Author Notes.

Maben00 pledged $10 dollars a month for me to carry on with Augment Gothic. Those of you who enjoy the story should send him your thanks.

Joe Lawyer once again worked his beta reader magic on this chapter, so big thanks to him as well.

Augement Gothic 13.

Crime Lord's Home. Verax III.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Kira Nerys look around the room with unconcealed distaste, and I didn't blame her for the reaction. Of all the sectors in the quadrant, the Orion Sector was the most disreputable, and of all the systems within that sector, the worst had to be the Verex system.

Strictly speaking the Verex system was part of the Borderlands which was a lawless region of space situated between the Klingon Empire and the Orion Syndicate, or at least it had been in the past. Anyone who actually came here and spent any time in the region could see it might as well be an official part of the Syndicate.

During the very, very, very long journey to get here I'd read up on the world and had discovered that in 2154, a Klingon Bird-of-Prey had been taken over by two Human Augments in the Borderlands. The Enterprise NX-01 had subsequently entered the region to search for them in the hopes of bringing the Augments to justice and avoiding an interstellar war with the Klingons, who'd blamed Earth for the deaths of the Bird-of-Prey's crew and the theft of one of their warships.

While searching for the Augments, the Enterprise was attacked by two Orion Interceptors, who went on to abduct nine members of the Enterprise crew. The captives were subsequently taken here to Verex III, where they were to be auctioned off as slaves. Eventually, Captain Archer was able to recover his missing crewmembers with the assistance of Arik Soong, whose descendent would go on to build the androids known as Data and Lore.

At the moment, Kira and I were on Verax III, which in centuries past had been a world inhabited only by slaves and those who sold them, to buy weapons for the Bajoran rebels. Then there were my other missions, which I didn't think about too much in case a telepath picked up a stray thought. Betazoids couldn't read my mind, however I wasn't going to assume that other telepathic species couldn't. Their telepathy might work differently and thus be effective on me.

While Verax III didn't sell slaves anymore, it was pretty much the Star Trek universe's version of Nal Hutta, the homeworld of the Hutt race in Star Wars. It was a barren world, barely M-class in characteristics, and it was ruled over piecemeal by the crooks of many different races, but was still controlled by the Orions overall.

Kira and I had come to the truly ostentatious mansion of Gaila, a successful Ferengi merchant, who I had discovered was a cousin to Deep Space Nine's very own Quark. Gaila's specialty was weapons and heavy armament, but he would trade in anything as a sideline. He also owned his very own moon, which Quark harped on and on about in the show, however he had directed us to meet him in his home on Verax III rather than his moon. I was considering placing an order myself for some new weapons or technology for my ship once I had some more funds available. Gaila even had his own engineering teams to do the installation, but there was no way I'd let his people do the work.

This kind of black market deal repelled Kira, but the Bajoran people needed a proper weapons supply for their growing rebel movement. My ship (and Section 31 by extension) could keep one cell supplied fairly well, without arising too much suspicion, but it wasn't nearly enough to keep a planetary-wide terrorist network armed. Sure, as the rebellion grew more widespread and more raids were conducted, Cardassian weapons could be re-appropriated when they were found, but a pretty large supply of weapons was needed to get those wins in the first place.

Making a deal with the Orions directly wouldn't be wise, but for a Ferengi Gaila actually had a pretty good reputation for delivering what he promised and was paid for. Not because he was overly honest or honorable, it was mostly because he was smarter than most Ferengi. It was never a good idea to rip off the kind of people who went around buying lots and lots of weapons. Plus those kind of people tended to be good repeat customers, so in this case it made perfect business sense to keep the relationship good with minimal shenanigans. In other words, unbridled greed was NOT good for business long-term and he was smart enough to realize that. Good for him.

Gaila had provided us with an evening meal and accommodations in his large mansion. For a price, of course, Ferengi never did anything for free, but again, he made it perfectly clear that that would be the case and the price for such, so we were well warned. It was actually pretty reasonable.

Kira had agreed to join the others for the meal, but I was worried she would make a scene and upset the alien merchant we were hoping to make a deal with on behalf of the Bajoran resistance.

In Ferengi society women were normally naked at all times, and were seen rather than heard. After all, as the fourth Rule of Acquisition said, "A woman wearing clothes is like a man in the kitchen." Thankfully most Ferengis didn't expect non-Ferengi women to be nude, but if you really wanted to impress a Ferengi, you didn't bring a clothed female to their home.

I also disapproved of Kira wearing clothes, but not because I thought she belonged in the kitchen. I just liked looking at her while she was naked. Still her appearance wasn't what concerned me, I was mostly worried about her ruining the deal that Shaakar had trusted us to make.

At the head of the dinner table sat Gaila, I sat on his right as Kira in turn sat on my right. To Gaila's left sat Daim, who was part of the Orion Syndicate and also a member of the Orion species, which wasn't always the same thing. The Syndicate actually had members from many different races. Gaila and Daim were deep in conversation at the moment, and given the way Gaila was acting I figured that big eared Ferengi was hoping to join the Orion Syndicate, and was probably hoping to flatter Daim into accepting his membership application. There was also an Andorian female who had introduced herself to me as Antias.

The Andorians were a warp-capable humanoid species from the moon Andoria, capital of the Andorian Empire. In 2161, their homeworld became a founding member of the United Federation of Planets, so they were a very important race and held a lot of influence in the Federation.

I also knew that the females of that race enjoyed an equal position in Andorian society and were considered just as capable as the males. Also, from what I saw on Enterprise, the show, they could potentially initiate an intimate relationship by assaulting a man. I wasn't sure if this was like a Klingon mating ritual, if it was I wanted no part of one, though a hot Andorian woman had not yet made my list of alien women I'd banged yet…so perhaps an exception could be made.

Kira and I stood out from the other people seated at the table as we had not decided to make the meal an opportunity for ostentatious displays of our personal wealth. The three other men at the table wore expensive tailored evening suits, and extravagant accessories. Antias wore what I guessed was an Andorian style dress made of something like silk, maybe even Tholian silk which was exceedingly hard to come by, which showed off a lot of her blue coloured body. Her white hair had golden clips in, and if not for the antenna she had sticking out of her head I'd consider her quite the beauty, though that really did add to her exoticness in some ways. The colour of her people's skin, hair and eyes meant little to me, but those antennas were slightly off-putting. Not that this would actually stop me from sleeping with her if given even half a chance.

At the other end of the table from Gaila sat a large human called Maxwell, who gave off a vibe that suggested that he was either a drug dealer or a pimp, possibly both. That may have something to do with the purple coloured suit he was wearing along with all the ridiculous bling. Maybe pimps were the same regardless of century?

Kneeling meekly on the floor to his left was an Orion slave girl, whom Maxwell treated like a beloved pet. Orion slave girls (also known as Orion animal women) were female Orions who in the past had been sold in the slave markets of the Orion Syndicate.

She sat cowed and silent, wearing rags rather than proper clothing that did little to hide her amazing body and she had a leash around her neck, one end of which Maxwell had tied to the arm of his chair. She occasionally looked imploringly up at her master, in response to which he smiled and fed her small pieces of food from his plate by hand.

I could tell that the sight thoroughly sickened Kira, but she said nothing and was somewhat trying to keep the disgust off her face, so that was to be commended. Baby steps, I suppose. As for me I had thought that the practice of owning Orion slave girls had died out in the previous century. It had been revealed some time ago that Orion females were not enslaved at all, but rather the enslavers. They had some sort of potent pheromones that their bodies produced, which led to them controlling men of many different races if given the chance.

Now there were ways to block out those pheromones, and I idly wondered if Maxwell used them or if, despite appearances, he was actually under the control of the very female he had on a leash at his feet.

Kira ate in silence, not wanting to engage anyone in conversation, certainly not the Ferengi that sat near us. However, the Andorian woman she was willing to speak to, which wasn't that surprising, I suppose, as they were both strong women in what right now looked to be very much a man's world.

"So Kira, do you believe the Cardassians to be a threat to the whole Alpha Quadrant?" Antias asked,

Kira paused in thought before saying anything.

"Yes, I do," the Bajoran woman said a few moments later.

She then looked up from her meal.

"They're powerful, and they harbor a deep cultural hatred towards anyone who isn't them. If given half the chance they will invade your world too," Kira stated.

This was most likely true. Thankfully the spoon heads weren't exactly the all powerful galactic power they imagined themselves to be. The Federation and other multi-planetary powers were seemingly able to keep their expansionary ideas mostly in check.

"War is good for business, as the 35th Rule of Acquisition says," our host said. "I'm sure Cardassian rule wouldn't affect us overmuch, even if they did one day stretch their so-called Union this far. Everyone, even the mighty Federation, needs people like us".

The big eared alien then took a mouthful of wine from his goblet, and I knew then and there that as long as they could make money from it and survive, the whole Galaxy could go up in flames as far as people like him were concerned.

Kira then put down her fork so hard it drew everyone's attention.

"I'm leaving," she said as she stood up.

Our host looked offended.

"But you haven't finished," Gaila objected. "Don't you like the food?"

Actually the food was pretty damn good and Gaila's chef was to be commended. The obviously non-replicated meal was made of dishes that suited a large number of humaniod races, including humans and Bajorans.

"The food is fine," the Bajoron woman stated, "it's the company that I find distasteful".

Kira then headed for the sanctuary of the room we were sharing. I sighed silently; so much for that progress.

"I better go calm her down," I offered to the rest of the people at the table as I stood, smiling indulgently with just the right amount of exasperation. "Bajoran women can be very passionate at times, especially when it comes to the Cardassians. My apologies for the disruption to this wonderful meal. Please enjoy the rest of your evening".

(Line Break)

Antias frowned. Someone had beaten her to the access port. A human male, who was pale of skin, young, and had long dark hair. She'd seen him at dinner; he worked with the Bajoran woman who was here trying to buy weapons.

He was stooped over the control console, oblivious to her, or so she thought, his fingers tapping on the inputs. Antias was about to withdraw, then saw exactly what he was doing on the display screen. Another second and he would set off every alarm in the building and there'd be no chance of her getting the information her bosses wanted.

"Stop!" she whispered urgently.

The man stopped what he was doing and turned in surprise.

"I… er…" he said as he floundered for an excuse to be there.

He then obviously realized that the Andorian wasn't meant to be there either, but before he could bring that up Antias leapt to the console and keyed in a cancel command, deleting the man's search.

"You were about to trigger a security protocol," she told him urgently.

'He looks confused,' Antias thought.

She figured that the quickest way of getting rid of this moron was to find the information he needed, then get on with her own search. With this in mind she plugged her portable transmitter into the machine's access point. Immediately, she began retrieving information directly into her brain via the data port in her neck. She bypassed the security lockouts with ease, finding her way into the mansion's data core.

"What data?" she asked.

The human again looked confused.

"What?" the man was still confused.

Antias was now thinking that this man could not be in the same business she was, or if he was then he was very damn new at it.

"What data do you want?" she repeated, before trying to explain better. "If I get it for you, then you will get out of here and let me work".

The man nodded.

"What data?" Antias repeated again.

Now he seemed to have caught up. The man seemed distracted by something for some reason. Then he focused again and rattled off a list of Stardates and names.

"If Gaila knows anything about them then copy the records for me," he then requested.

The data was soon downloaded, and Antias handed it over to him on a memory chip the size of a pip worn on the collar by a starfleet officer.

"You never saw me and I never saw you, understand?" she commanded.

He was gone a moment later and by the time Antias removed the portable transmitter, and had looked around, she found a young, green-skinned girl was coldly observing her.

"You have a dataport," the slave girl stated. "Good, you can help me access the Ferengi's database.

Antias was now thoroughly amused at how this night had gone. She'd never been this popular.

"Why should I?" she asked.

She didn't intend to refuse the Orion girl, but she was curious just what a slave girl could do to force the situation.

"Because otherwise I'll raise the alarm," the girl answered threateningly.

Antias returned to the computer. It seemed that everyone wanted to dig into Gaila's background, and had come here under false pretences in order to do so.

"What do you want to know?" she asked the green-skinned girl.

"Drug movements, slavery, anything illegal Gaila might be involved in with Maxwell," the slave girl replied.

Antias scanned further through the files. This information was quite a bit more sensitive, so she didn't want to risk looking for too long lest a security protocol catch her access. She came up with only one record.

"Gaila makes regular arms shipments to a group of narcotics producers on Shoix II," the blue skinned female reported. "No reference to what they actually produce, but it's the only thing there with a reference to Maxwell attached too"

The green-skinned girl nodded, then smiled.

"Thanks, you saved me a lot of time," she said.

Then she slipped out through the door into the corridor as Antias retrieved the transmitter from the access point, and she removed the connection from the port in her neck as well. After that she left the room, her spirits lifted by what had just happened. Whatever those two were up to it could very well have a damaging effect on Gaila and his operations, and more importantly the people connected to him. Which was pleasing for her.

All in all it was a good evening's work for a Starfleet Intelligence Officer.

(Line Break)

"Ah, Gothic, you're just in time for the entertainment," Maxwell explained with a smile once I had returned from 'calming Kira down.' "My pet has just gone to change"

The slave girl soon returned, and she was now wearing translucent wisps of fabric that swayed revealingly as she danced. The leash was gone, but she wore other symbols of her slavery, like a small chain fastened to a collar which was round her neck.

Orion slave dancers had become legendary in the previous century or two for the intensely erotic sensuality of their dancing, and I could see why. Still, I was able to look away long enough to glance at Antias a couple of times to observe her reactions. The Andorian female seemed mesmerized by slave girl's sensual movements, even reaching up to receive one of the proffered veils that the dancer removed and was handed to the audience as she gyrated in front of us. She obviously was enjoying the show, but without making it seem all seedy and dirty; it was a shame the other people in the room couldn't do the same.

"Maxwell," Gaila spoke without taking his eyes from the dance, "I must congratulate you. You are the first non-Ferengi I have met who knows the correct way to treat women. Although I still disapprove of you allowing her to wear clothes."

Daim, the Orion male, nodded in agreement, also without taking his eyes from the female of his race, yet he seemed to be looking past her if I was any judge.

"Don't worry, my pet will soon correct that oversight," Maxwell assured the Ferengi, while laughing.

I assumed by getting naked.

"Very good," Gaila responded. "I commend you on your training of her."

At this point I decided to drone out the voices of the others and to focus on the show. Beyond the obvious, seeing an Orion slave girl dance in real life was causing my inner Star Trek fan to totally geek out.

(Line Break)

Antias knocked on my door later that evening.

"A present for you," she said, giving me the small piece of silk she'd taken from the slave girl earlier.

I wasn't sure what to make of it.

"Thanks," I said carefully, while looking at it closely.

It was normal silk, in fact I didn't notice anything special about it until I actually sniffed it, and then I felt dizzy for a few moments. I figured it was the pheromones, and this concentration was making me a bit loopy, that would explain why I'd nearly messed up while hacking the computer earlier this evening. My augment physiology was obviously working hard at limiting the effects, as I had still been somewhat capable of performing complex tasks, but I obviously wasn't completely immune. Enough time though and my immune system should have adapted to eliminate any of its effects on me. I actually had mixed feelings about that. Would I have enjoyed the dance as much without the pheromones?

"Did you have a good time?" I asked the Andorian once I was feeling more level headed. "You seemed to quite enjoy the show".

More so than I did, in fact. Not that I would assume Antias was a lesbian due to that alone. Sexuality this far into the future was much more complex and adaptable than in my time due to there being humans involved with aliens. There were even species with no genders at all, or several. It made classifying someone as either straight, gay or bi, as rather pointless really. For all the complexities of this time, it seemed to boil down to simply people tending to have sex with those they found attractive and were physiologically compatible with, and that was pretty much it.

"She's an excellent dancer," Antias answered, rather evasively I thought, "and I've had as much as I can stand of the others, though. How soon before we can get away from this place and back to Earth?"

I was now very confused.

"Or would you like to visit Andoria?" she then asked.

That was when the alien female's face gave me a look of confusion.

"You're not with Starfleet Intelligence, are you?" she asked.

I shook my head, and she muttered something my universal translator was unable to deal with.

"Well, you're human," she then said. "Are you at least from Earth?"

It wasn't the Earth she knew, but that was my homeworld.

"Yes," I told her. "I'm a freelance trader. Really, I'm just here because the Bajorans want to buy weapons and I happen to have a ship".

Antias smiled at me.

"Good, you're a Federation citizen at least," was what she said next, before frowning again. "Hold on, if you're not in my line of work what did you want that information for?"

I didn't, Section 31 did. However, I couldn't exactly tell her that. The stolen data would make me another nice little payday.

"Like I said before, I'm freelance. People pay me to do things or to provide them with stuff," was all I had to say on the matter.

Maybe that answer would mean some work for Starfleet Intelligence in the future? That'd be profitable and I doubt 31 would care one whit about that, in fact it might provide another layer of camouflage to hide their organization's connection to me should I ever get caught doing something that reeked of espionage.

The Andorian woman stared at me for a while, and then visibly relaxed just in time for someone else to knock at the door. I was certainly popular tonight.

"This could be bad," I said under my breath.

To my surprise it was the slave girl at the door. Which made me very glad that Kira was resting in the bedroom, as she would totally get the wrong idea about what was going on here. Not that I even understood it really.

(Line Break)

The Flighty Temptress. On Route to Earth.

My ship was currently cruising at warp five, so if anyone was chasing us they'd have to be close by and cloaked because I had nothing showing on my sensors. However, I wasn't really worried as we'd left the planet with a deal in place agreeable to all sides. The Bajorans would soon have their weapons, Quark's cousin would ensure his side was fulfilled, and I now had three women on my ship. Two of which were spies. How did I get myself in these situations?

"Excuse me, errm," I heard Antias the Andorian say to the Bajoran in the cockpit with us.

The three women hadn't spoken much since we'd gone to warp. I was hoping they would get along as it was a long journey back to Earth at warp 5. Perhaps I could have dropped them off at a closer Federation controlled planet, but I was being paid to take them directly to Earth, so that was what I was going to do, especially since a reputation for successful, fair and professional transactions could lead to more work from Starfleet Intelligence.

"Yes?" Kira responded brusquely.

My thinking was that she didn't like there being other women on my ship. For starters there was only one bed, and she was used to sharing it with me and attempting to break it whenever the mood struck me or her, which was a lot. Having all these passengers also limited our impromptu sex all over the ship. My particular favorite was disabling the cockpit controls and railing her on top of them, the stars streaking by at warp speed a nice backdrop. Ah, good times!

"I …" Antias started to say,

The blue skinned female seemed ill at ease for some reason.

"You're Bajoran, aren't you?" she then asked.

The intelligence officer's attempt at starting a conversation wasn't going so well.

"What of it?" Kira demanded to know.

Now I was certain she was annoyed at the intrusion of these new women. Kitten was missing her playtime.

"Nothing, I just…" Antias struggled to say.

She then took a deep breath.

"I had a friend once. She was Bajoran. You just … remind me of her in some ways," Antias managed to tell Kira.

Kira was intrigued.

"'Was Bajoran?' What happened to her?" she asked.

I didn't think there would be a good ending to this little story.

"She was killed by the Cardassians while on a mission," Antias told her.

So there were Bajorans in Starfleet Intelligence working against the spoon heads? That was certainly interesting to hear. Section 31 getting illegally involved didn't surprise me at all, but for SI to be working against them, now that was surprising. Though now that I thought more on it there were probably many missions during the Federation conflict with them and having some Bajorans operatives to blend in would have been useful.

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that," my sort of partner replied, obviously also intrigued at the idea of Bajorans working within Starfleet Intelligence against the Cardassians, just like I was.

Then things became more relaxed.

"My name's Kira. Kira Nerys," she introduced herself.

Kira was her family name, on Bajor the surname always came first. You only used a Bajoran's first name when you were very close to them. Even I didn't call her Nerys.

"Antias Tarik," the Androian responded.

Kira now had a question.

"What's your friend's name?" she asked. "She doesn't speak much".

Kira was referring to the Orion 'slave girl', who was also a spy it turned out.

"Jaxa," the green skinned woman told us.

I busied myself with the controls to not intrude in this burgeoning conversation, even if the ship's autopilot could easily handle flying from point A to point B.

"Jaxa was telling me earlier that she's been promoted to lieutenant," Antias said to me.

So I had two Starfleet lieutenants with me on this trip. I might as well have stayed onboard the Enterprise, I thought amusingly.

"I'd never have guessed that you were a lieutenant too," I idly commented.

Before anyone else replied I realized that this may have been the wrong thing to say.

"Why? Because I'm Orionese?" Jaxa asked me heatedly.

Clearly she felt offended by my totally accidental insinuation.

"Only because you carried off your cover persona so effectively," I said.

Amusingly neither spy had known that they were the contact the other was supposed to make. Antias had assumed that I was the Starfleet Intelligence officer who was supposed to get her off planet, as had Jaxa. Both had made this mistake, because they had been told that the other spy would contact them. I was human, and because the vast majority of Starfleet Officers were human, it had been an easy mistake to make. Plus there had been some confusion about how they were supposed to get off the planet. As it had turned out, Jaxa was controlling Maxwell, like I had wondered, and he was supposed to be Antias' ride off the planet.

"Good recovery," the blue skinned female murmured with a little smile.

She was sitting next to me in the cockpit, looking at the sensor readouts.

"I guess the whole thing was an act, you, Maxwell, the slavery bit," I was now saying. "That was some serious role-play. You had me totally fooled".

Well, that wasn't entirely true. I'd assumed Jaxa was the one controlling Maxwell, I just hadn't known why.

"Not really," the 'slave girl' said before pausing.

Then it all flooded out. With no prompting she told us the whole story, it obviously weighing heavily on her mind. About how she'd grown up on a federation starbase with her mother, hearing about the slavery of her people, and wanting to do something about it. She joined Starfleet in the hopes of finding the slavers and freeing the women of her race. She had been made Lieutenant in reward for completing a dangerous assignment she had taken on a few weeks back. One which, like the mission she had just done, had required her to act the part of a slave.

"On my last mission I found out the truth," the green skinned woman was now admitting. "The females of my race aren't slaves, they never were. We enslave others".

Kira was naturally confused.

"It's the pheromones the females of their race produces," I explained. "The effects vary, but with most men they lead to the Orion female becoming the dominant partner, and then the man becomes the slave, but the females still act the part of a slave so no one suspects the truth".

Kira looked at me, seeming concerned.

"There are ways to suppress the pheromones," Jaxa told everyone, "and if you work with an Orion female you're supposed to take something to neutralize the effects, but Maxwell didn't know that, and I really got into the role. That worries me".

No doubt it was tempting for Jaxa to use her pheromones to control men. It could be a rush, I'm sure, power often was.

"Though I'm nearly immune now, I better replicate some of that medicine," I said while getting up from my chair. "Otherwise I might get dizzy again".

The effects of her pheromones didn't last very long for me anymore, and it was actually rather enjoyable to smell Jaxa, but it would be extremely unwise to get dizzy while piloting a starship at warp.

Kira followed me and soon was whispering at me while I used the replicator what Riker had ordered be installed within my ship as part of my payment for helping out while Captain Picard had been missing.

"Put your eyeballs back in your head!" she ordered. "It's not like you need her prancing around like that when you can get me naked whenever you want".

She had a point, but I didn't take orders from her. Perhaps she needed to be reminded of that. Decisions, decisions.

"Don't you ever make me paint myself green either!" she then added.

The sheer silliness of that statement made me laugh out loud. The implication that I could "make her" paint herself green and that she'd likely obey was also rather titillating.

Kira folded her arms.

"And just what are you laughing at?" she asked,

The mental picture I had was very funny.

"I wouldn't do that to you," I assured Kira, still feeling really amused. "Green's not your color. And you'd have to dye your hair black for it to work".

It would be a lot of work, and she wouldn't act like a real slave girl, so what was the point. Hmm, when I got to DS9 maybe I should try one of Quark's more adult holosuite programs if they had a program featuring an orion slave girl?

"How are we going to handle the sleeping arrangements?" Jaxa asked as she walked out of the cockpit and over to the replicator, an act which brought her very close to me as there wasn't much extra room inside my ship. "I noticed that there's only one bed".

The bedroom was actually pretty nicely furnished now. While last on the Enterprise I went to town with their industrial replicator and decked it out rather nicely. Everything was brand new. It also happened to be pretty hilarious to watch me and Data carrying a mattress, wardrobe, nightstands, bedding and other assorted odds and ends through the halls of the Enterprise to get onboard my ship.

I decided to use my brilliant mind to save myself.

"I'll let you ladies decide," I answered. "I don't need to sleep much anyway".

It would take weeks more to get to Earth at Warp 5 so I assumed one of two things would happen. Either the females on this ship would kill each other or we'd end up having an orgy. I knew exactly which one I preferred and would try to encourage. The orgy would be a little easier to clean up afterwards anyways.

(Line Break)

"Maybe we shouldn't have detoured to that M-Class planet," Antias mused as we finally entered the Sol System. "My bosses at HQ were expecting me back more than a week ago".

While it might seem like a male fantasy to be stuck inside a small ship for weeks in close proximity with three exotic and beautiful alien females, all of which find the guy attractive and want to share the one bed with him as much as they can once my sexual prowess was proven beyond a reasonable doubt.

In reality, it wasn't as fun as imagined. It would have nice if they'd competed for my attentions the whole time, but sadly, mostly what they'd done was argue with each other. It hadn't been their fault really, it had been mostly cabin fever, and there was only one shower between four people, which had just made it all the more terrible for the ladies. I really needed to see about increasing the top speed of my engines. The ship's hull could handle much faster speeds, according to the simulations I'd done, but the engines and power systems would need to be modified pretty significantly by professionals who had a lot of experience and knew what they were doing. The materials to make those changes alone were also going to be really expensive if bought new. Ah well, plans for the future, or future paydays from 31.

So I'd landed the ship on an M-class planet that was on our flight path, which was inhabited only by a handful of human colonists, and had let the three women get some exercise that didn't involve my penis pounding them into pleasurable goo in some way, though there was still plenty of that in the crystal clear pools, hot springs, and hidden away waterfalls that dotted the planet. Having your own starship and transporter was the shit man!

"We'll just say some supreme being, or race, held us on trial for all of humanity's sins, and that they later let us go because we've moved on from our barbaric past, and so on. Blah, blah, blah, moral superiority, blah, blah, infinite potential, blah," I said.

The Androian looked decidedly amused.

"Do you think that ever really happened?" she asked.

I considered the question.

"Probably not as often as you'd think," I said. "Personally I always found it suspicious that every time some super powerful and overly judgmental being chooses representatives for humanity, he takes the best and brightest, usually right off the bridge of Starfleet's Flagship".

And not all of them would have been human anyway.

"But isn't that the best choice?" Antias wondered.

It depended on how you looked at the situation.

"Oh, for Mankind, sure," I answered. "But if I were going to put a species on trial, I wouldn't pick the top people, I'd just grab some guy at random off Earth or nearby, and then make him defend the species. He'd be more honest about the whole thing and probably a better representative of the species as a whole".

That was when a high pitched whine filled the ship accompanied with a bright light. The next thing I knew I was in a courtroom that could have come straight off the set of some TV crime drama, if not for the fact that it was filled with shadowy humanoid shapes. Which I guessed were the all powerful and judging aliens I'd just been talking about.

"Well, fuck me sideways," I muttered. "Someone was listening. Should have kept my fucking mouth shut".

Counsel for the Defense

No one had spoken those words, but I'd heard them, they'd reached my ears somehow, and in response to them a lifeform that wasn't a Shadow person came over to us. He looked human, and he was dressed smartly enough to pass for a lawyer, but I didn't think he was a real human being.

"Right, now listen," said the man. "Humanity has come to the attention of The Court. You have two choices, cooperate or don't. Either way, you, personally, don't have to face the repercussions of the Judgment on Humanity. Keeps the witnesses honest, says His Honor," was what we were told.

I required more information.

"What, exactly, does 'cooperation' entail, if I may ask?" was my question.

The lawyer guy/being opened a briefcase and started going through his notes.

"You have to agree to be a representative of all Humanity, those on Earth and scattered through the Galaxy, discounting, of course, those under the influence of any other creature that prevents the exercise of Free Will. They also won't be effected by the outcome," was the surprisingly clear answer I got.

How many humans were under the influence of other creatures? Were there Goa'uld in this damn galaxy too?

"You also have to answer the charges, and agree to take the terms of any punishments back to Humanity's leaders" I was then informed.

Well, so far this seemed to be an easier situation to understand than the sham trial Q had put humanity on.

"And what might those punishments include?" I wondered

The lawyer guy looked through his papers some more.

"For the crimes listed so far, it could go up to the instant death of every living human, who is not under the influence of some mind controlling force, brain parasite, etc., etc., and you'll be fine of course," he told me.

That seemed clear enough, if not outright horrifying to be responsible for the lives of tens of billions of humans scattered throughout the alpha quadrant. Hell, I wasn't even native to this fucking dimension. They must be aware of that as all powerful beings, did they not care? If they didn't know, should I point this out and possibly have my fate decided by some other moron?

"Now, just out of curiosity, what would not cooperating result in?" I asked.

More papers were shuffled around.

"Oh, here we go," the guy in the suit replied. "If you refuse to represent your species, you will still be required to carry the judgment back to your leaders, but are then subject to that judgment, and subsequent punishment. Meaning some other poor sod gets your job, and if he fails, you die".

I pondered this for a moment.

"Can I pick my replacement if I decide I don't want the job?" was my next question. Picard had done this before in the show and he'd likely be a hell of a lot better at this shit than me.

The man shook his head.

"No, we'll just pick someone else at random," he said.

That was disappointing as this seemed like the perfect job to pawn off on Picard.

"Yes, well, I'm certainly willing to cooperate," I told the lawyer. "When do we start?

This time the Lawyer didn't need to consult the contents of his briefcase.

"You will be given quarters, and time to prepare your statements," the guy in the suit said "and good luck".

(Line Break)

Case Dismissed.

Again, no one had actually spoken those words, but they'd been there.

"Huh…well done," said the lawyer, obviously surprised. "In all my years of watching species being put on trial I've never seen a defendant make the 'The Court' actually cry, I didn't even know they could cry. They're made of some kind of energy after all".

I just shrugged.

"Wasn't hard, for every charge against us I had a counter. Most humans are good really, at their core, it's just that the super evil ones get way more attention," I said.

Thankfully this all powerful energy based species shared many of our ideals or else nothing I said would have made a whit of difference.

The tricky part had been coming up with a way to present my evidence, then I'd realized that such an advanced race would have complete records of every good thing a human did, as well as the bad. So I'd asked for access to all of this and had put together some truly heartwarming tales about Mankind's nicer side. I'm not ashamed to say that I perused other records. Curious about what JFK did with his mistresses? Yep, I saw it. The bedroom activities of famous Hollywood actresses that lived in my time and were in this dimension as well? Yep, watched it; those chicks were freaks by the way! Don't judge me; you know you'd do the same.

"I really liked the story about the young non-sentient quadruped companion, the 'puppy' you called it," the lawyer was now saying, "really got to me that did".

Everyone loves cute non-threatening animals, so I'd added some stuff about humanity's love for lesser life forms to combat the charges of cruelty. There had inevitably been instances in humanity's history where their owners selflessly sacrificed themselves to save their pets. They ate it up.

"I've always wondered why it's my race that's always on trial," I said to the lawyer. "Why do you never charge the Klingons with being barbarians, or punish the Romulans for being completely evil shits".

The man in the suit smiled at me.

"Oh, we did those races ages ago," he told me. "They just pleaded guilty. The Court always has mercy for those who admit their failings, they just got light punishments".

That was when I realized something.

"So I didn't need to stay up all night putting together a counter debate to all those charges" I asked.

The lawyer nodded.

"Wiping a species out only happens when they plead innocent and get found guilty," he said. "Harsher punishment you see".

I was very annoyed about this and felt like face palming.

"And you didn't think to tell me that?" I asked. "That is the freaking point of having a lawyer for the defense. You're supposed to use your experience with the court to advise me in making the right decisions and help me get of trouble".

The lawyer looked surprised.

"Oh, well I'll remember that for next time," he said.

I might have decked the guy if not for the sudden whining noise and the bright light that suddenly filled the room. I had just saved the life of every human across the galaxy, was I likely to get a thank you? Nah. Hopefully my ladies would at least give me that orgy finally.