Elsa sat in her bedroom, alone and amongst the cold. It had been over a month since the funeral, a month since Elsa's supposed reign as Queen had begun. Of course, she wasn't actually Queen yet, but people around the castle were already treating her as one, and she was regularly sitting in council meetings now.
But all the while, Elsa still saw herself as Princess, nothing more than that. Although in the dark thoughts that now clouded her mind, the titles monster and ice witch were at the forefront. She'd been dealing with the darkness for so long now. The isolation, the fear that what was under her gloves would hurt someone, it all got to her.
Even the thoughts of Anna, who used to make her smile and feel at ease were nothing now. All she could think was how she might hurt her or shove her out of her life.
She didn't need to do this anymore. Her parents weren't around enforcing any rules. She could do whatever she wanted. It was the fear that still controlled her, the fear of seeing Anna die by an ice spike through the chest, of a hair made fully of white snowy locks, the fear of harming the woman she loved.
But this day, Elsa had an epiphany. She had to be stronger, be Arendelle's Queen, and she had to get control of her powers. She had to do her best to control them. She was alone in this room. No one would come in for some time. She gently reached to her hand, seeing the white satin glove that covered it.
It's okay, Elsa, she said to herself. It's just a glove... just a glove, nothing more. Her fingers gently pinched the tip of one of the fingers and the glove simply pulled itself off. Bare, pale skin was now seen in the light of her room.
She held out her hand, shutting her eyes. She just had to will a little spark out, a little ember of icy flame. Within moments, the tips of her fingers glowed with blue energy, her magic in concentrated form.
With her other hand, she tried to control the small spark of ice. It was so tiny, yet Elsa knew it was a spark like this that started all this. A spark that had permanently marked the hairs on Anna's head.
She tried to keep in control. All she had to do was let the spark go and let it fade out of existence. She had willed it into being, she could easily will it out of this world. But however, things didn't go as planned. The ice blast fired, striking a painting in the corner of the room. The glass smashed, the frame landing on the floor.
Fuck, Elsa swore.
"Princess Elsa!" She heard the sound of one of the servants walking towards the door.
"No, it's fine! I'm fine!" Elsa called out. "I just... dropped something. Don't worry I'll clean it up!" She frowned, getting a broom from one of the closets in her chamber.
I need to be better at this. For Anna, Elsa. Do it for Anna, She recited in her thoughts.
When Elsa had swept up, she lay on the bed, thinking of a solution. She'd never had issues handling her magic when she was small. She remembered all the wonders she'd done with her gift and the smiles that it had brought to Anna's face. She wanted that back, she wanted that control back.
She remembered the trolls that had taken Anna's memory, the night her parents asked her to hide her powers. Perhaps they could help, but people would start asking questions if she randomly left the palace to look for them. Besides, it was a decade ago now, she didn't have that good of a memory.
Then Elsa decided. She'd simply have to find some way of controlling her powers on her own. There had to be books on magic somewhere in the castle. After all, she probably wasn't alone in her gifts. There would be answers there, she was sure of it.
xXx
Elsa placed the old book on the side of her bed. It had taken some work convincing Kai to let one of the servants carry it up to her chamber. Elsa was strong and athletic, but even she had her limits. Besides, she'd taken out all the old books on magic she could find from the Library, too many it seemed.
When she was there, Elsa remembered getting a glimpse of Anna, putting away her latest fairy tale story. So young and still enjoying the whimsical nature of being a child. Elsa envied that a little. Anna had said hello, but all Elsa had done was say hi back and walk away. She wasn't sad today, thankfully.
Turning the page of the book on her bed, Elsa started to read. She browsed through all sorts of mythical and magical tomes, from stories of myths from the other side of the world, to accounts from a school of mages in a kingdom far from Arendelle. It was helpful, but as she kept reading from book to book, one thing was standing out.
There was barely any accounts of anyone being born with magic like herself, and even less with ice powers. There was one story of a Norse goddess named Skadi, but Elsa could tell she was much different from her. For starters, she had a giant spear that controlled her ice powers, rather than it coming out through her hands as Elsa's did.
So Elsa decided to take a different approach to this. If she couldn't find a way to control her powers directly from these texts, then she would simply adapt their knowledge to suit herself.
Over the next few weeks and months, in between royal duties, lessons and council meetings, Elsa started to secretly hone her gifts. The old books taught her many and she even requested that more be brought to her. She managed to convince the servants to keep it a secret and so far, everything had worked.
Anna had been none the wiser that her older sister was secretly practising her ice magic again. Elsa knew that one day, she'd be able to come out of this room for good and tell Anna everything. How would the younger sister take it? Elsa didn't know, but what she did know was that she wanted to see Anna again and be her loving sister once more.
Her powers seemed to be growing stronger with every new technique she learned from the book. From the Waterbenders of the great south, she learned that using her arms in an elegant and graceful manner would control the flow of her magic. From the mages of the college of Winterhold, she learned how to manipulate her icy magic into many different forms. From beams of icy energy to conjuring solid weapons, to other things and from the texts of the Alchemist Victor, she learned how to preserve things in ice, to keep them embalmed and fresh in an icy permafrost.
After studying for just over a year, one night, Elsa put herself through a sort of final exam. And if she had to judge herself, she passed well. Her room was filled with all sorts of icy creations. Statues of herself, Anna, their parents and what Elsa imagined her coronation gown would look like. An array of icy weapons. Her icy power contained and held in a small vial. It was quite impressive.
"Yes!" Elsa cheered quietly. She was proud of herself.
But then, everything fell apart.
"Elsa?"
The princess jumped and in front of her eyes, everything just melted into slush and snow right before her eyes. She pulled the magic back into herself and covered her hands with the gloves. Anger surged through her at the fact that Anna's presence had broken her control. She had to be stronger around her.
But she had plenty of time. She just had to hone her control much better.
"Y-yes?"
"Are you coming down to dinner? You haven't had much to eat lately."
"No... I'm fine," Elsa sighed. "I'll be right there."
"Okay... just letting you know." Elsa heard the footsteps walk away from her. "I... I still miss you."
When Anna was gone, Elsa simply sighed. "And I miss you too, dearest sister."
xXx
After three years of being Queen in all but name, Elsa's coronation had finally arrived. The Queen was stood in her chambers, wearing the beautiful robe she had designed herself for the occasion. Of course, the royal tailor had no idea she'd based it on an ice sculpture she'd made for the little test of her powers.
She had gotten better at controlling them and could go outside of her room with mostly no issues now. But there were always moments when she would feel worried and scared that she would lose that control, mostly when she was around Anna. There was just some innate fear of being close to her that she was scared about.
And yet, Elsa found herself talking to Anna little by little each day. Like there was just some warmth to her that shone through the dark shadows she cast over her frozen heart.
There was but a few more short hours before the ceremony and as the last servant left the room, Elsa closed the curtains in front of the balcony overlooking the courtyard. She slipped off her glove and played with a small whisp of icy magic. She let it dance and flow between her fingers.
She smiled. She loved using her magic like this, but still, she knew she wasn't fully in control. One wrong move and it could spell disaster for everyone in Arendelle.
Putting the glove back on, Elsa sighed. She'd hoped to have had full control by now, but with her coronation and bigger duties as Queen, she probably wouldn't have as much free time to try and control her magic as she used to. So Elsa had decided to confess the truth to Anna. She'd tell her everything in secret after the reception that evening.
Sure, they wouldn't be able to be sisters like they used to just yet, but at least Anna would know the truth. But all that had to wait now. She walked over to a small candlestick on the dressing table next to her.
Removing her gloves again, Elsa tried to pick it up with her bare hands. This was another fear she'd had. Part of the ritual of the coronation would mean she would have to pick up the royal sceptre and display it in front of everyone. As she held the candlestick, she saw the frost begin to form, her control breaking.
"No," she simply said, putting it down. She sighed, regretful. She'd just have to try and hope for the best.
Breathing Easily, Elsa did her best to remain as calm as she possibly could.
"Princess Elsa?" One of the servants then called. "Everyone is waiting for you in the chapel. It's time."
The soon-to-be-queen nodded. "I am on my way." She just hoped that she could remain in control just for today.
xXx
Elsa had never seen so many people in one room before tonight, all of them gathered to celebrate her coronation. Not even when she and Anna had birthdays as children did they have that many guests. But this was special to her. Arendelle hadn't been ruled by a Queen in over a century and all eyes were on her.
But while Elsa was spending all of this time chatting to various guests and making small talk, the only thing she could think of was Anna. They'd spoken briefly after the ceremony and at the start of the party, but Anna had tried to open up a little too fast for Elsa's liking and the Queen had pushed her out again.
And Elsa hated doing that. But she just wanted to wait for them to be alone. She was confused and the champagne she'd had earlier wasn't exactly helping things. The Queen just wondered where Anna had gotten to. Her butler, Kai, had told her that Anna had actually left in the company of some visiting prince.
While Elsa knew Anna might come back there was a sense of nagging doubt that maybe she shouldn't tell Anna what happened. If Anna was going around, asking boys to dance with her, she wouldn't exactly have time for Elsa much anymore. Perhaps Elsa would have to let her go eventually.
No, that wouldn't be what Anna would do. If their conversation earlier had told the Queen anything, Anna still loved her, she could see the affection and adoration in her eyes. This girl was ready to have her best friend, her sister back in her life again. Elsa just needed to gather the courage to let that happen.
However, just as Elsa was starting to think that Anna might not be coming back to the party, she saw the doors to the ballroom open. It was Anna and a tall man with brown hair she was leading towards Elsa. "Excuse me, sorry, coming through." She looked over at Elsa. "Elsa! Hi!"
There was a smile forming on Elsa's cheeks. She didn't know what Anna wanted, but she had a feeling that all would be well now. At least that was what she hoped.
xXx
Elsa looked out from the small living room in the corner of the castle that evening, at the last few people enjoying the ice rink she'd made. Finally, after the crisis was over, she had full control of her powers, but she hated at what she could have nearly lost. But everything was worth it and she had a new addition to the family in the form of Olaf.
But Elsa still felt the fear and uncomfortableness inside of herself. She could have died yesterday on that fjord, Anna sacrificed herself to save her from Hans's sword. But the despair she'd felt when she saw Anna's crystal eyes staring back at her still haunted every moment of her now. Yet another struggle she would have to overcome eventually.
As Elsa stared out at the new land she ruled over, Anna walked into the room, drying her hair after she'd gotten out of the shower. "Man, who would have thought ice skating would have made me sweat so much."
A slight giggle came from Elsa. "Are you sure you don't want to rest? You've been through a lot."
"No, no it's fine," Anna insisted, walking over to Elsa. She hugged her softly and Elsa sighed. Yes, she was very much going to love hugging Anna again.
As the princess pulled back, she stroked Elsa's cheek. "Are you doing okay?"
"I'm... I'm not fine," Elsa sighed. "It's just so much has changed. I no longer have a reason to fear my powers... yet I am still scared every waking moment."
"At least you told me everything now," Anna replied, holding Elsa's hand. "Besides, your powers are amazing. Even if I did have my memory wiped of them."
Elsa shed a tear. "I was practising them in secret you know... all these years. I wanted to just show up and surprise you with them... but that hasn't really happened the way I hoped."
Anna dried her tears. "Hey, hey, no need to cry Queenie. I'm here, okay? and I know that you're gonna make even more awesome things with those magic hands of yours."
Again, Elsa giggled. "Magic hands? hmm... I like the sound of that a bit."
"You wanna go grab some chocolate?" Anna offered.
That brightened Elsa up completely. "Yes... I would love that, thank you."
xXx
Author's note: Now, I admit, this one is a bit more Elsa angst focused than Elsanna, but I really had fun writing this one. I have a special cookie for whoever gets all the references in the research Elsa does to help control her powers.
See you next time!