Josh's POV
Lucas holds Riley's hair back as I ask more and more questions about the cameras. Is there a way to shut them off? No, but we can take them down and disable them. How long have they been recording? It looks like there's enough footage here to be from several months ago. What happens to the footage? A deletes it, or keeps it in one of these folders. The questions go on and on.
"Where's the footage?"
"It's here, but I think Riley and Maya should go through it before we do, because there is some pretty personal stuff about them specifically."
"And you too Farkle…" Smackle pipes up.
"Yeah," He looks down, "me too." She grabs a hold of his hand, and I so badly yearn to be with Maya right now.
"Is there the video of me getting raped?" This surprises all of us, even Lucas. Riley is now sitting on her bed, looking straight into Farkle's eyes. She gazes with such intensity, I don't know if I could do it without cracking under the pressure, but Farkle holds up well. Maybe it's because they've been so close for so long.
"Yes, Riley, but Smackle and I didn't watch it."
"So how do you know it's there?" She says skeptically.
"Because…" He clears his throat, and I know this might just be the push that Riley needs to go over the edge, but Farkle continues anyway. "Because it has it's own folder." We all look at Riley, but I don't know what we expect. Crying, more puking? She's been especially fragile these days, so it could really be anything.
Surprisingly, she keeps herself together, "I want to see it." She looks down, expecting some backfire.
"No." Lucas says. This gets my attention. Doesn't she have a right to see what happened to her?
"Lucas." She says calmly. "I need to know what happened to me… You know I don't remember that much of it."
"No." He says again. "Why put yourself through that? We are here for you Riley, I'm here for you."
"I know you are, and I appreciate that, but sometimes, I need to figure things out for myself. How am I supposed move past what happened, when I don't even know what that is?"
I stand, and walk over to them. I gently place a hand on her shoulder, "Lucas, let her. If this is what she needs, then she should have it." I don't know what I think about this, but as her brother, I see her making some valid points. Lucas shoots me a glare, but nonetheless, gives Riley a kiss, and leaves the room, followed by Farkle.
"Smackle, will you stay?" This surprises me, but I let it go. I give Riley a gentle hug, and leave the room.
Riley POV
I get up, and gently close the door. "First things first, why is there a whole folder about… it, if there was only on one occasion?"
"Look, Riley, it also has pictures of you, um… exposed?" She questions, unsure if she used the right language.
"Great I'm naked, we already knew that… What else?"
"This is what surprised me the most. It looks like A has profiles on every guy that was there, and receipts for each one."
"So A payed them?"
"Exactly." Smackle looks down, and I try to gather my thoughts. I have absolutely no idea what I did to A to make them hate me, but whatever it was couldn't have deserved this. Could it? No. No matter why they're so angry, they can go to hell because this is…. I don't even know. I sigh and lay down on my bed, staring at the ceiling. Maybe Lucas was right. Maybe this isn't something I need to see. But don't I have the right to see what happened to me?
Maybe that wasn't what he was saying. Of course he knows I have the right. Maybe he just meant that I don't need to relive that. Living through it once was bad enough. My stomach sinks. I never want ANYONE, to EVER see that video under ANY circumstances.
I walk outside the door, and Lucas immediately grabs my hand. "Are you ok?" he whispers.
"I didn't watch it. You were right."
"About what?" He asks. I get what he's asking. He knows why he didn't want me to see it, but he doesn't get why I actually listened to him. I look into his deep blue eyes, and it takes me back. I almost feel my heart stop. They pierce through my body, seeing through to my soul. I feel a little self conscious, and I look down. I'm only slightly aware enough to feel myself smile.
"I love how you still make me nervous, even at times like these." He smiles, and pulls me into a hug. We sit like that for a few minutes. I sink into him, and feel my body melt into his. It's starting to get really late, and it's hard to believe that today was a school day. I feel exhausted, and could've probably fit two weeks of my before A life into today. I just ignore that and sit a few minutes longer. It isn't until I get a sinking feeling that I realize what's happening. How could I be so selfish? Maya is in surgery fighting for her life right now, while I'm happily to be cuddling with Lucas. I sit up, startling Lucas a little.
"Maya…" Is all I can say. "Lucas something is wrong." I look back to him, and I can tell he feels it too. This gets me going. "Josh, Smackle, Farkle, we need to get to the hospital right now!"
Everyone comes from their respective spot and I urge them out the door. "Riley, What's wrong?" Josh says getting panicky.
"It's ok Josh, I just have a bad feeling. I wanna check on her. I don't trust anyone. What if the doctors are working for A?"
"Ok, we all know A has done some pretty horrible things, but do they really have that kind of money?
I sigh. I didn't want to tell him or Lucas this, so I keep it short. "Trust me Josh, A has the money." I say looking at Smackle. She gives me a knowing glance, and I know we are both thinking about the receipts in my folder. Then we're on our way to the hospital.
3 HOURS LATER
I wake up sweating, and panting, and with a sore throat. Another nightmare. Farkle, Smackle, Lucas, Josh and I returned to the hospital a few hours ago, and Maya was still in surgery. After waiting about an hour, I guess I fell asleep.
Katie stands in front of me, shaking my shoulder. Once I realize it's her, I sit up abruptly, and too fast making myself dizzy. "How's Maya?" I say regaining my composure.
"She's been out of surgery for a while, and is allowed to have visitors. They say she might wake up soon."
"She's alive?" I ask, confused just a little bit. My crying voice stats to come back, so I clear my throat.
"Yeah, she's alive." Katy says trying to control her voice too. I pull her in, and for the fifth time today, I let the tears fall.
"She's alive!" I practically scream. Katie smiles and laughs, and pulls me in tighter. I feel like I'm in a movie, and I feel like a big cliche. I can't help but laughing, and being happy, and when I see Lucas watching me with wide smiling eyes, I can't help but feel love, and the need to share this happiness with him. I pull Katy in again, and let go. I stand up and practically tackle Lucas. When I get to him, I run and jump onto him, wrapping my legs around him for a hug. He smiles, and I smile too. I never want this moment to end.
We hear purposeful coughing, and turn around to see my dad. Without even thinking that he's seen Lucas and I touching, I rush over to him, and give him a hug too. "Maya made it through the surgery!" I exclaim!
He smiles,"I know. But we have to remember that surgery wasn't the hard part. Let's just hope we get to be this happy tomorrow." And I settle down. I give him another little hug, and he sits. I sit down myself as well. Then it hits me. This is just the first step. How is she going to react? Especially if she loses her leg! What if she doesn't even make it through the night? I decide to check the time. 3:06. Maya was hit by the car just about the time school ended, so that was 12 hours ago. I can't believe her surgery was that long. On any other day, I'd have to be up in about 3 hours, but I haven't yet decided if I'm going to school tomorrow. Today I correct myself, if I'm going to school today.
Things are gonna be tough for a while, but I'm ready. I'd rather have a hard tough recovery with Maya than the it's extremely selfish, I do think about my future, but what if it's a future without Maya? What happens then? I know what people say. They say that it comes in waves. You go through the 7 stages of grief, and then you grieve for the rest of your life. They say that eventually you learn to live with the pain, and find happiness again. But how could I?
If Maya were to die, and fifty years passed, I still wouldn't be happy. Even if 1,000 years passed I wouldn't be happy. What's a cream without her peaches? How would Josh feel? Would he move on? Would I hate him for it? To be honest, I know that Josh is my brother, but Maya is my sister, and my cousin. Would I ever be able to look at him without seeing her? Where is he anyway? Does he know the news?
I stand up, and ask my dad, "Where's Josh?" He looks at me with concerned eyes.
"I think he's at home. I know he didn't want to be here any longer. We told him the news, but he still hasn't showed." But why isn't he here? Doesn't he care? I mean, I know it's hard for him to be here, but it's hard for all of us, so why does he get to go home and lay in his own bed?
I go and sit with Farkle a few chairs down. Smackle went to go get clothes for the both of them, as well as coffee, given it's now 2 in the morning. We have school in 6 hours. I sigh, this was the worst timing.
"Hey." I say. I grab his hand. We all need a little love right now.
"Shawn and Katie just went in. They said the you and me can go next with Lucas, but you're probably gonna wanna go in by yourself." He looks down, then continues talking. "I know I wanna go in by myself…" I get right to the point.
"I need you to pull an all nighter with me and go to school tomorrow, also with me." I say.
He glances at me with a questioning glance. "I dunno Riley, It's been a long day. Plus people will ask questions, and you'll probably get harassed again."
"You heard about that?" I ask. How did it get around so fast?
"It's not a widespread rumor yet, but it will be. Maya told me to keep an eye on you."
"She really was the best friend I could ever have, besides you of course." The possibility of a smile quickle passes over his faces, but then morphs into a frown.
"She is. Is Riley. She's still alive."
"That's my point…" Before I can finish, my phone buzzes. Looks like I'm getting a facetime from someone. I answer, and jump up. I gasp, and show Farkle the phone.
On the screen is a black gloved hand holding a syringe. Behind the syringe is Maya, still in her sick bed. Suddenly the screen goes black and white words appear. Bring the drive to her room in 2 minutes or she dies.
I can't breathe. My lungs are on fire, and the more oxygen I try to get, the faster the flames grow. I grab onto Farkle's arm, and hold on tightly. Get it together I tell myself. Maya needs you, I say. But I can't seem to find my legs let alone use them.
Lucas is on me, as he saw me check my phone. He gives me the strength I need to get up and keep going. I grab my bag, with the flash drive inside and stand up, but I know I won't make it. Lucas has to go, he the best chance we have on getting there in time.
"Farkle what did it say?" Lucas asks. He probably doesn't think I'm in the shape to respond, but I find the will.
"We have to get it to Maya's room, in 2 minutes." I say frantically. I start moving. Katie told me where her room was, so I try to remember. I finally find a number and floor in my head, and hope that they are right. I quickly walk out of the waiting room hoping I don't alarm my parents or help them catch on. But as soon as we're out of view, I run. I run for my life, and for Maya's. I keep going until the fire reaches my lungs again. We take the stairs, because there are too many people in the elevators, and there's not enough time. We run down a corridor in the west wing, but all of the hallways look the same, Without giving myself any time to think, I keep going. We finally make it to the ICU and I find Maya's door. I rush in without being able to prepare myself for what I'm about to see. When we get to her room, Katie and Shawn aren't inside. Maybe they got lost, or maybe they're talking to her doctor, it doesn't matter. I rush in, and place the drive on the windowsill in plain view for A, who's eyes are probably trained, but not for anyone else. I sigh.
I stand there a few minutes trying to catch my breath. I sit on on the side of Maya's bed, careful not to disturb or touch her. Usually my thoughts are racing, but I can only think of one thing. Maya's pulse monitor. All of the lines aren't flat, and there is no red dots, so we must've gotten here in time. I stand up to go, but before I leave I get a good look at Maya. Her blonde hair is frail. Her body looks tired and shallow. What really gets me are the tubes the surround her body, covering her like a loose stringed blanket. I grab her hand gently, and wonder if she can hear me. Probably not, but I'm gonna talk to her anyway. I think the reason why people do this is because it benefits the patient and his or her friends and family. Maya and I are both friends and family. "Hey, peaches. It's me, Riley, and I just wanted to tell you…" What should I say? That I love her? She already knows that. I decide to pretend that nothing is wrong, and to just tell her about my day. "I just wanted to tell you that I miss you. I've gone much longer times without talking to you, but I miss you more right now than I ever have. It's been a hard day. You had me, everyone really nervous, but you're a fighter, and we're all really proud. Everyone is worried for you. Farkle and Smackle, and Lucas, and Zay have been out in the waiting room for you for hours. We all love you lots Maya. You have a big 'Hart'." I smile at the punn. I'm about to walk out when I realize that there is one last thing on my chest.
"You were right, and Maya, I'm so sorry I didn't tell you about me and Lucas. It was selfish of me to keep that from you. I love you…, and Josh does too. He's too proud to admit it, but he needs you Maya. I need you. Who else is gonna be able to be my bad influence? Who else is gonna paint and draw pretty pictures to go up onto my wall? God knows that there are already too many purple cats." I decide to try to keep the conversation lighter, " You know what Maya? I think I'm actually starting to become a little bit of a dog person. Maybe it's just because Lucas likes dogs, but I don't know. That's why you have to wake up. You have to see me love dogs one day." I laugh. That one sided conversation took a turn for the worse once I started talking about purple cats… Maya would've loved it. I smile, and then frown. Too bad she can't answer for herself. Suddenly I feel the temptation to run away and never come back. I know I can't do that. I'd probably get down to the lobby, and wanna come back up here to be with Maya again. So no, I won't run, but I still wanna get out of this room. I need to get out of this room.
I hurriedly walk out the door to see Farkle and Lucas waiting there staring at me, questions in their eyes. But the only question I can think of is: What do we do now? This makes me angry. What do I mean what do we do now? There is so much to do.
I walk over to Farkle, somewhat angry. "This is why we have to go. This is why we have to keep fighting. We have to keep fighting because Maya was hit by a car. She made it through her first surgery, and they didn't cut off her leg. She is surrounded by doctors and nurses and us, but A STILL found a way to get to her. She is fighting, so we have to fight to." This is probably enough to get my point across, but I'm just so angry that I just can't stop myself from continuing. "What's to stop them from doing it again, to Maya or even someone else. What's to stop them from going after Me you, Lucas, Smackle, anyone really." My voice starts to raise. "A started this with me and Maya, so we are going to at least going to consider what I want."
"Do you have a plan, Riley?" Lucas asks, obviously happy with me taking initiative. He looks mad too, but a different kind of mad. He's wearing his 'I am pissed at the world' face, and not his 'I am pissed at a specific person, place, or thing' face. To be honest, I'm kind of pissed at the world right now too. This shouldn't have happened. How could the universe do this to us! We're pretty stand up people! My dad taught us well! We help people, and then teach about it, it's a thing we do. And I'm Riley freakin Matthews! I am nothing but happy and bubbly and weird and hopeful, so how could God or the universe try to take that away? Why would they make this week the worst week of my life? I was raped, A came to power, Maya was hit by a car, I broke up with Lucas even though I didn't want to, I got in a horrible fight with my best friend, and then she was hit by a freaking car! When does it end! So yeah, I do have a plan, and I don't know if it will work, now or ever, but I'm sure as hell gonna try.
"Yes actually. First things first. Someone is to be with Maya inside that room, or right outside at all times. We can take turns, because she obviously isn't safe here. You and Zay can start tomorrow. Tomorrow, Smackle, Farkle and I are going to go to school, and put on a brave face for the masses. Lucas, I love you, you know that, but at school we are still broken up, and will remain that way until Maya is back at home." I take a deep breath. "And we don't tell Anyone about A ever, no matter what. Also, we spend every minute not sleeping on figuring out who this person is, and figuring how to nail their ass to the wall."
"Riley, you know I stand behind you, and I'm gonna help you out as much as I can." Lucas declares. I lean into him, and say I love you behind his ear. He wraps his arms around me, and we both look to Farkle, waiting on his response.
"Yeah, sure, I guess I'm in too. But I have another rule." We look at him expectantly and he continues talking. "Also, no matter what A says, or does, or threatens, we will never keep anything from eachother. If we need help, we ask for it, and if something is wrong, we stick together. Deal?" He asks. I see it in his eyes he's not entirely sure what my response will be. Neither am I completely. All I know though is that I need my friends. The old ones like Farkle. The best ones like Maya. The completely hot sweep you off your feet big beautiful romance, protect you at all cost ones, like Lucas. Even Zay and Smackle, who are newer and unexpected, and still helpful and kind anyway. I was even told Smackle stood up for me when I was raped, I should thank her for that later on. I make a mental note, and talk.
"Deal." He smiles, and I bring him in for a hug. Then all hell breaks loose.
Maya POV
I flutter my eyes open, and feel a world of pain. I can literally feel my heartbeat race back up. It calms down a little bit when I glance out the door window, and see Riley, Lucas and Farkle hugging. I try to smile, but I'm in too much pain. I try to take a deep breath, but there is something stuck in my throat. I start to cough, and I can't breathe. This seems to get Riley's attention, as she rushes into my room. "Oh my God." She says aloud.
I can't breathe and I'm starting to shake. I try to sit up, but it's really painful. Farkle runs out of the room, and starts screaming for a nurse, who comes rather quickly. I feel my lungs on fire, and like I'm choking. I start trying to throw up, and the nurse is at my side. I start trying to spit up, but there's no room.
Her hands move quickly, as she pulls a large tube out of my throat. She helps me sit up, even though it hurts. When she gets it out, she immediately puts a bowl in front of my face, and I spit puke into it. My leg is on fire, and I feel so sore, especially my throat. I can't help but scream as I lay back down. Someone's hand is on my back, and I assume it's Riley. I look at the person, and see that it's my mom. I'm really happy that she's here, and back from the funeral, but I can't deny the disappointment. I really need to talk to Riley.
"Mom, I was hit by a car." I start to cry.
"I know baby." She sits on my bed, rubbing my back, and holding my hand. Shawn stands behind her and rubs her back. "Are you in pain? Do you need anything?" She asks frantically.
"Ow." Is all I can say. She gets up, and runs to talk to the nurse, leaving me with just Shawn.
"You gave us quite the scare kiddo." He says, with tears threatening to flood over his eyes.
"Hey Dad. Is Riley ok?" I ask. My voice sounds coarse, and is really dry. I think it's from that tube, but I'm not sure. I cough a few times
He smiles. "You two are exactly me and Cory." I smile.
"That's good. I hope I get to be you." He smiles back. I move so I'm under the covers a little bit more, and breathe in sharply with the pain.
"She's right outside, crying her eyes out." He smiles.
I laugh, however painful it is. "Can you go get her?"
"Yeah, love you honey."
"Love you too." I sigh. I just got up three minutes ago, probably less, and I already feel so tired.
Riley comes in, and I smile. "Oh my God." She says again, a heavy flow of tears streaming down her smiling face.
"Come here." i say, hoping to console her. I know that she should be consoling me right now, as I was the one hit by a car, but I'm tougher than she is. Or at least that what she thinks… Also, Riley hasn't had enough bad experiences to handle something like this, so she's gonna need help learning how to deal.
She lies on the bed next to me, careful about my leg. I wrap my arms around her, and she cries some more. Suddenly her sobs become faster and I think she might choke.
"Riley? Why are you crying? What's wrong? Tell me." I say rubbing her back. I profusely try to get her to stop, but when all else fails, I call in Farkle to help me. "Farkle!" I yell.
"What's wrong?" He runs in, and I realized when I said that, he thought I was dying. I guess it was harder than I thought for them.
"Help her!" I say gesturing to Riley. She freezes, still crying, and I think things have calmed down. Farkle comes up to us, and whispers something in her ear. How badly I want to know what it was. She coughs, alot and lays down next to me once again. I sigh.
"Maya, I have to tell you something." The way she says it says it all for me though. She's scared to how I'm going to react, or worse, how I'm not going to react. I nod for her to continue, preparing myself for the worst.
"A has been watching us for months."
"What do you mean?" I say warily, jumping to conclusions.
"A has cameras everywhere. All over everyones houses, and everywhere in between."
"So we take them down. What's so bad about that?"
"Nothing, it's just… I barely know what I'm talking about. Farkle?" She looks at him, and I can tell it's something really smart techy that will be hard for me to follow.
"Ok, we were finally able to open the drive, after figuring out 6 hard firewalls." I keep listening, thinking I know what he's talking about so far. But with farkle, you never know. He never ceases to amaze me. He continues, "So during that time, Riley kept getting threats, and some of them were bad, so she had an idea." I look over at Riley. Jeez, she and I have both been through the wringer today. I know some people, like my mother if she knew, would say that I definitely had it worse. But the thing is, I don't think so. I was asleep during my surgery, and I barely remember the car accident, but Riley? She'll remember everything for the rest of her life. Yeah it's hard to get hit by a car, but it's probably even harder to WATCH someone you love get hit by a car, and there's nothing you can do to stop it. It's starting to look like my turn to cry.
And on top of watching her best friend get hit by a car, and barely live, she was also poked and prodded by A during it. Not to mention she probably had to make a lot of decisions during that time.
I look at Riley, "I'm proud of you. The past week and a half have been hard for all of us, and you were still able to figure out a solution to benefit everyone." She looks at me, and though they are glossy, I can still see her eyes smiling.
"Yeah…" Farkle says trying to push through the mushy moment. "Anyway, Riley had the idea to copy the flash drive, so now we both A and us each have a copy." That's good. "But there is one thing. The footage that A has saved, which consists of Riley's… incident, and some other things aren't deletable."
"Wait, let me get this straight. We can prevent A from getting more footage by taking the cameras down, but we can't take away what they already have?" I ask. The thought makes me sick. I can only imagine what they have on Riley, me, or even Josh… Where is he anyway? Shouldn't he be here? Does he even want to see me? He's probably still pissed at me for keeping A a secret from him.
"Yeah," Farkle says, " and I would try to find a new way to delete the footage, but A already has the flash…"
"I think we're done her." Riley says, making Farkle's last few words unclear. The urge to know what they are gets to me, so I stop her from hiding it.
"Wait A has the flash drive? I know you made another copy just incase, but you actually gave it back?" I ask. Why would they do that? Unless they didn't have any other choice.
"A facetimed me as soon as you were allowed visitors. The were holding a needle full of whatever substance. They said that it would kill you unless we handed over the flashdrive, so we did. Now, the needle could've just been full of water, but we weren't willing to take that chance."
"Ok, last thing we need to talk about… Farkle, I love ya, but Riley and I need a few minutes.." he nods and leaves the room, though I know that this won't be the last I'll be seeing of him.
Once he leaves and the door is closed, Riley leans in. "Where are the cameras, and what kind of footage is on the drive?"
"I knew you'd want to know everything, so I brought my laptop, let me just go get it." She leaves the room, and I think I hear her and Lucas talking. Actually, arguing is more like it. Is he stupid? He's one of my best friends, but doesn't he know what she's been through today? This whole week? He should be supporting her, even if what he's supporting her on isn't right. I listen a little closer, and discover that it's me that they are arguing about.
"Do you really think that less than an hour after waking up from surgery you should already be showing her all of this?" He says. It's clear he's just looking out for both of us, but he doesn't need to be so… specific.
"I'm never keeping any more secrets from her again! She deserves to know, and if I hadn't kept a secret from her, she wouldn't have left, and she wouldn't have even needed the surgery! So yes, I'm telling her everything."
Lucas's tone gets softer, and his voice quieter. "Riley, this isn't your fault, you couldn't have seen that coming. None of us could've." She sighs, and readies her response.
"Yeah, but I can't help but feel that way. Anyway, you need to tell Josh to get his ass over here. I know he's scared and confused, but any one of these minutes she's gonna ask for him… and I won't know what to say."
"On it." he says without hesitating. "Oh and Riley, I love you."
"I love you too, please, I'm begging you, be safe."
"Will do." he says. I can almost feel Riley smiling. No matter what one of them does, they can NEVER stay mad at eachother. That's exactly me and Josh…
My heart sinks. Does he not care about me? Is this too much for him? Maybe he's gonna break up with me because he doesn't want to deal with A. I wouldn't blame him. If anything I would want him to get away from me. At least that way he'd be safe. That doesn't mean I wouldn't die inside though. Why is everything so goddamn complicated?
I lean over on my side. I feel weird. Depressed even. Scared maybe? I don't even know. I sink deep down into the bed and pull the small comforter over my body, all the way up to my upper neck.
Riley comes running into the room so fast, and she quickly closes the door behind her. She looks out the window, and I can tell she's scared. Paranoid even. Especially because Lucas just left. Maybe we should all be paranoid?
I don't wanna think anymore. I can't believe I'm saying, or thinking it, but I miss the day I had to fear whether or not my dad would come home, and what state he'd be in. Things are much more complicated now. I have to worry about A, and rape, and relationships, and Josh… Back in those days all I had to do was make decisions that protected myself. Now, every decision I make comes with consequences. The worst part is that those consequences don't just affect me now, they affect everyone.
I sigh. I don't wanna think anymore. I don't wanna talk to anyone. I just want to go back into my selfish oblivion of morphine and sedatives. "What do you wanna know? I'll tell you everything. No more secrets." Riley says nervously. I can tell she feels the same way I do. Like she's being watched.
"I don't care anymore. Whatever happens, happens. Whoever gets hurt, gets hurt. A won."
"What do you mean?" She asks warily.
"Look around Riley. What do you see? Because I see two girls. One who is in a hospital bed because she was just made roadkill by an anonymous person terrorizing and threatening her friends. I see another girl in that room. A girl who used to have hope, but now all she has is a sore body, and a one way ticket to Law and Order SVU. I don't see anyone else, because roadkills boyfriend doesn't want anything to do with her, and for that she can't blame him. I also notice that Old Hopeful is clutching her phone for either one of two reasons. Either she's planning on calling her boyfriend, who left less than a minute ago, because she doesn't want him to turn out like me. Or that she's waiting on the phone call that'll tell her he already has. So which one s it?" I know I'm being a bitch, but I'm a mess. I'm part of a mess, that goes around causing other messes. I don't want my messiness to dirty her life.
"I'm sorry Maya." Is all she can say. I sigh. I should apologize. She risked everything to save me today, and she succeeded which will cause her a lot of trauma anyway. I think that's what this is. I think that this is the form of my trauma starting to come out.
"No Riley, I'm sorry. That was rude. I just am tired of thinking. Your brother isn't here, thoughts. I was hit by a car, realizations. You feel guilty about me, speculation. I don't know whether to congratulate your brother for getting away from me, or hate him for it, reflection. I don't even think I could hate your brother, even if I wanted too." She looks at me with sad eyes. "Would you do me a solid?"
"Anything Maya, you now that."
"Can you please go get my nurse? Tell her I need a sedative."
"Maya…" She says in that same pleading voice she used when she begged me to stay with her. Maya please, keep your eyes open, I'm begging you, she said, replays in my mind often. I push the thought away. I just want to go where I can't think, can't respond, and can't know.
"She over there Riley." When I see that she's still thinking, I go to my last resort. "Please Riley, I need it. This is too much. We'll talk tomorrow."
She sighs, "Is it emotional or physical pain?" She asks, but I'm sure we both know the answer.
"I'd rather get hit by ten cars than feel like this." She nods, and goes outside to get the nurse. I get the eerily feeling that she would rather get hit by ten cars right now too. I watch as she quickly approaches, and and the small nurse turns around. They both start walking towards my room, and I think this is it. I know I'm not dying, but being under sort of feels that way.
The nurse puts a syringe full of God knows what into my IV, and leaves. Riley holds my hand, and I faintly feel her kiss my cheek before going to sleep. I thought a sedative would work, but nothing's strong enough.
I focus on a dent in the wall, and wonder if it's as big as the dent I made in the car. I'm too small, it's probably smaller. I stare at it until I drift off into a more timeless state of life.