"So…does this mean we're back together again?" asked Batman, as Selina lay cuddled against his chest.
"Yeah, I guess I can give you another chance," she said, yawning. "You just have to promise me to make more of an effort. Think of me like you think of Gotham – something that needs your undivided attention and commitment."
"I'm always going to be torn between the people in my life, and the people of this city," said Batman. "I made a vow, and I won't break it. I wish you could accept that about me, Selina."
"I can," she retorted. "If you treat us as equally important. Obviously there are gonna be times when the city's in immediate danger, but when it's not, you need to make me a priority. I know it's hard, Bruce. I know you're afraid of getting too close to people after what happened to your parents – you're afraid of letting them in, afraid of the pain you'll feel if you lose them from your life. But I know you're brave enough for love, Bruce. You just need to show me."
"I thought I had, several times," retorted Batman, kissing her forehead gently.
"Not just on Valentine's Day," she retorted. "I need you to be this caring on days when you're not socially obligated to be."
"I'll try, Selina," said Batman. "Really, I want to be…the man you deserve. I'll try and live up to that ideal."
"Well, handsome and rich is pretty much my ideal, so you're almost there," said Selina, grinning. She yawned and stretched again. "Geez, what time is it?" she asked, looking around for a clock. The couple had moved from the Batcave to Bruce's bedroom - it was fairly impossible to keep a romantic mood alive when the eyes of several thousand bats stared down at you from the ceiling. Not to mention the mess they made, which also effectively killed the mood.
"I don't know, but I'm hungry," said Batman. "Let me call Alfred to bring us something to eat."
"You rang, sir?" asked Alfred, entering the room a few minutes later. "Oh, good day, Miss Kyle, and happy Valentine's," he added, when he noticed Selina. "I can see you and Master Bruce are making the most of it."
"Yeah, could you possibly make us some sandwiches, Alfred?" asked Batman. "We're gonna get a shower."
"Very good, sir," said Alfred, turning to go. "Oh, and you messaged me earlier to ask for some weed killer? It's under the kitchen sink – should I bring that up with the sandwiches? Obviously clearly labeled so you don't accidentally ingest it."
Batman stared at him, and then shared a look with Selina. "Oh my God, I completely forgot about Harley and Scarecrow," he murmured.
"So did I," gasped Selina. "Jesus, it's been hours – they're gonna be so mad!"
"You get a shower – I'll go finish making that bomb," said Batman, grabbing a robe and racing out of the room.
"Bomb, sir?" asked Alfred, as he rushed past.
"It's a long story, Alfred," said Selina. "Harley and Scarecrow are accidentally trapped in one of Ivy's plants, and Bruce is going to see if a weed killer bomb will blow it open."
"I see, miss," said Alfred, completely unperturbed since nothing about that sounded strange to him. "Well, you and Master Bruce really had better things to do on Valentine's Day than rescue some supercriminals from an undoubtedly self-inflicted trap."
"Yeah, but I feel kinda bad," said Selina, looking around for her clothes. "That's no way to treat a friend, leaving them trapped in a plant while you go and spend a romantic Valentine's Day with the hero of Gotham."
"Would either of them have put you first on Valentine's Day over an encounter with their paramours?" asked Alfred. "I think one should treat others as one would like to be treated in return, and therefore I wouldn't feel bad for people who would act exactly the same way in the same situation."
"I know Harley would always put Joker first, but Scarecrow doesn't have a paramour," retorted Selina. "But frankly, he's probably happy being trapped anywhere with Harley."
"I'm just happy to see you and Master Bruce back together, miss – I think you're a good influence," said Alfred. "And Master Bruce's happiness is more important to me than any situation any supercriminal finds themselves in. I hope I can say the same about you."
"Well, yeah," agreed Selina. "And he's promised to do better, Alfred."
"Master Bruce is a man of his word," said Alfred, nodding. "I think you can depend on him, miss."
"Well, if you can't depend on Batman, then who can you depend on?" asked Selina with a grin.
"Quite right, miss," said Alfred, smiling as he left her to get dressed. "Quite right."
…
"I don't think we should give him anymore champagne," said the server, as he and the manager of Dini Towers watched the Joker from the kitchen.
"Are you going to tell him no?" demanded the manager. "Because it's more than my life's worth to refuse the Joker. Besides, he's entitled to unlimited champagne as part of the Eternal Romance package."
"But he's clearly an angry drunk," said the server. "He tried to melt those two reporters' faces off with acid. What if he attacks other customers?"
"If we keep giving him champagne, he might eventually pass out, which would be safest for everyone," said the manager. "So do that."
"You're the boss," said the server, shrugging and reaching for another bottle.
"Oh, the orchestra's here," said the manager, as the musicians began setting up on the floor of the restaurant. "Good, maybe that'll distract him for a little while."
"Here you are, Mr. Joker, sir," said the server, bringing the bottle over to see the Joker ripping up the roses which were scattered around the table. "Are the roses not to your liking?" he asked.
"I just like ripping 'em apart because Pammie feels their pain when I do," said Joker, crushing the flower in his hand and then slowly picking off and peeling apart its petals. "It's always fun to hurt her. I bet she's to blame for this – I bet she got to Harley and gave her some spiel about how standing me up on Valentine's Day is the most empowering thing a woman can do, and wouldn't let her leave until she agreed not to see me. Harley's stupid enough to do anything for the people she cares about, and unfortunately, she cares about a lot of people. I've told her repeatedly that friendship is a huge waste of time – she should be dedicated to me and me alone, not anyone else. I mean, why would she need friends when she's got me? I'm the best friend anyone could have – ask Batman. I'm loyal and dependable and always there to put a smile on his face. What more could anyone ask for in a friend? But he doesn't appreciate me either," he muttered, seizing the champagne glass and knocking it back. "He's stood me up more times than I can count, putting me second to some emergency his little Justice League pals have dragged him out on. As if anything could be more important than one of my schemes! He's a bad friend, Bats, a terrible friend. I don't know why I bother with him sometimes – I should take my own advice and ditch him! That'd show him, and he might learn to appreciate me more, which would be nice. He's always taking me for granted, like the ungrateful rodent he is!"
He grabbed the bottle, pouring more champagne haphazardly into his glass. "I'm happy to pour that…" began the server.
"I don't need you to pour it!" snapped Joker, as the glass overflowed and he put the bottle down. "I don't need anybody to do anything for me! I'm perfectly capable of doing things for myself – having other people around me is just a waste of time! People are useless – punchlines to jokes and nothing more. This is what I get for putting some people on a pedestal, for caring about some people more than others! Everyone is disposable, and nobody is special! Or trustworthy! 'Oh puddin', I got a great plan for Valentine's Day!'" he squeaked, mimicking Harley's voice. "Yeah, sure you do, you lying brat!" he snapped. 'I'll always be there to stop you, Joker,' he growled, in a mock imitation of Batman's voice. "'I am vengeance, I am the night, I am unreliable!' And you're a liar too, you lying Bat!" he snapped. "Everyone in my life is so disappointing – it's a wonder I'm as cheerful as I am all the time," he muttered, sipping from the glass. "You think it's easy constantly having a smile on your face in this miserable world? No, it ain't! And then the people I trust to keep a smile on my face stab me in the back, so what am I supposed to be happy about now?! You tell me! What are you happy about?" he demanded of the server.
"Um…the band's here," said the server, nodding at the musicians who had finished setting up. "So that's something to be happy about."
"Really? That's your big reason for continuing on your tedious path of existence?" demanded Joker. "The band's here?!"
"I think music can be very uplifting," said the server, shrugging. "Gotta find joy in the little things when you work for minimum wage at a restaurant whose customers spend more on one meal than you make in a year."
"Well, that's true," agreed Joker, nodding. "All right, let's listen to these guys," he said, turning to face them. "Maybe they'll perk me up."
"Happy Valentine's Day, everyone!" said the conductor. "This first song goes out to all you loving couples out there – everyone please stand up and join us in a dance while we play a waltz for lovers!"
"Or maybe not," muttered the server under his breath, seeing Joker's smile darken in rage as he again reached for the flower on his lapel…