This is a wonderful and very funny Guest Chapter written by Spottedmask77. Thank you so much for writing! :) - Aceidia

"Why are you making me do this?" Grimmjow complained for the fourth time as he was once again shoved down into the small, wooden chair. "I have better things to do than this! Just because Szayel prefers doing this doesn't mean I have to!"

Tia gave him a look that could have cut a diamond in half easily. "Grimmjow Jeagerjaques. You will do as I say. Nnoitra, Ulquiorra, please strap him down."

"But Lady Tia, is this really necessary?" piped up Aaroniero from the sidelines. "Is watching television truly a needed skill?"

"You are not to question my rule," Tia said icily. "Out of all of you, Szayel is the least tense, so I am assuming that watching television has something to do with it. I do not need uptight Espada - "

"Wait, you want to turn all of us into Starrks?" Nnoitra blurted out as he tied a cursing Grimmjow's arms to the chair with titanium rope.
"No, not Starrks," Tia answered, her patience running thin. "Is Szayel a Starrk?"

"You want to turn us all into Szayels?!" Aaroniero cried.

"You will be turned into piles of ashes if you don't shut up." Tia said darkly. Everyone wisely chose to heed her orders. When Grimmjow was tied to the chair sufficiently enough so that he was unable to escape from the horrors of television, Tia clicked the remote, and the screen lit up.

A soap opera was on.

"No, Jimmy, don't leave me," sobbed a blonde girl on the screen.

"I'm sorry, Harriet. Bethany is just something else," the dark haired man said sadly.

"This makes no sense!" exploded Grimmjow. "Who's Harriet? And Bethany? And Jimmy?"

"Ahh, this is the classic soap opera," Szayel sneered. "Cheating boyfriends, sexist and racist comments, and completely - "

The blonde woman pulled out a pistol. "I th-thought you'd do something like this, Jimmy. That's why I have to do this."

The dark haired man paled. "Now, Harriet, isn't this taking it a bit too far?"

"If I can't have you, nobody can!" she screamed, and squeezed the trigger.

"And now for a special message from our sponsors," a monotone voice said as the screen faded to black.

"No! What kind of shit are they trying to pull here? Does Jimmy get shot or does Harriet miss or does someone save him?!" Grimmjow yowled. "This is a rip off!"

"There, there, it'll be back after the commercial break," Szayel half comforted, half mocked.

"I NEED TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT."

"This might have not been the most successful way of easing Grimmjow's tension," Tia murmured to herself. Sighing, she glanced at Ulquiorra. "You shall watch Grimmjow watch television. Aaroniero, I need for you to do something for me."

"What?" he asked. "Can't I stay here and watch Grimmjow watch television too?"

"No, you can't," Tia said firmly. "You need to come with me to collect–"

"WATER!" Grimmjow suddenly yelled, pointing at the TV screen.

"Yes," the female Espada said. "If you haven't noticed, we are running a bit low."

"No, water! On the screen!" Grimmjow said excitedly.

"It's a commercial," Szayel said, using a tone one might use on small children that didn't know what they were talking about.

"I know that. But they have a toll free number, so….." Grimmjow's eyes lit up.

"What?" Nnoitra asked, a bit curious.

"We could call them and order a thousand bottles of water."

"I don't think that's how it–" Ulquiorra started to say, but was cut off by Grimmjow shushing him.

"It's back on! Everybody shut up!"

"Did you get the number?" Tia asked Szayel quietly.

"You're not actually going to go through with that idiot's ridiculous plan, are you?" he scoffed.

"Did you or did you not get the number?"

"Yes, I got it," Szayel sighed in annoyance. "1-800-GOTWATER."

"How original," Tia murmured. Then, louder, she said, "I shall be using the phone. In this period of time, no one else is permitted to use the phone to make calls to check up on their brother on the Soul Society."

Szayel choked a little on the air when he heard this. "Why would I call him?"

"Especially after we sent them Circci's head," Nnoitra reminded him, deeply interested in his fingernails.

"I don't know why. Strange beings do strange things," Tia shrugged, exiting the room.

"Are you calling me strange?!" Szayel asked indignantly, not caring Tia probably couldn't hear him anymore.

"Yes. You are very, very strange Szayel," Nnoitra smirked, looking up.

"Well, you're stranger! Obsessed with your conditioner–"

"It is NOT an obsession, and you're strangerer! Who has pink hair?"

"That isn't a word, you dumb piece of ***!"

"**** off!"

"Shut up!" Grimmjow yelled. "I'm trying to watch my show!"

"Hello, you've reached 1-800-GOTWATER. How may we help you today?" a sweet female voice said on the other end of the line, in English.

Tia mentally groaned.

Why was it all in English?

"Hello," she said in a business-like tone, concealing her inner thoughts for now. "I would like to place an order."

"Okay, hon. Where would you like it delivered?" the voice asked.

"Um…." Tia hadn't really planned this out. Hueco Mundo was closed off to other worlds at the present, and it isn't as if she could tell a human to drop off a thousand bottles of water there anyway. "You see…." Suddenly, she got an idea. "Do you deliver to Scotland?"

"I guess. I thought your accent was funny."

Tia pushed down the flicker of anger ignited by that comment. "Yes, well, I would like 1000 bottles of water."

"Delivered to where in Scotland, dear?" the voice chirped.

Tia smirked as she gave the address.

"Nnoitra! Szayel!" she called, entering the room where Grimmjow was watching the soap.

"Shh!" he shushed her. "Melody is thinking over Jordan's proposal, and he's thinking about ending it all if she says no!"

"Melody? Jordan? What happened to Jimmy and Harriet?" Tia glanced at the television to see a sobbing man.

"Different soap," Ulquiorra answered.

"Oh. Do you know where Nnoitra and Szayel are?" Tia questioned, her gaze stuck on the TV, where a red-headed girl sat by the crying man to comfort him.

"They…." Ulquiorra wasn't sure how to phrase this. "Szayel pushed Nnoitra out the window. And then froze, as he remembered a statement he said a few weeks back, something about 'never tossing Nnoitra out a window.' He then proceeded to jump down after him."

"And then…..?"

"And we had to close the window. Grimmjow was complaining about how loud those two were yelling," Ulquiorra finished.

Tia sighed, and marched over to the window. As she opened it, she saw Nnoitra chasing Szayel with Santa Theresa.

"I SAID I was sorry!" Szayel yelled.

"Soory, my ass! You pushed me out the ******* window!"

"You did this to me!"

"But I had a reason to!"

"My reason was revenge! Isn't that good enough, *******?!"

"NO!"

"At least let me catch my breath!"

"If I do, then you'll puke up Forniacaras!"

"Exactly!"

"Szayel! Nnoitra!" Tia yelled down at them. They stopped running to look up at her. "I have a job for you!"

"A job? Right now?" Szayel asked.

"What the **** is it?" Nnoitra asked, irked.

"I need you to go pick up the thousand bottles of water I just ordered," Tia explained, leaning out the window slightly.

"Where did you send the order to?" Szayel questioned. "Will we be able to get out of Hueco Mundo to the human world?"

"Yes, you will. As for the location….." Tia called, smiling smugly internally. "Do you remember that motel in Scotland we got kicked out of when you blew up the bathroom wall, Nnoitra?"

"Yes….."

"Congratulations. You get to pick up a thousand bottles of water from that location."

Author's note from Spottedmask: *Waves*