Chapter 20: Emotions are a Burden

Four months had passed by at Kaer Morhen. The winter had come, cold and brutal and dark, leading to layers of furs and thick cloaks to keep the chill out. Warm fires were lit all day and night, bringing some heat to the cold stone walls and floors. The servants worked hard to provide warm meals for the residents during the cold time and kept all the fires stoked.

Ciri's training continued throughout these four cold months. Her mornings would be spent with Yennefer, learning to harness her powers and to perform different tasks. The magical core within her was strong, and she left her lessons feeling no where near as drained as she had previously. She learned to make different potions, learned about different ingredients and plant life and what each of them would bring to the potion. Portals were easy enough for her to cast now, and she could draw water out of living plants. She could move things across the room with just the will of her mind. It was an amazing feeling, and Yennefer was an amazing teacher.

After lunch, Ciri and Jaskier would move to the training room with Vesemir and Geralt (she was never to be left alone with Vesemir) and work on combat. She learned hand-to-hand fighting, which she was utterly awful at performing. Her sword fighting had come along well, and she could fend off Geralt or Vesemir for a few minutes at a time, if they weren't using their total strength. At 14 years of age, she was still too small to handle any amount of force behind the sword.

Jaskier could hold his own against either of the Witchers for an impressive amount of time. His lithe frame seemed to dance around his opponent in combat, and Ciri would've believed anyone if they told her he was part elf. She could see Geralt's pride in the bard, and it made her happy that their friendship was growing stronger after all the rocky places it had been.

Ciri's favorite weapon was a bow. Off at a distance, she had incredible aim, and would no doubt be a lethal opponent if the opportunity struck for her to attack by arrows. With a little magic, she could even light the arrows on fire before firing, and they would cause a blast when they struck.

During the evenings, Ciri would read different books that Vesemir had lying around, all about spells, different races, history of their world, and all sort of fascinating things. She would also sit around the large fire singing and dancing with Jaskier, helping him come up with new songs to wow the crowds with at Inns once they started travelling again. He tried to teach her to play the lute, but she had no patience for it. Her instrument that she had learned growing up was the flute, and she wished she had hers. It was probably destroyed in the raid or in the possession of the Nilfgaard.

All the training and good food and happiness allowed Ciri to grow. Physically she had gotten a little taller, and her body was starting to change, with womanly curves starting at her breasts and hips, and lean muscle ran up along her limbs. She was happy with the way the training was making her look, but she was also happy with the way it made her feel. Her mind was kept busy, and it was easy enough to avoid thinking about the cruel fate that befell Cintra and her grandmother. It still haunted her dreams sometimes, but she was able to focus on other things which helped.

Her relationship with her companions had only blossomed, and she would say that Yennefer was becoming a motherly figure, whom she went to for advice often. Jaskier had become a good friend, always around to cheer her up when things got difficult. Her relationship with Geralt… it was weird. She felt such a powerful draw to him, but it was unknown to her as why. Sometimes she caught him watching her with a weird expression, before he would suddenly look away angrily. Yet, they still grew closer and she was so grateful to have him in her life. She knew he was still frequenting Yennefer's chambers, but she tried to ignore that fact, for whatever reason it bothered her.

Her life was happy, and that's why it was almost hard when she was pulled aside by Yennefer with news of change. It was late evening, and Ciri was about to head to bed, when Yen stopped her. They were alone, so Ciri turned, curious as to why the mage looked so serious.

"We are going to be returning to my home tomorrow," Yennefer started, looking at Ciri warily.

Ciri was saddened by this, but knew they would all still be together, and she would be with her horse Aspen once again. It seemed like such a long time since she had seen her. "Alright. I will begin to pack up my stuff," she replied. Yen bit her lip and her brows furrowed. "What is it? What's wrong?"

Yen sighed, her shoulders slumping a bit as she leaned against the wall with her arms crossed, acting very much like Geralt in that moment. "Jaskier and Geralt will not be coming with us," was all she said.

Ciri's eyes widened and her mouth opened in surprise. "What? They are staying here? Why would they not come with us?"

"Geralt needs to keep hunting monsters. He has an important job in the world, and he feels like it is time to be on the move once again," Yennefer looked at her solemnly.

"Why can't I go with him? I can handle myself now!"

Yen shook her head, standing up straight and moving away from the wall. "No. You must stay with me, safe from the Nilfgaard at my castle. They know you are still alive and the hunt for you continues. Geralt doesn't want you in danger by tagging along with him. You will attract unwanted attention to him if you are with him."

"He doesn't want me?" Ciri felt tears sting her eyes. Geralt was abandoning her already, after she only just found him.

"Don't act like a child, Cirilla," Yennefer scolded, moving closer to her, purple eyes blazing. "He has a job to do, and you will not be going."

The sound of footsteps came up behind them, and Ciri whirled around to see Geralt standing their, looking at them passively. "You're leaving me," she accused harshly, cursing the tears that began to spill. She was hurt, and she was angry.

Geralt said nothing, merely looking at her. His expression almost looked pained for a moment, before it returned to the stony mask.

At the lack of emotion or response, Ciri's anger grew. Her magic was acting up, snapping in tendrils at her sudden mood change. She knew the two adults could sense it when they both tensed up. "I hate you," she whispered, wishing she could've screamed at the two of them.

Turning on her heel with as much dignity as she could muster, she stalked off to her room, slamming the door behind her hard.

The tears poured out of her, blurring her vision and causing her nose to run as she grabbed her packs and began flinging all of her belongings into them. How dare Geralt leave her alone? He bound her to him and abandoned her for the first twelve years of her life, and here he is, leaving her again. No good would come from them being separated, and she knew it.

Anger and anguish burned at her, and with a loud scream she sent a blast of power at the wall. Her magic cracked the stone, causing an explosion of dust and broken off rocks to fall to the ground. The magical core within her burned, fired up like it needed to explode. She knew what this was, with magic being tied to emotions, Yen had warned her that she needed to always keep a clear head.

But right now, that was impossible. Her magic was boiling beneath her skin, reacting to her emotions, amplified by her youth. Moving to the door, she threw it open blindly as she stumbled into the hall. She needed to get out of the castle before the magic slipped through her grip and levelled the whole fortress.

Geralt and Yennefer were standing by the door, and both took steps back when she emerged. "Cirilla, you need to calm down," Yennefer warned, her hand lifted towards the girl.

Ciri recoiled, her magic snapping once again beneath her skin. "I can't," she ground out between clenched teeth. Moving through the hall, she could hear the two following behind her, talking quietly between themselves as Ciri fled to get outside.

Once she was outside in the snow, the vast mountain and valleys lying before her, she allowed her grip on her powers to release. A scream came out of her, shrill and horrific, sending a blast that levelled the trees and ground before her. She could hear Geralt and Yennefer react in pain at the sound behind her, but she could not stop. The magic had to be released.

With her grip on it gone, she felt the magic reacting, like a pot about to boil over, it finally exploded. Fire and ice, one element out of each palm, shot out of her like arrows released from a bow. The blast ripped the trees from the ground, charring them and freezing others. The scream had stopped, but the magic continued, pouring out of her core relentlessly.

The ferocity of her emotions burned within her, fueling the fire and the ice which came. The snow on the ground was gone, the earth charred from the flames, while the ash froze on its way down to the ground. It was like a fire and ice tornado, burning and freezing everything around her.

It felt like an eternity but was probably only mere minutes before she could finally feel the magic lessen and she was able to sever the output. At the sudden halt to the magic, Ciri's eyes had shut before she hit the ground.