A/N Hello readers!I'm sorry this took so long to update. I'm trying to stay a few chapters ahead, and I ran into some problems with a later chapter. But, here's the nex chapter. Hope you guys like it. Thank you so much for the reviews, they make me happy. And for the follows/favorites. Happy reading!
Chapter eleven
Come away little lass, come away to the water
To the ones that are waiting only for you
Come away little lass come away to the water
Away from the light that you always knew
We are calling to you
Come away little lad come away to the darkness
In the shade of the night we'll come looking for you
Come away little lad, come away to the darkness
To the ones appointed to see it through
We are coming for you
We are coming for you
Come away little lamb come away to the water
Give yourself so we may live anew
Come away little Lamb, come away to the slaughter
To the ones appointed to see it through
We are coming for you
We are coming for you
Come away little lamb come away to the water
To the arms that are waiting only for you
Come away little lamb, come away to the slaughter
To the one appointed to see this through
We are coming for you
We are coming for you
- Come Away to the water by Maroon 5
A week after spring break, Bella got an acceptance letter to Dartmouth college. She hadn't thought she had a prayer when she'd sent off her application, but as long as she passed all of her AP exams, she would be starting there in the fall. She remembered Edward talking about it a few times. He'd said it was one of his favorite colleges, and as she'd researched it she'd fallen in love with it. She was really and truly excited for something for the first time in a long time. The tests themselves were approaching very quickly, and she and Angela spent the next few weeks in lockdown as they finished preparing for them. The best part of this program was that they didn't have to do any ridiculous projects to prove they'd been working all year. Even if their teachers hadn't kept all of their essays and practice tests, all you had to do was talk to them. Every other word out of their mouths was a formula, or a vocabulary word. Bella was starting to worry that she would answer all of her history questions in Spanish, or write nothing but equations on her English essay.
The week of exams finally arrived, and it was intense. Bella turned off her phone and ordered Charlie to shoot anyone who tried to disturb her. She ate, she slept, she reviewed, and she tested. Then, it was over. She felt confident in her answers, and the week of graduation, she received her scores. She and Angela had both scored all fours and fives. Angela was going to Harvard. Bella was going to Dartmouth.
Graduation itself was a small affair. Bella and Angela were both presented with special awards and were hailed as pioneers by the principal. Her mother didn't make the trip. Apparently Phil had come down with something and couldn't travel. When Bella suggested that she come without Phil, Renee said that she couldn't possibly leave him in that state. Bella didn't know why she was surprised. She let herself be sad about it in private. It seemed that the further outside of her mothers influence she got, the less interested her mother was in her life. She wondered if Renee knew what kind of damage she was doing. Bella shook it off, determined no to let her mother ruin an important day in her life. Charlie took her to a restaurant in Port Angeles for dinner, and then there was a huge bonfire in La Push, with her friends from school and the pack.
Late in the evening, when most of the kids had gone home, or moved on, she found herself laying on a blanket in the sand. She was laying next to Leah and Jacob, whom she couldn't help but notice were snuggled pretty close to each other. She smiled and looked up at the sky. One of her favorite things about living in Forks was the beautiful night sky. With no city lights the sky was a thick mess of stars, casting a cool glow on the world below. It made her feel peaceful, like she had a blanket over her as the constellations told her stories from above. Careful she heard. She jolted up and look around, trying to find the source. All she saw was a couple making out on the other side of the fire. All she heard was the sounds of Jake and Leah sleeping, and the waves crashing on the shore. She eased back down, gazing once again at the stars, looking for the constellations she knew.
"Careful!" Edward laughed as he guided Bella along the path, helping her steady herself after she stumbled.
"Well if you took your hands off of my eyes so I could see where I was going my stumbling would decrease by at least thirty percent." She responded playfully.
"No ma'am. That would ruin the surprise."
"What surprise? Going to the meadow tonight was my idea!"
"Yes, for a midnight picnic. But that doesn't mean that there isn't a surprise for you."
"I'm just saying that if I trip and die out here because you wanted to 'surprise' me, Charlie will hunt you down and shoot you."
"As if I would let you die. Besides, Charlie's fishing until Monday. That would give us plenty of time to cover it up."
"Well that's comforting." Bella muttered, earning a chuckle from Edward.
"We're here" Edward said as he lifted his hands from her eyes. Bella gasped as she took in the sight. Hundreds of flameless candles were placed around the meadow, making it look even more magical than it usually did. It looked like a floating island. As she walked further into the clearing, she saw that the candles were surrounding a large blanket and a picnic basket.
She turned to Edward with a smile and raised her eyebrows. "I suggested this twenty minutes ago".
Edward laughed. "Alice" he said with a shrug. Bella felt her smile widen. "Is it too much? It's too much isn't it?" he asked, worry crossing his face. Bella laughed and kissed his cheek.
"It's wonderful. I take it this is for me?" she asked, nodding toward the basket as she sat on the blanket.
"Ah! Yes m'lady." He sat next to her and started pulling items out of the basket. "First we have another blanket for you. Then we have a grilled cheese sandwich, a thermos of tomato soup, another thermos of hot chocolate, and, some brownies. All courtesy of Esme."
Bella took a bite of the grilled cheese and almost moaned out loud. She took a few more bites and a drink of soup when she realized something.
"Huh" she murmured, mostly to herself.
"What's that?"
"I was just thinking that it's funny that Esme made this for me."
"Why?"
"I told her it was my favorite months ago. I'm surprised she made it for me. I assume Alice just asked her to whip something up, but the fact that she would put that much effort into it...it's just so maternal."
"She's very fond of you. She'd probably buy you a pony if you wanted." Bella laughed lightly. "what's wrong Bella?"
Bella smiled. "It's just that sometimes I find myself wishing she was really my mother. I know that sounds terrible, but it's true. I love my mother, I really do, but it's more complicated, I guess."
"I take it she never made you grilled cheese?"
Bella laughed this time. "Yeah, no. The last time someone made me a grilled cheese was my dad when I was eight." Bella smiled at the memory.
"Will you tell me about it?" He asked.
"I was visiting for the summer. It was rainy and miserable, and I had the chicken pox and a head cold. A double whammy of misery. I was trying not to complain too much, so I was just lying on the couch watching TV. I'd assumed my dad was uncomfortable and hiding out in another room. All of a sudden, he came in with a TV tray and set it up in front of me. He put a bowl of tomato soup, a grilled cheese sandwich, and a big glass of orange juice on it. We ate, and then he read to me for a while. He didn't always know what to do with me, but that day, even with as sick as I felt, he made it a good day."
"What did he read you?"
"The Wonderful Wizard of Oz"
They continued to talk as she ate, alternating between comfortable silence, and asking each other whatever questions popped into their heads.
"What is your favorite thing about yourself?" Bella asked as she dipped a piece of her sandwich into her soup.
"Hm... I like to compose music." he answered almost as if he were asking a question instead of answering one.
"That's really more something you enjoy doing. What I'm asking about is your favorite quality, or trait."
Edward concentrated as he searched for an answer."What's your favorite thing about me?" he asked.
Bella's narrowed her eyes in mock seriousness. "You are not off the hook for an answer sir. But, my favorite thing about you is the way you move your mouth along with people sometimes."
"What" Edward asked, completely perplexed.
"It's true! I assume it's because you've already heard them think what they're going to say, so you subconsciously say it with them. People probably think I'm staring at you all the time because I'm obsessed with you, but I love catching glimpses of you when you do it. It's like life is one big play, and you've learned all the characters lines, not just your own"
"I...was not expecting that."
"Well your eyes are pretty dreamy too" Bella laughed. "Alright, what's your answer sir?"
"I love my speed. Being able to run like that is so freeing. It helps me think. Running is my favorite part of what I am."
"Edward, that's the first time you've ever talked about a vampire trait in any kind of positive light."
"It's hard to focus on the good things when you're a monster" he said sardonically.
"I don't see you as a monster" she moved a little closer to him and took his face in her hands so he would look into her eyes. "I'm serious. I see you. That's all. Just you." He smiled despite himself.
"And that, Isabella Swan, is my favorite thing about you." He said, kissing her palm.
"What's that exactly?" She asked, moving back to her food.
"You have an innate ability to see the good in everything. You've had reason to become jaded, yet you are always so willing to see the good."
"Hey I just call 'em like I see 'em"
She finished her hot chocolate and brownies, and they ended up laying on their backs looking up at the night sky, with Bella resting her head on Edward.
"Do you know all the constellations?" she asked.
"I do indeed"
"And the stories behind them?"
"Mhm" he replied, absentmindedly playing with a strand of her hair.
"Will you tell me some?"
"Of course. Let's see...Do you know Orion?" he asked, pointing at the sky.
"I know of his belt".
She heard him chuckle lightly before he continued. "Well, the story goes that he was the child of the God Neptune and a huntress queen. Though he was mortal, he could walk on water and possessed great strength. He fell in love with Merope, a princess. Her father, the King, refused to give Orion permission of marry Merope, even after Orion had singlehandedly rid the kingdom of wild beasts. Orion, blinded by anger, attempted to use violence to win Merope, but the King tricked him into an inebriated state and blinded him before casting him off into the sea. He travelled for some time before a sun god restored his sight. He ended up hunting with the Goddess Diana and quickly became her favorite. However, Apollo, her brother, took issue with that. He tricked Diana into shooting Orion with an arrow. When she realized her mistake, she was overcome by grief, and placed him in the stars to live forever."
"That was sad."
"Yes. Myths do tend to favor the dramatic."
"Orion was borne from both gods and humans, yet in his life he was continuously screwed over by both. Why is it that both kings and gods get so much pleasure from causing pain?"
"Well, I suppose there's an answer for both. Kings, they get a taste of power and let it go. That much power goes to your head."
"Absolute power corrupts absolutely".
"Exactly. And Gods, well, they've been around so long, I imagine they grew bored. And the boredom turned them into sociopaths."
"Tell me another one. Please?"
"Do you see the stars over there, that make a 'W' shape?"
"Yes"
"That's Cassiopeia. She was a queen who's pride became her own undoing. She bragged to anyone who would listen that her own beauty surpassed all others. Sea nymphs, Goddesses, even Juno herself. Insulted, the Goddesses went to Neptune, who in turn sent a sea monster to ravage their kingdom. Now, if you look under Cassiopeia, you'll finder her daughter Andromeda, 'The woman in chains'. An oracle told Cassiopeia and her King that sacrificing Andromeda was the only was Neptune would be appeased, so they chained her to a rock by the sea to be taken by the monster."
"That's terrible. Their own daughter." Bella mused.
"They were devastated, but luck was on Andromeda's side. The hero Perseus happened upon the girl, and fell in love with her. He asked her why she was chained to a rock, and after she told him, he promised her parents that he would slay the beast if they'd give him Andromeda's hand in marriage. They agreed, and he killed the monster. Andromeda was freed, and they lived happily ever after."
"Greek myths are a whirlwind tour of bad decision making. On the surface it seems terribly romantic, but really, Orion tried to win a girls heart by force, and Perseus would only save this girl he supposedly loved if her parents gave her to him. Like a trophy."
"Maybe they weren't supposed to be romantic"
Bella considered this for a moment. "Tell me another one. One more, before I fall asleep." She asked. Seeing she was near sleep, but unable to deny her anything she asked,he started telling her the stories of Hercules and his labors, and that's when she drifted off.
"Bella" she heard his voice calling to her as she started to wake up, but it sounded wrong. Off.
"Bella" A little clearer this time. Clear enough to identify that it was Jacob calling to wake her up, and not Edward. She sat up and saw that she was still at the beach. It was the night of her graduation. Edward wasn't there. She felt the part of her heart that she usually tried to keep locked away pang. She crossed her arms around herself, suddenly sure that it was the only way to keep her from falling into a thousand pieces.
"Bella?" Oh right. Jacob. Bella looked at him, trying to keep her emotions in check.
"What's going on?" She asked, shaking the sleep out of her voice.
Jacob laughed. "It's two a.m. I thought maybe getting to our beds might be preferable to freezing to death on the beach." Bella realized then that it was unseasonably cold for June, even in Forks, and she shivered. "Come on, we'll drive you home". She was grateful to huddle next to Leah for warmth on the ride home. She thought about her dream as she gazed out of the window. It had been the first non-nightmare in a long time. Maybe she was moving on? But the dream had been a memory of Edward. What did that mean? As they pulled up to her house, she decided it was just the combination of graduation and looking at the stars. She bid goodnight to Jake and Leah, and went to bed, trying to shake the sudden feeling that she was being watched.
Without school to take up a huge part of her time, Bella found plenty of time that summer to dwell. She dwelled over Edward, of course. Where was he? Was he alone? Was he happy? But mostly, she dwelled about what to do with the journal. Should she keep it? Should she try to find Alice? Had Alice seen all of this happen, and if so,could she just call and freaking tell her what to do?
When she wasn't fretting, Bella was actually having a great summer. She spent her time with her dad, Jacob, and Leah, trying to get in as much time as she could with her family before she went to the other end of the country for school. There was something she couldn't shake though. A feeling that seemed to follow her everywhere she went, like a constant breath of ice on her spine. Something that made her jump at shadows and turn at the slightest sound.
She felt like she was being watched.
She could feel eyes on her all the time. Sometimes she could swear she saw something out of the corner of her eye. Sometimes Jake or Leah would tense up suddenly, and run off for a second, but they would always return saying they didn't see anything. That the wind must be messing with their senses or something. She just learned to live with it, calling it run of the mill paranoia. Maybe it was leftover PTSD from her encounter with James.
Two days before she was to leave for school, Bella made a decision about the journal. She didn't want this hanging over her head anymore. She was going to figure out a way to get this damn thing to Alice. She started wracking her brain for how to pull that off. She supposed she could just leave it somewhere and count on Alice's visions to lead her there, but that seemed lazy. Also, she wasn't sure if Alice's visions even worked that way. She could leave it at the house, but who knew if they would ever even be back there. Wait! Hadn't Edward talked about another family of vampires that lived similarly to his own? He'd run there after that first day in biology. Alaska, right? ...Denali!
She sat at her computer and started searching for information. How convenient it would have been to just search "Alaska Vampire coven: Vegetarian", but she doubted that would work. After a few word combinations based off of what she remembered, she found a result that seemed promising. She found an address about thirty miles outside of Denali. There had been reports of some of the local wildlife in the area being mysteriously culled. She also found a police report where a mugger had claimed that when he tried to rob a woman she'd broken his arm before throwing him into a dumpster ten feet away. Bella smiled. That sounded right. She wrote down the address and got to work.
Dear Alice
I tried writing you emails, but they always came back, so I guess we'll have to try the old fashioned way. I want you to know that I'm not mad at you. I just wish you could have at least stayed in contact. I needed you. You were the first real friend I had in a long time, and when you left, filling that gap seemed impossible. Even now, I've put myself back together, and I have great friends (though I'm not sure you'd approve), but there's still an Alice shaped hole in my heart. Right next to the other hole. But I didn't write this letter, or go through the trouble of figuring out where to send it, to make you feel bad. Actually, it's meant to bring good news. I did some snooping...
And Bella went into detail about the results of her research and trip. She put the journal and a copy of the letter Alice had written as a human into a box. She wrote a note to the vampires, explaining her request, and placed it on top, with her letter to Alice. She debated for a moment before closing it, and sat down to write another letter.
Dear Edward
I know you know you broke my heart. You would be stupid not to know, even if you maybe didn't realize how much. What I don't know, is whether or not you care. I've been going through it over and over in my head, and I just can't get a hold on it. The first option is that you were telling the truth, and you don't love me, or care about me. If that's the case, as a very loud part of my head wants me to believe, then I guess I understand. After all, what its one human lifespan to an immortal being.
The other option is almost worse. It burns just as fierce, but it also adds another layer of confusion. Questions that I know I cannot answer, and will probably never get an answer to, since you're just as stubborn as I am, if not more. Either way, the damage is done. My love for you still burns as bright as it did that day in the forest. Sometimes it brings me warmth, when I'm really sad. Sometimes it makes me so sad I can't get out of bed. And sometimes it makes me so angry that I scream, and kick, and thrash. If someone saw they'd probably send me to an asylum. But it's always there. You're always there, ever present in the back of my mind.
So I'm afraid I'll have to disappoint you. I can guarantee you that I will never "settle down" as you put it. You told me you wanted me to live a happy life, and have a normal human family. Well, I can live a happy life, even if parts of it do feel incomplete, but I wont pretend to love some one I don't. I don't want a nine to five, or a husband I tolerate, or kids. I'm following my new dreams. The dreams I wish you'd been here to share with me. I'm going to travel, see the world. I'll probably even get into some dangerous situations. Heh, I can practically see you wincing right now. Who knows. Maybe I'll run into you someday. I'll be working on a story and our paths will cross again. Wouldn't that be interesting. Maybe the woman you meet will be wise, and mature. She'll be able to look back on her time with you and smile, without pain or bitterness. She'll be able to look back on those happy months with the knowledge that they made her better, and she won't cringe when the pain sets in. Maybe.
I hope you're not angry. I was able to find the address to your friends in Denali, and I am sending this letter to them with instructions to give it to you. I don't know if they will. Before you ask, no one told me. I found it all on my own. I know you think of me as a silly girl, but it turns out I have a few talents of my own. I hope you're doing well. I hope you've found the distractions you were looking for. I hope you've found a more valuable way to spend your time.
I love you always,
Bella
Before she could talk herself out of it, she put the letter in the box, sealed it and drove to the post office to send it off. By the time they got it, if they got it, she would be long gone, having started her new chapter in Dartmouth.
The next day, her last full day in Forks, she decided to go to the meadow one last time. She wanted to feel close to Edward one more time, and since he was obviously not going to come see her off, going to the meadow seemed to be the next best thing. She got up early to start the hike. She found it with surprising ease, almost as if she was being lead there. It was beautiful, just as she remembered. The flowers were in full bloom. She walked to the middle of the clearing and laid on the grass, looking up at the sky. It was cold for late august, and when she closed her eyes she could almost feel Edward near her. Hear him murmuring sweet things to her. She could even smell him near her. She realized then that everything she'd written in that letter was true. She was going to live her life to the fullest because she loved life, but she was never going to love anyone ever again. Not out of bitterness, but because she would never be able to love anyone else the way she loved Edward. Ever. After a while she sat up and sighed heavily. She didn't want to leave, but if she didn't get going soon it would be dark while she was in the middle of her hike, and that was not a pleasant thought. She started to walk towards the trail, when she heard a snap from her side. She turned quickly to see nothing. Everything was still. She heard a rushing sound behind her, and felt something pull her hair. She cried out in surprise as she spun around, trying to see her assailant. A stealthy attacker in the middle of the woods did not bode well. She heard giggling, and then felt a rush of wind as she was knocked over. She jumped back up to her feet.
"Stop that! Show yourself!" She yelled, summoning up a false bravado.
"Well since you asked so nicely" A saccharine sweet voice called from behind her. She turned around just in time to see a woman saunter out from the tree line. Suddenly all of her paranoia since the Cullens left seemed justified.
"Victoria" she said, summoning all of her strength to keep her voice from wavering. Victoria's face curled into a cold sneer.
"Hello pet" she said. In the back of her mind Bella heard the voice of an angel tell her to run, but just as she was turning, she felt a pinch in her arm. As she yelped in surprised pain, a cold hand covered her mouth. She felt herself being lowered to the ground. She heard Victorias laughter from what seemed like far away. The last thing she saw before she lost consciousness were the cold red eyes of a boy she's never seen before.