Chapter 28: Our Idiotic Witcher

"Fuck," Geralt growled, turning sharply to slam his fist into the post behind him. The wood cracked under his knuckles, but he felt no pain. The look of sheer horror in Ciri's eyes, the look of embarrassment and shame, was etched into his mind. He was supposed to take care of her, not destroy her. So many times he had failed her, and here he was failing her again.

The feeling of her soft lips against his still lingered. Usually women kissed him harshly, the whores he'd bed always seemed to assume he would like a forceful physical relationship. Yennefer was the only one to kiss him in a different way, but the sparks between them had long vanished, and the only time they bedded each other was to get out any pent up frustration. Then they would retire to their separate rooms. But the way Ciri had kissed him… so tenderly and gentle, it spoke of her love for him, and he hated himself for the way he'd responded.

It wasn't that he didn't love her. He did, and for far longer than he felt appropriate. It was hard to deny Destiny's existence, with how drawn he felt to her. But a life with him would surely be no life at all. He couldn't go and give her a sedentary life of balls and royal matters. He was a killer, a monster made of mutagens. It wasn't programmed in him to love someone the way Ciri deserved to be loved.

However, it was getting hard to deny his feelings. Jaskier and Yennefer already knew; it was obvious with how adamant he was about finding her. He hardly slept in the last four years; the separation jamming his failure in his face every night. Yet now that he had her back, and her obvious maturing and growth just strengthened the flame of his love. It was wrong and twisted, he thought. She was so young and innocent compared to him. He didn't deserve to soil her anymore than he had.

She also didn't deserve the heartbreak she was obviously experiencing right now, and he didn't know how to fix it. Giving in to their desires would be morally wrong of him, yet leaving things the way they were would surely drive them apart.

"Fuck!" Geralt snarled again, wishing their was a monster in front of him right now that he could vent his anger at.

"Geralt!" a loud shrill voice shouted, just as Yennefer, followed by Jaskier entered through the doorway. "Damn it Geralt, you idiot!" Yennefer sounded livid, and the bard behind her looked uncharacteristically angry, with his brows drawn together and a frown marring his features.

The mage's fingers almost seemed to spark in her anger, as she shoved her face towards him. "You're a coward," she spat at him. "You and Ciri are destined, and if you keep denying it, you are going to wreck her life!"

Geralt snarled at her, his anger still pulsing, though it was more so directed at himself. "Damn it Yen, do you not think I know that? She's a fucking child! I can't sentence her to a life with me!"

"You fool," Jaskier snapped, surprising Geralt. "You sentenced her to that life when you chose the Law-of-Surprise. This has all been set up from the beginning."

"No, she can still choose otherwise," Geralt rumbled. "She is not going to be forced into a life with me."

A loud slap echoed the room.

The force of Yennefer's palm meeting his cheek made him take a step back, and his cheek pulsed from the sharp sting. "You clueless Witcher!" she roared at him. Her hand hovering like she wished to strike again. "She is already forced into a life with you. There is no other road for her. This is the one that has been chosen, and if you don't accept it, I guarantee she not live to see another year. Her will to live will vanish; her life is bound to you, and you made this bed, so lie in it!"

Geralt wanted to yell and scream at the both of them, but he just rolled his shoulders back and took a long deep breath through his nose. "You can obviously see my reasons for hesitating?" he questioned, voice low.

"There is no better man, suited to protecting that girl and giving her a life worth living," Yennefer stated quietly.

"You will be the best for her, because you know that she deserves the best," Jaskier chimed in. "You will work hard to give her a good life. It might not be an ideal one, but she will be happy as long as she gets to spend it with you. Don't deny either of yourselves that happiness."

Yennefer looked at Jaskier in surprise. "The bard, for once, speaks wise words. Listen to them Geralt, or you will lose her. Again."

Geralt felt the tension leave his shoulders in defeat, as he ran a large hand over his face. "Very well," he sighed. "But if this ends badly, you guys can take the blame."

"Go check on her, you idiot," Yennefer rolled her eyes, pointing a long, graceful finger towards the doorway.

With a grunt, Geralt turned and walked out of the doorway. A part of him knew that they were right, that this was his mess and he would need to step up to the plate, even if it seemed morally wrong to him. Yet, at the same time, a part of him was almost… excited at the idea of being more with Ciri. She was so beautiful, and exotic, and intelligent. He just hoped he could be enough for her; provide her with all of the joys in life.

He was slow on his walk to her room, not knowing how to word anything to her. Words were not his specialty, and he really didn't want to fuck this one up. He didn't even know if she would listen to him, but he would have to try.

Stopping outside her bedroom door, he lifted his knuckles slowly and rasped on the door a few times. "Ciri," he called through the door. "I'm coming in."

He could hear her sniffles and cries quiet completely. "Go away Geralt. I don't need your pity," she snapped back at him from inside her room. He jumped at the bitterness in her voice, but remembered quickly that she had been someone's captive for so long. It definitely had left its mark on the girl.

"Listen to me," he rumbled. Taking a deep breath, he thought about his words for a moment, before opening his mouth to speak. He just prayed he didn't fuck this up.