A/N So here is chapter two! Someone asked, so I do want to let anyone who's intersted know that this is definitely going to be an Edward/Bella story, it's just going to take a bit to get there. I wanted to focus on developing Bella for a while. Ok, hope you enjoy this one.

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or the song lyrics.

And I went crazy again today, lookin' for a strand to climb
Lookin' for a little hope
Baby said he couldn't stay, wouldn't put his lips to mine
And a fail to kiss is a fail to cope
I said honey I don't feel so good, don't feel justified
Come on, put a little love here in my void
He said it's all in your head, and I said so's everything but he didn't get it
I thought he was a man but he was just a little boy

Hunger hurts and I want him so bad, oh, it kills
Cause I know I'm a mess he don't wanna clean up
I got to fold because these hands are too shaky to hold
Hunger hurts but starvin' works when it costs
too much to love
-Paper Bag by Fiona Apple

At first, it was almost easy to forget. During that first day hanging out with Jacob, Bella found that she was enjoying herself, even smiling a little as they walked along the beach of La Push. But then, Jacob had brought him up, and as much as she wanted to brush it off and change the subject, she wouldn't let herself shy away from it. She wasn't sure if it would make it hurt more or less, but she was sure it wouldn't help anyone to keep it bottled away, shrinking at every mention of his name.

"So, what exactly happened with you two? I mean, it seemed to be going so well, but then all of a sudden..." Jake trailed off, looking to Bella to fill in the blanks. Her chest tightened and her breath hitched. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath to steady herself before starting. She also had to figure out how to word this without giving away the big secret, and not making herself look even more pathetic than she already was.

"Well, Carlisle was offered a position at a prestigious hospital in another state so they all had to go. Alice, Jasper, Emmett, Rosalie, and...Edward." Her chest lurched at the mention of his name. She looked down at the sand, ignoring the expectant look on Jacobs face.

"Ok, but that doesn't explain why we found you curled up in a ball in the woods." Bella winced at Jacobs recollection. He noticed and mumbled a sorry.

"He...Edward, took me on a walk in the woods by my house to explain it to me. He told me they were leaving. That he was leaving. He told me he didn't want me anymore."

"He left you in the woods?" Jacob asked. Bella nodded.

"We hadn't walked that far really." She paused. Without knowing the full situation, the next part would be hard to understand. Actually, even knowing the full situation it would be hard to understand. It didn't really make sense to her either. "He told me that I couldn't follow. That he didn't want me to".

"You wanted to? To follow them to some new place?" Jacobs face was pure confusion.

She didn't really know how to respond. "It's complicated".

"Bella, you're only seventeen years old! How can you possibly be ready to follow some guy across the country?"

The answer was simple, and came to her immediately. "I love him". She realized that she said that in the present tense, not the past, and she felt a pit at the bottom of her stomach when she realized it was completely true, and probably always would be. "Also, I'm eighteen."

Jacob was completely incredulous. "But..."

"Look Jacob, I know how it sounds, believe me I do, but I love him. And he used to love me back. He doesn't anymore, and that's fine, but I know how I feel and it's not going to fade or change. There's no distraction big enough." Bella had stopped walking and was looking him straight in the eye for this part. "I want to be your friend, but you have to accept that I'm not some doe-eyed moron. It was real, and it was intense, and it admittedly may not be healthy, but that's how it is."

Jacob maintained eye contact for a minute. He seemed to be searching her eyes for something. Finally he nodded and said "Okay", before he started walking away.

Bella was briefly dazed. She shook herself out of it and jogged to catch up to him. "Okay?" She asked. She was expecting him to tell her that she was stupid. Or pathetic. She certainly felt those things most of the time.

"Okay" he repeated. "I can tell when people are full of it Bella. You aren't. I don't know the details, obviously there's something you're not telling me, but I don't need to know anything you don't want to tell me. I'm your friend. I'm here to support you. Not judge you."

"Wow Jacob. That's very mature. When did you turn into Mr. Miyagi?"

"Well I'm really mature for my age. Comes with life on the rez" he said with a smirk.

"Please. Try spending your childhood raising your own mother. Then you can talk to me about maturity." Bella said with a smirk of her own and an eye-roll to match.

"It must've taken its toll Bells, you look at least thirty five years old." Jacob laughed.

Bella winced again at what was probably an astute observation, but recovered quickly and laughed it off. They spent the rest of the day talking about trivial things. She tried to laugh along with Jake, but she knew her smiles weren't completely genuine. She wondered when she would be able to really laugh again. She missed it.

When she got home, she made a quick dinner for herself and Charlie, and escaped to her room while Charlie settled down for ESPN, obviously grateful for the return to routine.

At night though, the dreams were waiting to remind her of the truth. She was in the woods again. He was there, and he was talking but there wasn't any sound. She only got words here and there. "Not good enough". "I don't want you". Suddenly, the rest of the Cullen's were there as well, all talking but in mostly muted tones. More words and phrases leaked through. "I'm sorry Bella". "The way it has to be". "Inevitable". "Weak human". "Pathetic". She couldn't place who was saying what, it was just bells and whispers. Suddenly a red ribbon appeared out of nowhere swirling in a breeze she couldn't feel. The ribbon danced and twirled around each member of the Cullen family, and as it did each one of them fell to the ground. The ribbon fluttered over to where Bella was standing and she caught the faintest smell of cinnamon and leather. She heard a voice whisper "You did this", and then the ribbon was gone. She let out a breath she didn't know she was holding and hesitantly walked to where the Cullen's were laying. As she got closer she saw that they each had their eyes open, staring into some void. She called their names but received no answer. Panicking, she she shook them, noticing that their hard, cold bodies were too easy for her to move. She started screaming at them, begging them to wake up. Screaming that she was sorry, that she would never think of them again, if only they would wake up. Through her screams she vaguely heard what sounded like a howl, though whether or not that was part of her dream or real she wasn't sure because right then she jolted awake, just as Charlie ran in to her room.

"Bella, are you ok?" He asked as he crossed the room and took the shaking girl into his arms. He remembered that when she was little, he was always the one who comforted her when she had nightmares. He absently wondered who had been there to soothe her in his absence. Nightmares weren't really Renee's thing, as he recalled.

"I'm ok. It was just a bad dream" she said, but she tightened her grip on him and they sat there in silence for a few minutes. Charlie knew that he wasn't always the most affectionate man, but he loved his daughter, and was grateful that he could still comfort her.

"Do you wanna talk about it", he knew that if she said yes he'd be in trouble, as he had no idea how to talk out the problems of a teenager, but he knew that he would try for her.

"No, it's ok. I just needed to calm down a bit." She tried not to laugh audibly when she heard him sigh in relief. She wouldn't have known what to say either. She loosened her grip on him, and he kissed the top of her head before returning to his room. Once she heard his door close she sighed and turned on the light. Sleep would probably be a futile endeavor at this point.

Nightmares were nothing new for Isabella Swan. It seemed that throughout her whole life, whatever she was, or more to the point wasn't, dealing with would be waiting in her sub-conscience to torture her when she fell asleep. She stared at the ceiling letting the emotions wash over her. Helplessness. Confusion. Hurt. Anger. Pain. Emptiness. Going numb had never as tempting a plan, but Bella knew she had to be stronger than that. Being numb meant not really living, and she'd be damned if she was going to let herself die, physically or mentally, without a fight. It just meant that she had to learn to live with this pain. It was so raw and fresh now, she hoped it could settle into a dull ache. Something that would always be there, but not something that would sneak up and leave her breathless. She took a few more calming breaths, letting the tears stop falling.

Since sleep was so not happening she went to her shelf and picked up one of her new books. She settled back into bed and started reading.

"Mrs. Dalloway, by Virginia Wolfe..."