Two hours ago, Phoebe wouldn't have even considered telling anyone about what haunted her day and night, but now, she was too tired and she couldn't pretend any longer. Besides, her friends had seen her stand at the edge of the rooftop, they had watched her break down; it's not like they'd let her walk away without an explanation. Phoebe knew that after tonight they'd all look at her differently, she knew no one but her could grasp the real magnitude of what she'd been through, but they deserved to know.

So she told them. She spoke for almost an hour, taking long pauses from time to time and her eyes filling with tears ocassionally, but she said it all. Phoebe found herself detailedly sharing stories she never thought she'd be saying out loud, expressing feelings she thought she couldn't put into words. On the one hand, she felt a huge weight being carried off her, but at the same time, the reality of it all was hitting her like a wall of bricks.

Her five friends listened patiently, their hearts breaking for her. Eyes widened and jaws dropped, a few tears were shed and countless gasps periodically filled the air. They held her hand, they embraced her when necessary, but no one said a word during the entirety of the hour. None of them could believe what they were hearing. By the time their friend was done they were all too shocked to speak.

"Phoebe," Ross finally said, "I am so, so sorry," he wrapped his arms around her tense figure and rubbed her back soothingly. The others watched doumbfounded, still not knowing how to react.

"Oh my God," Rachel murmured, gently embracing her pained friend from the side. Still at a loss for words, all soon began joining in the hug, all except Joey.

"I'm going to find every single person who hurt you, and I mean it."

"Joey," Monica started.

"I'm going to make them wish they were dead!"

"Joey!"

"No! Look at her! Look at what they did to her! I'm gonna rip them apart!" Joey had never felt so angry in his whole entire life. These people had hurt Phoebe, his Phoebe, the one he loved and adored more than words could describe. He swore to God that if he managed to find the sick bastards that had done this to his friend the pain he'd cause them would be so excruciating that they'd eternally regret ever laying a hand on her.

"It's fine, Joey. You don't have to do anything," a trembling Phoebe said before he could continue.

"Yes I do Pheebs," he stated, lowering his voice; he had noticed his outburst had slightly shaken her up, "I do have to do something. Watching you like this, seeing what you were about to do...it's just horrible. I'm here to protect you and I'm gonna make sure no one ever hurts you again. I promise," he said, kissing the top of her head and embracing her tightly.

Once they broke apart, Monica pulled her friend close and cradled her face.

"Honey, why didn't you tell us? You didn't have to go through this alone, it's all so much. We could have helped you" she said sweetly.

"I thought I could handle it..."

"But we're your friends, your problems are our problems too, and we handle them together. It's what we do."

"I just-I was afraid you'd see me differently."

"Pheebs that's crazy! Chandler joined in, if anything, we all see you as the strongest person in the world. I mean, you went through so much. I wouldn't be able to put up a fight that long," he admitted, squeezing her shoulder.

"Chandler's right, you're so strong, Pheebs. I don't know how you did it all this time," added Rachel, earning nods from the other four.

"You don't have to say that," reassured Phoebe, not wanting to be pitied by anyone.

"We mean it. We really do," said Monica, grabbing the blonde's shoulders tenderly, "And we love you so much. I'm so sorry that we didn't notice, how didn't we notice?"

"Don't. It's not your fault. I'm actually pretty great at pretending," Phoebe gave her a small smile.

"But we should have known. All this time we thought you were fine. We thought you were the happiest out of all of us, but you were going through this whole mess alone. We weren't there for you," Ross spoke on behalf of everyone. Guilt had slowly been creeping up their minds for the past hours, and now all they could think about was that they hadn't paid enough attention to their friend, and that this almost caused them to lose her forever.

"No! There was no way you could have known if I didn't want anyone to figure it out. Trust me, i'm good at hiding stuff and acting as if i've got it all under control, I learned to do that living on the streets. None of this is your fault! I was the one who chose to keep it a secret. Please don't blame yourselves guys, please. You don't know it, but you saved me so many times," the last thing she wanted was for her friends to feel guilty for something they were not at all responsible for. For years, these five people had done nothing but support her. They had always been her rock, and if it weren't for that, she'd have given up long ago.

Rachel, Chandler, Joey, Ross and Monica stayed silent, contemplating the possible amount of times they could have lost Phoebe in the past. Just thinking about it was terrifying.

"You know, if you had done it, if we hadn't come up here on time, that would have destroyed us. You know that right?" said Rachel truthfully after a long pause.

"You'd have gotten over it fast, i'm sure."

"What's that supposed to mean?" a confused Chandler asked.

"Look, I know you all care about me, I know you do, but at the end of the day, i'm not even that important. I'm not special, successful, or put together like the rest of you. I'm weird and useless and-"

"What the hell are you talking about Phoebe?" Joey interrupted, "I won't let you talk like that about yourself. I cannot believe you don't realize how valuable and unique and lovely you are."

"And you think we'd just forget about you? Are you crazy? You're so important to us! I mean you're Phoebe, you're irreplaceable," commented Ross truthfully.

"Sweetie, you're extremely special and we wouldn't trade you for anyone. And you should be proud of yourself. I mean, you used to beg for money and now you're able to make a living as a masseuse, i'd call that being successful," added Monica, who was followed by Rachel.

"You're totally successful! Look at you! And Pheebs, if it makes you feel better, none of us truly are put together. We're still figuring out life and trust me, we're not as stable as it seems."

"And you know what we love about you?" began Chandler, "that you're so wonderfully weird. That's what makes you, you. We love Phoebe as she already is, so caring, spontaneous, giving and beautiful, and absolutely not useless."

"Thank you," whispered the blonde, slightly taken aback from all the support. Even in a moment like this, they managed to make her feel slightly better. Phoebe had to admit she had amazing friends, and that's when a sudden wave of guilt hit her. She was going to end her life and in turn hurt the five people that had become her family, people who didn't deserve the pain of losing a loved one, a pain she knew all too well.

She started tentatively walking towards the door, hoping that her friends would allow her to drop the subject. The blonde felt exhausted; all she wanted right now was to sleep and get rid of that weighting feeling of uneasiness. But, as Phoebe turned she instantly felt herself being grabbed by the arm.

"Where do you think you're going? We're not done here," Joey stated firmly.

She turned around once again and sighed. Of course she wouldn't be let off that easily.

"Joey's right. Pheebs, we can't just let you go like that, not after all of this," added Rachel.

"Look, don't worry about me. I'm sorry I scared you, I really am, but it's late and I just want to go to bed. Thank you so much for everything guys, but i'm fine now, really" she said, although the truth was she wasn't. The other five seemed to know that too.

"No you're not, Phoebe. You don't have to lie to us anymore. I know you probably feel ashamed right now, but don't, we're your friends and none of us judge you for this," Monica stated, "we'd do absolutely anything for you, but you can't ask us to pretend tonight never happened and expect us to believe you're okay when you're clearly not. Let us help."

"Please let us help," somebody else repeated, and that's when, turning her face upwards, she noticed the five sparkling pairs of eyes staring back at her in the dark. Were they shimmering with hope or fear, she couldn't tell, but that's when she decided that maybe, just maybe, she could fight a little bit longer. To see those eyes, so full of emotion, Phoebe thought she'd never seen anyone look at her like that before. And suddenlly all she longed for in that moment, standing in the middle of the rooftop, was to have one more scrabble night with her friends.

With shaking hands she nodded and said in a tearful whisper, "I'll do my best."

She knew her mind was a torturous place, she knew she wouldn't be able to easily escape her thoughts, she was aware of the darkness that was still eating her alive, and out of the corner of her eye Phoebe still glanced at the traces of the leaves that had been carried by the wind, wondering what would have become of them if they had followed the others off the rooftop. She had never been more aware of it all. But for some reason, right then and there, she was willing to try to get her broken pieces back together, no matter how long it took and no matter how many times she was cut by her shattered edges.

"I wanna get through this."

"And you will," they replied, and as a tear slipped down her cheek Monica, Chandler, Ross, Rachel and Joey all huddled around their friend, giving her warmth in the midst of the cold night.

"We'll be there for you."

The End.