Nnoitra trudged through the white sands of Heuco Mundo towards the distant palace that finally came into view half an hour ago. This time. This time he was going to win. After all of these years, he had thought she was dead, he had become much stronger than before.
"And what that bitch doesn't know is gonna kill her." Nnoitra laughed to himself, just wanting to see the look on Szayel's face when he returned victoriously.
He so did not wish for him to leave that Nnoitra had no choice but to do so.
"Because, when more people oppose you, the more likely you are succeed, right?"
The large sword in his hand was forever silent.
"Well, in a way, I'm glad you can't speak." Nnoitra told his former self that he collected from where Orihime was staying. "Because if you did talk, sword, you would be such a pain in the- ow!" He glanced down to see what idiot decided to smack him, Nnoitra Gilga in the fuckin' head.
"What the…" He saw no one else around.
According to his senses, the desert was empty, save a few hollows who were nearly dead from starvation themselves.
But no one was standing before him ready to be killed.
Nnoitra glanced at his feet to make sure that some little hollow hadn't decided to eat his toes off and much to his surprise, he saw something colorful sticking out of the sands.
He bent down and picked up the tattered and rather sandy magazine. "What?" He opened the first page and frowned. It was just full of stupid things to buy. Nnoitra closed it again and was about to throw it off farther in to the darkness when something on the back caught his eyes. "What is… National…" He brushed some of the sand off, "Suicide Prevention Lifeline… (800) 273-TALK also known as (8255)…Yeah…You got it right, Skymall. I need someone to talk to. Because, to be honest, little Magazine, I don't know what I'm doing."
Then, maybe I should stop being such a damn idiot and go get a phone already. Besides, if I talk on a phone, then, maybe Szayel won't yell at me when I get home… but that's still a stupid idea. Because why the hell would I want to talk to some damn stranger about my own problems?
"And," Nnoitra opened up the pages and began to look at the pet supplies, "Maybe you're right. Maybe I am just giving in and just going to Nelliel so I can just die already. Oh, life is so confusing… and why do you have other numbers on you?" He scanned the list and found another lifeline to call and a few others that he thought might be useful to other people. "Hey, Nelliel-Bitch, wanna call the Stalker's Anonymous line? Because you really could use it."
Nnoitra smiled slightly at his own joke and glanced at the palace in the distance. "…Should I?"
Nnoitra-sama, don't be such an idiot. Telsa scolded in the back of his mind. Don't you have any self respect?
And honey, Szayel added in his own sassy tone, if I have to patch you up one more time, I am going to scream. And I am just going to put bolts in your head because you by the time I am done with you, you will look like Frankenstein. And the easy fix to that, is called, 'stop getting into fights all the damn time!'
"And that's right." Nnoitra sighed heavily and sat down in the sands. "I made you scream. And cry and I'm not to proud of that. I'm sorry, Szayel. I shouldn't have done that to you and… damn it, if I just go in there and let Nellilel kill me, you'll just cry more and that's not what I want. Let alone Telsa. I don't know what he'd do. Cry as well? I.. I can't bare to see that kid cry. When he does, it's like a drippy well and he always uses so much tissue…and…" Nnoitra glanced at the magazine and after a moment's thought, he stood up.
"Now… " He was suddenly glad he hadn't just appeared in the palace and wanted to surprise Nelliel, so started far away from her. "Where would one find a telephone? Everyone has cellphones…"
Nnoitra closed Garganta behind him and began to walk down the path to the nearest place with a telephone. "And as long as they don't ask for my life story, that's fine…" He walked out of the passage and into a office store somewhere in the world.
"And for some reason…" Nnoitra looked at the signs of the different sections, "they make sense. Unlike Japanese that just makes me confused." He headed over to the phone section and soon found one of the displays that actually worked, which Nnoitra realized was one of the counter phones by the printing center. "Anyhow… who cares. I'm gonna call one of these talk lines… I just hope they're nice." He dialed the number off the back of Skymall and waited while it rang.
"This is the Talk Line." A voice said in English. "How may we help you today?"
Nnoitra fell silent.
Someone actually picked up.
He just wanted to leave these people a really, really long message.
"If you do not feel comfortable at the moment, I understand."
Nnoitra doubted that, and sat down on the counter next to the phone.
He set the phone down and picked up a piece of paper that was behind the desk. "I'm just curious how long you'll wait…" He grabbed a pen and began to doodle some kind of monster or other. "And there…. Done."
He crumpled up the piece of paper and threw it at the nearest waste basket he could see.
"And now," Nnoitra picked up the phone. "Hello? You there?"
"Yes?"
Nnoitra quickly put the phone down again and shivered.
They were still there!
But, then again… Nnoitra couldn't stop himself. "What would Szayel or Telsa do? It know it sounds stupid, Skymall, but… I… I don't want to make them cry anymore…"
"I understand." The person said, pleased that someone came on the line again. "And, sure, I'm Skymall."
"No you aren't." Nnoitra said back, glad his hands picked up the phone. "Skymall is where I found this number."
"Hah. They have everything in there, don't they?"
"Yeah, they do. Now, let's just get on with it as I… I have people to go back to."
"Back to, where?"
"Home."
"And I am assuming that is somewhere you find comforting, right?"
"Yeah." Nnoitra said, ignoring the screams of costumers who thought they were seeing a floating phone. "It is."
"And, who is it you'll go home to?"
"My best friend, Telsa and husband, Szayel. I feel really bad about it all because I made both of them cry and… now I sound stupid,"
"No, you don't. We all think we do, but in truth, when we sound like we are, we are getting to the solution."
"Nice." Nnoitra said, "and what's your name?"
"Greg. Yours?"
"Um…" The Espada glanced around, sure he felt the distant glimmer of Soul Reaper Riatsu. "I'd rather not say."
"That's fine. I know it hurts to make the people love, cry and with time, things can be fixed."
"It can?" Nnoitra was sure after what he did, he'd never be forgiven. "I've been pretty mean. You see, there was this woman I hated-"
"And why, may I ask?"
"Yeah, yeah. Ask all you want. You see, she is this stalker-bitch that wouldn't leave me the fuck alone and she always followed me everywhere. That's why I call her a stalker-bitch."
"I see."
"Good, Greg." Nnoitra was so happy that once in his life, he wasn't yelled at by Tia for his language. "It's good to swear again. Anyhow, onward. And stalker-bitch would always tell me how weak I was, which wasn't what I needed in life because I feel like shit all the time. And so, one day, I get rid of Stalker-bitch by cracking her head open. Yeah, I know. Violence. But who gives a fuck? Anyhow. Now, I just discovered that Stalker-bitch came back from hell and I can't stand the idea…because if I… If I acknowledge that she's alive then, it would be admitting I am weak and I've tried… I've tried so hard to be the strongest. And it's not all about that either! I just…"
"So maybe." Greg said, taking a moment to interject. "Stalker hurt your self-esteem?"
"More than that." Nnoitra couldn't believe he was crying. "She always wins… and I… I am so tired to losing! I've lost all my life. And what… What I'm gonna tell you I've haven't told anyone, okay?"
"Yes. This is all confidential unless an child or elder is being abused."
"Cool. Anyhow…. This is gonna sound weird to you, okay?"
"All right. I've heard weird."
"Well," Nnoitra took a deep breath. "When… When I was human and I don't remember most of any of it, but I know that life was always such a struggle. I don't know why. Maybe I was poor or something. But I was always such a damn loser getting beheaded and all. And I can't stand to lose in this life either and so that's why I went to go fight Stalker-Bitch even though she would chop me up. And I was on my way there when I was hit in the head by stupid Skymall and that's how I found this number. Anyhow… It's not just… Stalker-Bitch. She's just… part of my problem. And are you still there, Greg?"
"Yes, I am. And for your info, it wasn't that weird."
"What are you?" Nnoitra suddenly asked. "A Hollow, Soul Reaper or someone save us, a Quincy?"
"Human? But I could care less what you are as it is never an important part of someone. As what is inside is what matters."
"Which brings me to the fact that there is…Nothing inside." Nnoitra confessed, ignoring the police officers talking to the floating phone. "I know it's a hollow's thing not to have a soul or what not or whatever…but… why do I feel that way all the time? I try to find something to be happy about as I got my reason back when my mask was broken, but… I…I just want to cry all the time and then I get mad because I don't want to cry."
"Yes, sometimes we all need to cry. Do you have any idea what about?"
"Not really, Greg. I…Fuck off!" Nnoitra yelled at the stupid people watching him make a phone call. "Greg… I'm in a jam over here."
"How can I help?"
"These people see a phone floating in the air, but they can't see me."
"Uh.. Huh… You're a ghost?"
"Yeah. Kinda."
"Neat. Saw one hanging around the train station the other day."
"Really?" Nnoitra suddenly realized why this person could talk to him. "So you are a six-sense? Now, can you sit and listen a little more?"
"Of course. And yes I do have a six-sense, not very strong mind you. But I'm here as long as you need me to be."
"So, I was saying that I just…feel like I can't escape sometimes. I get in this space and the world is dark and colorless. And I just hate it so much. I feel like my dog, mom, dad and everyone else in my family died or something. And all on the same day that my house burned down after my best friend fell through the window because he was shot in the head or something. When in truth, it's just a normal day, nothing bad has happened. Yet, I feel like this."
"Well, is there any tricks you've found to make you feel better?"
"Not really." Nnoitra said, tossing a handful of pens at the bystanders just to scare them. "I like talking to Telsa and all."
"And who is Telsa again?"
"My best friend. Well, he's more like a brother in a way."
"Aren't all best friends and you know, you can talk to them about anything."
"Yeah. I know and I do mostly."
"Mostly?" Greg asked.
"Well, something I don't tell either of them. Telsa or Szayel just because I don't want them to be concerned."
"I understand, but what can't you tell the people closest to you? If you don't mind."
"Not at all. You already know a lot about me. Anyhow, Yeah… I have these horrible dreams sometimes and I don't bother telling them because some of them-the dreams- are so real, that I don't want to know sometimes what wasn't and was a dream. So, yeah. We all have our secrets."
"I understand. But maybe, next time you have a bad dream, maybe you'd feel better if you talked to one of them about it because, who knows, they have strange dreams too."
"Maybe." Nnoitra laughed at the idea. "But here's the thing, Szayel really doesn't sleep sometimes."
"Sometimes?"
"Yeah. He gets all chatty and keeps me up all night. Thankfully, he does get some sleep every few months or so. It's on and off. Anyhow, I guess I was just ready to give up and give into the idea that I'd always lose. That's why I went to Heuco Mundo in the first place. I...Greg. How do I apologize?"
"Well, just say, 'I'm sorry' once and let Telsa and… What's his name?"
"Szayel."
"Szayel. Let them sort out their feelings. It's okay if they are a little hesitant at first, but I know from what I hear, they love you very much."
"Yeah. You got that right. So, it's okay if they are upset with me? Is that what you're saying?"
"No, it's not what I'm saying. It's… like… how do I put it. They love you so much that they'll be very concerned and with love, sometimes come a bit of anger as some don't know how to express themselves any other way."
Nnoitra nodded. It was the same thing he just said. "I'll buy it and so yeah.. Those are my lame problems."
"Those aren't lame. I wouldn't like anyone who constantly put me down and I wouldn't like to feel sad all the time either. So, you do have relevant dilemmas. Now, I don't know what I can do about…."
"Just say it already."
"Stalker…Bitch…"
"Good job, Greg."
"Why thank you. I don't know what I can do about her, but can I suggest that you regularly see someone, maybe your medical doctor or school councilor knows someone you see to talk about your sadness? Is that possible?"
"Well, I'm not really in a place I could go see someone pre say, but, I could just talk to Telsa for now or whatever."
"Sure. Talking to Telsa sounds like a wonderful idea. And you know, if Szayel's up all night, maybe you can talk to him too."
"Wanna bet?" Nnoitra dared his new friend. "He talks on and on and on and he just won't shut up lately. And what's worse, he spoiled the end of Hellsing AND Battle Royale!"
"I'm sorry about that. My friend spoiled the ending of Harry Potter and the Terminator Series, So I know your pain."
"Thank someone!" Nnoitra cried, so happy someone knew the agony he spoke of. "And you know, I've also been in the middle of this kinda family feud and I don't wanna put up with it anymore. So, I shut them in a room together."
"Who?"
"Szayel and his brother he hates, I stuck them in a room together so they'd have to talk and damn this stupid thing goes back a good hundred years and I just feel like I might just lose it one of these days. I want to just scream at both of them that it's both of your own damn faults! Now apologize, hug and get on with your lives!"
"Don't we all want to do that. Hopefully they will talk it out at some point, but some people can't be swayed."
"Yeah… I know." Nnoitra grouched, adding, "and you should really see the crowd over here… It's getting scary… hey! Don't put your hand through my foot!"
"Sorry." Greg was sure it sucked to be a ghost. "Humans just don't know better sometimes. Anyhow, anything else come to mind that you wish to share?"
"Not much…Except that I've gotta somehow murder Mr. 1911."
"Mr. 1911? I don't think you should do something so drastic."
"Well, it's kinda getting on my nerves." Nnoitra grabbed some paper and tossed it at the storewide crowd who was doing all the stupid things humans do. Like record on their phone, scream, point, tweet or whatever. "You see, my husband, Szayel grew up in a weird world called 1883 or something and he's such a, 'don't be yourself' and 'for the love of humanity, don't act this way or that'. He lives in a deep dark closet in the depth of the ocean under the ice of the arctic it seems. He doesn't get that times have changed and that everyone could care less. Sure all of the other Espada know we're together, but seriously! He's got this strange stereotype he keeps trying to avoid. Now, I don't really get it, so I might be insensitive or something."
"You said, 1883?"
"I did, Greg. Sorry to scare you."
"I'm not scared at all. But this presents an interesting problem as I am assuming you aren't from that time, right?"
"Nope. Don't remember what time era I'm from."
"Okay, so this is all… Mr. 1911 is a new concept to you. And why is he called that?"
"Because Szayel died in 1911 and now he's a ghost with me. Well, not a ghost.. Oh, it'll take too long."
"I understand. Now, in 1883, and take in mind this is from the movies because I'm not a history buff, okay?"
"Sure."
"Well, back in the day, I am assuming your husband was brought up to be a gentleman. And in those days, liking other men was hardly heard of. In fact, the famous author, Oscar Wilde was thrown in jail for being gay, so it wasn't the most friendly and open era. And-"
"Wait a sec." Nnoitra cut Greg off. "You said, jail? They tossed some dude in jail because he was gay? That's just unfair!"
"I know it was and Szayel is right in thinking that the world hasn't changed much as in some places, you still can be. So, I can understand his perspective a bit. And as for the hesitancy to embrace who he is, you have to realize that… I don't know how to say this, but in his era, he did live in a deep dark closet where if he did even peek outside, it would be dangerous and that's not even touching on all of the society hierarchy and keeping up the family name in good light and stuff that ruled back in the day. So, just try and understand that Szayel has felt a whole bunch of pressure to hide who he is. So, just wait and he'll be fine in a few decades once he realizes the world around him won't dislike him."
"That's a lot to process." Nnoitra said after a long pause. "But I guess you're right. I don't know much about the era he's from, so I don't understand. So, I'll just let him be then?"
"Don't just let it be, encourage, but don't push." Greg suggested, not sure how he was going to explain this call to his cubical mate who was giving him a look. "And so Mr. 1911 will come around in a few decades I'm sure. And in what healthy ways are you going to deal with Stalker?"
Nnoitra paused. He forgot all about Nelliel. "Um… Maybe I'll let thing sort themselves out. She kinda took over Heuco Mundo, so we don't have control over her. Tia will have to leave it to the Soul Reapers at this point. Given they don't take it for themselves and kill all me."
"And…what makes you believe that they want to kill you?'
"Well… we're hollows. Not so nice ghosts, or so they say. We're like the problem kids that need to sorted out. But these Soul Reapers really need to stop obsessing about our kind. Sure we might eat a few souls a day, but seriously….can't we just live our lives?!"
"Well, one should be able to live a..free ghost?"
"Exactly. And I can't let Szayel die because he'll go hell at the moment. He wasn't the nicest human…he kinda…killed his parents. And so, if we both die, we won't end up in the same place and it's too late for me to go do something horrible to get myself sent to hell with him. It kinda sucks."
"That sounds like another dilemma there. Now, this may sound cheesy, but there any salvation? Any hope that you two might end up in the same place?"
"I… I never thought about that. Maybe. I bet if Szayel doesn't mind being the lowest class in Soul Society, there might be an open space. But I don't know."
"But you'll try, right?"
"Of course, Greg! I never.. Well, sometimes I give up. Gave up on trying to get myself killed by Stalker-Bitch."
"That was a good thing to quit. This, I think you shouldn't."
"You're right. I guess I should try and figure this out because the last thing I want when I die is be away from the person I love most. So, yeah. It's important. And I don't feel like dying now. Which I think is a good thing. So yeah, this call worked. Anyhow, Gre-"
"Hey, what are you doing here?!"
Nnoitra looked up from his phone call and frowned at Kenpachi who was headed his way, sword in hand and a big grin on his face.
The Espada turned back to his phone call. "Hey, Greg. I have a problem."
"Yes? How can I help?"
"There is this guy, no wait. There are two guys who I know are gonna try and kill me here… can you maybe talk to them and I only wan-"
"Calm down. Do you want me to call emergency?"
"I would love it, but they can't see me or the people out to get me." Nnoitra picked up the phone holder and put in his lap as Mayrui and Kenpachi closed in, looking like they were ready to attack. "Um…Greg. Just a minute."
The Espada sighed and waited until both of the Soul Reapers where in earshot. "Hey! You two people."
"What?" Kenpachi asked, finally making it to the counter.
"Please, don't kill me. I'm on the phone with the…" Nnoitra fumbled for the Skymall magazine next to him. "The… National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. Don't do something so cruel."
"We ain't here to kill ya," Kenpachi said to the slender and horribly tall Arancarr who was standing on the counter. "We got a call from Harribel and she said that Nelliel took over and to go find you. Granted, we were planing on picking up a deadman from what she told us, but it's great your still here."
"And…" Nnoitra put the phone back to his ear. "Hey, Greg. Good news, they don't want to kill me. But now I'm really confused…"
"What do they want?" Greg asked, waving off his Cubical mate who was trying to listen in. (Even if he wasn't supposed to). Ghosts, 1883? No roleplaying! This was a crisis center!
"They want to take me home." Nnoitra said, sure he sounded insane. "And why didn't Tia send Grimmjow or Ulquiorra?"
"Well…" Mayrui smiled widely. Did this Arancarr say Help line? Oh, how the scientist loved to prank call them. "Tia thought that the two would be more likely to be taken hostage by Nelliel…what's her last name?
"Bitch." Nnoitra offered and much to his amusement, the Twelfth Captain took it.
"Nelliel Bitch. And so, she called Torshiro and he made us come and get you. Now, is it true you're a Praying Mantis?"
Nnoitra paused and gave Kenpachi a look.
Was Mayrui serious?
"Um…yes, I am and are you a clown?"
"No. I'm not. I'm a scientist."
"Ah…And you…are," Nnoitra glanced again at Kenpachi who by the looks of it was, "the brawn, right?"
"Yeah. Strongest Captain in all of Soul Society."
"Nice…" Nnoitra smiled widely, "so how long have you two been going out?"
Author's Notes: Hahah. Yeah. I wondered the same, Nnoitra.
And yeah. Talking to someone is good.
I have.
So, please do the same.
It may be scary, but I can assure you that it WILL help.
I love you.