Thank you NocturnalRites for the beta work and for all the support! You rock and are very much appreciated!
Thank you everyone who has been reading and everyone that has left comments and kudos! I love hearing what people think. This is a bit of a transition chapter but I will update soon since I took longer than expected on this chapter.
Chapter 10 – Between a Shield and an Arrow
Felicity placed the bag of Big Belly burgers on the seat next to her and started her car. She was on her way to Steve's. That thought would have made butterflies in her stomach for all the right reasons yesterday, but today, she couldn't get past the dread. She was going to tell him the truth about her working with Arrow and hope that he understood, but the closer she got to his house, the more she got scared he would walk away from her.
"Whoa, big guy, I just want you to know, Cap, this isn't personal." Rumlow's words from the elevator fight she'd watched the night before wound through her head. It was the soundtrack to a looping video showing her Steve's look of hurt and betrayal as the strike team he'd led - men he would have died to protect - had turned on him. For someone as loyal as he was, that betrayal had to have cut even more deeply. Captain America was known for his honesty and honor. Being lied to would probably be even more of a sore spot for him now. She hadn't exactly lied, but she didn't know if he'd see it that way, especially in light of what she'd seen in the S.H.I.E.L.D. files.
She'd worried all night what she'd say to him. Sending the text asking if she could bring him a late lunch and talk to him hadn't been much easier. His reply telling her that he'd love to see her and that he was at his house and to come by had made her feel even guiltier. The man had enough people who hurt him in his life. She didn't want to be another one, even if she'd done it unintentionally.
Now, as she knocked and Steve opened his door with a smile of welcome on his face, she felt like the biggest hypocrite that existed. She'd almost walked away from him at the beginning of their first date for the secrets he might have been hiding and yet, she'd been hiding her own.
"Hey," Steve said his smile dimming slightly as he took in her appearance. "What's wrong, Felicity?" he asked, catching her by the elbow and guiding her inside. Her face must have said it all. She'd never been able to hide things from Oliver when she was upset. Steve seemed just as immune to her 'everything's OK' face.
"I brought food," she said, holding up the bag and trying to smile. Deciding that they didn't need to talk right away and because it might be the last chance she got, Felicity leaned in and slid her free hand to the back of Steve's neck, bringing him closer until her lips touched his. Steve didn't hesitate; he pulled her to him and pushed the door shut behind her. Wrapping strong arms around her, he slid a hand into her hair and cupped the back of her head, turning her and taking advantage of the little moan she let out to slide his tongue past her lips.
Warmth spread through Felicity as he deepened the kiss. She fumbled to set the food on the small table near the door. Steve took the bag from her and did it without having to break the kiss. He slid his free hand down across her back to curl possessively over her hip and pull her harder against him. She wiggled against him, fitting herself better. She liked the way his hard planes felt against her softer curves.
Felicity slid her hands around his back, sliding across muscles that flexed and shifted under her fingers. The little groan she tore out of Steve with her touch sent a thrill through her. Way too quickly, Steve lightened the kiss and stepped back with one last brush of his lips across her forehead.
"Wow," She let slip as she braced herself on his arms until her legs steadied. Steve might not be the best at first moves, but damn ,the man had amazing follow through.
He smiled at her. "I'm never sure in this century what the right 'first moves' are," he told her, making her realize she'd babbled out loud again. "I don't want to seem too forward and scare you off, but I will never turn down the chance to kiss you."
He picked up the bag of food and led them to his kitchen breakfast bar. It was between the dining room and kitchen. She'd noticed it last night, but hadn't really thought about it. He had a way of making her brain shut down.
Instead of taking the food out of the bag or offering her a seat, Steve placed the sack on the counter and turned back to her. "What's going on, Felicity," he pressed. "Something's wrong."
Better to get it over with, she thought, all at once, like tearing off a Band-Aid.
I have something to tell you that I'm scared you aren't going to like," she told him honestly. He looked at her quizzically, but didn't interrupt. She'd been hoping he would. The words were hard to get out. "I work with the Arrow," she blurted. Cringing a little at her lack of warm up or diplomacy she rushed on. "I know that you know who that is and that you know its Oliver, the man I work for. He told me last night that he's been working with you. He told us that he wanted to bring you in and introduce you to the team."
Felicity watched Steve grow colder. He was scaring her. She was going to lose her chance with him. She was surprised at how much that thought hurt. Steve's stance became less relaxed and more up right as his expression became harder. Maybe she was seeing Captain America. She didn't want to talk to Captain America. That thought made her nervous. She wanted to talk to Steve, the man that had kissed her and shared his drawings with her. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you right away, but it wasn't my secret to tell. I needed to at least let Oliver know I intended to tell you I was working with the Arrow before I just blurted his secrets. "
"Unless you intended to tell me that Oliver Queen was the Arrow, I don't see how you working for the city's vigilante is his secret. That's your secret, Felicity and one that you chose to hide." Steve had never spoken to her in that tone before. It was unyielding and certain. "Are you here telling me now because Oliver is thinking of introducing me to his team?" She was scared he'd think that. "That's not being honest, that's covering your backside."
"That's not fair," she answered, starting to feel a little bit of irritation starting to seep in with the fear. The man standing in front of her was every bit the commanding presence she saw in the files she'd been watching. The face and stance were nearly the same as when he'd told his boss that the helicarriers weren't freedom, they were fear and he wasn't getting with the program anytime soon. It had been really exciting to watch Steve's strong convictions of right and wrong aimed at other people. It felt amazing to know that he was out there protecting her and everyone else with that unshakable goodness, but aimed at her right now, that stubbornness sucked!
...
"How is that not fair, Felicity?" Steve asked. He knew he was being hard, but he was a little tired of being blindsided by people he trusted. Last night, when Arrow had revealed he was Oliver Queen, Steve had worried for a moment that Felicity was involved. That had been the reason Steve had questioned Oliver to see if the man's family and friends knew. Steve had been relieved that the answer had been no. He'd been relieved that Felicity was what she seemed and hadn't been lying to him, but here she was telling him that she hadn't been honest with him. Though she didn't know it, she was also showing him Arrow hadn't been either.
"What part of that statement am I wrong about?" He pushed. Felicity's face was red. She knew he wasn't wrong, he could see that. He didn't want to examine how much her dishonesty hurt. It felt like a punch in the gut, like watching his team turn on him when he'd tried to leave S.H.I.E.L.D. after Fury had been shot.
"I was trying to protect Oliver and the team. She told him, stepping forward, into his space. He could see she was getting frustrated. "All of them would be arrested if what they did came out. I would be arrested," She pointed out. "I thought I had an evening to do that. I had no idea that Oliver and you were bonding and that he'd come back to the lair and announce he wanted to introduce you to the team!" She was nearly shouting at him. She was beautiful with her hair down and her eyes flashing and if what she was telling him the truth, she had a point. But damn it, was she telling him the truth?
Steve clenched his fists, resisting the urge to pick Felicity up, pull her flush with his body and demand answers. In the midst of his feelings of hurt and betrayal, he found himself angry that she'd turned to another man for permission to tell Steve her secrets. The thought left him feeling a little unbalanced. It wasn't a feeling he'd had before when arguing with a woman and he wasn't sure where it was coming from.
The realization hit him. He wasn't just feeling betrayed, he was jealous. Sure, he was mad that she'd had secrets she hadn't shared but a part of him understood and accepted that she'd taken a reasonable course of action to honor her word to Arrow while trying to be honest with him. He got that; mostly. What he was surprised about was the fire in his gut that said he wanted her loyalty first, wanted her to know he'd protect her and wanted her to give the same back to him.
They hadn't known each other long, so he was aware it wasn't a completely reasonable feeling and that shocked him too. He was a practical man, not given to emotional outbursts. The want was unsettling.
"Wow," Felicity snapped. "Can I speak with Steve again?"
"What are you talking about, Felicity," Steve asked, slightly confused, but still angry. "You're talking to me."
"No, I think I'm talking to Captain America, and so far he's being kind of a jerk." It wasn't the first time he'd been told that he was a hard ass when he was in Captain America mode, but the person saying that was usually Tony, though maybe Natasha had mentioned it once. Having his girl tell him was a different feeling altogether. He didn't find that he liked it much.
Steve opened his mouth but before he could say anything, Felicity held up a hand to silence him. "I'm just a girl trying to start a relationship with a really amazing guy that turned out to be a lot more complicated than I thought he was. This is all new ground to me." You're not kidding, he thought. It was very new ground to him also.
She rushed on before he could interrupt. "I didn't want to lie to you. I hate lies. I had every intention of warning Oliver that I was going to tell Steve Rogers, the man I wanted to date, that I do IT work for the city's vigilante. I knew he'd hate it. He'd feel like I was putting myself in danger and maybe the rest of the team, but I wasn't going to budge on it." She paused and studied him for a second. Steve wasn't sure what she was looking for, but he thought about her words. Oliver and everyone he worked with could potentially be targeted if their identities were known.
Steve was only recently in that position and because of it, he'd started out in Starling trying to keep his being Captain America under wraps. That didn't even take into account that not only would Arrow be targeted by the bad guys, but the police as well. That was something Steve had never had to deal with. Other than the brief moment in time that Pierce had him declared a fugitive, he'd never worried about law enforcement. Oliver and his team, including Felicity, had to worry about that every day.
Felicity laid a hand on his arm and pulled his full attention back to her. "I also wasn't going to tell him that you're Captain America. I was trying to honor my promise to him and you and keep both your secrets without lying to either of you. Excuse me if I flubbed it up because no one ever taught me how to handle being caught between two pigheaded hero types!"
Steve studied her for a moment before he relaxed some. He could see the worry in her. She was right; she was in a bad spot. "I don't need you to protect my secret, Felicity," he told her. "But it means a lot that you were trying to." And he found that it did mean a lot. She'd been trying to protect everyone and she'd gone about it the wrong way. That wasn't betrayal. That was just misguided. His history was making him see the worst in people and that wasn't something that he wanted to do.
"So I'm a pigheaded jerk." He let out a breath and sighed. She shrugged but didn't say anything. "It's not the first time I've been told that about me when I get in 'Captain America' mode," he admitted ruefully.
"Felicity, I like you," he started, deciding to try another way. Steve stepped in closer and gave in to his urge to touch her. When he settled his hands on her shoulders there was a little intake of breath from her and her eyes slid shut for just a moment as if in relief. He felt her reaction all the way through him. This woman got to him in a bad way. He was just starting to realize how much he liked her reactions to him and his to her.
...
Felicity's stomach twisted, she could hear the 'but' in Steve's voice. He was going to break up with her before they'd even had a chance to really start and to make matters worse; she was going to have to work with him anyway.
"Doll, you're becoming important to me faster than I thought would happen. It's a little scary," he admitted. She agreed. It scared her too, but she stayed silent and let him continue. "I don't like knowing you kept something so important from me after I told you what I did last night." He slid a finger across her lips when she started to respond.
"My turn," he told her, letting his finger stroke down her cheek before sliding his hand along her arm. "If I didn't know who Oliver was, what had you planned to tell me?"
"I was going to tell you that I worked with Arrow part time and that I couldn't tell you anything else because it wasn't my secret to tell," she told him honestly. "I was hoping that would be enough. I don't want you to walk away from me. I haven't felt like this in a long time and I don't want it to stop." She didn't like that he dropped his hand from her and leaned back against the counter. She felt better when he was touching her.
"Okay," he said after a minute. His eyes were intense but he allowed the furrowing between his brows to smooth and nodded to himself.
"OK?" she questioned, unsure what that meant.
"You're not the only one making this up as they go, Felicity," Steve told her. "I know it can't be easy being in the middle between two pigheaded hero types." His crooked grin made the warmth start again in her belly and chased away some of the cold she'd been feeling. "I still don't like this and I don't like you being involved in something so dangerous, but I can see how you felt like you owed it to Oliver to tell him first. He has a lot to lose if the wrong person figures out what he does on the side." He dropped his head and seemed to be debating within himself, but he didn't seem to be breaking up with her. Relief swept through her.
"I don't like you being in danger," he pointed out again. "This world is messed up enough without you looking for trouble."
"I liked when you called me Doll," she said, changing the subject. She didn't have an answer for him not liking her in danger. She'd used all her arguments on Oliver and none worked. Without Digg's support and how much the team needed her, she knew Oliver wouldn't have continued to allow it. She assumed that her arguments would be as lost on Steve as they were on Oliver.
Steve's brows furrowed in concentration. "Did I call you Doll?" he asked, clearly not remembering. "I must have slipped. I didn't think women today were happy with the terms dame or doll."
"Dame, not so much," she wrinkled her nose in dislike at the old fashion term, 'but doll was nice and I like that you had a little more Brooklyn accent when you said it. It was cute." He chuckled and reached for her, pulling her closer.
"Ok, Doll," he smiled, giving the word a little more of a twang and kissing her nose. With a nod of his head he pulled his eyes to hers. "I like what's happening here also, but I need to know I can trust you to tell me the truth. I need to know there isn't anything else that affects me that you're keeping from me." She thought about the research she'd done. She wasn't sure that he'd like that and now seemed to be the time to get it all out in the open. "If there's anything else you want me to know, now's the time." She needed to tell him she'd looked into him some. She got the feeling there wouldn't be a second chance if she kept things from him again.
"I have all the information that was downloaded onto the internet when you destroyed S.H.I.E.L.D," she told him, catching his hands and lacing her fingers through them to keep him from letting go of her. She wanted the connection. "I looked through it some last night. I was curious, but I kept my promise to you and I didn't do any research. I didn't access anyone's database or go outside of what was already downloaded on my computer." In her head that was well within the boundaries of what was acceptable. She hoped he'd see it that way.
Steve just stared at her. She couldn't read his look or body language. Without warning he let his head fall to her shoulder. His own shoulders started to shake. It took her a few minutes to realize he was laughing.
She pushed him back so she could see his face. "I don't understand."
He caught his breath. "The universe hates me." He told her. "I'm dating a female version of Tony." He shook his head. At her confused look he went on. "You think when I act like Captain America I'm a jerk, Tony tells me that all the time. You think that just because you didn't leave your own computer to find out about my past, it's not snooping." He pointed out. "It's like I'm talking to a much prettier version of Stark. Are you sure you're not related somehow?"
"I'm positive. My mother is a waitress in Vegas, so definitely not a Stark." She wasn't sure how she felt about being compared to Tony Stark. On one hand the man was a genius and his computer tech was leaps and bounds beyond anything anyone else was producing. She had some of it in her set up at the Arrow cave, but she wasn't sure she liked her potential boyfriend comparing her to one of his buddies. At least he didn't seem mad anymore.
"So is this how this is going to be?" Steve asked. "I tell you something and you skirt around it rather than just ask me?" Ok well maybe he was still a little irritated with her, but he was still holding her. That part was good. She could feel herself turning a little red.
"I wanted to know more about what you'd been through," she confessed. "I guess my go to response is to look things up." She sometimes felt like she'd been born behind a computer screen.
"What do you think about changing that?" Steve asked her, reaching out to push a piece of her hair away from her eyes and letting it fall over his fingers. It was very distracting. "Maybe when it comes to me your go to response could be to ask? I'll answer whatever I can." That was fair, but it was going to be a hard habit to break.
She considered for a minute. "Ok, I have a deal for you, "she told him. 'I'll do my best to ask you before I do any research involving you if you will stop worrying about being 'too forward' and just follow what you want with me. I promise to tell you if it's too much." He smiled at that and reached forward to brush her lips with his, but didn't allow the kiss to deepen before he pulled back. Her heart picked up at his teasing.
"Deal," he told her, locking eyes with her as he looped the lock of hair he'd been playing with around his fingers and began slowly winding her in. "I think I like this deal." He told her when she had to drop her hands on his hips to keep her balance as she followed her hair. She couldn't help the breathy little gasp that escaped her when they were only inches apart.
Steve slid his other hand into her hair at the back of her neck and released the ribbon of blond he'd wound around his fingers before settling his lips on hers. She opened to him immediately, already turned on by the way he'd pulled her to him. The man was the soul of politeness and manners except when it came to kissing. The way he used his teeth to demand she open to him last night and the way that he was teasing her now made her wonder what he was like in bed.
Felicity moaned as Steve licked and nibbled at her lips, first sucking her bottom lip between his teeth, biting lightly, and then sliding his tongue over the sting. Felicity tried to deepen the kiss herself. She tried to move forward and seal her lips to his, but he held her steady with the hand he had wrapped in her hair at the back of her neck. Every time she leaned forward for more, he pulled his head back but held her so she couldn't follow. She could feel the heat and moisture pooling low in her body at his teasing.
"Steve," she whispered, more pleading in her voice than she'd intended. He smiled and moved to her ear, his warm breath doing nothing to calm her as he teased her earlobe with his teeth.
"Felicity," he answered, a question in his tone. She felt his voice against her as much as heard his whisper. The sensation pulled a groan from her. He was moving on to her neck, sucking lightly, nipping, and licking. She was so turned on that she couldn't help squirming but she couldn't move with his hand wrapped in her hair. "What do you need, doll?" he asked, returning to her mouth. She moaned. He had her so hot she wanted to jump him, but was very careful to keep those thoughts to herself.
No one had ever taken this much time kissing her or teasing her with those kisses. It was as if he was marking her as his, making sure she'd remember his kiss. "Please," she finally whimpered. "I need more." He pulled back to smile at her before using his hold on her to close the distance between them. He accepted the invitation of her open lips to slide his tongue against hers, claiming every inch of her mouth. She moaned in pleasure and wrapped her arms around his neck.
Steve's kiss made her heart race and her legs weak. If he hadn't had an arm wrapped around her back she'd have fallen in a puddle on the floor she was sure. By the time they parted for breath, Steve was breathing hard also and adjusting the way he was seated against the counter.
"God, Felicity," he breathed. "I can't stop kissing you."
"I don't want you to stop," she answered, trying to catch her breath as well.
"I think our food is getting cold," he pointed out, still rubbing her arms and leaning in to kiss her nose.
"Probably, Oliver wanted me to bring you to the club this afternoon before it opens, we could go grab something quick to eat, and then go to the club." She stood on her toes and kissed his chin before moving to his neck.
He groaned and leaned into her kiss for a moment. "Not if you keep doing that. I'm not sure I have the willpower to stop if we start again." Steve's confession sent a thrill through her.
She knew he wanted to take some time to get to know each other and as much as she wanted him in this moment, she wanted a solid foundation between them. She'd been so scared she was going to lose him. Felicity suddenly realized that she'd already invested a lot in the man holding her. She wanted more than just now, she wanted the future too.
"OK, slow it is," she proclaimed, earning a rueful chuckle from Steve. "Let's go in search of food, then you can come meet the gang."