Riley POV

After I see Maya and Josh start to kiss, and I leave the room. I mean, I love them, but Josh is my brother, and Maya's my best friend. Ewe, gross. I turn the corner, and am able to see Maya's room through the crack of the door. Inside, I see Lucas sitting up, with his head hung low, and his hands covering his face. I can't even take it. I decide to go in, and help make him feel better. I go in and walk around to the other side of the bed.

I rub his back, and apparently he didn't notice me, so he jumps at my touch. I rub his back over and over for a couple minutes. I decide that this isn't enough for me, and as he decides to look up, i l get off the bed and go close the door. He looks at me with a confused look, but it goes away as soon as I jump on him crashing my lips against him. I already am not a virgin anymore, and it can't hurt more than the first time, right? I slowly advance more on him. Now I'm on top of him and he is underneath me. Lucas starts kissing my neck, so I move up, and close my eyes. I start to feel a familiarity of the situation. I don't know how this occurs, but I get the feeling that I'm being raped. I jump up, scared, and push myself off of Lucas. He sits up, and looks at me with deep concern. I start to cry, but the whole purpose of this is to make Lucas feel better, so I quickly wipe my tears away.

I lean in, and am about to kiss him again, but he pushes me away. "We both know that you're not ready for this."

"I am, and even if I wasn't I just really want to be close to you, and just laying next to you isn't close enough for me."

"I love you, Riley, you know that right?" He asks me.

"Yeah I know, and I love you too. And you're hurting over this, I can feel it. And it hurts me too because I don't know how to make it better." I move off of him, so that he is on his back, and I'm on my stomach facing him.

"I know, and I'm sorry, I should be there for you more. It's just that I thought that we would always be together, and I would be your first, and you would be mine."
"You will always be my first, and my last. Whatever this guy did to me doesn't matter. The whole time it was happening, I didn't want it to be. That's why it won't be my first. You will, because I will enjoy it, and I will be completely in love with who I'm doing it with. I say while interlocking our hands.

Lucas gets up, which really confuses me. "Where are you going?"

He laughs, and then smiles at me. "I think I need a cold shower." I laugh too.

"Maybe one of these days I could join you?"

"Sure, Riley. I would love that." He says kissing my cheek, as he leaves the room. I sigh contently, for the first time in what feels like forever, when my phone buzzes. I look over hoping that it's anyone but A, although I know I'm wrong.

You've shown that you can keep a secret, but now you need to get away from Lucas. Break up with him, or I break him. Kisses, A.

I stare at the phone for a long time. I stay like that for who knows how long. Hours, minutes, it doesn't really matter. I decide to text A back. Why don't you just kill me now. I text them.

Less than a second later, the reply. I look at the text and decide that texting A back wasn't a very good idea. It says: That can be arranged but I love my pets, so you have a way to go. Don't do anything rash, darling. Love A. I shiver. How do I break up with Lucas? He is literally my everything. I can't imagine not going two hours without some communication between us, let alone none at all, which is how it would have to be. Because I couldn't handle seeing him. How many days do I have left to be with him? As if A read my mind, I gt another text. It says that I only have 24 hours.

My next thought is that Im so extremely tired of how am I supposed to do this? To push away the one thing in my life right now that seems ok? Do I tell anyone? Part of me doesn't want to, but a lot of me does. But who can I tell? Maya? She would be so upset, and Farkle would be even worse. Do I just get it over with now, or wait until the end of the day? Ugh. How do I know even tell him? If I just break up with him and dont give him a reason, he'll know something is up. Just then, I hear a knock on my door.

"Come in." I say, letting my voice crack a little. The door opens and ever so slightly, and a Joshua Matthews walks halfway in.

"Are you ok?" He asks. Usually when people ask that they don't care about my answer. I finally build up the courage to look at him, and when I do, I can really see whats in his beautiful eyes. And what I see shocks me. It almost looks like he needs confirmation from me.

"Of course." I say as convincingly as I can manage. It doesnt come out right, ut then again, it never does. He looks at me funny, and I feel the tears. I guess I wasn't out after all.

He sighs and starts to walk over to the bed. "Whats wrong Riles?" He looks so upset, and so am I. Ussualy by now I would've jumped in Lucass arms, but I cant. I have to rely on myself now. Because although I dont know when or how, I know that it is the best thing for him to even if I break his heart.

"I have to to do something, and I want to, but I have to, and I dont know how, and I-."

"Shhh. Riley it's ok. Now tell me, what do you have to do?" I don't understand what's happening, but I need Maya, now. I start breathing so heavily I almost can't….. My mind starts to fuzzy. Vaguely remember Josh screaming something, and fuzzy noises. I close my eyes for a few minutes, and think. Geeze, the fact that I'm only almost 16 and I' freaking out this baley about ending my relationship with my boyfriend is unhealthy. I open my eyes, and notice how many people are now occupying the little space and air in this room. The people closest to me are Maya, Josh and Lucas. I see him and our eyes meet. I quickly get up, announce that I'm hungry, and leave to get a snack. I get into the kitchen and I'm greeted by a cell phone's ding signifying a text. I sit on the ground, and stare at the phone, as if just looking at it will go away. I hear footsteps, and before the person can stop me, I grab the phone, which turns out to be mine, and I toss it in the sink with the dirty dishes. I turn to see Maya, and she hurriedly grabs my phone out of the sink. She looks at me and says, "Riley, you me, and Farkle are going on a walk." An before I can stop her, she is pulling me out of the kitchen, and pasta very confused Lucas and Josh. We get Farkle, and ask Josh for his keys. I guess we aren't going on a walk after all.

With that we walk out the door, and walk through the apartment building to the parking lot. When we get to Josh's car, we all get inside. Farkle in the driver's seat, Maya in the front, and me in the back. Before they even have the chance to ask me what A did, I tell them everything. It feels good to get it out, but bad because me telling them only makes it more official. I tell Maya that I just don't know how, and that I want to get it over with now, but I also wanna spend the next 22 hour by being so extremely close to him in words I can't describe with Farkle here. After the long half an hour explanation, Farkle is the first to speak.

"What we need to decide is that is whatever A's gonna do to Lucas worse than you breaking up with him?"

"Yes." Maya says confident with her answer. I give her a funny look, and I know she knows more than she's letting on.

"I'm so sorry I didn't tell you this before, but A planned your rape, Riley. I'm so sorry."

"It's whatever." I say honestly. "I honestly could care less about what A would do to me, but what if he does something worse to Lucas."

"Ok, we'll plan it somewhere else, but Farkle, you need to drive, now."

"Wait where are we going?" I ask, hoping that I can grab Lucas and everyone else, and we can just drive far far away from here.

Farkle replies with, "We are going to Walgreens, then we are going night driving for a little while." I smile. I love night drives. The cool breeze when you roll down the windows, and the music blasting. I used to go wit Lucas all the time, and with my mom and Maya when we were little.

"I guess it's gonna be a long night then." Maya says sarcastically. I roll down my window, and with the cold air, I feel the suffocatingness of the day fade away into the night. I start to feel my tears, but as soon as I do, they dry, just a distant memory.

"You ok?" Maya smiles as she looks back at me. And maybe it was because I've heard that question twice today, or that I'm very emotional, but I ook back at her and say something I never thought I would.

"No, but I'm starting to think I will be."

A/N: I'm so sorry I haven't updated in a while. I know that there are no excuses, but my laptop broke last week, and typing on your phone isn't very easy. I have started a new scheduel for myself so that hopefully, I will post on this story once a week. According to me scheduel, this is two days early, but I just couldn't wait any longer. So there it is, hope you enjoy! Also, I would really love if I could get more reviews, and more feedback on this story. Also PLEASE PM OR COMMENT YOUR IDEAS! I never realized how horrible writers block could be, and now that I know, I don't like it very much. Thanks again, xoxo, devin.