Recap: I peel off my clothes careful of the bandages and slide down into the tub. How can I face Natsu tomorrow? Before we start let me make this clear overtime Natsu will NOT be with Lisanna, I absolutely hate that ship! So there is no way in hell Natsu will be with Lisanna for long. This chapter will happen after her bath.
I get out of the tub and put on some fresh clothing. (a gray long sleeve shirt to cover my cuts and some black laced sleeping shorts) Looking into the mirror I notice my eyes are red and puffy from crying and a few more tears slip out. I go into my bedroom, exhausted from all the crying, only to find Natsu claimed my bed and was snoring happily. It's like he's a sleeping angel. WAIT! What is he doing here. I thought he was with Lisanna?! I stride over to the bed and jump onto it next to Natsu, evidently waking him up.
"Luce!" He says sleepily.
"What are you doing here?" I ask with an amused smile.
"I came to visit you but you were in the bath."
"Oh, well what did you want?"
"I came to ask if you wanted to go on a mission with me and Happy and Lisanna!" My once smile faded, turning to a frown.
"Oh, uh well no thanks Natsu. Just go the three of you. You probably won't even need me since you'd have Lisanna." I tried not to speak with venom in my voice but just thinking of going on a mission with her of all people! No way. Not happening.
"Luce? What's wrong?" He asked touching my shoulder.
"Nothing Natsu." I say shrugging him off. He huffs and pulls his hand back.
"Are you sure? Your not acting like yourself and you eyes are all red and puffy, like you've been crying."
"Go." I whisper.
"What?"
"I said GO Natsu. Leave me alone. Go on a mission with Lisanna for all I fucking care! Just leave me alone!"
"Lucy! It's obvious you're not okay! I'm not leaving you like this!"
"Look Natsu…" I tried to speak but I ended up crying some more.
He tries to pull me in a hug my my wrist but I wince and pull it back towards me hugging it to my chest. Cradling it protectively. Natsu takes note to this a forcefully pulls my wrist to him. He pulls my sleeve up my arm and takes note of the cuts on my wrist.
"What is this?" He growls.
"It's nothing." I say trying to pull my hand back, out of his grasp but he holds on.
"Luce."
"What." I say venom finding its way in my voice.
"What's wrong? These are cuts. And by the look of them, they were on purpose. Why would you do this. Don't you know people care. That I care. Why would you result to self harm?" That finally broke the dam. All the tears I were holding in flooding.
"Because my life is a living hell Natsu." I whisper, pulling him to me and crying until I couldn't cry anymore.
"Luce. You know you could've came to me."
"No I couldn't."
"Why!"
"Because I don't want you into this mess that I've made."
"Why not luce!"
"Because I don't want you to get her and before you ask why, it's because I love you Natsu! I'm in love with you! And nothing you do will EVER change my mind!"
"Lu...cy"
"I don't want you to get hurt because of me, I wouldn't be able to live with myself if you ever got hurt because of me! I was cutting because I couldn't take living anymore knowing that you were with Lisanna. But I didn't' want to die so cutting was my only option to stop all this pain. All the pain I'm fucking feeling! I am insecure. I am bitter. I am angry. I am hurt. I am overwhelmed. I am depressed. I am lonely. I am out of control. I am lost. I am suicidal. I am a cutter. I am lost. I am ugly. I am a no-one. I am selfish. I am anxious. I am ignored. I am fat. I am vindictive. I am mentally ill. I am dead on the inside. I am in pain. I am a liar. I am scarred. I am a nothing."
"You are NONE OF THOSE THINGS YOU JUST SAID! You are beautiful, courageous, amazing in more ways than one, you are-"
"No. I'm not. I have never been."
"Lucy!"
"NATSU!" I snap. "You can't pull me out of this one. I've gone too deep. It's getting worse and worse every day! I can't keep living this way!"
"I won't let you die."
"YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND! YOU WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND ALL THE PAIN AND TORTURE I HAVE BEEN THROUGH!" I screamed.
"I may not understand but I am here to listen. I will always be here." He pulls me to him and kisses me, pouring every emotion he has into the one kiss. I can feel remorse, guilt, understanding and most of all I can feel love. For once, that day I felt the true meaning of love. I felt happy for the first time in a long time. I felt truly amazing. I felt Natsu push me back onto the bed. Sometime during the argument I guess we had gotten up off the bed.
"Luce. Your not alone anymore. So please talk to me."
I took a deep breath before telling him everything."When I was 5, my mom died. After her death everything in the house all of a sudden felt cold. I was alone all he time. Growing up was worse because no one was there for me. As I grew up I learned to bottle up all of my feelings, never talking to anyone. Leading up to cutting where no one would see. Those scars have healed. When my father found out he thought it was just for attention. Not because I needed help. I remember telling him; It's all for attention right? I cut for attention don't I? I think about suicide everyday. I starve myself. I cry myself to sleep. I'm BROKEN… but its all for attention right? If I cut for attention, why do I try so hard to keep it a secret. When I was younger I used to hear, love yourself. And think who doesn't. Now 15 years later I sit and think who does? I'm always either used, replaced or forgotten. I understand that. But what I don't understand is why. I always try my hardest to make people happy, and to mean something to them. But it never works. I'm always worth shit to everyone, every time."
"Lucy, don't ever think that okay."
"Natsu. I've been feeling like this for a long time. I can't just stop feeling like this."
"Yes you can, but it takes time. I can help you, I can be there for you. If you ever need someone to talk to I will always be there. You don't have to keep bottling up all of your feelings. Can I help you?"
My mind was saying no. Don't trust anyway, because in the end they always leave. In the end they give up on you, but if I really wanted to get better then maybe just this once. "Yes. Please."
"Start with telling me everything first. How this all started. Why? When? Just tell me everything and I will listen." Natsu says. I take a deep breath and begin to tell him my story.