A/N: YOOOOO LOOK AT THIS BEAUTIFUL ART MY FRIEND DREW FOR THIS FIC: post/187890302055/everyone-needs-to-read-taliaxlatia-s-fic-stroke (Thank you Fer you're amazing and also thanks for helping me not panic while reading this chapter hahaha)
His hand felt warm. All of him felt warm, actually, that's weird, usually the Unversed took most of his body heat with him when they escaped with his nightmares—only he didn't remember having nightmares this time, did he accidentally take Aqua's light again—?
Aqua!
He bolted upright, remembering what happened just before he passed out. Before he was knocked unconscious, more accurately. It was as ironic as it was surprising, but he guessed he deserved to have his own Sleep spell used against him. He was probably being kept as a prisoner, then…
Only this room didn't look like a prison. It was too blue, and his bed was too soft—they'd given him a bed?—and there were colored glass ornaments dangling in front of the window, scattering the pink dawn light across the carpet… and across the bodies lying on the carpet.
Still hazy from sleep, he at first thought they were other prisoners who hadn't been lucky enough to get beds. But the Princess and Terra and Aqua (and Ventus, what was he doing at the end of the bed?) wouldn't be prisoners. Unless their Master had locked them up for harboring him—
He had to leave. If he was gone, Eraqus would have no reason to punish them, right?
There wasn't room to open a dark corridor, and the noise would probably wake someone anyway. But Aqua slept between the bed and the door. (Why wasn't she on the bed? Who had put him here instead?) Anyway, he'd have to sneak past her, and hope the lock wasn't somehow impervious to keyblade magic… which it probably was, if none of the others had broken out already. Great.
He pulled his knees to his chest and rested his chin on them. The metal rim of his helmet dug into his kneecaps, though the glass of the mask was still missing. Summoning it wouldn't help much at this point. Their Master had likely judged him already.
Maybe he should just go back to sleep. His body felt rested, but his mind was still so tired of making escape plans.
Then he heard a rustling beside him.
"Vanitas?" Aqua whispered, her voice cloudy with sleep. "Are you awake?"
"Yeah," he whispered back. There was no point in lying.
She sat up and crossed her bare arms atop the edge of the bed—she was wearing a different, looser set of clothes and had a pink blanket wrapped around her shoulders. Even with her hair sticking up at odd angles where it had been smushed against her pillow, she looked beautiful.
Her eyes studied him carefully, making him want to call his mask again. "How are you feeling?"
"How am I feeling?" His brow furrowed. She was locked away because of him, again, and she wanted to know about him?
"Sorry. That came out wrong." She winced. "You must not be too happy about getting kidnapped, huh."
"What—no." He shook his head quickly. His bangs brushed itchily across his forehead; he really needed to wash the blood and sweat out of them. "You deserve to kidnap me, after everything I put you through. I'm just sorry your Master punished you too."
"Punished me?"
"Yeah, because you—"
He took in the surprise on her face. Her relaxed position. The fact that Ventus was still snoring softly, and that the Princess was here. She had nothing to do with Vanitas; she wouldn't have been punished by a light-blinded Master, right?
"...I have no idea what's going on, do I?" He finally said.
Aqua laughed quietly. "It's okay. You didn't miss much."
He glanced around the room and raised an eyebrow.
"...Okay, maybe you missed a little."
She explained that they were in her room—not a prison, which explained the books and desk and colored baubles—and that they'd all fallen asleep here yesterday. Which wasn't much of an explanation, honestly. He still didn't know why he and Ven had the bed if it was Aqua's room. Clearly, she didn't have any idea how to treat people she kidnapped.
"So your Master doesn't know I'm here?" Was the most important question, though.
She bit her lip and looked away. "Not yet. And after speaking with Terra, I can understand why you wouldn't want to stay. I know the Master can be harsh in his views on darkness—"
He snorted at that.
"—but he has a good heart. Your darkness isn't your fault, Vanitas. The choices you've made—those are what really matter."
"My choices?" He scoffed. "Like how I chose to kidnap you?"
"No!" She huffed. "Like how you chose to save my life!"
Her voice had risen, and Terra rolled over on the floor, his arm flopping near Cinderella's head. The last thing Vanitas wanted was for them to wake up now. Aqua clenched her jaw and looked away, seeming to think the same thing.
"Not killing me is a pretty low bar," she admitted, "but you went against your own Master to do it. I know that couldn't have been easy."
"That's…" Vanitas fumbled for words. "I could've done a better job. I wasn't just trying to protect you. I wasn't trying to protect you, I was just—selfish."
His last word came out as a disgusted mutter. He was darkness; selfishness was in his nature. She'd be a fool to forget that.
But for some reason, his words made her laugh. "I think that makes two of us, then."
"What?" He frowned, but she ignored his question. Her eyes found their way back to his, looking up through those blue lashes, and his breath caught in his throat.
"If I asked you to… would you stay?"
He blinked back at her. The fact that he'd tried to run away should have been an obvious no. But before, he'd been half sure he was still being brought as a prisoner, no matter what they all said. Before, she hadn't asked.
Somehow, that made all the difference.
"Are you?" he whispered back, his breath ghosting across the soft fabric of her comforter. "Asking?"
Her hand lifted from the edge of the bed towards his face, but stopped too far away. He shuffled forward on his stomach, hoping the movement didn't wake Ventus, and closed the gap. Her palm was warm against his cheek, and soon the rest of him felt warm, too.
A smile broke across her face. "Will you stay?"
At that simple question, the last fragile pieces of his escape plan crumbled away.
She wanted him to stay.
(In some form, she wanted him.)
"Yes," he spoke through the dryness in his throat. If he wasn't a prisoner, maybe she could give him something to drink. His stomach rumbled loudly too, making her giggle.
"Haven't stolen any croissants in a while, have you?"
"No, but don't think I wouldn't," he muttered, breaking his cheek's contact with her hand as he rolled over onto his back. His arm flopped over his protesting stomach. "If you really want me to stay, I better get at least one meal a day."
"Vanitas— you do know you should be getting at least three meals, right?"
He shrugged, looking at her upside-down from his lying position. She had that scrunched look on her face again, the one that made him think he'd said something wrong.
"That's what I meant," he lied.
Her expression still turned pensive, downcast. She was already regretting asking him to stay, wasn't she? Maybe she'd just realized how much food he would need, but it was okay, he could always steal it himself, even if she disapproved—at least then she wouldn't have to go out of her way for him—
"I promise things will be better for you here," she said. "Master Eraqus isn't like Xehanort. He won't—I won't let him hurt you."
The fire in her eyes surprised him. Had he looked that way, when he'd finally chosen to fight against his old Master, when he'd chosen to protect her? He doubted it. He'd been so terrified, it was a miracle his Unversed hadn't swarmed him.
"You sure you aren't a Princess?" Vanitas asked, because really, she was too light for her own good. Or maybe she wasn't—if she really was full of light, she'd reject him, wouldn't she? Like Eraqus would want to.
Aqua blinked before her lips settled in a thin line.
"Flattery still isn't going to make me forgive you faster." Her reply sounded practiced by now. It made him want to quip back, finish the exchange she must be trying to play into—
But then a knock sounded at the door.
"Aqua? If you're awake, I'd like to speak with you."
Vanitas's blood froze. It was one thing to tell Aqua he would stay. It was another to face her Master right now. Judging by the wide-eyed look on her face, she was thinking the same thing.
Terra's rolled over and grumbled sleepily, shocking Aqua into speaking.
"Y-yes, I'm—let me get dressed," she said too quickly.
Vanitas's eyebrows scrunched— she was already wearing clothes, did some people sleep with their clothes off?—but Eraqus didn't seem to find anything weird about the remark.
"Alright. I'm glad you made it home safely. I'll be in the kitchen making pancakes for you four when you're ready."
Soft footsteps marked Eraqus's departure. Vanitas's half-heart still beat too wildly beneath his ribs.
"Are you sure you want to do this?" Aqua asked, obviously reading the fear in his eyes. "I know I asked, but—"
"Yes," he interrupted. Resolve tightened his jaw, cleared his thoughts for the first time in ages. "I'm sure."
He was tired of making more and more desperate plans. Tired of those plans falling apart at the seams. Tired of running.
And when she smiled, he was sure this was what he was running towards all along.
XXX
Nerves clenched in Aqua's stomach. She was sure that she'd be too wound up to even think of eating, but she hadn't had any food since the beef jerky she'd eaten while in Vanitas's arms. (That memory certainly didn't help her nerves, either.)
Regardless, when she smelled the Master's pancakes, the heavenly smell wafting from the kitchen was enough to make her mouth water. Vanitas was barely making an effort to hide the same reaction.
"I get to eat that?" He asked, but he paused instead of following her around the corner.
"As long as Terra and Ven don't scarf them down first," she said lightly. "Are you ready?"
Terra, Ven, and Cinderella had woken already (she had a sneaking suspicion they might have been awake for a while, actually) and gone down the kitchen. Meanwhile, Aqua had stayed behind to go over the plan with Vanitas. Not that it was a plan as much a warning. The Master would be able to tell if he was lying, so it was best to be honest. Don't lose your temper. Let me do the talking. He'll understand—he has to.
Vanitas nodded like he trusted her, but the tense look never left his face. Like he was just waiting for something else to go wrong. It hurt her heart, but only made her more determined to convince the Master to let him stay.
After all, it was clear he'd told the truth about one thing—he had nowhere else to go.
"Yeah," he said. His shoulders rose and fell with a few anxious breaths. It still blindsided her sometimes, seeing those authentic emotions from the boy who'd once been her enemy. Had he always looked this nervous beneath his mask? No, the boy she'd danced with had a natural confidence glossing over the sadness deep beneath.
Maybe he wasn't Void or the persona she'd met at the ball. Maybe he was a little bit of both, and yet somehow neither. Someone who could bluff his way around her questions until he had to look her in the eye, who couldn't win at Command Board to save his life, who got excited about pancakes, who thought kidnapping was a good substitute for murder. Who had made the right choice when it came down to it, no matter how difficult the road had been in getting there.
"Hey, I know I'm pretty good-looking, but you can stare later. I want some pancakes before Terra and Ventus eat them all."
A teasing cheshire grin split his face, and if it still looked a little forced, well, at least he didn't look like he was ready to jump through a dark corridor at any sudden noise. So she just laughed and started towards the kitchen before he could see her blush.
The scene she walked in on could have been any other morning in the Land of Departure, with the exception of Cinderella's presence. Eraqus chatted with the Princess as he flipped pancakes on the electric griddle, with Ven snagging the fresh ones as soon as they slid from the spatula. Terra was setting butter and syrup on the small kitchen table… that was set for five. A new wooden chair had been procured for Cinderella, but of course they hadn't saved a spot for Vanitas. Aqua was torn between gratitude that her friends hadn't told Eraqus without warning her, and worry that Vanitas would feel left out.
"Good morning," Terra called warmly enough—but his eyes flickered from her, to Vanitas hovering at her side, to the Master, and his shoulders twitched upwards as if bracing for impact.
"Aqua!" Ven whirled around, a pancake still pinched between his fingers. It tore from its own weight, the bigger part of it flopping onto the tile floor. "Vanitas!"
The black-haired boy flinched visibly at his name. It was only then that Master Eraqus's voice died in the middle of asking Cinderella a question.
"Aqua?" He asked, his voice calm, though his eyes widened as they scanned Vanitas from head to toe. The skirt and skin-tight suit couldn't have made the best first impression, but the Master just raised his eyebrow a fraction. "I wasn't aware we had another guest."
Vanitas had frozen in place, his chest perfectly still. But it was just the Master. If she didn't show her nervousness, maybe Vanitas would realize he had nothing to worry about.
(Light, she hoped he had nothing to worry about.)
"Sorry Master, I wasn't sure if he was going to stay. This is Vanitas," she said as brightly as she could without sounding weird. "He's my… friend."
The introduction was worth it if only to see Vanitas's face light up like Christmas had come early. It was like he'd never had a friend before… oh. Her face heated in embarrassment at the realization, but the Master seemed to read the wrong meaning into it.
"Any friend of Aqua's is welcome here," he said with a knowing look that made her want to vanish into the floor.
"Master…" She groaned into her palm as Terra's cheeks swelled with suppressed laughter. He probably felt it was fitting payback for teasing him last night. But it wasn't, because Terra actually had something to be teased about! She and Vanitas weren't like that—and Terra knew that, even if the Master didn't.
"What? That's a good thing, isn't it?" Vanitas asked in a quick whisper. At least the undertones had flown over his head, surprisingly. She'd expected him to use the opportunity to tease her even worse.
Ven was hiding his own snickers, but he broke the awkward moment by moving the plate of pancakes from the counter to the table. "I'll go get you a chair, Vani!"
A look of horror passed over Vanitas's face before flashing to anger. "Don't call me—"
But Aqua stopped him with a hand on his shoulder and an intense look. Things are going alright so far. Please, please don't lose your temper.
He got the gist of the message, because he swallowed back the rest of his words. "You said not to lie. I can't pretend to be someone I'm not," he hissed under his breath.
"That's funny, because I thought that's what you did most of the time we've known each other."
Too late she realized how harsh the words had come out. The look of hurt crushed the light that had sparkled in his gold eyes moments earlier. The problem was, even if he was, in a way, her friend—or at least, she wanted him to be—it would still take a while for the wounds of her heart to heal. Trust and care and hurt all mixed together too painfully in her chest, like oil and water forced into the same tight space.
"I deserved that," he murmured. "But I'm not very good at pretending without my mask."
Before she could let the implications of that sink in, Master Eraqus cleared his throat pointedly. He, Terra, and Cinderella were already seated at the table, and staring way too awkwardly at the two of them. After all her warnings to Vanitas, it was going to be her who ruined their first impression by fighting.
"Is there a problem, Vanitas?" The Master's good humor vanished.
"No," Aqua said forcefully. Deep down she knew she couldn't stop the Master and Vanitas from talking—not for long, not for forever—but now she felt almost as nervous as he had. If she still felt shaken over Vanitas's conflicting actions, how would the Master trust him? The second he found out that Vanitas had kidnapped her, it would be over. And that was ignoring his darkness.
This was your idea, she reminded herself. You have to make it work. Vanitas is counting on you.
Again Ven came to the rescue, returning with a light plastic chair and a smile that looked a little more strained than usual. If even Ven was reacting to the tension in the room, things didn't look good.
She shared an apologetic look with Vanitas—because really, it was her fault for getting him in this situation—and was surprised to find him giving the same look back. Then they took their seats in silence. Even the smell of pancakes was no longer so tempting.
...Except it must have been to Vanitas because he was already pulling four pancakes onto his plate, dumping syrup over them, and stuffing them into his mouth with his bare hands.
Eraqus stared with an unreadable expression on his face. Cinderella blinked in surprise. Ven just looked confused, and Terra… Terra was the only one who seemed to realize just how serious this situation could be.
"Please don't hurt yourself," Cinderella said. If Vanitas heard her, he was too busy eating to answer.
Ven shrugged and got his own pancakes. At least his syrupy mess made Vanitas's look a little less… feral in comparison.
It's just table manners, Aqua told herself. It's not a big deal.
Only it was a big deal, because Eraqus would have a hard time accepting Vanitas for who he was without making a first impression like this on top of it.
"I can't pretend to be someone I'm not."
Did she want him to pretend? If that was the case, then she should've let him go through that dark corridor yesterday. No, she wanted to understand who he was.
Even if right now, he was just a starving boy pounding down pancakes like he'd never get the chance again.
She didn't realize she'd been staring too until he swallowed his last bite of pancake, and she hadn't touched hers.
"Well." He scooted his chair back, and she winced as it screeched against the tile. "Thanks for breakfast. Really hit the spot. I'm just going to—let you guys catch up. Yeah."
He nodded decisively, but Aqua grabbed his sticky hand before he could stand.
"Wait," she said. "Vanitas, please. You said you'd stay."
You said you were sure.
"That was before everyone looked at me like I'm some kind of—" he bit the inside of his cheek and looked away.
"Vanitas," Eraqus said, the name sounding foreign in his voice. "You are Aqua's friend, correct?"
"He—"
"Let him speak, Aqua."
She closed her mouth, even when Vanitas shot her a panicked look.
"I—I hope so." He squirmed in his seat as he answered. "I want to be, anyway."
Eraqus's face softened a little. "Then you can be at ease. I trust Master Aqua's judgement. If she brought you here, it must be for a good reason."
The tone implied that while he did trust her, he expected to hear what that reason was. Especially since it seemed clear that his first wild miscalculation was wrong.
Terra and Cinderella looked to her, their own breakfast forgotten. Maybe she should've spoken with the Master earlier. Doing all this with an audience felt… almost like her Mark of Mastery, actually. Like she was being tested. At least Ven was still eating, even if he was also staring at her between bites.
"I do have a good reason," she said evenly. "Vanitas was hurt by Xehanort, even more than the rest of us. He has nowhere else to go since I…"
She swallowed dryly, then quenched her throat with a gulp of the orange juice someone had placed at her spot. The acidic drink burned on the way down.
"I killed Master Xehanort," she finished quietly. She didn't dare meet her Master's eyes. She still didn't feel guilty for it—Xehanort had ripped Ven and Vanitas apart—but Master Eraqus had still been his friend. Terra had caught her up on what exactly he'd told the Master, and it seemed like he'd taken Xehanort's death pretty hard.
"Aqua." The Master's voice was the only sound in the room. Even Ven had stopped chewing. "You protected Terra and Ven. You made a difficult decision, one befitting a true Master. I am so proud of you."
Warmth choked Aqua's throat, and not from the juice this time. The Master wasn't upset. He was proud of her.
"Thank you, Master." She discreetly wiped her eyes on the back of her glove. As she did so, she caught Terra looking at her with something like longing. Had the Master been proud of him, too? He'd fought to take down Xehanort as well as she had, even if she'd dealt the final blow. She couldn't have done it without him.
"As for Vanitas…" Eraqus's warm smile faded to something more grim. "Would you care to explain your connection to Xehanort?" His eyes scanned Vanitas again before lingering on his gold irises. "Was he your... guardian in some form?"
Vanitas snorted. His syrupy hands clenched in his lap.
"No. He was my Master."
No snarky comments, just barely contained anger. Aqua was grateful he'd managed to contain his Unversed, and distantly wondered how much effort that took—if he was always trying to control his emotions, or if they required more conscious effort to materialize. The ones he spawned in his nightmares made her think the former.
"I was not aware that Xehanort had an apprentice," Eraqus said in surprise.
"Sounds like there's a lot you didn't know about him," Vanitas snapped back. Then he flinched, as if he'd just realized how sharp his words had come out. As if he expected punishment for them.
Aqua squeezed one of his hands under the table, trying to provide what little comfort she could. Of course, she would never take that tone with her Master, but she could hardly blame Vanitas either. If Eraqus had known more about Xehanort a long time ago, maybe Vanitas wouldn't have had to stay with the dark Master. Maybe he could have come here, like Ven had, and maybe… maybe everything would've turned out differently.
But maybes would do them no good. For now, all she could do was try to make things right.
"...I'm afraid you're right." The Master sighed. "Yesterday, Terra made it clear to me how little I know about what you all have been through. Yours was meant to be a simple mission. I never expected… had I known what Xehanort was capable of, I never would have sent you two after him."
The Master frowned over his untouched pancakes. After so many days without a reliable (non-stolen) food source, Aqua couldn't help thinking that letting them go cold would be a waste. But she still couldn't bring her hand away from Vanitas's to grip her fork, and she definitely couldn't force her tight throat to swallow.
"Though I must ask," the Master continued, "was he involved in the rise of the Unversed, as well? That threat must still be contained. I will not ask you to leave again after such a harrowing experience. I can deal with them myself."
Aqua felt Vanitas stiffen through their linked hands. He sought her from the corner of his eye, and she bit her lip before giving him a shallow nod. He would do better at explaining his creations than she would. She could only hope that the Master wouldn't… well, she wasn't sure what he would do. Summon his keyblade? Fight Vanitas over the kitchen table, sending syrup and juice flying everywhere? The ridiculousness of the thought calmed her somewhat.
"The Unversed aren't a threat," Vanitas spoke up quietly. "At least, not anymore. I can control them because... because they come from me."
Aqua's eyes flickered to Terra, who cringed at this admission. Apparently he didn't share Aqua's conviction that telling the truth was the best idea in the long run. They couldn't keep this from the Master forever, though.
The Master's eyes widened before narrowing to slits. "You have been disrupting the balance of the Worlds?"
"I— yes." He swallowed, nearly shaking. "It was Xehanort's plan. To lure Ventus and Terra away from home."
"But you are their source? Not Xehanort?"
Eraqus's voice held an edge that worried Aqua. Worried Vanitas, too—if she was right about the dark mist that began to wisp from his shoulders.
"These monsters are creatures of emotion. Emotions that prove that destructive—how can I trust them around my apprentices?"
The mist began to solidify. It was only then that Aqua realized how big of a mistake this might be.
"Master, you're scaring him," she said quickly, but no amount of words could push the Unversed back beneath Vanitas's skin. He winced as two Floods peeled off of him and zipped across the table.
It all seemed to happen in slow motion. Cinderella ducked under the table with a quiet "oh!" Terra wrapped an arm around her shoulders as he summoned Earthshaker. Ven leapt up in shock, nearly flinging his pancakes into his lap.
And the Master—the Master pushed back his chair, summoned his steel keyblade, and sliced through the two Unversed in one swift motion. Overturned glasses and smushed pancakes were all that was left of the creatures.
Vanitas gasped in pain, but Aqua barely had time to notice, because suddenly Eraqus was pointing his keyblade across the table at Vanitas's throat.
"Master!"
Pure terror flashed across Vanitas's face—wide eyes, parted lips, pupils that shrunk to pinpricks. Aqua burst up from her chair.
"Stop!"
Without the aid of a Command, her word held no magical properties. It was still enough to make the Master pause—but not enough to keep Vanitas from toppling out of his chair, scrambling to his feet, and fleeing the room.
"Vanitas, wait!" She called. It would be useless, though. He'd already wanted to run, and now that Eraqus had given him a reason…
Saltwater stung her eyes. She slammed a fist on the table, shaking the porcelain plates. "How could you do that, Master? You didn't even give him a chance to explain!"
"He released his monsters, Aqua! What was there to explain?"
"That it was an accident, you were scaring him and he's terrified of you! His last Master tried to possess him and use him to make some kind of superweapon, can you blame him?"
"He is using darkness! To terrorize innocent worlds!"
"Because Xehanort forced him to! Master, you said you would trust me!"
Master Eraqus froze, his eyes lowering in something like shame. Aqua's shoulders still shook with emotion. This couldn't be happening. This wasn't happening—she couldn't be forced to choose between her Master and doing what her heart told her was right. The Master always supported the light, and to her, that meant not leaving a heart in need.
But she'd already failed. Vanitas was probably worlds away by now. With his dark portals, he could go anywhere.
But he'd promised he would stay. Maybe, even though she'd failed in her half, he'd kept his.
"I'm going to find him."
Her chair screeched as she pushed it back. And then she left her Master there, his hands braced against the table, his head hanging low.
XXX
Terra and Ven were silent for a long moment after Aqua left. Terra still felt cold where Cinderella had also fled his side moments after Vanitas ran. Would she be too scared to stay now, too? Would the Master's anger remind her too much of her overbearing stepmother?
All the fear and rage he'd held back last night started to bubble back to the surface.
"Was this what you wanted?" He ground out, gesturing to the ruined food strewn across the table. Orange juice leaked off the table with a quiet drip, drip, drip, filling the silence between Terra's heavy breaths. "Was it?"
"No," Master Eraqus whispered. "I've hurt Aqua just as I've hurt you. And yet… I could never forgive myself if I lost any of you to darkness…"
"You won't have to worry about that," Terra promised darkly. "At this rate, we'll be gone anyway."
Unlike yesterday, no tears welled in his eyes. The image of Vanitas summoning the Unversed replayed in his mind, over and over. It had only been two Floods. Barely a threat. He didn't believe Vanitas had really tried to attack the Master. Even if he hadn't changed, the boy wasn't that stupid.
But the Master wouldn't know that. All he would've seen was a heart of darkness, trying to harm him and his apprentices. All he had was Aqua's word otherwise.
Apparently that wasn't enough.
"Terra's… Terra's right," Ven said, his voice as sad as Terra had ever heard it. "I can't explain it all right now, but—I need Vanitas. He's made mistakes, but he's—he's part of me, and I have to—I have to find out what he knows. About who we are."
"Ventus—"
"No, Master! I know you lied to me! I'm not from here, I didn't— I didn't grow up with Terra and Aqua, I'm not…"
A choked sob escaped him. Terra reached towards him, wanting to pull his friend, his brother, into a comforting hug— but he'd kept secrets from Ven too. He'd had no idea how much that fact had been weighing on his friend.
"You're my apprentice as much as they are," Master Eraqus said firmly. Only the barest crack in his voice betrayed the hurt he must feel. "Ven, you know I love you like my own son. Terra, you know this as well. Everything I have done, I have done to protect you."
"But you don't get it!" Ven yelled, stepping back and throwing out his arm, as if he could push away the pain he must feel. "Vanitas is me!"
"You idiot, I am Ven!" The memory of Vanitas's snarling voice cut through him. He'd thought it a trick at the time, but—did the two really still feel a connection?
"If you want to protect me—then protect him, too. Because… if things had been different… his life could've been mine," Ven finished quietly.
"Ven…" Terra whispered. How long had he held in that thought? Terra had been a little jealous of his friend's light, but that light had come with a price. Vanitas was that price. It wasn't fair to either of them.
None of this was fair. They'd beaten Xehanort. They'd completed the mission. Light, he'd even confessed his feelings to Cinderella. Wasn't there supposed to be some kind of happily ever after now?
Eraqus absently began soaking up spilled orange juice with a napkin. The spill was way too large for the small square of fabric, but it didn't stop him from smearing the liquid across the grain of wood.
"Well?" Terra's patience ran out. "What are you going to do?"
The Master's hand paused. The sleeve of his robe fell into the sticky liquid; orange soaked up the white hem.
"I believe… in light of recent developments… I will choose to trust you."
"You—what?" The anger died on his tongue.
"The fact that you sound so surprised hurts," he replied ruefully, "but I understand. I told Aqua I would trust her, and then I nearly attacked her friend."
He sighed and began wringing the juice from his sleeve. "I don't know what is to become of us. But you are my family, and if you can find it in your hearts to trust me too—"
Ven cut him off by launching at him in a hug. "Thank you, Master."
Tension still held Terra back. He knew the Master meant well, but his attitudes about darkness couldn't change overnight. His reaction to Vanitas had proved that.
Still… he was trying. Just like Terra was trying to overcome his darkness, Eraqus was trying to overcome the only philosophy he had ever known. And Vanitas was trying to be a friend, and Ven was trying to understand who he was. Aqua was trying to make the difficult choices of a Keyblade Master. And Cinderella was trying to wrap her head around being a Princess of Heart and a keyblade wielder in the same week she'd learned about other worlds.
So much was changing for all of them. It was no wonder that completing their mission hadn't solved everything. Their lives weren't fairy tales, and this wasn't an "ever after"—but, if they were willing to keep trying together rather than apart, maybe it could still be happy.
So Terra stepped forward and wrapped his arms around his Master and his friend, his Father and his brother.
And for the first time since he'd set foot back in the Land of Departure, he felt like he'd truly come home.
XXX
He couldn't stay here. He couldn't stay here. Of course he couldn't. He was so stupid, letting Aqua make him think Eraqus would accept him—making him think warm breakfasts and soft sheets could be his—
But here he was, again cocooned in Aqua's blankets, letting her honeysuckle scent fill his nose. He didn't know why he'd run back to her room, instead of leaving the world entirely. Maybe some part of him still couldn't leave like that, without saying goodbye. And… even if he couldn't face her Master, he felt safe here.
Aqua still felt safe. Stupid, stupid. She couldn't protect him.
But she tried to. She told him to stop… and Eraqus had stopped. Even if it hadn't been a physical intervention, Eraqus hadn't hurt him. Besides striking down his Unversed, but Eraqus could hardly be blamed for that when the monsters had jumped at him.
If Vanitas had just held it together… if his stupid emotions didn't come tearing out at the worst time… but they always would, wouldn't they? He'd trained for years to control them, but it still wasn't enough. He couldn't hold them in forever.
"Vanitas?"
He flinched deeper into the blankets. That wasn't Aqua's voice. That was…
"Princess?" He whispered at the closed door. Yes, he could smell her antiseptic scent even with the barrier between them; he pulled the blanket up over his nose to make it more bearable.
"May I come in?"
He'd gotten his emotions under control by now. His Unversed wouldn't hurt her by accident. And while the Princess might not be the one he was expecting to see, she had been kind to him too.
He shrugged before realizing she wouldn't be able to see it. "I guess."
The door creaked open, and Cinderella quietly stepped inside. Her eyes widened at the sight of him with the blue blanket draped over his head and around his shoulders so that only his eyes and the tips of his bangs were visible. If she'd expected him to make himself presentable, she'd be disappointed.
"Are you alright?"
"Why do you care?" He mumbled into the fabric. She'd seen him release the Unversed. Shouldn't she be mad? Or scared, or… anything besides concerned, which was how she looked now.
Guilty Mandrakes turned in his stomach. He'd hurt the Princess, kidnapped her, purposely terrified her. Why was she too stupid to hate him?
She came to sit on the edge of Aqua's bed, her bare toes brushing against the soft carpet. "People don't need a reason to care, Vanitas. But if you must know, I think I understand how you feel."
He almost raised an eyebrow in doubt. But then he remembered the words she'd spoken at the Graveyard.
"My life isn't 'butterflies and rainbows,' Vanitas. I know what it's like to be hurt. To have others think you're worthless. Or… less than human."
"How do I feel then?" Genuine curiosity tugged at him.
She shifted slightly, a pensive look on her face.
"Well, I can't say I know for certain, but it must be difficult. You've only just escaped one authority figure who mistreated you. Terra's Master must look frightening too. And he did say that your monsters come from your emotions."
...Alright, maybe she did have some idea of what he was feeling. A surprisingly good idea. It was the curse of literally manifesting his emotions, he guessed.
He swallowed before daring an embarrassing question. "Does Eraqus scare you too?"
"Well… no. He's rather pleasant, once you talk to him." She rubbed at a callus on her palm. "But I can understand why you would be afraid. I just recently escaped my Stepmother. She and my stepsisters weren't as horrible as Xehanort must have been, but it… it takes its toll. It can be difficult to trust again, when you've been hurt."
"But you're still as light as ever," he couldn't help scoffing. "You can still trust. You didn't break."
You didn't do all the horrible things I did. You didn't deserve whatever they did to you.
"I have Terra to thank for that, I think. Escaping would have been much more difficult without his help." She smiled softly, lovingly. Terra was impossibly lucky to have someone think about him like that.
"You really love him, huh," he realized. "Even though he has darkness?"
"I'm not sure I understand the concepts of light and darkness the way you all seem to," she said, drumming her fingers on the comforter. "Terra has a good heart. He wants to do what's right, and he's willing to work hard for it. He wants to protect those he loves. I don't see how any of that could be wrong."
Vanitas's brow furrowed. Terra really wasn't much like him, when it came down to it. Maybe the other boy's darkness didn't run that deep.
"I think you have a good heart too, Vanitas. Otherwise you wouldn't be here."
His head snapped up at that, almost shaking off the blanket wrapped around him.
"How can you know that?" His question came out a little too desperate. "You barely know me."
"That's true. I suppose it's just a Princess's intuition." She winked. It was so silly he almost laughed.
Whether or not her Princess's Intuition was right, he did feel better after talking to her. Maybe some of her light had seeped into him by proximity.
"I wish Eraqus shared your intuition," he muttered, deflating. In the end it didn't matter if Cinderella, against all reason, thought he could be good. If Eraqus couldn't accept him, it was over. No more pretending he could have a home.
No more Aqua.
"Terra was worried about that." Cinderella pursed her lips. "Darkness is apparently a sensitive subject with him."
Vanitas snorted, though the effect was muffled by his blanket.
Cinderella bit her lip, glancing towards and away from him suspiciously.
"What?" He asked.
"You know, I…" She squared her shoulders and finally looked at him fully. "I'm a Princess of Heart, which gives me some kind of magic, apparently. And light to spare. I don't quite understand it, but maybe… maybe I could share some with you?"
"You—what?" He gaped.
His heart pounded, as if realizing how close it was to what it needed, craved. A near infinite supply of light, being offered up on a silver platter. Yes, yes, yes, it hissed, seeking to steal that antiseptic scent for itself. He could be free.
He could be whole. Was anything more important than that?
Still, nagging doubt held his tongue. He knew what accepting Aqua's light had done to her. Cinderella might be a Princess, but that didn't mean she would come out unscathed. Could he take more from her than the kindness she'd already offered?
His mind was still spinning when the door flung open. Still spinning when it revealed Aqua's smile of relief. Still spinning when her lean arms squeezed him tight.
"I'm so sorry," her unexpected words came out in a rush. "I didn't think the Master would do that, I swear, if I'd known—"
He managed to get ahold of himself enough to cut off her underserved apology.
"It's not your fault." He couldn't hug her back, trapped in the blanket as he was, but he rested his chin on her shoulder and revelled in her honeysuckle scent. She was hugging him on purpose, and he hadn't even had to ask, and maybe being threatened by her Master would be worth it if he could feel this all the time.
If he could feel this… If he could feel warm and safe and cared for, even as a heart of darkness… wasn't that why he'd wanted the light in the first place? To feel whole? But being wrapped in the embrace of someone who wanted him… it was nearly as thrilling as when Aqua had given him her light. More, maybe, because the guilt of truths unspoken didn't hang between them.
She pulled back all too soon, but kept her hands on his arms. Or, where his arms would be under the fluffy blanket.
"You stayed."
His face warmed. "I said I would, didn't I?" Not that he was known for keeping his word. He hoped to change that, though.
Her face crumpled into a smile, and then she finally seemed to take in Cinderella's presence.
"Oh. Sorry, was I interrupting… something?" Aqua blinked.
"Of course not." Cinderella smiled back. "I was only offering to share my light with Vanitas, so that your Master will accept him."
His cheeks burned as if Cinderella had offered her hand in marriage or something equally mortifying. Surely Aqua wouldn't think he'd asked for her light. He was selfish, but not that selfish—not when he understood the consequences.
"It's not that simple," he told her, looking away before he could see Aqua's reaction, and explained what he'd been too stunned to earlier. "Aqua tried before, and it—it really hurt her. I can't risk that."
Terra would kill him, for one, but it wasn't just about that. Who knew what accepting light from a Princess of Heart could do? For all he knew, they'd accidentally forge the X-Blade. That was out of the question. And even if the side effects weren't that dire, he didn't want anyone else to feel as empty as he did. His darkness might not be his fault, but that didn't give him the right to spread it like a disease.
Since when do I care? The thought came suddenly. He used to want everyone to suffer as much as he had.
(But not Aqua. Never Aqua, no matter how much he'd tried to convince himself otherwise.)
Aqua was one thing, an exception—but the fact that he didn't want to hurt Cinderella, either… that was disconcerting. He searched deeper, and found that hatred for Terra and even Ventus was nothing more than cold ashes inside him.
(No, the only one he hated was dead.)
A heart of darkness with no energy left for hate… what did that make him?
Aqua squeezed his shoulder, nearly startling a Hareraiser out of him. "Vanitas? Were you listening?"
"Uh…" His gaze darted from her, to Cinderella, and back. What was he supposed to say? Sorry, I was having an existential crisis?
"I'm willing to try," Cinderella said gently. "Aqua explained how it felt to give up light. I believe it's worth it, if it will allow you to stay here."
He blinked a few times. "You… no. You can't. Terra will kill me."
Cinderella laughed behind her hand. "I doubt that."
"He'd have to get through me first," Aqua said wryly. "I made you a promise, didn't I? I was going to help you get your light back. Maybe I can't do it myself, but if Cinderella can… don't you think it's worth a try?"
Was it? Nervousness sent Floods boiling to the surface of his skin. He took deep breaths to calm them. If Aqua noticed the misty beginnings of the monsters, she was kind enough not to point it out.
If Cinderella had offered a day earlier, maybe things would be different. It wasn't that Vanitas wanted to keep his darkness. But it was his problem—no one else's. He hadn't been able to fill the void by stealing from her or Aqua. Even if it did work, would he still be himself at the end?
And the real question that he desperately needed answered: if he chose to stay like this, to gain light on his terms, would Aqua still accept him? Or was her care conditional on him taking her kind of light?
"I…" he swallowed dryly. He really should've guzzled some juice after devouring all those pancakes. "Will you hate me if I don't?"
It was the most pathetic way he could've worded the question, but he fought his embarrassment to look Aqua in the eyes.
"Wh—Vanitas, no, of course not."
He drew the blanket tighter around his shoulders and finally voiced a thought he hadn't allowed himself before.
"I… I think I might have my own light. Just a little," he said, and her eyes widened, but he kept going. "I'm a heart of darkness, that's what Xehanort always told me, and all I could feel was negative emotion, but… I don't, anymore. Thanks to you, Aqua."
Water pooled in the corners of her eyes. Void, what had he said?
"I—dang it, Aqua, don't cry…"
She pulled him into another crushing hug. Soon water was dripping down into his matted hair.
"You're really feeling better?"
Not you really have light? No, she'd asked about how he felt. Just like she had this morning. Void, he didn't deserve her friendship.
"Yeah. Better than I ever have in my life," he said, the honesty crushing him as much as her embrace.
"I think you're right," she said into his hair. "I can sense darkness. At first I thought it was just because I—" She paused for a loaded moment. "Nevermind. The point is, you don't feel as dark as you did before. I would know."
"Really?" He pushed himself back enough to face her again.
"Really." She smiled.
It should have been impossible, but the more he thought about it, the more it made sense. Ventus had to have a little bit of darkness, to feel the range of fear and anger he'd initially felt towards Vanitas. So why couldn't Vanitas have a little bit of light, too? Especially now that Xehanort wouldn't be able to crush it out of him… he didn't have to rely on anger and hate to strengthen him anymore. It was a terrifying source of relief—it wasn't like he wanted to feel miserable, but what other source of strength was there?
Looking into Aqua's eyes, he was pretty sure he would figure it out.
But that still left him with one more question.
"Do you… do you think it'll be enough to convince your Master?"
Her smile flattened in determination. "I'll make sure it will be—wait, does that mean you'll still stay? Even after what he almost did to you?"
He shrugged. "I've had keyblades pointed at me before. It wasn't like he actually stabbed me."
She winced at that, but he really wasn't in the mood for pity. He had light; they should be happy. And he missed her brilliant smile already.
The truth was, he was still afraid of Eraqus. But he wasn't going to let something as insignificant as that stand between him and everything he'd worked towards.
As it turned out, he didn't have long to wait to face his fear. A knock sounded on the door.
"Aqua? ...Vanitas?" Eraqus's voice asked.
The two of them froze. Even Cinderella went still, though his voice hadn't been directed at her. The three of them exchanged glances, though Vanitas wasn't sure what they were hoping to find. He couldn't hide forever.
He would try again. And again. As many times as it took.
He'd never given up before, and he wouldn't now that he'd finally begun to fill the empty space inside him.
"We're in here," he called.
Maybe he should've dropped the blanket before the Master—and Terra and Ventus, he noticed—entered the room. But it was too late now.
He refused to stiffen, though Aqua's arms tightened around him with a touching protectiveness.
"Vanitas," Eraqus began, only pausing for a moment at the sight of him wrapped in the fluffy blanket and Aqua's embrace. "I have had some time to consider your situation. Terra and Ven have given me some additional knowledge, as well."
Can you just get to the point? He wanted to ask. This was the moment everything hinged on. It didn't matter if he had a speck of light, if Eraqus still couldn't see past his Unversed. A few of the wayward emotions threatened to prickle up again, but he held them firmly back. He wouldn'tmake that mistake twice.
Eraqus came to the edge of the bed, where he looked down at Vanitas and Aqua with an unreadable expression.
"I have decided that based on Terra, Aqua, and Ven's words, you can be trusted."
"Master, you can't—" Aqua started, before his words seemed to sink in. "Wait, you're… what?"
Vanitas's head was still spinning, or he would've asked the same thing. He could be trusted? Where was the Eraqus who'd wanted to kill him less than an hour ago?
"Yes, everyone is surprised," the Master huffed with a mix of exasperation and… humor? He shook his head before continuing in a serious tone. "Unless you prove my apprentices wrong, you may train with them here. You must abide by our rules, but you will be given a chance to prove you can use the keyblade for good."
His eyes flickered to Terra's as he said that. The faint nod the older boy gave him spread a grin across Vanitas's face. Terra had stood up for him. Terra! Vanitas took back all the times he'd called the other boy and idiot. If he'd managed to change Eraqus's mind, he must be way smarter than Vanitas had thought.
"I understand being my apprentice may be a… difficult change for you," Eraqus went on while Vanitas was still reeling. "I have learned that I am not the most equipped for teaching control over darkness. So if you accept, you will join Terra in training with Yen Sid, as well. Though he is Master no more, I understand he has a new apprentice and has accepted my request to assist Terra. I am certain he will do the same for you."
"Another Master?" Vanitas couldn't help blurting. He was just trying to get used to Eraqus, and now he'd have to meet another old guy?
"I've met Yen Sid," Terra said. "I think… I think it'll be good. I know it will be for me. If you really want to change, it's worth a shot."
Right. Of course it was. He was being given a second chance. It would be stupid to throw that away.
"Will you do it?" Ventus asked anxiously.
All eyes were on him. Even Aqua, who let go to give him a little bit of breathing room. The attention felt somewhat stifling—he'd only recently learned to make eye contact at all—but he could handle it.
The answer was obvious, after all.
He looked up into his new Master's eyes. Eyes that weren't gold, that—surprisingly—weren't filled with hate. He had no idea what to expect from Eraqus, or from the mysterious Yen Sid. No clues to what this new apprenticeship would entail.
But it was a chance. That was all he could ask for.
"Yeah," he finally said. "I think I will."
A/N: Approximately 1-2 chapters to go! Get HYYYYYPE!
(but i will probably be updating Souvenirs We Never Lose next, so like. Not Too Hype yet)
(also i edited this at 1am please forgive any errors)