GAH! I'M AN AWEFUL PERSON! I really have to thank MysteryGirl7Freak for making sure that I did, in fact, update! THANKS SO MUCH GIRL! YOU'RE THE BEEEST!
But really, SAT's and AP classes are the DEVIL! HADES! THIS IS YOUR DOING!
Hades: (writing up SAT) Guilty, babe.
Okay, I know that there are a lot of villains featured here, so most of them are just glanced over. But next chapter I'm going to focus more on each other them individually! I SWEAR!
Quick review of chapters while I run from an angry mob!
RandomCitizen: LOLOL! Quazi is gonna be in the next chapter! LOL, I LOVED Atlantis! He was my fave! I had, like, the biggest crush on Sweet for a while!
SamDanny4Ever: Thanks so much!
TheDisnerd: SHE WILL SURVIVE! SHE WILL SURVIVE! HEY HEY!
Whispurrs: LOLOL! Thanks so much! I have seen Black Cauldron! As a little kid is was one of my favorites! I always wanted to crush Gurgy in a hug! But yes, creeps to the level 11! Have fun with it! Exactly!
Whiteling: I KNOW!
VulpineSnow: LOL, don't worry. She'll flirt a whole lot more. And by then it will be REALLY bad! So no more meh! I swear! Thanks so much!
AngelOfDarkness1959: AH! COINCEDANCE! WELL… yes, actually… lol!
Daydreamer747: Thanks so much!
Lostmymuchness17: Thanks so much! I don't love this chapter, but I hope that you still like it!
Bearybeary: DARTH MAUL!
MysteryGirl7Freak: I hope I got Luke down!
Ultima-owner: AH! Thanks so much!
xxxxInu girlxx93839: AAAAAAAAW! Thanks so muuuch! I hope that this chapter reaches your expectations as well! It's kinda rushed… not my best! But the next one will be a LOT better! I swear!
Elemental Queen: LOL! SO glad that you liked the idea! FLIRTING! GOTTA LOVE IT!
PirateWizardThief: Thanks so much! I LOVED Sweet and Iago! LOL, Gaston would have JUMPED at the chance to flirt! Don't worry, he's gonna try. Rather soon, actually!
A Fire in the Attic: Thanks!
Guest: Thanks so much! Here's a bear hug (RAWR) OH NOES! I LET OUT THE BEAR! (runs after bear) POOH! COME BACK!
Anonangel: LOL, I understand! Phone logging on is the WORST! So glad that you like it! And yeah, its fun to imagine!
Guest: D'aw, thanks!
Thegirlyoudontwanttomeet: Thanks so much! Dr. F is one of my faves too!
Megan the Vampire Slayer: LOL, I LOOOOOVE that idea! I think you'll like this chapter based off of that… just… read it… lol!
Mr. J: That's okay! Glad that you liked the chapter!
Guest: I AM! I AM!
Okay, so that's it for now! It's now 1:30 in the morning! So, I'm gonna go to bed!
But a quick note! Please realize that Lillie is from a different world than Disney! So what she usually has NO problem saying would be something that even VILLAINS would never dare to discuss…
Hope you like it!
NOW I RUN FROM MOB!
Gaston: GET HER!
Townspeeps: kill the BEAST!
Gal: AAAAAAaaaaaaaahhhhh!
Luke and Mark both belong to MysteryGirl7Freak! THANKS AGAIN GIRL!
New Princes will be featured in next chapter! Everyone, look out for your princes! THEY ARE COMING!
"I cant believe I have to travel in the Ford." Lillie mumbled, trying to keep up with the incredibly tall man at her side.
"Oh stop your complainin'." Jasper waved her off and she scowled. "It's a great car."
"A hundred years ago," she whispered, earning her a well deserved glare.
Jasper turned away from her, continuing down the hall at what she considered breakneck speed. Lillie jogged behind, training her stomach not to give up to soon, just a few more minutes.
"Will you slow down?" She panted, following closely, "I cant keep up!"
"Then walk faster," he grumbled, turning the corner. She followed quickly, turning with him. Unfortunately she never allowed herself to look before she rounded the bend and ended up sprawled on the floor next to a very disgruntled young man. Jasper was at her side in a second, his glare now trained on someone else -thank god, she thought.
Lillie would have scolded the man, told him to watch where he was going and to piss off. However, that was very hard to do when said man was currently wrestling with some kind of… squirrel?
"Will… you… just… let… go!"
"No!" Lillie, in any other time, would have screamed. But somehow talking animals had quickly become the norm. What was wrong with her life?
"IT'S JUST A SHOT!" The man finally detached the face hugger off, all the while Lillie watched in amusement, playing back scenes from Alien in her mind. Ah the joys of horror movies and the references you could make.
"No! No no no no NO!" With that the… thing… bit the man, who cried out, and attempted to hurdle down the hall. Unfortunately, he didn't make it. Instead flying into the face of Lillie.
Scratch the horror movie reference thing. They were only good until they happened to you. It had happened so fast that Lillie herself hardly realized what was going on. One moment she was watching a man and a talking squirrel wrestle on a hospital floor. The next something small and furry had smacked her in the face. And after that she had ended up shooting off the floor herself, clawing at the furry animal and shrieking at the top of her lungs.
"Get it off get it off getitoff getitoffgetitoffgetitoff!"
"Hold still! I got him I got him!"
"Oy! Get yer animal under control!"
She felt someone pull the creature by the legs, and then after a few tugs and a cartoonish suction cup sound she was free. Lillie fell backward, almost hitting the floor until hands hooked under her arms. Shuddering she righted herself, rubbing at the scratches on her face.
"Oh my god! See, this is why you're getting the shot!"
Lillie turned towards the man who had 'saved' her from being the next Alien victim to a weasel thing. Dark blue shirt and jeans, grey nike's and a green hoodie seemed to be the outfit of her savior.
"It's a rabies shot! Now calm down! I'm not getting you fixed or anything!" The young man took out a leash and clasped it around the animal's neck, tying the other end firmly to his wrist. The critter rushed off as soon as it was released, but bounced back when the leash ran out of line, its amber eyes popping out as it briefly choked him, then glared at the young man. Noticing that they had an audience, its eyes flickered to Lillie and Jasper. Then the young man turned his head to look at them with his dark blue eyes, feeling sheepish and awkward. He looked ready to say something, but the weasel beat him to it.
"What are you two lookin' at? Shows over!" The weasel snarled at her and Jasper.
Lillie's shock was quickly fading at this point, making way for the aggravation and annoyance she felt so often. Her tongue, whipping out with the southern accent, lashed at the… animal. "It's hard'ly a show when a weasel is tearin' yer face off!"
"I'm not a weasel!" His fur bristled.
"Could've fooled me!"
"Mark! Shut it!" The man looked towards Lillie, apologetic. "Sorry about that. He didn't bit you did he?"
"He'd be dead if he'd chomped me." Lillie growled, another wave of nausea hitting her.
"Are you okay? I can call a doctor? You might have gotten rabies or something or maybe-"
"No. No I'm fine. I just got out from seeing a doctor." Lillie finally took a few deep breaths, allowing both the nausea and the accent to pass.
"What were you in for?"
"Poison apple." "Food poisoning." Both her and Jasper looked towards each other, sharing a glare, before Lillie turned toward the man. "Food poisoning," she confirmed. "And I'm guessing you're here for… him?" She pointed, screwing up her face.
"Uh… yeah."
"Wait. Pets and humans go to the same hospital?" She looked around, wondering if the room she had currently been looked over in had once housed a dog or cat. She hoped it hadn't been a cat.
"Well, not exactly. It does… but just because there's too many animals in Disney. So, they just combined it all." He shrugged.
Her eyes darted to the not-weasel that was trying desperately to get the collar off, stretching the marten with his legs. Then it slipped and snap back to his neck. Jasper spoke her thoughts out loud.
"Wait a minute, you mean to tell me tha' the rodent has rabies?"
"I have a name, you bloomin' idjiot." Jasper stiffened at the mocking cockney accent, but said nothing. The weasel climbed up and perched up on the guy's shoulder. "And we are not technically sure it was even rabies."
"Two weeks ago you were forming at the mouth while watching Chigaco." The man dryly stated.
"What does that prove? It has hot woman in it."
The young man just shook his head, looking away from the ferret. "Anyway, Jasper, you and your friends might want to get check it. Depending if Mark ever bit one of you guys."
"Oh, you two know each other?" Lillie asked. Then she wrinkled her nose, "friend?"
"We ain't friends." Jasper shook his head. "And I think she'll be fine."
"You just wanna leave," she grumbled, crossing her arms.
"Damn right."
She shook her head, looking towads the younger man. "Whatever. Anyway, you two know eachother?"
"I work at the House of Mouse," he explained, and then extended his hand to Lillie. "I'm Luke by the way. Luke Lockwood."
"Lillie Ayman." She shook his hand.
"Wait a minute...you're that new person in the villains building."
"How do you know about that?"
"News spreads fast here." Luke shrugged. "It's not just 'a little bird told me' here. It's also a fairy told me. A small talking insect told me. You get the drift."
She groaned, "great. So much for the low profile idea."
"Ah, don't worry. No one cares too much." That response wasn't much better.
Lillie was about to say something, but Jasper beat her to the punch. "Say, Lockwood. Didja find a new bartender yet?"
"No, we haven't. But Mickey's still looking for…" He stopped for a moment off, checking the clock on the wall. "I've got to get going now. Mark has an appointment-" He trailed off as he noticed an empty collar and a furry tail disappearing around the end. Luke muttered a curse, bundling up the leash in his hand. "I'll see you around. I need to make sure he doesn't bite someone… or hit on a nurse…Bye." Luke waved as he dashed after the little pest.
"… hit on a-"
"Don't ask." Jasper shook his head. "Just… don't ask."
They did manage to get out of the hospitally successfully after that. No more flying rodents came out behind locked doors. She rubbed her check and scowled. If ever she met that… thing… again. Blood would spill. And not hers.
"Oy! Earth to Lillie?"
She shook her head, looking around. They'd arrived at his car, and he was standing beside it, giving her a look.
"Oh. Right." Slowly she clambored in, nervous as she had been before. Her fingers clutched the sides of the seats as he played with the stickshift and the car began to backfire. "Please get a new car."
"This is a good car."
"No it isn't."
"It's an antique."
"First true thing you've said all day." He glared. She leaned back and tried to relax as the car rolled towards the end of the driveway towards the main road. Though it would be impossible to do in the open car, she did at least attempt it. Taking a deep breath she tried to talk instead. "What did that guy-"
"Luke."
"Right, Luke. What did he mean by new bartender? Is that, like, an open position right now?"
Jasper shrugged, but didn't take his eyes of the road (something she silently cheered on). "The 'Ouse of Mouse just got a bar. But there ain't no bartender. It ain't good for buisuness, 'specially when 'alf the population 'ere drinks like bloomin' sailors."
"… So… you guys need someone." She furrowed her brow, beginning to go over her already memorized schedule in her mind. "How quickly?"
"'Ow should I know?" He gave her a look. "You ain't thinkin' 'bout-"
"I'm just looking at my options."
Jasper snorted, taking a left onto a street she didn't know. Then again, she didn't know a lot of the streets in Disney yet. She'd have to ask someone for a tour. Did they even give tours? This wasn't really a tourist destination…
"I don't think you understand. Bein' the bartender… you'd be 'round villains all the time. Fact, they might just be the only people 'oo go up to the bar. You'd be surrounded. All the time. It ain't a good sit'e'ation, 'specially for a girl like you."
Lillie scowled at his words. "I'm not a girl. I happen to be a woman." He snorted. How old did he think she was anyway? Eighteen? No way. "And besides, I'm around villains all the time. What's the difference?"
"You ain't around villains an' alcohol. It ain't a pretty sight, duckie. Villains and booze… it takes 'em back."
"What do you mean takes them back?"
"I mean, there ain't no restraints!"
"They're restraining right now?!"
He ignored her. "You might think I'm one'a them. But I ain't. I'm a villain, right. But I'm just'a henchman. We don't get all the fancy titles. We 'ave to do stuff…" she got a good hard glare at that last line. "Like drive little annoyances like you."
"Sorry, what was that?"
"Nothin'."
Lillie flipped her hair, a feeble attempt to do something with the short thing. It merely bounced against her scalp. But she got some sense of empowerment from the impossible move. "You know," she added, "I'm not exactly scared of alcohol. I used to be around it. A lot." He scoffed. "No, really! I used to do shots. Like, twice a week."
Jasper just snorted again. "Duckie, I drink cheap wine by the bo'le. Trust me you've never been 'round villains drinking."
There was a silence, and then-
"Once I got so drunk I broke into a bakery with a guy and slept with him on top of the bagel cart."
Jasper almost swerved, letting out a yelp at the bold statement so openly said in the seat beside him. He didn't miss the smirk that plastered itself onto her face, and as he righted his car, ignoring the beeps from other cars passing by, he checked her face to see if it still sat there. It did.
Jasper glued his eyes to the road.
"I'm guessing," Lillie crossed one leg over the other, finally leaning back and relaxing, "that you're praying to whatever God is available that I meant sleep sleep." She was right. He was.
"No… I know you meant sleep sleep."
"Ah. Denial. Nice." She sniggered. "I can't believe my luck! The same night I get sick and puke my guts out and you find out my weakness is the same night I find yours!" She cackled happily, "Wow I'm gonna have fun with this!"
"We don't have a weakness," he counteracted. He could see the building right ahead. The driveway right there. Coming up. Right in fron of him. If he could just accelerate a little, hurry up, he could-
"Really? Because it seems like you have some sort of aversion towards sex."
SCREEEEEEEECH
Edgar, sitting in his lobby with a newspaper folded neatly in his lap, had never before heard a crash so close to the building before. Ever. He ran to the door, his newspaper scattering over the newly mopped floor, and peeked outside. There, by a tree, an old Ford had ungracefully hit the curb and smashed it's front end into one of the few trees in the are, one that seemed to grow from a plot out of the cracked sidewalk. Inside the car, Jasper (one of his moodier tenants) seemed to be cursing in every Disney language he could find while the newest girl sauntered happily towards the building.
In a matter of minutes, a few other villains had gathered in the lobby, watching the short woman walk calmly through the door, Jasper just making his way out to call a mechanic, steam practically rising from his ears. His face was red, but not from anger. Something else…
"What happened?" Hades questioned the new girl. She just shrugged.
"An accident. Jasper heard something and got a bit… distracted."
"Heard what?" Facilier approached the girl, who smiled flirtatiously at him. He quickly backed away. The last thing he needed was her to try and reel him in again.
"Oh, this and that. And it was in the middle of a wonderful discussion. Wasn't it Jasper?"
Jaspers face was now red as a tomato. He muttered something under his breath.
"Well, Jasper?" His boss fluffed her coat, taking a few steps forward. "What did you hear? Are the hero's trying to come at us again?"
"Naw… just something… else."
Lillie's eyes imidiantly flickered with something they all knew far too well. Devious thoughts. "Well, if you wont tell them then I will." She spun to face them, "I'm thinking of becoming the new bartender."
"What?!" Ratigan sputtered, "Your joking!"
"We're this close to tearing you apart here, lass," Hook brandished his hook, "don't try your luck." Eyes bore down on her with hate and threats. Anyone else would have been terrified. Lillie was quickly learning that she wasn't anyone else. So she shrugged.
"Eh. I'll deal." Giving them one last smile, she saunterd past Maleficent, whose mouth dropped at the bold move, staff clutched in her grip. "How dare you pass-"
"Save it Mal," Lillie checked her mailbox quickly, "I'm really not in the mood today." She stopped, thinking. "Well, I wasn't in the mood. I'm still nausous and a little peeved. But… I think I could stand one fight. You up for it?" Maleficents glare could have frozen hell over, but Lillie ignored it. "Great. Now, if you'll all exuse me, I'm going to go and hope that I don't throw up again. Have a pleasant evening." She made a move towards the stairs, and then stopped, turning around to face the villains who were glaring down at her. Slowly, a smile spread across her face.
"Oh. And nother thing. Jasper and I had such a great discussion. About your weaknesses."
"We don't have weaknesses," Maleficent said through gritted teeth. "We are all powerful. We are strong. We are-"
"Very very very able to rip your limbs off," Ursula snapped her tentacles. "In a moment."
Lillie smiled again. "Really? Immune to everything! No weaknesses."
"Not like you," Jafar seethed, "Princess."
Lillie's gaze turned on him. "Princess?" Her smile grew. "Well, then that means that I have to find myself a prince!"
"That's usually the rules," Iago replied, crossing his wings.
"I'm available!" Gaston flexed.
She ignored him. "Well then. I'll go and find one. Maybe tomorrow night. After all," she took the first few steps up the stairs, her chest busting with laughter she wouldn't release, "it's been at least six months since I had me some sex."
Edgar swore he had never seen so many villains in one place look like they were about to faint. Even Gaston, who'd been silent before, was now leaning on a chair, his face white.
Lillie didn't even bother to watch their reaction. She just chuckled to herself all the way up the stairs. Weakness discovered.
Aparently, even the villains were cecored.
Short Girl: 2
Villains: 1
Winning.
Don't forget to review! Love u all and thanks for the patience!
Update on other stories coming soon!