CHAPTER 31

Emily walked in the door of her empty house and collapsed on the couch. Today had been her requalifying tests in order to return field status. After over a year of working with PT and then Derek on recovering from her shoulder injury, she decided the previous week that she was as ready as she was going to be for this step.

So starting early this morning, one of the Academy instructors put her through the paces - physical fitness, strength, endurance, firearms recertification, hand to hand and takedown/arrest procedure.

By the end she was dragging but was greeted with the news that she passed - by only two points. While happy that she passed and was once again cleared for field duties, she was discouraged by how close it was when in the past she had passed with flying colors.

As she waited for Hotch to arrive home with Eden, she reflected on a conversation she had with Derek the week before.

FLASHBACK

"I signed up to do my proficiencies for getting my field status back next week."

"I saw." Derek answered brusquely. In his new position within the Academy he was responsible for agents who didn't have a current assignment as they were out of medical leave because of an injury and a determination hadn't been made yet if they could go back into the field or not.

"Are you going to be my tester this time?"

"No Emily I'm not. Agent Scott is going to do your qualifications."

"Agent Scott?!" Emily answered with the dread clear in her voice.

"What do you think I would go easy on you? I hate to tell you this but I would be harder on you than Scott."

"What the hell Derek? I'm not saying I want someone who will just pass me but why? You know how hard I've worked to get to this point."

"Because I was there that night Emily. The night you were shot. After I told you, begged you not to go in alone, you hung up our call and went in anyway. It was stupid." He paused and sighed before continuing, "it was stupid and brave and reckless and I can't say I would have reacted differently in the same circumstances."

Emily gulped at the harshness of his words. But when she looked over at him she could see the pain in his eyes. After taking a deep breath, she said, "then what is it Derek?"

Derek sighed before starting, "Dave and I were just a few steps away from the door when we heard the gunshots. When we entered the apartment he went to check on Foyet and Hotch while I came to you."

He paused and she could see that he was struggling with this next part before he continued, "I came up and immediately saw that you were hit in the left chest and that you were bleeding from your head. I had to check your pulse while I prayed that there was one while Hotch was calling over to me, pleading with me to tell him that you were OK. I held pressure on your wounds and had your blood running through my fingers until the EMTs arrived. I never again want to be in the same situation, Emily.

I won't do your proficiencies because I couldn't be objective and that isn't fair to you. I would be really hard on you. Too hard because I would want to be certain that if you are in the field, you could handle anything that you would come across.

You didn't see the look on Hotch's face that night. I don't want to see that look ever again. I don't want to need to go and tell him and your beautiful little girl that something happened to you and question if I had been too easy on you and that had allowed you to be in a situation that you couldn't handle."

END FLASHBACK

That discussion with Derek was eye opening for her. Before then she had only heard snippets of what happened after she was shot and before she woke up in the ICU.

After she had woken up she had just been bombarded with news about her injury and pregnancy that she hadn't pushed for information the way she generally would have.

She hadn't noticed immediately but it hadn't taken long to catch on that the omissions were deliberate. And from what Derek had said, she could now understand why.

She was brought out of her thoughts as she heard keys jingle in the door before Hotch walked in with Eden.

After taking his coat off, he came over and asked, " how did it go?" as he sat down next to her while he took Eden's coat off.

Emily sighed before answering tiredly, "good. I passed. But only by 2 points." As she did, she saw flashes of emotion cross over her husband's face. Before she could process them too much he replied, "OK, so a field position? Have you talked to Derek yet about what your options are?"

Before Emily could answer, Eden started to fuss. When Emily reached over to take her, she found she couldn't move her left arm. As she tried again too, there was a pain that shot through it as she could hear her daughter's cries intensifying.

Hotch was stunned as he observed Emily first not able to move her arm followed by tears filling her eyes. Worried, he reached over and touched her leg as he asked, "what's wrong?'

Emily shook her head as she answered, "I don't know. It was sore when I drove home but OK. Now it won't move and it hurts when I try."

Hotch sighed as he stood up after looking at his watch, "you may have reinjured it today. The doctor's office is still open. Let me see if they can't get you in before we consider going to the ER."

Emily watched Hotch talk on the phone as a feeling of dread started to consume her. She was pulled out of her thoughts when she felt him touch her knee. She hadn't noticed him finishing on the phone or coming back over to sit next to her.

"I'm sorry Aaron. This is my fault. I wanted so badly to qualify for the field but I may have just undone months of progress. I can't even pick up our baby."

Hotch leaned in and hugged her as he said, "there was nothing wrong with doing your qualifying tests today. You checked with your doctor about it and he didn't object. Let's not worry too much on the what ifs until they take a look at it. We need to leave now to make your appointment."

####

Derek Morgan was sitting in his office at the Academy the next morning looking at the report that just crossed his desk.

The results of Emily's qualifications as well as her official duty to field status paperwork. He was conflicted at the development.

He had known that she was going yesterday. With how hard she had worked for months, he wanted her to have a fair assessment. But now, he wasn't sure if he was prepared to transfer her paperwork to a new department knowing that it would have her back in the field. But he didn't have a reason not to as she had successfully completed the protocol.

She had passed the last hurdle. The hurdle that she was never expected to get to the point that she could even attempt it. That she even felt prepared to attempt the test let alone passed them was in itself an accomplishment.

Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed her come into the entryway of the office suite where his office now was. However when he fully observed her, he immediately noticed that she had her arm back in her sling. With that observation, he walked over to his door to go talk to her, alarmed at the change from the previous morning. As he walked towards her, he noticed Hotch standing in the doorway of the entryway. When their eyes met, Hotch gave him a serious pointed look.

Not sure what was going on, he approached Emily and glided her towards his office. After they got into the office, he sat down next to her in the visitors chairs. When she didn't say anything, he asked, "what happened?"

Emily sighed before looking over at him before explaining, "I was fine after I finished yesterday. I even drove home. My arm was sore though that wasn't unexpected. Aaron wasn't home yet so I rested until he got home with Eden. When they did, I couldn't move my arm and it hurt to try. I couldn't pick up my baby."

Derek sighed and shook his head before he asked, "do you need to go see the doctor?"

Emily shook her head before answering, "I did. Aaron called right away and was able to get an appointment with Dr. James last night. Thankfully the x-ray didn't show any fractures but he mentioned that it was most likely a soft tissue injury. I can't feel or move two of my fingers again. After resting it for a few days I'm back to PT."

Derek sighed before he responded, "Emily, I'm sorry. I thought you were ready after the last few weeks."

"I did too or I never would have tried yesterday." Emily answered quietly.

"So how long did they say it would keep you out of the field?" Derek asked.

She and Hotch had had a long conversation about what this meant after they had gotten home from her appointment and put Eden to bed. She had known what he had wanted to say before then but had heard him out. The conversation she had with Derek a week earlier had prepared her somewhat to hear what he had to say. Ultimately she understood both of their worries as well as now had even more of her own.

Emily sighed and decided to just rip the bandaid off when she said, "that's what I wanted to talk to you about. I won't be attempting to gain field status after this.

I keep coming back to what you said last week. What happened last night was a wake up call. Yeah doing all those tests at one time was an extreme that we don't generally find in the field. But that's not to say it won't. I wouldn't have been able to protect myself or my partner last night. I can't risk myself or someone else getting hurt because of that. I also don't want to risk any additional damage to my shoulder and lose the mobility that I have now. I don't want to lose being able to hold my baby."

Derek nodded before answering, "I understand and I think you are making the right choice. As you know I get the difficult decisions that need to be made after a serious injuries. So what are you going to do?"

"After talking to Aaron last night, I'm going to see if that position in Counterintelligence is still available. It is a good fit for my skills even if it's not the team in Counterintelligence that I wanted. If it isn't available, I'll go back to Translations Services until something else opens up."

Derek nodded having heard her reservations previously about the position currently open in Counterintelligence. Reaching over he took her hand and squeezed it as he said, "whatever the future holds just know that you did what no one expected that you'd be able to do Emily. You passed yesterday with Agent Scott. Don't doubt what you accomplished. You may be leaving the field but it is your choice even if it isn't on your terms."

Emily smiled and squeezed his hand back as she answered, "thanks and you're right."

Looking over at his desk, he saw the report for the tests the day before along with the paperwork for her next assignment. Turning back to her he asked, "do you want me to send these over or do you want to take them?"

Emily sighed before answering, "I'll take them. I have a meeting set up in Counterintelligence later this morning." as she stood up. She waited for Derek to fill in a couple of areas on the forms before he handed them to her.

As he did, he gave her a gentle hug before saying to her, "Good luck to you Princess. Don't be a stranger. When are you going to tell the others?" All of them had known that she was testing to go back into the field.

Emily sighed before saying, "dinner at Dave's tomorrow." though it wasn't like showing up with her arm back in a sling wasn't going to lead to questions anyway. As she moved towards the door she looked at her friend and said, "thanks Derek. For everything."

Morgan smiled back at her and answered, "anytime."

He watched as she walked out of his office and back down the hall to where Hotch was waiting. After they exchanged a couple of words, he saw Hotch gently hug her. As he did, he made eye contact with Derek and nodded before they walked out of the office suite.