Author's note: Enjoy!
Disclaimer: The following characters belong to J.K. Rowling, and this story derives from her original works, storylines, and world. Please do not sue me, I can barely pay tuition.
Hogwarts: Assignment #4, Beauty Therapy Task #3, Write a fic inspired by the phrase "Hold your head high."
Warnings: Loss, canon character death
Strong Enough For Today
When Tonks first spotted him by peaking through the small window on the door, she knew she was unprepared. She circled away to gather supplies—not that that made her feel more prepared in any way, shape, or form.
She stepped into the Auror's locker room and walked towards Kingsley who was sitting on the wooden bench in the centre, leaning forwards with his elbows on his knees. It reminded Tonks vaguely of the position someone would take if they felt like they were about to vomit. His brown eyes were wide-open but unfocused and fuzzy.
She knelt in front of Kinglsey and her stomach dropped at the extra second it took for his eyes to focus on her. She put the cup of hot chocolate she'd gotten him in his hands, moving his fingers so that they wrapped around the cup. Kingsley was shaking slightly.
"I thought you were supposed to be in St. Mungo's," Kingsley said quietly. His voice sounded all wrong; scratchy, distant… Dora had never imagined that a sound could be hollow. "I thought—Sirius died and you were hurt."
Those words Sirius died, especially when they came from Kingsley's mouth, broke her heart. She blinked away the annoying tears that were coming to her eyes, and the guilt that had bubbled in her stomach on and off ever since she'd made Remus tell her that it was Bellatrix Lestrange who had done it. But it wasn't about her right now. Not her failure, not her injuries, not her loss. No; she was here because Kingsley had had a day she could barely imagine. If she had watched the man she loved die, she wouldn't have been able to keep her head high and make her way through the world for half as long as Kingsley had managed it.
"They mended my arm and jaw in half a second and gave me a potion for the pain to take for the next week. I'll go home and put myself on bedrest later," Tonks said. "I just had to come to you. Remus told me that as soon as the Ministry arrived at the scene, you just got roped into work by Scrimgeour, that you got put into your regular shift and... I just needed you not to be alone."
"I think I'm going to be sick," he said. "I've been thinking that I'm going to be sick since this morning but I—I wasn't."
She'd brought the black and yellow striped blanket she kept in her desk drawer, because the ones in the on-call room sucked and did nothing for anyone during long shifts or overtime. She draped it around his shoulders and knelt back down in front of him.
"Kingsley," she said quietly, chewing her lip. "Kingsley, I'm taking you home so that you don't have to be here anymore. You can be sick if you need to..."
Kingsley still didn't move. He took a deep breath and shook under the blanket.
"Kingsley," Tonks said again. "Kingsley there's a shift change in 10 minutes and then the locker room's going to fill up. We need to move, okay?"
"I was growing my beard out," Kingsley said quietly. "I was… Once I didn't shave for days when I was undercover, and when I finally got back to Grimmauld Square after that the first thing he did when he saw me was run his hand down my cheek and said he liked the stubble. And his hand was really warm because he'd been reading by the fire and I felt like I was at home. So I was letting it grow out again and he's not going to…"
"You will get through this. We will get through this." Tonks said, putting her hand on his knees. "Let's just start by getting out of here, okay?"
"I don't want to… I don't want to go home to a home without him," Kingsley said. He put down the hot chocolate and covered his face. He took a deep breath that sounded painful to Tonks.
"This is all people have been talking about all day," Kingsley said. "Sirius Black, dead in the Ministry, innocent after all, fighting with the Order of the Phoenix, dead…"
He drew a sharp breath and dug his fingers into his skull.
"...and I couldn't say anything or do anything because nobody could know," Kingsley said. "Nobody could know when Sirius was alive and now he's dead and I… I don't want to go but I don't want to be here and I…"
"Kingsley," Tonks said again. "Kingsley, you've done an incredible job. Now come home with me, okay? You've done wonderful. He would be so proud. You've held your head high all day—"
"As if he didn't matter," Kingsley said, nearly choking on the words as he spoke them. "I acted as if he didn't matter."
"No," Tonks said. "No, Kingsley, not at all. And that's not what Sirius would think either. You've done what you needed to survive. Now let's go somewhere where you don't need to be quite so strong. All you need to do is keep it together for another ten minutes while we get out of here, and then..."
"And then what?" Kingsley asked, voice catching in his throat. "Sirius is dead, Tonks."
She chewed on her lip and tucked a loose curl back behind her ear.
"Yeah," she said. "He is. So you're going to have to be stronger for a while more, I guess, because that won't pass. But you've done enough for today. Please, come with me."
Kingsley looked up at her shakily but there was something about hearing the words yes that seemed to ground him.
"He's really dead," Kingsley said. "This day felt so unreal, so unbelievable but… he's really dead."
"He's really dead," Tonks said. "I'm sorry. I know you loved him."
"I really loved him," Kingsley said.
"You did," Tonks nodded. "And I'm your friend and I love you, so we're going to go now."
Kingsley nodded.
Tonks picked up his hot chocolate and put it back in his hands once he'd pushed himself up. She repositioned the blanket around his shoulder and picked up Kingsley's bag from his locker room for him.
"Come," she said, taking him by the arm. "You can have my spare room. It's not quite home, but you'll have a place to rest your head."
Stacked with: MC4A; Shipping Wars; Hogwarts
Individual Challenge(s): Hufflepuff MC; Bow Before the Blacks; Order, Order; Brush; Seeds; Tissue Warning; Golden Times; Old Shoes; Themes & Things (Friendship); Themes & Things B (Loss); Themes & Things C (Blanket); Themes & Things D (Gym Bag/Duffle); Themes & Things F (Tragedy); Ethnic & Present; True Colours; Rian-Russo Inversion; Flags & Ribbons; Letter of the Day; In a Flash; Yellow Ribbon; Yellow Ribbon Redux
Word Count: 1063
Shipping Wars
Ship (Team): Sirius Black/Kingsley Shacklebolt (Starry Storms)
List (Prompt): Winter Big List (Secret Relationship)