Chapter 6
Steve's stomach was back to bees again. He'd asked Felicity on their first date to come to his home. That thought was going round and round in his head. Nat kept telling him that things had changed and that men and women weren't so formal. He knew that from his everyday dealings, but it still felt very strange and he started questioning himself almost immediately.
"Make yourself at home." He instructed as he opened the door for her. "The living room is straight ahead if you want to relax for a minute, I'll set the table." He pushed the door closed behind them.
"I'll keep you company." Felicity told him and followed him into the kitchen. It was still the house's original kitchen. He hadn't gotten to that area of the house yet and told her so.
"What made you decide to get a house in this area?" She was looking out of the back window as he set the bags of food on the counter.
He glanced over at her, wondering if that was judgment that he heard from her, but she was looking around with nothing but curiosity in her face. He'd been around S.H.I.E.L.D agents too long. "I grew up in a poor section of Brooklyn in a house a lot like this one," he told her honestly. "I guess I just wanted something to remind me where I came from." Maybe he'd been too truthful, but he didn't want to start out whatever might happen between them with any more secrets than he had to keep and he'd promised her he wouldn't lie. He intended to keep that promise.
"So you grew up in New York? Do you still have family there?" Felicity's question made him think of Bucky. They'd searched New York and the old neighborhood on the outside chance he'd go there. Nothing.
"No, there's no family left there. I have friends that are like family to me, but my mother died when I was young. I'm an only child." Steve told her, wishing he could think of something happier to say. He pulled out silverware and set it next to the plates he'd placed on the table.
"I know how that feels, "Not the part where my mother died, because she didn't," she said in a rush, then took a breath and tried again. "What I mean is that I know how it feels to be on your own as a kid. Even when Mom lived in the same house, she was never home. It was like I was alone, but that's why we find people who become family even without the blood connection. It's good you've found that." She finished.
"What about you? Have you found that here in Starling City?" Steve asked, setting the last of the food on the table so that they could pick from the different dishes they'd decided to order. He didn't want to pry into what sounded like very painful memories, but he wanted to know if she'd found a way to find peace.
"I did," she told him, still looking sad, but she didn't elaborate. He took that as a sign she didn't want to talk about it anymore than he wanted to talk about his childhood.
"All ready," he announced, thinking it was time for a subject change. Felicity must have agreed on the need for a subject change because she took that moment to notice one of his drawings that he'd put up on the wall. It was a sketch of how he saw the room looking when he was done. It was a quick sketch, but there was a lot of detail.
"This is amazing," she told him, moving her head to look from several angles. "Did you do this?" When she turned back to him, her face was bright with curiosity. Steve swallowed against a suddenly dry throat. She was the thing in the room that was amazing. He marveled that she was there with him.
"It's just a quick sketch. I wanted to have a plan for each room. I've never owned my own house before." He walked around the table and stood behind her as she kept examining the picture. She smelled like lavender and something citrusy.
"You're an artist," she declared. "Or you should be. Do you have anything else?" He thought of his sketchbook laying in the living room with a picture of her in it. "I'm sorry," she stammered. "I didn't mean to embarrass you. It's just that it's really good and that's surprising because you're all military, super secret guy." She paused. He could see the wheels turning in her brain.
"I'm not saying that because you're military, spy guy that you couldn't be an artist, it just doesn't seem like a matching skill set." She trailed off with a sheepish look, obviously not sure what she'd been trying to say.
"I'm not a spy, Felicity," he assured her. "I know a couple of spies. They both tell me I'd be terrible at it." He shrugged.
She stared at him quizzically for a moment. When he didn't elaborate, she switched her attention back to his drawing on the dining room wall. "Do you have anything else you've drawn? I'd love to see it if you do." She was persistent.
Steve thought about his sketch pad lying on the coffee table. He quickly went over the pad's contents in his head. He couldn't remember putting anything on paper that she shouldn't see. It's not like she'd recognize any of the faces that he'd drawn. This book had been started about a year after he'd gotten to DC. He'd still been drawing in it when they'd taken down HYDRA and S.H.I.E.L.D., but he couldn't think of anything that he'd drawn that would give him away. He just wondered how she'd feel about the fact that he'd drawn her.
"I have a sketch book," he admitted finally. "How about we eat first?" He suggested. "Then I'll show you. If you really want to see it," he added.
"I forgot how hungry I was," she agreed as she sat in the chair he held out her. He was careful not to let his face show his amusement as her stomach rumbled loudly.
Felicity could feel her face get warm at how loud her stomach rumbled. Steve didn't seem to notice or more likely was being polite enough to pretend not to notice. The man was a surprise. She would never have pegged him for an artist, but if the drawing on the wall was any indication he very much was one. He could take down a bad guy with a fruit and he cared enough to try to help the young man he thought was going down the wrong path. She couldn't help but wonder what other talents he was hiding. He wasn't like anyone she'd ever met.
"Didn't you promise me a story?" he prompted as they began dishing out food onto their plates. She cringed inwardly. She didn't want to talk about Oliver. Felicity put her fork down.
"I'm sorry I snapped at you at the restaurant, Steve," she told him sincerely. "My working as Oliver Queen's EA is a sore subject." She tried to explain to him the loyalty that she felt to Walter and then later to Oliver and how she ended up helping Oliver. The truth was easy to tell, she was just careful to not talk about the nighttime activities.
"I feel like he's trying to do good things for the people of Starling." Crap, she didn't mean to say it that way. "I mean through the company, not through anything else. What else could he do to help people?" Of all the times to babble, this was not one of them.
"Those all sounds like good things," Steve agreed. "I'm not sure where the 'sore subject' comes in." The question in his voice matched his face.
"I'm good at my job. When I switched jobs and became Oliver's EA, people assumed it was because there was something going on between us." As she spoke, she watched his face for his reaction. "People don't see me anymore" she continued. "They see Oliver Queen, the playboy, and the blonde who works for him."
"They think you're sleeping with your boss, not that you're good at your job?" Steve said, watching her face.
"Yes," she confirmed.
"But there isn't anything between the two of you?" He questioned. She didn't let herself get upset, it was a fair question even if she didn't like it.
"No," she answered honestly. She might have had a crush, maybe it had been more than that, but it was hard to see Oliver's face without seeing him kissing Sara. He'd promised her when she'd given him the information about Thea that she'd never lose him, and then he'd started his relationship back up with Sara and worst of all; he'd started withdrawing from her. It was high time she acknowledged that anything she thought Oliver might have felt for her was in her imagination.
"There has never been anything between Oliver and I but friendship," she assured him. "John, Oliver and I are all good friends. We're helping Oliver try to do what he can to save the things his family is in danger of losing." She was a little proud of the wording there. She had been very truthful without giving away vigilante type secrets.
"What's he in danger of losing?" Damn, she was hoping he wouldn't ask that.
"His company mostly," she told Steve. She launched into how Oliver had lost his best friend in the Glades and what had happened to the company when Oliver had disappeared for a few months. "So he works a lot of weird hours trying to learn the business and save it from the evil woman that is trying to take it from him. That means John and I work some weird hours too."
Felicity wasn't sure how Steve was taking her story. For a man with such an expressive face, his was not saying anything right now and that worried her.
"I'm sorry that you've had to deal with rumors," he said finally. "It sounds like you're doing a good thing for the right reasons. Sometimes that's all you can do no matter what else is happening or what people think about it."
"Thank you," was all that she could think to say. Wow. He was way too reasonable to be real. There was no way he wasn't an axe murderer in deep cover. Felicity jumped when Steve choked on the sip of wine he was taking and started to laugh. It was a good sound.
"I don't even have to ask if I said that out loud." She could feel her face getting red.
"Please don't ever stop." Steve's smile warmed her for other reasons than embarrassment. "Done?" he asked. At her nod, he started to pick up the plates. Felicity helped and within a few minutes they had their dishes stacked neatly in the sink and Steve had the food put back in the refrigerator. There hadn't been much left.
"That was really good." Felicity declared, wiping her hands on the dishtowel. "But do I get to see your sketchbook now?" She blushed a little at the fact that the sentence sounded almost dirty to her. Steve didn't seem to notice.
"Living room," he stated indicating the way and stepping back to allow her to precede him. Felicity didn't wait. She took a seat on the couch and reached for the artist's sketch pad sitting on the coffee tables surrounded by pencils of every color she could think of. Steve scooped those up quickly and deposited them back in a box that sat on a shelf built into the coffee table before he took a seat next to her.
He obviously hadn't been expecting company. Felicity turned to the place in the book that was held open by a pencil caught between the pages. It must have been the last sketch he was working on. Her breath caught in her throat when she realized what he'd been drawing. It was her. She was laughing. He'd caught her beautifully. Her eyes were sparkling, her hair was coming out of its ponytail in tiny little wisps around her face and her face was shining with happiness.
The woman in the picture was beautiful. She'd never thought of herself as beautiful. Pretty, sure, but not like the drawing showed her. She turned to Steve. He was watching her expectantly, nervous energy apparent.
"Is it OK?" he asked tentatively.
"Is this how you see me?" She couldn't help the question.
"Yes," he answered, anxiety creeping into his look.
"You can have it if you like it," he offered, unsure. He didn't think she liked it, she realized. He really did see her this way and didn't see what he'd done, the way he'd drawn her.
"It's beautiful," she whispered, turning awe filled eyes to him. He'd moved closer to look at the drawing when she'd questioned him. He was so close and he smelled good and the picture he'd made of her was the nicest thing anyone had ever said about her. Without conscious thought she closed the distance between them and kissed him.
Felicity had intended the kiss to be a 'thank you' kiss, but at his surprised intake of breath and the low groan that rumbled through his chest, she leaned in a little more. Steve laid a careful hand along her neck and used his fingers to angle her head more to his liking. The slide of his lips against hers pulled encouraging sighs from the back of her throat.
Steve's fingers flexed against her skin, but he didn't tighten his hold. Felicity laid her hands against his chest to steady herself. She could feel how hard and well defined his upper body was under the thin fabric of his shirt. It felt good to let her fingers trace the contours she could feel.
Steve was so polite and gentlemanly with her she was surprised when he made a sound deep in his chest and used his teeth on her bottom lip, nipping lightly in a demand for her to open to him. It was incredibly hot. She moaned as she parted her lips for his kiss. Desire shot straight to her center.
Steve curled his fingers into her hair and tilted her head back as he pulled her to him and swept his tongue across hers. She tangled her fingers into the soft cotton of his shirt and met his kiss.
With a groan, Steve broke the kiss and pulled her head to his chest. Felicity wasn't ready for him to stop. She couldn't help the disappointed sound she made at the loss of his mouth on hers. She wasn't sure but she thought she felt him smile where he'd rested his head against the top of hers.
"I'm sorry, Felicity," he whispered after a couple of deep breaths. His voice was ragged and his heart was still racing against her cheek. With gentle hands, Steve set her up, away from him.
"For what?" she asked, still a little dazed. That kiss was amazing. Did I do something wrong? She wondered, suddenly unsure. Kissing him had felt so right, but he'd stopped them, maybe he hadn't liked kissing her.
"Kissing you was amazing," he corrected. She blushed at the realization she'd used her outside voice for all of that. "I'm flattered that you kissed me. You didn't do anything wrong at all." Steve reached for her and cupped her chin to make her look at him. "I like you Felicity," he told her. His eyes an intense blue she was finding it hard to look away from. "I think you're worth taking time with. You know, to do this the right way."
Steve didn't look too sure of himself. His face was hopeful and expectant. He was waiting for her, she realized. It had been a long time since anyone had wanted to hear what she wanted.
"Does the right way involve more of those kisses?" She asked finally.
"I sure hope so." Steve chuckled.
"Then I'm in." She agreed, smiling as she smoothed down his shirt where she'd wrinkled it with her fingers. She looked up in time to watch his eyes dilate. With a groan, Steve caught her hand and pulled it away from his chest. He laced her fingers with his for a moment before releasing hers and reaching for his sketch pad.
"Oh, no you don't," she chided, not letting him pull it away. "I didn't get to look." As she turned the pages, Felicity felt like she was seeing inside of Steve. He'd obviously been in the D.C. area for a while.
There were pictures of some of the monuments and a beautiful colored pencil drawing of the cherry blossoms in full bloom. Some things she didn't recognize since she'd never been to D.C. and he had to tell her what they were, but his art was amazing.
One drawing was of a beautiful woman, hair covering half her face as she slept. There were rocks and pieces of concrete around her. Her hands were curled under her chin like a child. She was young and incredibly beautiful. Felicity felt her stomach twist a bit. Was Steve in love with someone and she was playing second fiddle?
"Who is this?" She asked, trying to keep her voice neutral.
"That's my friend and teammate, Nat," he told her. He looked at the picture closer. "After a particularly bad mission, she fell asleep on a pile of rubble. I had my book with me. I couldn't resist." He smiled at the memories. There had been other faces that he hadn't said much about. This woman must mean a lot to him. "I'd like you to meet her sometime," he told Felicity.
"I'd like that," she told him honestly, suddenly feeling stupid that she'd wondered. Steve had done nothing but show her how much he was interested in her.
When she turned the page she felt Steve stiffen beside her. The picture was of a man with half a mask hanging from the side of his face, like he'd ripped it off, but left it hanging. His face was hard and confused, but what got her were the eyes. They were haunted. "Are you OK?" she asked the suddenly still man beside her.
"That's Bucky," he told her with a shaky voice. "My best friend, the only real family I have left. We grew up together, and then served together," he told her. "I failed him on a mission and I thought he was killed. It turns out he wasn't, but now he's lost."
Her heart broke for him. "I'm really good with a computer. I'll try to help you track him down if you want." She offered. He smiled at her and picked up one of her hands, kissing it before he folded it into his own.
"Thank you," he told her. "But no. Looking for him could put you in danger. I won't do that, but thank you for the offer. It means a lot to me," he finished. He watched her face for a moment and frowned. "Please don't get any ideas of trying to help me anyway, Felicity."
Damn, was she that obvious? She had her lips pressed together so she knew she hadn't babbled about her intentions to try to help him.
"I can be really careful." She pointed out. "He obviously means the world to you and I'm really good at finding people and covering my tracks." The look on his face told her that she'd said too much.
"Do you often have to 'cover your tracks'?" Crap! She really hated her mouth sometimes.
"No," she hedged. "But I sometimes like to look around in systems I'm probably not supposed to. I've played with computers all my life, Steve. It's sort of like my babble, it's a part of me and sometimes I get carried away. I would never do anything illegal, like steal or anything, but I'm good at finding information when people need it."
"Putting that aside for the moment," he interrupted. "Looking up Bucky could get you killed and bring my enemies down on your head." His gaze was very intense. "Do you understand what I'm saying, Felicity?" She nodded. Maybe what he did was more dangerous than she thought. He was starting to scare her and that wasn't easy to do these days. "Felicity?"
"I won't look for him," she told him, "unless you ask me to. I'm not helpless and I want to help you so if you change your mind I hope you will ask me."
"Thank you," he told her. He took the book from her and closed it. "I'd like to see you again." He told her. "If you want to." She smiled as a thought occurred to her.
"I have to go to a fundraiser for QC Thursday. Do you want to be my plus one? It should be sort of fun. Not the typical boring party. It's the anniversary of the Battle of New York." She couldn't help the excitement in her voice.
"There is a fundraiser that is supposed to have some artifacts from the battle. They're supposed to have some of the graffiti walls they saved when the buildings were rebuilt, an alien gun, and even a piece of metal that has a Hulk handprint in it. You can test your hand and see how you measure up." Did he just roll his eyes? She shook her head. She must be mistaken.
He wasn't jumping in there to say yes. Maybe he didn't like the idea of getting dressed up and going to a big function. He'd actually turned a little pale. "It's one of the few of these things I'm actually looking forward to. It would be really fun if you'd go with me. It's for a great cause." She added hopefully.
"What sort of pictures of the event do they have?" He asked. "I was in New York at the time. I would prefer not to relive too much of it."
Felicity reached for her purse and grabbed her phone. Quickly pulling up the fundraiser website, she showed him the pictures of what was going to be there. "You don't have to go if it will upset you. I'm sorry. When you said you were from New York I didn't think that you might have been there during the attack." She could understand not wanting to relive such a horrible event.
Steve didn't say much as he looked at the pictures on her phone. He went back and forth through them a few times before looking back at her. He'd gotten very silent. It worried her. Felicity looked back at the pictures.
Now that she was thinking about it, there really wasn't much other than the wall, the Hulk metal piece and a few pictures of the devastation and one picture of the Avengers with Ironman hovering behind Captain America who seemed to be giving directions to everyone. She'd read someplace that he was the Avengers' team leader. She wondered what kind of a man it would take to remain calm and direct that eclectic group of Superheroes when alien creatures were pouring out of a hole in the sky.
"We don't have to go," she told him, suddenly feeling bad that maybe she was bringing up bad memories for him. It must have been terrible being there. "It's OK. There isn't even going to be an actual Avenger there. I heard someone tried to get Iron Man, Tony Stark, to attend as the guest of honor, but he never answered from what I understand. I guess since all that stuff happened last year with his home falling into the sea, he hasn't been very Iron Man-ish. I don't even think he has an Iron Man suit anymore and no one knows where the other Avengers are," she finished, trying to get a handle on her nervous babble.
Steve looked up at her with a resigned look on his face. He'd been so quiet he was scaring her. "Thor is with his girlfriend Jane. I think they're in Antarctica someplace for something she's researching," he started, turning very intense eyes on her. "Clint, Hawkeye, is at Stark Tower and so is the Dr Banner. They both live there, at least part time.
Natasha, the Black Widow is traveling, trying to figure out who she is and Tony started building Iron Man suits about two months ago. No one thought he'd be able to stay away from it for very long." Steve was watching her for a reaction. She just wasn't what reaction to have.
Felicity wasn't sure what to say. How did he know all of this stuff? Did he work with S.H.I.E.L.D? She was fairly sure that was the organization that the Avengers worked with. Was Steve here because he'd lost his job when Captain America crashed the ships into the Potomac River and shut S.H.I.E.L.D down?
"You forgot one," she told him. "You forgot Captain America. Where is he?"
"Sitting right in front of you feeling bad for saying I wasn't going to lie, then not telling you as soon as you mentioned the fund raiser." Steve's face hadn't lost the intensity as he studied her.
Felicity's mind replayed his words a couple of times. She hadn't heard him right, she decided. "Would you repeating that sentence please?"
"I'm Captain Steve Rogers, Captain America and I'm sorry that I didn't tell you as soon as you started talking about the New York party."
"But not sorry that you didn't say anything right off the bat?" She wasn't sure that was the first question she should be asking, but she was having a little trouble taking everything in.
The sadness in his eyes when he answered her made her breath catch. "When I met you, I just wanted to be a fellow taking a pretty girl out and getting to know her, not Captain America." Ok, that was a really good answer.
"And before that," she asked, a little more gently this time. "John doesn't know, does he?"
"I destroyed HYDRA's organization and trashed their big play. Even before that they tried to kill me. I don't know how much of HYDRA is left to hunt me, but I didn't want to take the chance that I'd bring my enemies to anyone else's door." He ran a hand through his hair and stood up. "And the truth is I'm not sure what to do with myself or if I even have the right to settle anywhere." She believed him. "I joined the Army because it was the right thing to do. I'm not so sure what's the right thing anymore."
Felicity stood up and followed him to where he'd stopped by the windows. She thought about the times she'd seen pictures of Captain America in history class when she was growing up and later after the battle of New York. He'd always appeared so sure of himself. The man standing in front of her looking out at the earthquake torn street wasn't sure of himself. He was sort of lost. She could understand that. He'd wanted her to see the man and not the hero. She very much liked the man.
"Steve," she said, settling her hand on his arm and turning him around to face her. "I hope you don't expect me to salute you because that would be sort of awkward." He laughed. The sadness wasn't gone, but his face was a little lighter. Felicity felt like she'd won a marathon. So what was it with hero types, she wondered. Were they all tortured souls that were in desperate need of fun?
"Is that all you got out of me telling you I'm an Avenger?" He asked, incredulously.
"No, that's not all," she assured him. "I'm trying not to think about the fact that I'm going out with a 90 year old man," she teased, smiling when his eyes crinkled in amusement. "This is a lot to process. It's probably going to take at least a pint of Ben and Jerry's and one or two comfort movies. I stress eat," she admitted. "But I've had such a good time with you and I know that had to be hard to tell me. It means a lot that you trusted me with that." She sighed. "Maybe we could save my questions for when my brain's sorted this out a little more and I have a better idea what I want to ask. It's all part of getting to know each other, right?" She really didn't know what she thought of his confession, but she knew she liked Steve and wasn't ready to walk away from him. And at least he'd told her his secret identity without leaving a lasting stain on the back seat of her car.
"Does this mean that you still want to go out with me again?" He asked. His body was tensed and his face was closed.
"QC has a table at the fundraiser. I went and helped set it up. I've already seen the displays. There are no pictures of you without your mask. There shouldn't be anything that would give your away Thursday night," she pointed out hopefully. "You could come and tell me fun facts I don't know of the pieces that they have."
"What time do I pick you up?" he asked after a few seconds. Felicity bounced up and down for a second and fist pumped a 'yes'. Steve shook his head and smiled at her.
As Steve delivered her back to her car and waited for her to get in and lock the doors, Felicity touched her lips and thought of the evening. She was really looking forward to their next date. She pulled out of the parking lot and watched Steve turn his truck in the opposite direction. It had been a really great night.
She glanced down at the drawing that he had given her. It was beautiful. She loved seeing herself through Steve's eyes. The picture of his friend Nat came to mind and Felicity slammed on her brakes. She'd seen that face before. With the Captain America part of the puzzle, Felicity realized where she'd seen her. She was an assassin known as The Black Widow. The woman had been in the news right after Captain America, Steve, she corrected in her mind, had dropped all those huge ships in the river in D.C.
They both had been called to Congress, but Steve had blown Congress off and The Black Widow had walked out in the middle of a session. It had been all over the news. Felicity suddenly wanted to know more about Steve and the people he worked with. Making a U-turn, she headed back to the lair and her bank of computers. She had some research to do.