Chapter sixteen

Bella tried to fight the urge to immediately start interrogating Alice. Holding in all of her questions, her lingering insecurities, and her rising anger and confusion at the sudden resurgence of her former best friend made her feel like she was about to burst. She didn't know if she would yell or scream or even form coherent sentences, but she knew she had to say something soon. Just as she was about to unleash her conflicted emotions, Alice spoke.

"Bella, I know you have a lot of questions, and a lot of things to say. And you will get the chance, I promise. I think we both have a lot we'd like to say. You'll be able to sit and talk, or yell, or just glare angrily at me for as long as you want, and you'll deserve every minute of it. But first, we have to finish this. The wolf pack is a huge blind spot for me, and I'd just as soon be on our way, in case they change their minds".

"Blind spot?" Bella asked. She was not sure what she expected Alice to say, but that was not it.

"Yeah. When I saw you...well...wake up, you were there, and then you weren't. You flashed in and out of focus, same with Charlie. I focused, and tried to pay attention to the flashes I got. Finally I saw you after your first hunt, deciding to try and make a deal with the pack, but I couldn't see the meeting. I ran to the house, and pretty much followed my nose from there. There were two scents. Something that was so distinctly you that I knew it right away, and something I can only describe as wet dog smell" she finished, grimacing.

Bella smiled a little before falling back into her own thoughts as they made their way back to the Cullen's house. As she thought through the events that had just taken place, she realized that Alice had given her a choice back there at the meeting. She had said she'd help her get to Alaska, but she also said that Bella could go with her, to the Cullens. The thought of seeing her second family again filled her with conflict. The first emotion she felt was joy. She loved her family, and she still missed them all desperately. But she was also terrified at the thought. Would they even want to see her? Hadn't she been responsible for them all having to leave? Did they hate her now? Would showing up there cause yet another rift in their family? And then there was Edward. Would he be there? Could she handle seeing him again? She wasn't sure how she would even respond to seeing him again, let alone actually being near him. She could feel the power within her spread like a warm blanket again, seeming to envelope and calm her. She felt safe, but from what? She shook her head out of her inner musings as they reached the house. Alice was right. There were other things to worry about first.

"So what do we do first?" She asked Alice as they entered the house. Bella looked around and remembered that she hadn't ever cleaned up after her tantrums. She was about to assure Alice that she had every intention of cleaning it, and replacing everything she'd broken, someday, but she was again cut off by Alice.

"Don't worry about the house Bella. You don't have to clean or replace anything."

"But Esme worked so hard on this house. I know she loved it. I wasn't really thinking about that when I...well, you know." Alice turned to her and took her hands.

"Esme cares about you more than anything she owns, I promise. And honestly, I think it might make her feel a little better."

"What?" Bella asked, scrunching up her nose in confusion.

"She hated leaving the way we did. It didn't sit right with her. With any of us, really, but it affected everyone differently." Bella had never seen so much sorrow in her friend's eyes, bringing even more questions to her mind, but again, she shelved them for later. "Anyway," Alice continued, "this is the gateway to a much bigger conversation, so let's get back to your question of what to do first. We need to divide and conquer. I'll go to your house and pack some of your things for you. I'll also disperse of the clothing you were wearing. That was smart keeping them Bella. It'll definitely look like the work of an animal attack. I have Carlisle's Mercedes so transportation is covered as soon as we're ready to go."

"You said 'divide'. What should I do?"

"You are going to go to the hospital to say goodbye to your father." Alice said matter of factly. Bella froze.

"I can't do that Alice, he's in the hospital. You really think I can just waltz in there and not be...you know...tempted?"

"As a matter of fact I do. Bella, you've already shown an insane amount of control for a newborn. You are capable of rational thought, for starters. You resisted your father's blood when there was an open wound in front of you. Plus, you seem to remember everything with great clarity. It's remarkable really. And I say all of that regardless of the fact that I've kind of already seen it, and you'll do fine."

"What if someone walks by and drops a bag of freshly drawn blood?" Bella asked, imagining herself losing control of the situation fast. "What if someone sees me? You know, since I'm supposed to be dead. What...what if he doesn't even want to see me?" Bella finished, getting to the the real root of her hesitation.

"Bella, I promise you can handle this. I wouldn't suggest it if I didn't think so. And of course he'll want to see you. You're his daughter, and if you just disappear after everything that happened, he might go crazy trying to make sense of it all. This is the last time you might see him for a while. You deserve a proper goodbye, and you should take it. Most vampires don't get this kind of chance."

Bella sighed. Alice was right, and she knew it. "You're right. I...I'm just afraid that he's going to hate me now. Not that I'd blame him"

"Bella, this wasn't your fault".

"Maybe, but he almost got killed, and the only reason is that he's my father. That's the only thing that put him in danger".

"He won't hate you. You have to do this. For both of you. You need closure. You need to say goodbye. And no one will see you if you use the window."

"Alright" Bella sighed, knowing that Alice was probably right. "Alright I'll do it."

"Perfect!" Alice chirped happily. "If everything goes according to plan, I'l pick you up outside the hospital in a couple hours."

"It's going to take you a couple hours to get everything ready?" Bella asked, a little cheekily. It was too easy to fall back into the old banter of their friendship.

Alice smiled. "No, but it will take you a couple hours to talk to your dad. Go on."

Bella hugged Alice before she could stop herself. She needed the encouragement from her friend. She needed the strength. Breaking the hug, she nodded, and headed towards the hospital, using the short run as a chance to gather her thoughts. What could she say? Sorry about almost getting you killed? Sorry that after a year and a half of finally getting to know each other, I have to leave again. Forever? She stuck to back roads and woods so she wouldn't be seen, and all to soon she found herself looking at the unassuming building of Forks General Hospital. She stood frozen for a few moments, almost panicking when she realized she didn't even know where his room was. As soon as she had this realization, she was startled out of her panic by the sound of her text alert coming from her pocket. She pulled it out and saw that it was from Alice. 'He's on the third floor, fourth window from your right. He's resting, but Nurses are leaving him to sleep for the rest of the night. Coast is clear' Bella smiled to herself, but became somber again as she quickly located his window, and considered her options.

She noticed a small landing outside his window, holding a flower box. She thought for a moment before deciding it was time to test out her new super powers. She'd seen most of the members of the Cullen family scale walls, and even jump insanely high. They made it look pretty easy. She checked to make sure no one was around before she took a few steps back and started running towards the building as fast as she could. When she thought she was close enough she jumped with all of her might, and landed right between the second and third story, taking some of the wall off with her. She landed with a very ungraceful thud on the ground. 'Nice to see some things never change' she thought to herself as she looked up at the almost cartoonish outline on the wall. She got up and dusted herself off. She decided she'd waited too long to jump last time. She backed up and tried again, this time jumping earlier and harder. She landed on her feet this time, though only barely, and on the roof. She turned around and looked over the ledge, shocked as she realized how far she'd managed to jump, and laughed at the absurdity of it. She looked down and found Charlie's window again. She positioned herself over it and dropped down, perching herself perfectly on the edge. She was surprised at how instantly her clumsiness seemed to disappear for the most part. Being a vampire was almost like being a cat. There was this instinctual grace that she'd never had before. Then she went to open the latch only to have the entire mechanism crumble in her hands. Oh yeah, she thought, super strength, another new consequence to keep in mind.

She quietly entered the room and closed the window. She turned around to survey the area and found her father lying in the only bed in the darkened room. He was hooked up to various machines and his breathing seemed a little pained, even in his sleep. She could smell his blood, and also the medications running through it, but it held no sway over her. All she could see was the man she'd always thought of as invincible, her superman, lying helpless, hurt and broken, and it was all her fault. The life of a police officer, even in a town as small as Forks, always carried a certain amount of danger. There was always the possibility, however slim, that he could have been injured, or worse. But this was different. He hadn't been hurt in the line of duty. He'd been kidnapped and used as a pawn in the sick game of someone trying to exact revenge on her. This traced back to her, and no one else. She could feel the responsibility settle into her heart like a lead weight, as she took in the full consequences of her choices.

Now that she was here, she didn't know what to do. He was sleeping at the moment, and she wasn't sure if it was wise to wake him. She was also stalling, if she were to be completely honest. For a few minutes she just stood there, taking inventory of every injury, every mark.

"I can feel you blaming yourself from here" her father's voice pulled her out of her thoughts and she looked up to see that he'd cracked open one eye "It's written all over your face kiddo." He closed his eye again and took a deep breath before open ending both eyes, and shifting his position slightly.

"Hi dad". She wanted to say so many things at once, but that was all she could manage at the moment. She figured she'd just have to take this slowly. She maintained her position across the room, near the window. "How are you feeling?" She felt like a moron, but her dad managed a weak laugh.

"Like I've been hit by a truck. Are you okay?" He asked, scrutinizing her appearance from his spot.

"Yes, I'm fine."

"They tell me I was attacked by a wild animal, but that's not true at all, now is it?" Bella looked down for a moment.

"Do you... What do you remember?" She asked, hesitantly.

He look pensive for a moment. "Well, I was walking to the cruiser at the end of my shift when something came at me from behind. They must've knocked me out because when I woke up I was in that hole. After that, I remember seeing you. You've...changed."

Bella almost smiled at his use of the word, but remained stoic. How right he was. "Dad I..." She couldn't figure out how to explain. How to start. She tried again. "I'm different. Something...happened and I'm not exactly..." She was floundering again. How could she tell him that she wasn't human anymore. That she technically died. Before she could try again, he held up his hand to stop her.

"Are you still the daughter I raised? Are you still you?" He asked her.

"Yes, but...I'm sort of... Enhanced. I think I'm still the same person. Right now I'm too scared to really think about it." She paused a moment. "I still remember who I was three days ago. I know you. I remember mom. I know that I was a person before this...change. It's apparently not normal, but I do."

"They told me you're still missing. That we were apparently out together and we were both attacked." He stopped for a moment and studied...really studied his daughters face. He could see the physical changes he had no satisfying explanation for. Her skin was perfect, she seemed to have completely evened out, losing any imperfection. Everything about her seemed perfect, though most people probably wouldn't be able to put words to it exactly. They would assume she was working out or just healthier and that's why they were suddenly experiencing a feeling of uncanny valley. But he knew better. He could see that the scar she'd gotten on her forehead, just over her right eye, when she was riding her bike around the neighborhood at six years old was gone. He saw that the usual flush to her cheeks was missing. He saw that she never blinked. He saw that she never took a breath. It was her eyes mostly though. Her eyes, while obviously being red, were also somehow older. Like three years had passed instead of three days. She'd always had a wise look about her, like she was always observing everything and holding the secrets for her own use. He'd thought that even when she was a baby. He'd often handle the midnight feelings and diaper changes, and when he looked into his baby's eyes he was sure she held all the secrets of the world. He was sure some would call it a father's pride or something, but the feeling never really left. He always knew that even though she was quiet, the wheels were always turning. When he looked into her eyes now, he saw that same quality, but there seemed to be more weariness there than before. More sadness and fear and the heavy burden of knowledge. He knew she was likely to carry the world on her shoulders, and he wanted, more than anything, for his daughter to, for once, share her burden with him. She had always held her emotions so tightly to herself. Too tightly, really. He wanted to help her carry this bag in any way he could. For once in his life, he wanted to be a good father to her. "Bella, I think it's time for you to talk to me. Pull up a chair." He nodded toward his bedside.

She realized she'd been standing the whole time and how off putting that must be. She hesitated a moment, hovering in indecision, before carefully walking up to him, being extra careful not to breathe, and gently pulling the chair closer to his bedside. It would probably not do to rip a chair in half in front of her father. "Dad..." she started hesitantly. "There are things that I don't think..." but she was cut off abruptly.

"Bella," he said softly, "I know that you're scared, but I don't know of what. I already know that there's something very unusual going on, so you may as well let me in all the way". Bella let that sentence sink in. Telling him the truth would be against some vampire law, she was sure of it. But; he already knew, and it wasn't her or any of the Cullens. Victoria had changed her, and now as a vampire she was choosing to break the rule. He would be safe with the wolves watching over him, and any repercussions would be hers to deal with. And he deserved to know the truth. SO she decided to just start at the beginning.

"I guess it really started right after I moved here..." And with that the flood gates opened and her story poured out of her. She told him everything. She told him about Her first encounters with Edward, how he saved her from Tyler's van, how she was so sure he hated her, how they began to spend more time together and how slowly she realized she loved him. She told him about putting the pieces together, realizing what he was, what his family was. She told him about Edwards story and how she ended up loving him even more. She told him about the family as well, how she fell in love with all of them. How special they were. Her friendship with Alice, and how important she was to her. Then, as she finished talking about the amazing experience of watching them play baseball, she started to talk about James. About Laurent. About Victoria. The fear she felt for herself and and the Cullens, and the all out panic she'd felt when she realized there was a chance of him going after him or Renee. She was finally able to fully, and properly apologize for what she'd said to him the night she left. She told him the truth about the plan to throw James off, about walking into a trap for her mom, about the attack. She told him about the summer she'd spent with them, and even how much she came to see them as her second family. She told him about her party, and Edwards behavior before he finally left her. She even kept going, filling in some of the blanks over the months since the break up. She wrapped up with explaining about Victoria. The kidnapping. Her plan. By the time she finished Charlie was crying, and she was as close as she guessed vampires could get to it.

"I just...God I wish you'd told me Bella." He finally managed to rasp.

"I couldn't. It would've put you in danger. All of us in danger. Plus, it wasn't really my information to share." Charlie sniffed and rubbed his face with both hands, trying to shake off the lingering tears.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry Bella."

"Dad, this wasn't you're fault" She tried to soothe.

"No, Bella. I'm sorry I didn't put it together sooner. That I ignored certain things that concerned me. That I didn't take a more active role in your life. I was afraid that if I pried into your life too much, gave you too many restrictions, you would lash out at me and I'd lose you forever this time. But you needed a parent. You needed an adult to guide you through this, and maybe even away from it."

"I'm not sure there's much you could've done. I was pretty devoted."

"I should've sent you away. No. I should've taken you away. I should've protected you, and I didn't. I was selfish. I'm so sorry baby"

"Dad, you're a good father. You did the best you could, and I don't blame you for anything." For a moment neither of them spoke as they both attempted to control their emotions. After a few moments he cleared his throat and spoke again. "So what happens now? I'm guessing you coming in through the window means you're trying to keep a low profile. They're...not going to find you safe from the "animal" attack are they?"

"I can't stay here dad. It's too dangerous with Victoria still out there. She's at a disadvantage now. She never thought I'd be free of those chains. We interrupted her end game, and now she has to refigure it. But she'll be back. And wherever I am, she'll show up. You won't be safe if I'm here. I thought...I thought it'd be better if no one was looking for me. If they found enough evidence to discern my death. So everyone can...heal together. I didn't want me being a missing person to hang over anyone's head."

"Oh Bella. There's gotta be another way. We'll figure it out. Besides, what if she comes back here anyway?" He asked.

Bella had to think about a response to that one. She didn't think the Tribe would be okay with her spilling everything; but again, Jake had carried him here half unconscious. SHe decided to go with an abridged version of the truth.

"That's actually part of why I have to leave," she said. "The Quileute boys, that weird cult? Well it turns out it's not a cult, it's... A pack. The tribe has a long history of protecting people from vampires. They'll protect you, but they don't trust me. They can't trust me." For his part, Charlie didn't question it any further than that.

"That's ridiculous! You haven't done anything wrong. All you've done so far is save my life!" Bella was touched by her fathers outburst, but knew that it was misplaced.

"Dad, I'm the reason your life was in danger in the first place! She was using you to get to me. She wanted me to hurt you! I could have! It's not normal for a brand new vampire to show restraint like that. I'm dangerous Dad. You're lying here, broken and bloody, and it's all my fault!" Bella was almost yelling with the urgency in her voice, but with those last words the fight left her and she heaved her shoulders. "I'm sorry. It's my fault."

"Isabella Swan, you stop that right now!" She looked up in surprise at his stern voice. "This is not your fault. It's not your fault and it's not my fault, and it's not even that idiot boys fault. People make choices, and bear the responsibility. That woman...Victoria. She made the choice to hurt us. We can't blame ourselves and we can't blame each other. You could spend forever holding on to that guilt and all it will do is get heavier and heavier." He reached out for her hand which she gently, softly, and slowly offered, keeping as still as she possibly could. "Bells, you know why you're able to control yourself so well?" She shook her head. "It's because you are goodness incarnate kiddo. You're so full of love and strength that no matter what happens you're always gonna be you. I'm proud of you. And I love you."

When she spoke her voice was thick with the tears she couldn't cry. "I love you too daddy." Another few moments passed in silence.

"I can't stay here and mourn your death while you're out there all by yourself." Charlie said quietly.

"I won't be. I actually have a couple options," she said with a little smile.

Charlie laughed. "You have options? Did you already meet up with your local chapter of vampires?"

Bella laughed. "No, not exactly..." And Bella filled him in on her current predicament. Would she go to Alaska and start completely fresh, or would she go to New York and throw her lot in with the Cullens? When she finished talking she noticed he has the look on his face she always associated as his work face. It's the face he always wore when he was really thinking hard about something, trying to piece together evidence or figure out the right course of action.

"Bella, I can see your reservations, but I think you're confusing a "Fresh Start" with "Running away". I think that you know and trust the Cullens, and to be completely honest I think they owe you some kind of an explanation for how they all left you. You can always change your mind and leave if it doesn't work. What's the old saying? 'the devil that you know is better than the one you don't' Just a thought".

"Wow dad. That was very insightful." Bella laughed lightly, but it was a little forced.

"When do you leave?" He asked, hi voice quieting again.

"As soon as we're done saying goodbye. Alice is placing the evidence of my...demise as we speak. I told Sam I'd be gone by midnight." His eyebrows raised in curiosity at that, but he said nothing about it.

"Can you...Will I see you again."

"I don't know" Bella answered honestly.

"Will you call? Or write? Anything?" Bella thought about this for a moment. They hadn't said anything about communication, and she doubted there was anything written into the actual treaty.

"Yes. I'll try, I promise." She could give him this. And maybe keeping in some semblance of touch will be possible.

"Damn this medication. I'm about to fall asleep again. I love you Bells," he said groggily.

"I love you too. Be safe out there" She said, using the phrase they'd said in parting many times

"Always am. You too kiddo. Be safe out there" He said, drifting further into sleep.

"Always am." She replied softly. She waited until he was asleep before covering him with the blanket, and sneaking back out through the window. She jumped to the ground, landing on her feet. She looked around and spotted Alice in the car waiting for her. Alice didn't say anything as Bella got in. She just started driving once Bella got her seatbelt on, giving Bella time to process the conversation she'd just had, knowing that she needed to go through everything again before she started talking. After about an hour of driving with only the soft sounds of the music playing in the background, Bella finally spoke.

"If it's still okay, and if you're sure everyone will be okay with it, I think I'd like to come back with you."