. Not only that, he knew better than to have sex with a patient, no matter what his selfish reasons where.
"You should probably go," Lucy whispered, grabbing her blanket to cover her lap.
He could see she was getting sleepy again. Their time together was over for now.
Natsu knew he was asking for too much, but he couldn't stop himself from opening his mouth. "Can I have one more kiss before I leave?"
Lucy looked reluctant, but eventually nodded. He walked over to her bedside again, kneeling down to meet her gaze. Gently cupping her cheek, Natsu leaned in to press a soft kiss to her lips. She barely responded, giving him the bare minimum of pressure back. He didn't expect anything more. She was tired and wanted sleep, and they were done with their visit. He knew he shouldn't have asked for more.
As he pulled away, he gave her a pained smile. "Sweet dreams, Lucy. I... I love you."
"I know," she whispered, her eyes holding nothing but sadness. He didn't know which was worse, that or the emptiness.
"I'll see you later," he said, standing up before making sure he grabbed everything. When he saw he left nothing behind, he headed to her door. Lucy was already laying down in her bed again, pulling her blanket up to her shoulders. He could see the moonlight casting down on the skin exposed, making her look more fragile than she really was.
"So beautiful," he whispered before opening the door slowly. He looked down the hall, seeing it was empty and dark. 'Just like Lucy's eyes,' he thought, frowning as he left her room.
He locked the door behind him before slipping the key into his pocket. With a sigh, Natsu headed to the orderly's office where he was supposed to report for work.
Natsu opened the door, coming face to face with a surprised Gray. "What are you doing here? Your shift doesn't start for another hour?"
"Really?" Natsu asked, but he already knew his schedule. He showed up early so he could be with Lucy and still arrive for his shift on time. "Must have wrote my schedule down wrong. Mind the company?"
"Not at all," Gray said, pulling up another chair. "It's been a quiet night."
"You don't say." Natsu took a seat beside him, thankful the orderly's office was far away from Lucy's room.
Gray went to respond, but stopped when his nose scrunched up. "Gross! You reek of sex!"
Natsu's eyes widened a bit, looking down at his chest as if that would give him an answer. "I do?"
"Did you even shower before coming to work?"
Natsu shook his head. "I... didn't have time."
"You should go use the showers," Gray said, pulling out a drawer to grab the key to the men's showers. "Get cleaned up."
Natsu grabbed the key, but he paused when he heard a patient complaining in one of the rooms. "I need to use the bathroom!"
Gray sighed, turning to Natsu. "Will you wait here while I escort him?"
"Yeah," he said, watching as Gray left the room.
While alone, Natsu thought about his secret relationship with Lucy. He knew it was selfish to want her love, but he couldn't help it. He just wanted her to want him, for her brown eyes to light up because he was him, and not because of the temporary pleasure he gave her when they fucked.
He just wanted to be loved. Was it so much to ask for?
When Gray came back, he asked what Natsu was doing that weekend, snapping him out of his thoughts.
"Nothing. Why?"
"I was thinkin' about having a BBQ. You interested?" Gray nudged Natsu's arm, smirking at him. "You can bring that girl you're fucking."
Natsu shook his head, his heart heavy. "No... If I go, it'll just be me."
Gray shrugged, leaning back in his seat. "That's cool. No rush to settle down."
Natsu sighed, running a hand through his pink hair. He almost wanted to pull it, remind him that Lucy had done the same thing not too long ago. "She almost broke up with me tonight... I..." Natsu had to take a deep breath to keep himself from getting emotional again. "I don't know how much longer we can last..."
"That's harsh," Gray said with a frown.
"I kinda saw it coming... Just didn't want to face it." He wished he could confide in someone what he was really thinking. It was ironic, seeing as there were therapists at the facility, but he couldn't tell them about what was going on.
"I hear ya."
Natsu stood up, wanting to end the conversation and his thoughts. "I'll see you in a bit. I'm gonna shower."
"Good idea."
Natsu walked down the quiet halls, trapped in his own mind.
He wished things were different. Why couldn't he have met Lucy anywhere else? Why did she have to be a patient? Why did she have to have depression? Why couldn't he stay away?
When Natsu made it to the showers, he turned the faucet on the hottest setting it would go. Unfortunately for him, it had a cut off so it wouldn't get too hot because some of the patients liked to hurt themselves.
'Like Lucy.'
Natsu clenched his teeth as the warm water fell down his body. He couldn't go five minutes without thinking about her.
With a sigh, Natsu gave up trying to forget about her. He spent the rest of his shower daydreaming of a life with Lucy outside of the facility. Oh how sweet that would be.
But that was just it.
A dream.
.
.
.
Reality was cruel and would never allow such a thing.
So, when did you realized Natsu wasn't another patient? I purposely left it vague in the beginning so you could imagine him as a patient or an orderly/nurse.
I feel like I have to say this: Self-harm is not sexy. Mental health is not sexy. That's why in this story, it shows them with an unhealthy relationship that doesn't get better just because he loves her. Natsu shouldn't have taken advantage of Lucy, and she shouldn't have taken advantage of him. They were both in the wrong, but admittedly, Natsu was worse since he was the orderly and Lucy was mentally ill.
I hope you liked this story. I understand if you didn't read it all the way through, but if you did, I hope I didn't trigger you. I've been thinking about this story for months, and when I saw a post about nalu angst week's prompts and saw 'secrets', I knew that would probably be a good place to put it. This story was difficult to write, so please don't think I took this issue lightly.
Let me know what you thought of this story. I understand not everyone will like it.
Hey! So this is part two to 'Secrets'. The first part was written in 2017 and part two was written in 2020. One day I just randomly thought of this story and was like, "I want to change that, give it a better, healthier ending." And so that night I wrote this. You can decide to skip it if you'd rather have the unhappy, angsty ending, or read this for some resolution. It doesn't dive into it as deeply as it could, but it's not meant to. It's more like a bridge and you can decide for yourself how the rest of the story would go. Anyways, thank you so much for reading! Have an awesome day/night!
Secrets- Part Two
Disgust.
There was no other way to describe how Natsu felt about himself as he walked away from Magnolia Psychiatric Clinic & Hospital for the final time.
His teeth were clenched, his stomach in so many knots he was sure they would never be loosened, but he knew he was doing the right thing.
Walking away from Lucy was the hardest thing he had ever done, but it was in her best interest. It had taken him far too long to accept the monster he had become, disgusted with his actions. He had taken a job as an orderly to help people, but he had only caused one of his patients more pain.
Lucy hadn't seen it that way, which only caused his heart to burn with guilt as he watched her try to change his mind, the normally emotionless girl pleading for him to stay after he told her he was leaving.
"I'm so sorry for what I did to you," he had said, tears blurring his vision as he restrained himself from touching her, wanting to wipe away the wet lock of hair from her cheek.
She had been a mess during his goodbye, but he couldn't blame her. She hadn't been in her right mind, her depression clouding her judgement, which only made what he did worse.
"I wanted it," she had said, hands cupping his cheeks as she leaned in to kiss him, but he turned his head.
He couldn't go down that path again. He couldn't hurt her anymore.
"I took advantage of you Lucy." Maybe she wouldn't realize it then, maybe she never would come to terms with what really happened. He had been put in a position of power, and he had done the most disgraceful, vile thing imaginable.
Nothing he did could make up for the damage he inflicted, so he said his goodbyes and left, vowing to never hurt her, or anyone else again.
It had taken time, nearly seven years passing before Natsu forgave himself for what he did. Therapy would have sped that along, but considering what he did was illegal, he knew talking to a professional was the last thing he could do.
Over the years he had loosened the knots in his stomach, slowly able to relax and live more than he had the year before. He knew his actions were wrong, he would never justify them, but he had accepted what he had done and knew he would never go down a dark path like that again.
He had done the best he could to put good into the world after leaving the hospital, needing to make up for what he did. That was how Natsu found himself working as a firefighter in Clover Town. It was far away from his family and friends, but it was the only city in Fiore were Lucy's father didn't have a branch of his company.
She was safe from him, Natsu doing everything in his power to stay away.
He hadn't even gone on social media in all that time, terrified she might pop up and all those feelings would come back again.
But honestly, there was no point in worrying.
They couldn't come back because they had never left, Natsu repulsed my his feelings towards Lucy even after he betrayed her trust.
Yes, she had wanted it, but she wasn't legally able to consent. She may have been a legal adult when they were together, but with her state of mind... It was just better not to dwell on it. Thinking about it tore him up inside, which was probably why he struggled to maintain relationships, platonic or romantic.
His longest girlfriend had lasted two years before he ended things, feeling guilty for keeping a part of him locked away from her and everyone else. No one could know what he did, but if one day the police showed up on his doorstep, asking him about the incident because Lucy came forth with what happened, he could let them take him.
It hadn't happened yet, but he made sure to keep his address as current as possible, ready to accept the consequences of his actions if she wanted justice.
Part of him knew he should turn himself in, but he couldn't. Maybe he was a coward? Maybe he was holding out hope that he hadn't caused as much damage to her as he thought. She had seemed so happy when they were alone, lost in each other. He remembered she hurt herself less the more he visited her, but that didn't justify his actions.
Nothing could justify him taking advantage of her.
But, despite how horrid his actions had been, he still found some joys in life. Happy was still around, though the feline was in his retirement years, much lazier than when he was a kitten. Natsu had a small group of friends, though he missed the people he left behind in Magnolia.
He even missed Gray, which had him snort every time the thought crossed his mind.
Tonight was one of those nights he was allowing himself some shred of happiness, celebrating a promotion one of his coworkers got. He didn't let anyone know he had turned down the promotion himself, insisting it go to someone more deserving.
Natsu... clearly didn't do well when put in a position of power, and he didn't want to risk making the same mistakes again, even on accident. It was better to live a humble life, staying out of the spotlight and just focus on improving himself.
"Cheers!"
Natsu raised a glass before taking a swig, letting the beer wash down his jalapeno cheddar bites. He grinned as he listened to his friends, even laughing a few times when they recounted their funniest stories while on the job.
It was an hour later Natsu found himself leaving, deciding he had enough fun for the night. Work always came early for him, so he hugged a few buddies, paid his tab, then caught a cab to his apartment.
As the car pulled up to his building, Natsu paid the man, nodding before exiting the vehicle. His balance was off from the booze and motion of the car, but he found a grin regardless. Happy was sure to be ornery when he caught a sniff of the alcohol coming from Natsu, so the man decided the first thing he would do was shower when he got inside.
He pressed his forehead against the cool metal of the elevator as he rode it up, groaning at the jerk in his stomach. Considering he had felt worse, he decided he could live with a little discomfort, pushing himself off the wall when the elevator stopped on his floor.
Stepping out, Natsu pulled out his keys, ready to fish for the right one when he stopped in his tracks, eyes blown wide at the person standing outside his door.
His jaw went slack, his body stiff as brown eyes turned towards the movement in the hall, rounding before the softest voice said his name.
"Natsu."
Lucy stood at the end of the hall, her hand raising as she took a step towards him.
Panic immediately consumed Natsu, the man dropping his keys in disbelief. Was she really in front of him? Lucy Heartfilia? The only person he had ever loved, even if it had been some twisted version of the feeling?
When she took another step towards him, he jolted, realizing that yes, she was in fact there, and she was coming closer. As much as he wanted to move towards her, he turned, knowing escape was the best option. He pushed the button to summon the elevator, the doors opening quickly since it hadn't budged from its spot.
"Wait!" she called, her voice stronger than before as she sped up, but Natsu couldn't stop himself.
He entered the elevator, finger hovering over the 'Close Door' button for a second before pushing it. However, the doors hadn't closed before she reached him, sticking a hand out to stop the doors. They opened, Lucy putting a foot in the threshold to keep him from leaving.
He swallowed, eyes averting as he pressed himself against the furthest wall, needing space between them.
"Why are you running?" she asked, taking an unsteady breath as she pushed her hair out of her face, a little disheveled from running.
Natsu felt sick, needing a gasp of fresh air, but his lungs felt sealed. He shook his head, afraid his voice would betray how terrified he was. He had done what he could to avoid her, so he couldn't ruin her life, yet, there she was.
As disgusted with himself as he was, he couldn't help but feel a trickle of warmth in his chest. He had worried, especially in the beginning, that she would hurt herself because he left. But she was alive, looking surprisingly healthy. He noted the color in her cheeks, the way her outfit seemed well put together, instead of thrown on for the sake of wearing clothes.
Most notable though, was her eyes. They were wide, so full of emotion he wasn't sure he was really looking at Lucy for a moment. She had been so emotionless, so cold sometimes, he was unsure if she even felt anything.
But the look in her eyes spoke volumes. She could feel, and that emotion reflecting in her eyes was pure hurt.
All those knots he had unraveled tied up in an instant, the words rushing out before he could stop himself.
"I'm so fucking sorry Lucy! I'm so sorry!"
"What?" She blinked, lips slightly parted before she shook her head. "Why were you trying to leave?"
"I—" He gaped, thinking it was obvious. "I don't want to hurt you. I'm sorry, I-I didn't mean to run into you. I live here," he rushed out, not wanting her to think he had stalked her.
But to his utter surprise, it had been her who looked him up.
"I know," she said, a rosy hue in her cheeks as she gnawed on her lower lip. "I... I came to see you."
"What?" he whispered, unsure if he heard her correctly. "But, why?" His brows furrowed, a wrinkle forming on his forehead. His first thought was she was still in the wrong state of mind, her depression making her do something reckless, but he was far from the truth.
"I... I came to talk, if you'd let me."
Natsu paused, words lost to him. He didn't know what to think, confused and thrown off. The alcohol in his system didn't help matters, and she must have sensed he wasn't ready for something as serious as that.
"Would you be willing to talk to me, tomorrow?"
"I work tomorrow," Natsu said automatically, knowing he started a twenty-four hour shift in the morning. He didn't mean to, but the disappointment on Lucy's face was palpable.
"Oh."
"Why?" he asked, clearing his throat before saying, "I'm just, confused?"
"Why's that?"
Once again, Natsu thought it was obvious. "I hurt you," he said, feeling that deep sting in his chest once again when he thought about what he did. "I... I took advantage of you." The least he could do was admit his wrongdoings to her, even if it didn't make up for the damage he caused to her life.
"That's actually what I wanted to talk about," she said, shifting her hand to grip her purse, lips pressed in a tight line as she took a deep breath through her nose, slowly releasing it through her mouth. "It's probably weird that I tracked you down. I just, I couldn't find you online, and I kept hoping I'd run into you, but—"
"I moved," he said, finishing her sentence. When she said nothing, he asked, "Why would you look for me? I hurt you."
"Yes," she said, his gut twisting as she gave him the softest nod. "But I hurt you too."
"No," he said, shaking his head. "You did nothing wrong. I never should have," he cut himself off, fist clenched by his side, the anger at himself burning his chest. "If I could take it all back I would. I promise you, I didn't mean to hurt you."
"I know," Lucy whispered, letting out a sigh. "Look, I may be wasting my time here, I don't know. I just, I'm better."
"You are?" he asked. If he wasn't feeling like shit, he would have rejoiced at the small smile tugging at her lips, the light flickering in her eyes.
"It... took a lot of time," she admitted, shifting her weight to her other foot without leaving the threshold, not letting him escape. "Years, actually."
"How long have you... been out?" He wasn't sure if he should ask, but she didn't look upset at the question.
"Three years, four if you count the first year when I was an outpatient." Lucy's smile grew firm, the pride in herself clear as day, even in the dim hallway. "I'm not looking for anything here," she said, taking a shaky breath. "I just wanted to talk, mostly tell you that," she held his gaze for a solid ten seconds before saying, "I forgive you."
Natsu's jaw dropped, disbelief coloring his features. His brows pulled down before shooting up, disappearing behind his bangs. "What?"
"I forgive you," she repeated, her voice strong. "I know what happened between us wasn't right, but I accept your apology from when you left, even if it's a few years late."
'Seven years,' Natsu thought, now more thankful than ever he left her life when he had. He had no idea if she had overcome her depression or just learned how to live with it while still functioning, but it was clear she was better.
"I—" Natsu closed his eyes for a moment when a wave of nausea hit him, brought on by the alcohol. "Fuck, sorry. I'm uh, I'm kinda buzzed," he admitted before wincing. "Sorry." If there was any moment going on between them, he was surely ruining it with his previous activities.
However, Lucy merely smiled, nodding at him before looking over her shoulder. "Well, you should probably get some sleep then." She looked back at him, chewing on her lower lip before taking a deep breath to steel herself. "I'm in town for a few days. If you're free, I'd um, like to talk to you, unless you'd rather not."
"Are you sure?" Natsu asked, guilt clawing at him despite believing her words. She might have forgiven him, but did he forgive himself for what happened? Acceptance was one thing, but letting go? He wasn't sure he deserved to be off the hook, but, that wasn't what Lucy was offering.
She had said so herself, she knew what happened was wrong, yet she forgave him because she saw he had realized his mistakes prior to leaving.
He rubbed at his forehead, deciding he was way too inebriated to overthink the situation. "I um, yes." Natsu nodded as he dropped his hand, making eye contact with her. "I'd like to talk. In public," he quickly added, causing her to snort.
"Okay, yeah. That makes sense." She pulled out a card from her purse, probably one she was planning on leaving if he hadn't been home. Lucy handed it over, Natsu careful not to touch her as he accepted the card. "Call me when you're free," she said, Natsu swallowing as he looked down at her phone number. It was a Magnolia area code, his heart yearning to be back home, but he knew he was better away.
Or, was he?
If she forgave him, did he have to stay away? He wasn't sure, his brain hurting the more he thought about it.
'Talking will help,' he thought, scrunching his forehead as he thought about his schedule. "I get off work Monday morning, but I'll probably need to sleep a bit. Would... you be willing to grab lunch that day?"
Lucy was nodding before he finished his sentence. "I'd like that."
She smiled, and despite the churning in his stomach, Natsu found himself smiling too. The light radiating off her was infectious, a small flicker of hope igniting in his chest.
"Then, I guess I'll see you then."
"Call me with the details," Lucy said, hesitating before taking a step forward, entering the elevator.
She moved to the side, letting him trade places with her. He kept his foot in front of the sensor, unsure how to leave things. "You look... well," he said, earning a bright smile from her.
"I feel well." She hugged herself, Natsu getting lost in her big brown eyes for a second before realizing he needed to get some sleep. Treading lightly was the best option, especially with how sudden things seemed to go in the last ten, twenty minutes? He wasn't sure, but he knew there would be time to have a proper discussion over how to proceed, or maybe she just wanted to catch up and that be the end of it?
He didn't know, but he was certain he would have lunch with her, not because he felt he owed it to her for what he did. Despite everything, he still felt that pull towards her, though it was different from before. Maybe, if he was lucky, a friendship could bloom out of it, but he wouldn't get his hopes up.
"I'll see you Monday," he said, swallowing before pulling his foot into the hallway.
"I look forward to it," Lucy replied, leaning forward to press a button, the doors closing seconds later.
Natsu didn't release the breath he was holding until he heard the elevator moving, pressing a hand on his racing heart as he leaned forward. "Holy fuck," he mumbled, part of him in denial over the whole conversation they just had.
He stayed in that hallway for some time before forcing himself to move towards his apartment. His movements were slow as he entered his home, greeting Happy before making his way to the bedroom.
Showering could wait, Natsu needed some rest after what just happened.
He fell into bed, clothes and shoes still on as he stared at his ceiling, replaying their conversation over and over in his head until he felt somewhat sober.
Natsu wasn't sure how things would play out, or if seeing Lucy was a good idea, but he knew one thing.
She seemed much much better, so bright and alive.
He found himself smiling, chest warm as he rested a hand over his stomach, the knots slowly loosening.