I don't know how I made it back to my car, let alone home. This can't be real; this just has to be a really bad nightmare; I'll wake up soon. I thought to myself. I just didn't feel like me, my whole body was completely numb. Dulling all my senses. "Well, I guess being numb is better than being in pain," I said bitterly.
"Ana?" I hear my name being called but I don't respond as I walk straight to my room. "Ana are you okay?" and I know its Kate talking but I can't deal with her or anyone. So, I close the door.
"Ana, please talk to me," Kate says through the door as I lay down on my bed not even taking my shoes off. 'You're just a naïve little girl.' His words repeat again in my head. "Yeah, I guess I am," I mutter bitterly as I quickly grab the comforter and pull it over my head.
"Ana! You're scaring me please talk to me." Kate says and her voice is closer. Wow, I guess I didn't hear the door open. And then I felt the movement on the bed and its Kate pulling me in her arms. Holding me as I cry. "Oh Ana, what happened? Please talk to me." And the only thing to come out are the words I can't even believe to be true.
"He left me…." I say as I start to cry even harder.
"What do you mean he left you?" She asked as I feel her whole-body tense against me. "I'll kill him." She says through clenched teeth, moving to get up.
"No." is all I can say and I suddenly realize I didn't want to be alone, So I pull her arms tighter around me; not wanting her to leave me. "Kate, please leave it alone and stay with me, please. I can't be alone right now."
"Fine. But will you tell me what happened?"
I let out a huge sigh because I know she wasn't gonna let this go.
"Everything was fine and then I left to go to the restroom. And on my way there I happened to run into Jose. We chatted for a minute or two. And then when I returned to the table and his whole mood had changed. He started telling me he didn't want me anymore and that he lied about loving me." I say through tears.
"Oh, Ana," Kate says and she's crying with me, holding me tight as she can. Just letting me cry it out. And that's when a thought occurs to me. Someone should know.
"And you know what's the worst part about all this," I say breaking the silence.
"What?"
"I'm pregnant."
"What? Are you sure?" she asked, and I could hear a little excitement in her voice.
"Yeah, I found out this morning and I was planning on telling him after we ate."
"So, he doesn't know?"
"No, he wouldn't even let me speak at all." And just remembering his words makes me wince. But I continue. "He told me to save my excuses and that he didn't want to hear it," I tell her and suddenly his words echo in my head. 'Because I got what I wanted from you, sex. And now I'm bored, and I have no more use for you.' And that made me cry harder.
"Oh, Ana," Kate says holding me close, not letting me go. And the pain gets too much for me to handle. So, I let the darkness finally takes me and pull me under. Crushing me down to a place I'd never been before. A huge pit of despair.
Suddenly I'm standing in our café and Christian is looking at me with hatred and anger.
"You're such a naïve little girl. Thinking I could love you. Look at me and look at you." Dream Christian says to me. Twisting his words making them cut deeper. "We are from two different worlds. Worlds that never mix."
"Christian, please! You don't mean that." I say trying to reason with him, but he just laughs at me and turns to leave. So, I try my best to catch after him. I must stop him and reason with him.
"Christian, please don't leave me. I need you. Please," and I'm screaming and crying as I try to run as fast as my legs with let me. But it's no use because no matter how fast I run and try to catch him. It's not enough. "Christian I love you, please don't leave me." I cry.
Suddenly I wake from the nightmare and instinctively reach out searching for him. But I can't find him. And then my obnoxious bitter mind says to me 'He doesn't want you, not now or ever' And then I hear his voice telling me what I already knew. 'I don't love you. I never loved you.'
I shake my head trying to clear my horrible thoughts. And that when I suddenly hear Kate in the living room screaming at someone.
"How could you do this to her!...Fuck you, Christian Grey!... You selfish piece of shit…..Oh, you think your protecting….From what?...….Your such lying piece of shit…Fuck you…I always knew you would hurt her…..You're so fucking lucky that Elliot's your brother or I'd kill you…... If I ever see you again…" Kate screams loudly.
Shit, she's livid. Well, I couldn't blame her because if the roles were switched and she was left broke and pregnant. I'd be mad too.
I quickly stopped myself from listening to her because it was just too much for me to handle.
She tried to warn me not to date Christian, but I didn't listen. And suddenly I'm reminded of the day I told her that I liked Christian.
"Oh Ana, you don't want to date him. Elliot told me that Christian's a player, uses girls and when he's done. He just ghosts them. Well at least that what Elliot says. He said he's never met one of his girlfriends. Just heard stories."
"But he's not like that Kate," I tell her trying to make her believe me. "I know him more than most people only because I'm his ghostwriter Kate."
"And you believe that?"
"Kate, he told me that he's never had a real relationship."
"Do I need to repeat myself? Someone like that obviously has been with someone."
"Kate, I'm not saying he hasn't. I'm saying he hasn't been with someone serious."
"I still don't believe it."
"Kate, when you ghostwrite a book about someone. You must be completely honest with each other. Or the books not gonna sell." I told her with a sigh.
"Ana, the whole book could be all lies, and people would still buy because Christian is so secretive about his life. But if you really believe that then you're really are a naïve little girl and that's why I love you so much. Because you always see the good in people. But if you want to date him, that's fine. And I'll support you no matter what. And when he hurts you; I'll be here to pick up the pieces. Because I love you and will always be here for you."
"Kate," I say pulling her into a hug. "I really don't deserve you."
"Your right." She said jokingly. "How about you make me dinner and then we can talk about who deserves who." And as the words came out of her mouth, we both start laughing.
I should have just listened to her and as I thought this, I regretted it instantly. "I wouldn't have you," I said out loud with a smile. Even though Christian wasn't in the picture; I at least have this baby.
"Ana, are you awake? I brought you some tea." Kate says from the doorway. Wow, I must have zoned out.
"Yeah, I just woke up like five minutes ago."
Kate walks over and stands in front of me handing me the tea. No doubt a habit she learned from Ray. He had the idea that tea could fix anything. Sad? here's some tea, sick? You guessed it tea.
Before I could stop myself, I ask her even though I knew the answer.
"Was that who I thought it was on the phone with you a few minutes ago." I guess I'm just a glutton for pain.
"Yeah." She says trying to drop the subject but sees my face. "I tried calling him, so I could chew him out. But he wouldn't answer. So, I used Elliot's phone and he answered. Figures." She says with an annoyed huff. I really didn't know what I'd do without Kate. She's always been there for me since the day we met in kindergarten all those years ago. Protecting me like the sister I never had. But truth be told Kate has never seen me like this before. I was always the one there to console her. I would be there with a cup of tea and some tissues to wiping her tears away.
Before Christian, I never had a boyfriend. He was my first kiss, love, and everything. I had never even been on a date until him. And it wasn't like I didn't have admirers. I just never found someone who was even worth trying to know. Maybe it's from all the books I read that made me hope that I would one day find my knight and shine armor; who would sweep me off my feet. Oh, boy was I wrong.
Suddenly a thought occurred to me.
"You didn't tell him, did you?" I ask and she shook her head 'no', knowing exactly what I was referring too.
"He doesn't deserve to know; not with the way he left you." She said and I could tell she was livid. "I will be this kid's father if I have to."
"Oh Kate, I really don't know what I'd without you," I say pulling her into a hug trying to hold back my tears. "I hope you know your gonna be this baby's godmother," I said with the happy thought because there really wasn't anyone else, I would pick for it.
"Oh Ana, you don't even have to ask. Because you already know I assume that I am already." She said giving me an all-knowing look.
The first week after Christian left was absolute hell for me. I would wake up screaming from the same constant nightmare of that day over and over. It was an endless vicious cycle. And Kate would come running into my room to calm me down. It got to the point that Kate finally decided that I should just sleep with her. And it really helped to have her there for me. But after the second week, I was finally able to sleep alone. Sure, the nightmare was still there, but at least I wasn't waking up screaming and scaring the whole house.
And I missed him terribly and It sucked because when I thought I was finally getting better. I would look at something and be reminded of him. But honestly, everything reminded me of him, and a part of me held on it that. Not wanting to let go and that same part of me wished he would come back and tell me it was just some horrible joke.
Week three without Christian was the week I finally saw my ob-gyn and she confirmed too that I was pregnant. She told me I was eight weeks pregnant as she handed me a sonogram picture of my little bloop. At least that's what I was calling him or her once I saw my baby on the ultrasound machine and heard the heartbeat.
And to keep myself from thinking about him, I focus on getting everything ready for my unborn child. I had a list of priorities to do. One being that I needed to tell my parents and two would be telling the Grey's including Mia. So much to do. I thought to myself.
Kate was legitimately the best person in the whole world because when it came time to telling Ray. She had agreed to take time off work to drive down to with me to Montesano, so I could tell Ray in person.
"How do you think he's gonna take it, Ana?" she asked me when we were ten minutes away from his house. "Hopefully he won't have a heart attack." She said with a joke.
"Oh Kate, that's not even funny," I said trying to hold back a laugh. But I couldn't help myself and we both bust out laughing at the cruel joke. "Well, I guess it's good no one can find Christian because knowing Ray. He'd probably want to kill him too." I say thinking about how Ray used to be in the army. And how he still owned his guns. So that really was a worrying thought.
"Ana, it will be fine though, Ray will be mad at Christian, not you. He left you, not the other way around." She said as she pulled into Ray's driveway and turned giving me the all-knowing look. "Were here."
I let a huge breath, knowing this wasn't gonna be easy telling Ray. And as we got out of the car; Ray opened his front door with a welcoming smile.
"Well isn't this a wonderful surprise, seeing my two favorite girls."
"Hey, dad," I say with a huge smile and it hits me. I really have missed him. "And you knew we were coming so stop faking your surprise," I say to mess with him.
"Oh, you caught me, I'm just happy to see you guys."
"We are too Ray, what's it been two months?" Kate says walking up to Ray and pulling him into a hug. And I follow the same suit and hug Ray once they pulled away. "Is that gray hair old man?" Kate says jokingly.
"If it is, its cause of you two." Ray starts laughing and plays along. "Come on in girls. I have the tea kettle on the stove ready for us. And I brought us some coffee cake that I got at this new donut place they opened down on 3rd St." Ray says proudly.
"Sounds wonderful day," I say as Kate and I follow him into the house.
Ray's house was the exact same from when I was a kid. All the old furniture from when my parents were still together. They had married young and had me a month or two of marriage. But Carla couldn't take the small town and wanted out. And after six years of marriage, it ended.
When it came down to who I wanted to live it, I had chosen Ray. I guess daddy's girl at heart. But I did go back forth. I would live with Ray for a couple of years and then switch and live with mom and whatever husband she was with at the time. She finally settled on husband number four, Bob. And I approved of him instantly because he really just made her better in every way.
I just had wished Ray would have found someone, so he wasn't so lonely. He still has time. I thought to myself.
"As much as I love to see you girls. I'm more curious as to what brings you both all the way to down to Montesano. Not that I'm complaining." Ray said nervously. "Cause it always wonderful seeing you both. But is everything okay?" He asks cutting to the chase. Ray wasn't big on small talk.
"Well, dad," I say trying to find the right words to say. "A lot has happened in the last three weeks."
"Like what?" Ray asked as he raises an eyebrow. "Wait one second, hold that thought." And Ray suddenly gets up and grabs the tea kettle from the stove; and returns. He quickly poured some hot water into my cup and then sat the pot on the table in front of us.
"Let me do that Ray," Kate says nervously and put the teabag in the pot for him. And as she does that, I grab my tea bag and dunk it two times into my cup and take it. Nice and weak like I like it.
"Okay, now I'm getting nervous. Spill, what's going on Ana, Kate."
"Well, dad," I say trying to start again and of course repeating myself.
"It's okay Ana, you got this." Kate murmurs to me and takes my hand for support.
"Well dad, like I said a lot has happened and well." I steady myself as I take a huge deep breath. "Christian and I broke up."
"What? What happened Ana?" he says suddenly. "Why couldn't you tell me this over the phone? This must be more serious if you came all this way." He asks and that when I start seeing the dots start connecting in his eyes. So, I say it before he can.
"Well, I'm pregnant," I said ignoring his first question as Kate squeezes my hand again reassuring me.
"You're telling me that Christian and you broke up and you're pregnant?" He says completely in a serious tone. Oh crap, I hope he's not mad. "What happened?" He asks me again breaking me from my thoughts.
"Well." I start trying to find the right words. "I don't know exactly; we were at lunch and everything was going fine and I got up to go to the bathroom. And I came back and he wasn't the same."
"What do you mean, 'he wasn't the same?' I don't understand." Ray askes in shock.
"That's what I don't understand dad," I say as I release Kate's hand and put my face in my hands crying. "Stupid fucking hormones," I say through my tears. Instantly my dad is tapping my shoulder handing me a tissue. "Thank you. But I really don't know why his whole mood changed. But he told me he did want to be with me anymore and that he didn't love me anymore." And as the words leave my mouth, I start crying harder.
"Oh, Annie," Ray says and immediately he's at my side pulling me into a side hug. "It's gonna be okay, baby; please don't cry." He tells me as he holds me tightly, letting me cry it out on his shoulder. And I feel Kate rubbing circles in my back trying to help calm me down.
"I'm sorry, I thought I had this under control. But my ob-gyn said its normal to be emotional." I say as I pull away and wipe my tears.
"Well, what did Christian say when you told him?" he asks as he lets me go.
"Well, that's the thing, dad. He doesn't know." I say sadly. "And it's not like I didn't try to tell him. Shit, I been trying to tell him for a couple of weeks now. But he won't answer my calls or return them. I left messages and even texted him. But no response back. Just radio silence."
"It's like he's disappeared," Kate says finally speaking up. "I even tried to get Elliot to talk to him and still nothing."
"That's crazy weird though," Ray says in shock and I could see on his face how shocked he was. It looked to me that telling him this really aged him ten years. Damn, I didn't mean for that to happen. "Have you told Carla and Bob yet?" Ray asked me.
"Well, that's something I was gonna ask you. How do you think I should go about breaking the news to her?"
"Well I really don't know the answer to that but if you want you can call her and put her on speaker and we can tell her together; all three of us." And as he says that he reaches over and pours himself a cup of tea and sets it down. Ahh, he's nervous about telling Carla too.
"That's really not a bad idea Ray," Kate says as she pours herself a cup too.
"I just hope she's not mad at me," I say as I stare down at my hands, holding the used tissue.
"Ana, why would she be mad at you?" Ray asks incredulously. "You did nothing wrong; you did everything possible to tell him and he wouldn't listen to you. If anyone is to blame here, it's Christian."
"He really is right Ana. He left you; not the other way around."
"Exactly," Ray says as he takes a sip of his tea and suddenly, I realize that my mouth is dry. So, I set the tissue in my lap and pick up my tea and take a sip.
"Well, I guess I should just call her now than," I say as I reached into my purse to pull out my phone and as I'm scrolling down my recently call log to find her name. Suddenly we hear a knock on the door. "Huh? Are you expecting anyone dad?" I asked surprised.
"No. Well not until later maybe cause of the game." He tells me as he gets up to answer the door and over my shoulder, I can see who's in the doorway and no way.
"Jose," I say to Kate, who too looks shocked.
"Hey Ray, I was just visiting my dad and figured I'd stop by and say hi." I hear him say. "Oh! Ana and Kate, I didn't see you guys there. Hi guys."
"Why don't you come in and join us." Ray offers nicely. "We have tea and coffee cake." He tells him as he lets Jose in. "I'll go get you a cup, Jose."
"Wow, that sounds wonderful," Jose replies and quickly makes his way over to where we are sitting. Shit, I haven't told Jose I'm pregnant. Then again, he really hasn't crossed my mind since the last time I saw him. I had so much other stuff that I been dealing with. Shit, I'm such a bad friend.
I looked quickly at Kate in shock and she just shrugged her shoulders.
"Ana, Kate, good to see you ladies. How have things been?" He asks us suddenly, breaking Kate and our silent conventions.
"Well, a lot of things," I say and suddenly Kate starts laughing. So, I quickly turn and glare at her and she stops instantly. Not a good time Kate. But I could see why this was funny. And as I'm about to speak Ray is back with a cup for Jose.
"Jose did you know our girl Ana here is pregnant," Ray says and I can't help the gasp that came out of my mouth.
"No shit?" Jose says and I can't read the face he's making. "How did Christian take that?"
"Well." I try to say but I'm in shock.
"He doesn't know." Kate speaks for me and I turn and mouth 'thank you'
"What? How does he not know?"
"Well, that day I ran into you at that café," I say trying to find the right words. "After I had finished with the bathroom and I walked back to our booth. Christian suddenly broke with me for no reason." I say trying to hold back the tears. I was gonna have to tell this story at least a couple of times more and no matter how many times I told it. It never got easier. I could feel the pain cutting me deep in my chest. And before I could finish Jose cut in.
"So, you just decided to not tell him." He says shocked. "I didn't take you for that type of person."
"Wait Jose you didn't let her finish. She wasn't done talking." Ray says coming to my defense.
"He wouldn't let me tell him, Jose. He cut me off and left. I have tried everything in contacting him and he won't return any of my calls or anything. I even tried to use Elliot's phone. He hasn't answered either than because Kate called him from It once already." And I say this as Kate mouths a sorry to me. And I silently shake my head letting her know it not her fault.
"Wow, what a jackass. I'm sorry I jumped to conclusions. I should have waited for you to finish." He says apologetically and sighs. "What are you gonna do? Get rid of it since you guys aren't together anymore? I mean you don't want it to be a constant reminder that he left you." He asked in a serious tone.
"What? No! I could never. I haven't even met this baby, but I already know I love him or her already." I say putting my hand on my stomach to touch my bloop.
"How could you even ask that, Jose?" Kate asks in complete shock.
"I'm sorry, I was only asking so she knows she has options. But I'm glad you're keeping it." He says with a smile. "Your gonna be a great mother Ana."
"Thank you! That really means a lot." I say returning his smile and then I'm reminded of the task at hand. I still need to call Carla.
"You know Annie, I'm actually excited to be a grandpa," Ray said with a huge smile. "Raising you was literally the best thing I ever did with my life. And I couldn't wish for anyone better than you." And with his words, I can't help it and I start crying again for the third time since we came here. "Oh Ana, not again," Ray whines as he hands me another tissue.
"I'm sorry, it's the hormones. But I guess we have to get this over with and call mom."
"Call your mom? What's going on?"
"Well, before you showed up. Ana was gonna call her mom and tell her that she's pregnant. Ray and I are here for support and now you." Kate says in a matter of fact tone.
"Oh, well don't let me intrude. Go ahead, Ana." Jose says in an encouraging tone. Well, I didn't expect Jose to be here when I told my mom.
I try to shrug off my nerves and pick my phone up. I quickly scroll through my recent calls list again and find her name. Carla Adams (Mom) I click on her name and the phone starts to ring; I quickly put on speaker and after two rings my mom picks up.
"Ana, how is my beautiful daughter doing?" Carla Asked.
"Hi Mom, and I guess I could be better. What about you?"
"I'm doing good but I'm curious why you say, 'You guess you could be better'. What's going on Ana?"
"Well..." This still wasn't getting easier, but I let out a huge sigh and just tell. "Well Christian and I broke up…."
"Oh Ana, I am very sorry to hear that baby. I know how much you guys loved each other." She tells me and I must hold back a sick laugh as his words echo in my head again. 'I could never love someone like you.' Suddenly I want to cry again. So, I do my best to hold back my tears. I really can't have a breaking down now. Not to mention my mom knew how much I love Christian and she told me he loved me before he even did. I just didn't even understand it. She just said, 'Mothers Intuition'.
"Yeah well, apparently it was one-sided mom." I say bitterly and continue "But that's not the main reason I called you. I'm sitting here with Ray and Kate." I tell her forgetting Jose was even here. "Oh, and Jose," I add.
"Hi, guys." She says quickly but doesn't wait. "What's the main reason, Ana? What's going on?"
"Well the same day that Christian broke up with me. I actually found out that I'm pregnant."
"What?" and she doesn't speak for a good minute or two. And I have to check if she still on the phone with me.
"Mama?"
"Ana…How?"
"Well…when two people love each other…." I trail off to mess with her.
"Oh Ana, I don't mean how you made the baby. God knows Ray's probably mortified right now." And she says this I quickly look over at Ray and she wasn't kidding. His whole face turned bright red. "But I mean how as in aren't you taking birth control?"
"Yes, mom and I didn't miss a dose. They say its 99.9 percent effective. I guess I'm the one percent."
"Well, these things do happen. Oh, baby how are you doing with all this? How did he take it? Please don't tell me that he broke up with you cause you're pregnant."
"Well, I'm barely holding on. Part of me wants to break down and never get better. But the other part understands that it's not just me that I have to worry about now. I really don't know how I have gotten this far since he left mom. I'm so broken and lost." I tell her and finally, I can't stop the tears now and I lose it.
Kate is suddenly at my side pulling in me into a hug while I just cry it out. I really felt so lost without him. It's like someone took the sun from my life and I'm stuck in an endless dark night.
"Ana please don't cry." I hear my mom say into the phone and I could hear tears in her voice. "We are all here for you baby."
"Yes, always." Ray chimes in as he hands me more tissues.
"I just don't know how I'm gonna do this without him, mama."
"Ana, you are the strongest person I know. You have jumped through obstacles that I couldn't beat. If there was anyone who could do this. That would be you. Plus, you know you have support from Bob and me. Not to mention Kate and her fiancé, your dad. And the Grey's will be here there for you too." And as she says that I realize I must tell them too. Shit
"I know mom, I just wish I didn't feel so broken and lost."
"Well baby, speaking from experience; it takes time to get over this pain. But every day will get better. Plus, you will have an adorable baby to look forward too." She tells me and I can hear the excitement in her voice. "I mean yeah, I didn't expect to be a grandma this young. But I can't wait. I'll have to come down for the baby shower."
"Mom, once I know when that will be, I'll tell you."
"Good! How far along are you?"
"I'm 8 weeks and 3 days now."
"Oh Ana, not that far along, soon you will get to found out what you're having. Do you want a boy or a girl?"
"I just want a healthy and happy baby mom," I tell her.
"Well you got this; we are all here for you okay. And call me anytime you need anything. I will be here, and that includes if you need to call me in the middle of the night. I am here always." She tells me. "But I must go, Bob's calling me on the other line. I'm gonna tell him the exciting news."
"Okay, mom I understand. And I'll call you as soon as I found out if it's a boy or girl." I say with an excited smile on my face. "I love you, mama."
"I love you too Ana, always. Okay, I got to go. Bye baby." She says and hangs up.
"See Annie, I knew Carla was gonna be on your side," Ray tells me with a knowing look. "But as your mom said. We are all here for you always."
"Oh dad, thank you so much," I say pulling him into a hug.
Weeks and months passed, and I still haven't heard him. And even his family had lost touch with him. Grace had said the last time she talked to him was months ago. And that was after I had told Grace, Carrick, and Mia that I was pregnant. They were ecstatic to welcome a new member into the Grey family.
I smiled at the memory when I went over to their house with Kate and Elliot by my side.
"So uh..." I said shyly trying to say the words Kate and I rehearsed for days. But I couldn't get the words out.
"What's wrong Ana?" Grace asked and I could see the concern in her eyes. I quickly take a deep breath and just said it.
"I'm pregnant."
"Oh my god! Congratulations Ana. This is the most exciting news. I have heard in years." Grace says as she pulls me into a hug. "I have always wanted to be a grandma. How far along are you?"
"Well I just went to the ob-gyn last week and they said I'm 8 weeks. So, 9 weeks now." I said with a shrug.
"Yay! I'm gonna be an aunt finally! I hope you know I'm gonna be spoiling the crap out of this kid. Also, I've got some planning to do that is if you would let me throw your baby shower. And I won't be upset if you don't want me too. And I'll completely understand." Mia said so fast I almost didn't understand her.
"That's fine with me as long as Kate is there to help plan it with you because she's gonna be the godmother."
"And aunt don't forget that Ana," Kate said grabbing my hand and giving it a reassuring squeeze.
"I just wish I could have at told him though," I said would a sad sigh. "He won't answer my calls, texts, and emails… I just don't understand what I did wrong." I say and I can't help it as I start to cry.
"Ana, it's not your fault my son is being ridiculous about this. He has always been like this his whole life. He has never let us in." Grace said with a sad smile and continues. "Anyway, I don't care if you guys have split. You are my daughter now and I can't wait to meet this baby."
"Grace is right, he will come around. And he's gonna realize what an ass he's being. Not to mention he's gonna miss out on the best thing in life. And that is being a parent." Carrick said giving me a hug.
"I really hope your right. And I am just so happy to have you guys here for support. This truly means everything to me."
"So," Mia said trying to brighten the mood. "Have you thought of any names? And do you want a boy or a girl?"
Christian's family was truly a godsend because they tried everything to get him to come around. Even if we weren't together, our child deserved to have both parents. But whenever on the off chance he would randomly show up and they mention me or my name. He would just leave, not even caring to listen. It got to the point that he just stopped coming around completely. And they wouldn't hear from him at months at a time. And from what from Elliot told me was that he had busied himself work. Choosing not to see his family at all. And It broke my heart so much because I felt like I was the reason he never came around. And I blamed myself for that because if I wasn't pregnant, his family would still see him; at least that's what I told myself.
I had even mentioned it to Grace one day because it was eating me up inside. But she would tell me its not my fault. And I tried to believe her. But deep down knew it was. I could also see how much she missed Christian just as much as I did. Because I still loved him, and I don't think I will ever not love him.
Not to mention the place in my chest where my heart used to be was still empty. I constantly felt like I was missing something. And it wasn't something, it was him.