Asoryuu week Day 1 - Breathing

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Prompt: Superpower/Reincarnation - I went with superpower

Ann.: Angst.

Ann. 2: Ryuunosuke Naruhodou is the main protagonist of an ace attorney spinoff series named Dai Gyakuten Saiban (very good game, no western localization but Scarlet Study translated the first game, and you can watch the second game on Youtube by Dai Gyakuten Saiban 2). Do not google characters, very spoiler-heavy.

Ann. 3: Story contains DGS 1-1 and 1-2 spoilers, also DGS 2 character spoilers. Proceed at own risk.

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I wished I were as strong as you, Asougi. You were perfect in so many ways, smart, and people were immediately drawn to you. They said there always was a warm wind following wherever you went and I didn't believe it until I first saw you. It had been crowded in the eating area of Yuumei university, so what were the chances of our eyes meeting across the distance, and why had you seated yourself next to me that one time I will probably never know … but I had gotten so nervous about it that I hadn't been able to finish my meal and I still remember being hungry all day long. I didn't think it was love back then, just nervous excitement to be around someone as special as you -

Now in my cell those thoughts were as vivid as ever, and the only thing to keep me calm. Tomorrow I would be tried as murderer of a man I didn't kill and executed if proven guilty. That I would be proven guilty wasn't up to debate. The prosecutor was mercilessly questioning me without giving me a chance to defend myself and the media had been camping the prison for two days straight, demanding with loud shouts to see my head on a spike.

I rested my head against my palm.

You had rushed in like a whirlwind today (how did you get past everyone outside, how did the guards let you pass, Asougi?) and said you would prove my innocence in court tomorrow and that you swore on your honor you wouldn't fail. Your eyes were burning and your passion was too, and I trusted your words, Asougi. I trusted that you meant them. There was nothing I would have loved more than putting my fate into your hands so that you could protect me from the world's evil like a world-class samurai, graceful, strong, loyal until the very end. I could have cried when your hands closed around mine as I was holding the cell's bars in tight fists, but the tears didn't come and I was only nodding to your words, unable to put my feelings into words.

I had never been interested in law. You were a law student. How come a person, our university's idol, found interest in someone like me? You were the chosen one. You had accomplished everything you ever strove for, and soon you would reach the peak: going on an exchange trip to the Great British Empire – something that had been your goal for months already. I could openly confess that nothing made me prouder, Asougi, than to know that from over thousand students you were the one chosen to uphold our university's name in the foreign country.

"I'd love to have your English skills with me, Naruhodou", you had said when I shared my thoughts with you even though your English was almost as good as mine. And you had looked down to the floor with that forlorn facial expression I had seen on your face more often recently. "Come with me, Naruhodou. We will rampage through the Queen's domain together!" I had taken it as a joke then, laughed and said that I'd gladly follow you to the end of world. And I had meant it.

But now my life was over in an instant and all of Japan wanted to see my head on a spike.

"On your feet, inmate!" I was brought to court by two prison wardens and watched very closely in the defendant's lobby as if I was a terrible criminal who might go onto a rampage any given time. It was no use saying that I picked up the pistol, the murder weapon, by reflex, by sheer naivety, that I had no motive for killing the professor from my university or that there had been another lady present at the crime scene who could confirm my innocence. Neither the wardens, nor the prosecutor in charge of the trial had been ready to lend me an ear for my words. They all thought I did it.

"There is no use looking at me with those sullen eyes, you damned murderer!"

"S-sorry ..." I averted my gaze and felt embarrassed about staring at the bailiff. They hated me. I could feel it in the air.

"HALT!" Your voice cut through the air like your sword Karuma during your fighting practices, and made my heartbeat race. I started trembling at the thought of having you by my side, and when I turned to look at you my eyesight went blurry for a second. That was the first time I noticed something was off. For a moment it seemed to me as if you were dressed uncharacteristically all in white but then I blinked and it was you, my regular dazzling hotheaded friend, Asougi.

My soul felt better instantly.

"Better than having a head full of hot air like yours", you growled at the bailiff at the end of your exchange, your hand at your sword. When you turned around to me your facial expression changed and the tense features around your brows and your mouth softened (did you notice this yourself too?), and you straightened your shoulders. "Isn't that right, Ryuunosuke Naruhodou?" I loved the way you said my name, the strength in your voice and the determination. Asougi ...

"Um .. Wow! S-sorry about that!" I didn't know that strange feeling inside my chest that overcame me for a moment: a mixture of awe, intimidation by your perfection and grief as well as guilty conscience .. But it melted away immediately and you looked at me with another change of expression.

"Why exactly are you apologizing to me?"

"I … Sorry for getting you caught up in this." I closed my eyes but you only put your head back and broke out in joyful laughter. Was there anything that could get to you, a problem too big, a situation too scary? It never seemed like that and yet … Maybe it was the lack of sleep. The nervous anxiety inside my chest. The fear, the interrogations, not being trusted and being treated like a murderer – it all must have piled up inside my chest and made me see things that didn't exist because when I opened my eyes the sensations clashed together -

I heard your laugh in my ears, a sound as pleasant as music, and at the same time I saw your facial expression and it hit my like a dagger right in my heart. I had never seen you look so hurt and dead serious like you looked then, a cold determination when I was used to the warm aura you had around you. Hatred. Was that .. real?

"Your name has been in every newspaper lately ..."

"I didn't do it!" I shook my head, finding myself making up excuses for what I was seeing. There was no way, my mind must be playing tricks on me … You looked like always when I looked at you again and you made me want to throw myself into your arms, bury my face at your shoulder and forget the world for a moment, forget the situation I was in -

but …

No buts.

"Chin up, shoulders straight. I believe in you, Ryuunosuke Naruhodou, and I will make the court, judge and prosecutor make so as well."

To think how you saw the world, was it genuinely so easy for you or did you put up your best act to try and keep me from breaking? Whatever it was, you truly were such a strong individual, Asougi, and I was so proud to be your friend. You were my pride and joy and I wouldn't be afraid to say those words out loud.

That was exactly why I couldn't endanger your exchange trip. So when the gentleman asked me to raise my hand in court when the judge would ask who the defense was – I did, despite knowing what your reaction would be. However, as I raised my hand in the complete silence following the judge's question it happened again – my surroundings changed before my eyes and instead of the humble courtroom I found myself standing in a great wide hall with marble columns and chandeliers, and there wasn't prosecutor Auchi behind the prosecutor's bench but an unfamiliar man with dark facial expression and a truly strange clothing style that I had never seen before.

"Wha- WHAAAAT?!"

I blinked several times and repeated my statement for the judge, forcing myself to concentrate on right now. I was going to be my own attorney.

I knew nothing about law.

"So you don't trust me", you added, still standing on my side and I looked at you to face the accusing gaze of someone who had been ready to fight for life and death but whose sword has been taken and whose fists were now tied together by my own very words. I'm sorry, I wanted to tell you, and said: "Professor Mikotoba told me-"

"Only in the case of loss. Do you not at least trust my skills as defense attorney?" And as soon as you said this it happened again, with much more force this time: you, Asougi, dressed in white tight clothes that stressed a well-built body, and there, for some reason, was a second sword at your hip. You looked as attractive as ever but with an edgy side, cold as Karuma's steel in the sun's reflection – I pressed a hand against my forehead with a silent groan, fighting this image in my head.

Had there been something in the prison's food, a drug maybe? Was I dreaming, was I dead already?

"The defendant knows best of his own innocence. It's that simple. Isn't that right, defendant?" Your voice, so strong to wake me from my doubts and to make me focus at the task at hand. You never erred, and you always knew the way. Oh if I could just hold your hand, Asougi – but how would somebody be able to do that if they only could see you from behind?

"O-oh!" This was not the time to think about this. I would need every fiber of concentration to get out of this alive – I put my life on line to prove myself innocent and I wasn't even a defense attorney ...

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The trial went past me like a fever dream. I wouldn't have survived it without your help and guidance, Asougi, so the first thing I did after receiving my not-guilty verdict was to thank you from the bottom of my heart. I didn't think you understood with what urgency I meant those words and thus, after a lengthy talk with Susato and her father, when we finally were alone again, I turned to you and repeated: "Let me thank you again … You really saved me today."

But you laughed and told me that it was me who did all the work, so I felt the need to add: "You'll definitely be the best attorney in the world."

"I wonder about that."

Then it happened again, stronger, more persistent, through my victory dazzle right into my brain – I pressed my hand against my chest and tried to stand steadily, tried to not show my inner chaos to the outside while you kept on praising my defense in court just now, and I could not avert my eyes from you, but .. how could I describe it? It had happened too often to me to be overlooked, and yet I couldn't explain how I was seeing you Asougi -

"Is something the matter, Naruhodou?", you asked. I pressed a hand against my eye and was confused by the double image before me, because I kept on seeing this strange, other you, and you, my Asougi, standing before me.

"I don't know why but it seems I'm having some kinds of visions", I told you in all sincerity. You lifted an eyebrow.

"Visions?", you repeated. "As in, you're seeing things that you shouldn't be able to see?"

"Yes I …" Would you believe me when I told you about it? Would I believe you if you told me something like this? Would I believe myself if I were you? "When Jezail Brett came to the witness stand she wasn't wearing her dress for a second. Instead she … she still had her mask and everything but she had a bathing suit – those ... those visions are just momentarily but …" I stared at my hand but it looked perfectly normal. What was happening to me?

"Bathing suit? I never knew you were the type of guy to imagine women in less clothing. Do I look different to you too?" Your tone was very dry and made my cheeks burn with unexpected heat. Of course I told you about your seemingly British clothes and changed demeanor and-

"Now I'm offended that you don't imagine me in a bathing suit. What did the British lady just now have that I don't?"

"Asougi ...", I groaned. But your jokes made it easier for me to bear and it lifted a great weight off my soul. Oh Asougi, were would I be without you today?

You sighed, your arms crossed in front of your chest, you looked to the side and said with thick voice: "Naruhodou, there is something I must ask of you." The change of tone caught my attention. "I, Kazuma Asougi, have a request to make of you, from the bottom of my heart." You took me by surprise and I went back to the stumbling mess that I became around you: "Wh-what's with the sudden formality?"

"Ah here you are." Detective Hosonaga had an awful timing and I wished he'd taken some more time before picking us up. I wanted to ask you about your request but I wouldn't know it … until later.

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I could tell you the story of our celebration of my victory and all the fun we had together if you forgot. It was a bit strange to sit with the Mikotobas because they were your acquaintances, Asougi, not mine, and yet it was a freeing feeling to know that I was publicly innocent again and that I could live on many more years …

Did you remember the scene on the balcony, Asougi or were you too drunk to remember things clearly? It was a fine evening and we sat shoulder against shoulder and if I leaned my head to the side I could rest it on you but I did not. And suddenly you asked me to accompany you to the Great British Empire, despite the topics we had been talking about before that. Just like that. As if it was the easiest thing in the world.

"I can't do that", I told you but no matter how much I tried to deny your pleas you wouldn't keep your quiet and kept nagging me to come with you, and suddenly we were rolling over the floor laughing and at the same time fighting until we came to a standstill, you half on me, your breath tickling my face, your warm smile inches away from me.

I wished I knew how important you were to me then already. Maybe I would have taken the chance to press a kiss onto you lips while we were both laughing, breathing -

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Asougi, I ended up coming with you despite knowing what a bad idea it was. Did I love you then? I don't know. But I did know that I couldn't live without you and couldn't live with the feeling of being separated by a sea and thousand miles of land between us. I had to come with you, to be by your side and see your face every morning, and I wanted to hear you say my name and hear your thoughts and know your feelings, see you smile and see you be passionate about the things you loved -

and so I stayed hidden away in the wardrobe on the steamship. We shared your food and some nights I would sneak out of the wardrobe to lie in bed together with you, in your arms, pressed against your chest and listening to your steady heartbeat and rhythmic breathing. I loved when your fingers moved through my hair, when you touched my ear and smiled down to me, or when you read one of your law books until you were too tired to do so and fell asleep at my side. Did you know that your face grew soft in your sleep, that you would lose all wrinkles and sorrow and just relax?

You know, I almost forgot about the trial back in Japan. It seemed so far away, so unreal. The visions I had been having seemed so unreal. But …

"I hate how they cook chicken." You looked up from your law book when I asked you if you really planned on staying hungry tonight. I knew how much you disliked chicken and yet it wasn't fair that you wouldn't eat anything and leave everything to me.

Your next words died away in my ears. I stood up from my seat, caught your attention with it, and reached out, touched your face to reassure myself that it was still you, that your skin was still warm.

"Naruhodou?", you asked and something on my face made you put down your book, and stand up, enclose my arms with your hands and look deep into my eyes. "Naruhodou, what's wrong?"

"The- the visions. I-" I didn't know what I was saying, the words kept falling from my lips and you brushed away the tears from my cheeks and took my face into your hands. I couldn't see your facial expression, Asougi, I only saw the other Asougi right in front of me and I didn't know what it did to me. I didn't know.

"We need a doctor." You pushed me through the cabin and forced me onto the bed, you put a head against my chest and listened to my heart, pressing two fingers against my wrist to double-check. I just sank back, laughed and covered my face with my free hand-

"I'm only good for troubles, am I not?" The visions … why did I kept seeing them? And why- why did I see you lying on the floor of this cabin, your eyes closed, why were you not moving, why were you not breathing? "I'm only good in making you worry, I keep holding you back."

"NO!" The impulsive shout made me jump, and you leaned over me to look into my eyes, your left buried into the blanket inches away from my left hand. You lowered your voice again so that the sailors wouldn't come to check on us because after all I was here illegally.

"No, Naruhodou, shut up – you- you are a brilliant person and a very dear friend, my best friend!" Your fingers dug into the blanket's fabric and your face twisted into a grimace. I forgot how to breathe. "I hate when you don't see what a wonderful person you are, Naruhodou. It's me, I'm the one causing the troubles. My mission-" You bit on your lip and I extended my arms, wrapped them around you and tugged you down onto me, your body pressing heavily against mine. I held you in a tight embrace like I never held anybody else in my life and I wished we could have stayed like this forever, just you and me, comfortable and close – but the longer we lay there the more I was starting to feel sleepy. The stress must be taking its toll, especially since I was so comfortable …

I ran a hand through your hair, rolled you around and pressed a kiss onto your forehead. "I need-"

"Stay." I hadn't seen your hand move, so quickly you grabbed my hand and pressed the tips of my fingers against your lips, your eyes burning into mine. I froze, blinked. Your lips moved, you sucked on the sides of my fingers, your demanding gaze entwined with mine and I was unable to look away, I didn't want to look away.

"Asougi ..." Being together like this suddenly wasn't enough anymore. The sensation of your tongue on my wrist felt like a promise I wanted you to fulfill, and my body was aching for your embrace. "Asougi, I ..." We could not. We should not. I was searching for thousand reasons to say no, and I only remembered a thousand more why I wanted it to be yes. But you knew me so well, Asougi, you knew me so well ...

"I have time." Your voice was hoarse, filled with a different layer of emotion totally unfamiliar to me. You moved closer, hesitated for a second before our lips touched and then you were all I could feel, my lips parting for your scent and your taste and I embraced you with both arms and legs – but it was over too quickly, and even after you moved away (where did you take so much self-control from? Where the power to step away?). I could still feel the want, and that moment I could reach out again and we could continue where we left off, but …

… sleep was nagging at me.

"The wardrobe?", I asked. You nodded, brought more distance between us. You picked up your law book and I wondered if you'd be able to focus on your studies when you knew that there only was a thin door between us, separating us, and the thought was enticing, tickling me -

I wish we could have kept that promise, Asougi. I wish you weren't -

Maybe those visions ... had been a warning and I had been too stupid to understand them. Maybe I should have decided to stay hungry that day, maybe we should have given into temptation despite knowing better, despite all the dangers because we had been together and we could have fought off every danger if we just could have been together.

I don't know where we went wrong. Did we go wrong, Asougi? Did we make a mistake?

I miss you.

It's so weak, Asougi. I don't just miss you. I feel like a part of my soul has been taken away from me, ripped from my body. For eternity. I don't know how I'm supposed to go on. I loved you, Asougi, I loved you more than I ever loved myself. You were my guiding light, my sunshine and air that I breathed. I can't believe that you are gone, that you have been taken away from me, because I'm still standing here, I'm still breathing and I still see the sun in the sky and I'm still on my way to London to .. fulfill your mission. But am I alive? Can I still be alive when you are gone?

Tell me, Asougi. I need your voice. I need to hear you, I need to breathe you. I need your warmth.

Life is such a hard punishment without you and I feel cold, Asougi. Your warmth is gone and I feel the world's coldness. Get me out of here, Asougi. Take me to where you have gone to. Don't leave me back here alone.

But you wouldn't like to see me cry. You wouldn't like to see me broken and you would tell me that I am doing fine and that I should chin up and keep my shoulders straight. Of course you would say that. I understand that, Asougi. I understand it all too well. I don't want to understand.

I miss you.

Come back, Asougi. Please, come back.