A note before we start: Does anyone know what it's like to cut. Well I do. For this story I will describe you as to how cutting feels like from Lucy's perspective. For this chapter we are going too where Lucy is now, you know from the beginning she was cutting and in this chapter I will be telling you why. In this chapter I will be writing as much as a I can and posting it as soon as possible, I have to keep my promise. (That I would post today, which is Thursday!) So I hope you enjoy this chapter.
Sometimes I wonder what it's like to cut. Sometimes I feel like I would want to find out. And now that I have cut I know exactly how it feels. So this is how I would describe cutting; go to the beach and walk into the water, blindfolded. You just keep walking you don't know where you're going. You just know your going deeper. Depression has blinded you all you know is your going deeper. Now just keep going until you drown. You want air, you want relief you don't want to be drowning anymore. Now imagine the relief when someone pulls you out of the water. That's what cutting is. Relief. Relief from all the pain and hell you've been drowning in. Relief from not feeling good enough. Relief from the bullies at your school. Relief from feeling like you fat. Relief from your imperfections and insecurities. You might find cutting disgusting and you might never understand it but when your drowning and you need saving. You need relief. So what is cutting like? It's relief. Some cut their wrist, some cut their thighs. Some cover it with sleeves and some cover it with smiles. Some prefer razors, some play with knives, but in the end their all living the pain through their lies.
As I slide the razor over my wrist I feel a stinging and the I feel it… relief. I breathe out a sigh of relief. Finally. I think of what I saw. I could feel my tears on the brim. Why does all this shit have to happen to me? Earlier I had saw Lisanna all over Natsu and he was pushing her away. He just sat there and excepted her. After I had been gone for 3 months, they must've become a couple. So I don't know why I feel so… heartbroken. I'm crying and I don't know why. Is it because I love him? Do I actual love Natsu? My eyes grew wide as the realization hit me. I love Natsu. I let go of holding back my tears and audible sobs could be heard throughout my entire apartment. "I love Natsu…" I whisper to myself through my sobs. I REALLY LOVE NATSU!?
She is sad
She is hurt
She is dying
She is alone
She is lonely
She is a mess
She is judged
She is ignored
She is suicidal
She is stressed
She is confused
She is fucked up
She is depressed
She is misunderstood
She is tired but still living
She is hurt but won't show it
She is screaming but is silent
She is in pain but is still smiling
She is me
All of these describe me. I continued to slit my wrist 10 on each wrist, then I clean up the blood on the knife and put in in the desk where I write my stories. I go into my bathroom and bandage my fresh cuts. I think over what I had just realized. "I really love, Natsu." I start my bathtub and put it onto all the way hot. I peel off my clothes careful of the bandages and slide down into the tub. How can I face Natsu tomorrow?
Author's Note: Hey guys! It's me Carly again! I hope you enjoyed this chapter and I would really appreciate if you reviewed! I always love it when I come across a positive comment on one of my stories. I'll try to get a new chapter out sometime later tonight or tomorrow.