"There will be no commitment and no confessions

And no little secrets to keep

No little children or houses with roses

Just the End of the world and me

'Cause all has been gone and all has been done

And there's nothing left for us to say

But we could be together as they blow it all away

And we can share in every moment as it breaks"

Chris Cornell- Preaching the End of the World

24 June 1981

Sirius Black often suspected that he was born under an unlucky star.

Of course; his friends often called him a 'lucky dog' (pun mostly intended). But in retrospect it was always someone else who got really lucky.

Regulus was the favourite son, Remus was the best pupil, James got the girl of his dreams, Peter ate as much as he wanted and did not gain weight.

He was considered talented but lazy, handsome but too vain. He was successful among men and women but he was unlucky in love. He had a rich family with connections but they were a bunch of sick blood purists.

All in all, Sirius Black was just lucky to be alive.

Right at that exact moment Sirius cursed his unlucky star, quite convinced he was going to die along the Prewett brothers. There were three of them versus fifteen Death Eaters and far too many murderous spells passed them at a distance which according to his personal classification was in the category of "too close".

They were huddled up in a dead-end alley, from time to time peeking into the street to check for the masked wizards. They've lost them between narrow, dusty alleyways of a small village of Cottesbrooke. The alley smelled like piss and trashcans left too long in the searing June sun.

Sirius, using his sleeve, wiped sweat of his forehead while trying feverishly help Gideon with the big bloody gash he had in his calf from a slicing charm. He knew it was a futile effort; the redhead wouldn't likely go anywhere with his muscles sliced in half.

They were trapped; anti-apparition wards cast by the Death Eaters probably reached far beyond the boundaries of the village. Gideon couldn't run and even if, the chances for them to escape without anyone noticing where slim.

"Sirius, you must go." he looked up from Gideon blood-soaked flesh at Fabian who looked at him with a strange fire within his blue eyes. He looked almost identical to his brother; the only thing that made him distinguishable was that he sported a long fiery-red beard plaited in a braid that ended somewhere around his navel. Gideon had an equally red moustache with ends curled upwards.

"I'm not leaving you."

"You're the only one of us who is able to sneak out of this shithole and get help." Sirius opened his mouth to protest again but Gideon breathed through clenched teeth:

"Don't you even try to argue...Padfoot...just go!"

Sirius huffed and snarled at them trying to keep his voice quiet:

"Then what? I will leave and when the help arrives you two will be dead. I'm not leaving you; we're leaving together or we're going down together."

Suddenly they heard a loud cackle, laughter and whistles, and sounds of feet and robes shuffling along the dirt road. Fabian and Sirius exchanged a quick glance and stood beside arm in arm shielding Gideon still slumped beside the alleyway wall.

Well, this is it. Sirius thought. At least I will die fighting.

Then his thought drifted to James, Lily and Harry confined in the Potter Cottage in Godric's Hollow. He thought about the long package in a colourful present paper with a snitch pattern, stored under his bed; Harry's first birthday present. Lily will be fuming at him for getting a one-year-old a broom. But, oh, how it will be worth it. He never considered any children of his own, always thought that he wouldn't even like any of these screaming spawns. But as usual, the Potters broken down every last of his walls and he simply loved Harry from the moment he firstly held him in his arms.

Son of his friends, his godson.

He felt his eyes getting wet when he realised that he will never find out what kind of person Harry will grow up to be; all these years will just pass by and 'Uncle Sirius' will be only a fond memory to share over a holiday shot of Firewhisky. But they will survive. They have to. That's what matters the most.

James is going to be so mad at him for getting killed...

The cackling and howling grew louder and he felt Fabian tense beside him; none of them felt ready to die that day. But did anyone ever feel ready for it?

He heard Gideon try without much of a success stand up behind them but he didn't turn to check on him, his eyes glued to the exit of the alley, his extended hand clutching his wand.

And then suddenly, the sounds of ominous cheering turned into ones of horror and they heard a cacophony of panicked screams outside of their hiding place. He and Fabian glanced at each other lifting eyebrows questioningly.

They peeked carefully from the alley and saw a group of six Death Eaters throwing spells and curses blindly trying to fend off something resembling grey smoke. The smoke wrapped itself around one of the Death Eaters tightly causing him shout horribly and try to pry off the foreign thing from his neck and shoulders. In the struggle he lost his mask and Sirius recognised Antonin Dolohov, screeching and cursing.

"Crucio! Crucio! Avada Kedavra!" the deadly curse ricochet of façade of one of the shops along the street and hit another Death Eater right in the back; he was dead before he faceplanted to the ground.

Sirius glanced at Fabian and saw him supporting Gideon on his arm and looking at the whole ordeal with slacked jaws; the sight was so peculiar that if it wasn't so dangerous it could be a part of a slapstick comedy.

Then they all heard a loud crack and silence. Sirius felt a strange pang in his guts when he looked at Dolohov now lying on the dirt road dead; the loud crack was his neck being broken with so much force that his whole head looked the other direction than it naturally should.

Above him stood a woman in a fitting catsuit from something that from afar looked like very strange dragon-hide plates. Her skin was in a golden-brown shade that made her look surreal in the searing summer sunlight. She had thick, dark curly hair gathered on top of her head in a messy knot. Half of her face from her neck to the bridge of her nose was covered with a black mask matching somehow the rest of her armour. She looked petite and definitely not like someone strong enough to break an adult man's neck.

She looked around, her amber eyes meeting each of the remaining Death Eaters, then the twins, and lastly Sirius. When their eyes met, he felt a shiver running down his spine; she had the eyes of someone who went through hell and back.

"You bitch!" one of the Death Eaters broke the silence with a high pitched vail yanking his wand up.

Sirius reacted like automatically and before the dark wizard could utter a word, he aimed his wand and shouted:

"Stupefy!"

The Death Eater went down limply and then few things happened quickly at the same time.

The remaining three dark wizards looked around in panic. Fabian stunned one of them before he managed to even blink. The girl suddenly evaporated and the grey smoke from before wrapped itself again around another Death Eater causing him to squeak like a rubber toy only to go silent and slump lifelessly onto the ground.

The third dark wizard started to run losing his mask along the way; Sirius to his shock recognised Barty Crouch Junior. Before he got away even fifty feet the girl was standing again beside the last victim of the grey smoke with her wand extended.

"Avis!" An angry-looking flock of crow fired at the end of her wand in a cloud of black feathers. "Oppugno!" the crows caught the escaping man mercilessly pecking and catching with claws. Crouch fell, shouting and covering his face before the attack, but after a while his scream turned into a sickening gurgle as the birds got to his throat.

And once again there was silence disturbed only by Gideons ragged breathing and wet sound of flesh being parted by sharp beaks.

The girl turned slowly to them; Fabian trying to hold his brother upright while still pointing his wand at her, Sirius still in his fighting stance, his grey eyes never leaving the strange witch. Her big, bright amber eyes where fixed on Sirius's wand.

"Who are you?" Gideon rasped weakly. She didn't answer, she didn't even acknowledge the question.

"We would like to thank our saviour, but not before we are sure that she's not here to kill us either." Sirius quipped cynically.

A faint chuckle escaped the stranger; the corner of her eye wrinkling slightly and the apple of her cheeks rising in a smile hid behind her mask.

"We're on the same side, that I can assure you, Sirius Black." she had a very prominent American accent.

He felt all his muscles tense up and the hair on his neck stand up. He curled his upper lip and growled in a very canine-like manner:

"Do I know you?"

"Not yet." she chuckled and raised her wand with such speed they didn't have a chance to react. "Petrificus Totalus Tria!"

Sirius felt his whole body went stiff as a board and his back hit the dusty road. He heard Fabian and Gideon share the same faith as him.

Great. So I'm going to die anyway.

He heard footsteps on and saw a pair of amber eyes above him. He could get a better look at the witch, or at least part of her face that were visible.

Her eyes were big, framed with long, black lashes and her brows were defined, elegantly arched above them. The curve of her cheekbones and bridge of her nose were dusted with pale freckles only tone or two darker than her complexion.

Sirius weakly thought that he easily could fall in love with these eyes.

"I'm not your enemy. Never was and never will be. But be careful; there are rats among you. They will tear you to pieces if you are not careful. Remember: think before you act. Especially in the next few months." she spoke very quietly like she wished only for him to hear her. She touched his cheek and brushed the hair from his forehead with a gentle gesture. "I'm going to get rid of the rest of them. See you around Sirius Black... or maybe as I will call you...Lord Black?"

And with that she was gone.

Sirius laid there with the Prewett twins for another thirty minutes before Alastor Moody and a whole Auror platoon raided the place and lifted the spell holding them down.

All in all, Sirius Black was just lucky to be alive...

•••

Over the months following this incident, Sirius Black began to worry his friends with his unusual behaviour.

He became obsessed with the strange witch. He read all reports from the Auror assault group. He read the witness statements, he looked for press coverage of strange encounters. He practically glued himself to Moody discussing every possible theory about the dangerous stranger.

The living room in his and Remus's flat started to resemble Moody's office with photos, files, press snippets, hand-written notes scattered around and glued to the walls.

Moody first welcomed the change in behaviour in young Black. But soon enough he became worried himself; both for the obsessive behaviour of the rookie Auror and for the consequences of the appearance of someone so powerful whose affiliation was not so clear.

Admittedly, when the McKinnons miraculously escaped death from hands of Death Eaters, warned by a mysterious bird-like patronus who spoke in a female voice with a distinctly foreign accent, Moody felt the glow of hope.

The same was when Edgars Bones wife and daughters escaped their burning manor with an inch of their life allegedly led out by a cloud of silvery smoke. Poor Edgar perished that night fighting off the Death Eaters gathered around the burning manor. When Ms. Bones and the girls managed to get out it was too late; Edgars body laid on the front lawn, the Dark Mark casting an ominous green glow from above.

4 September 1981

The last straw was broken when Lucius Malfoy came to the Auror Headquarters and demanded to be incarcerated for his crimes against magical community. Sturgis Podmore, who was doing the paperwork that day at the reception, laughed at Lucius for a good five minutes, until the latter roll up the sleeve of his tailor-made robe with an exalted gesture, revealing the dark mark burned into the skin of his forearm.

Moody, who was just coming back from lunch with Kingsley Shacklebolt, saw the moment Malfoy rolled up his sleeve. And as soon as he saw the dark sign, with a shout worthy of a wild Amazon, he threw himself at Lucius, tackling him to the ground. For lack of a better idea, Sturgis Podmore followed in the footsteps of his boss, tailed then by a few more members of the elite unit which was the Aurors.

When Sirius entered the lobby of the Auror Headquarters with a copy of the Daily Prophet and a cup of quite decent takeaway coffee from Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlour, he saw a pile of six Aurors with Emmeline Vance on top sitting on the rest with legs elegantly folded on each other and a beaming smile. Kingsley stood beside all of this with a look somewhere between amusement and embarrassment.

"Lucius Malfoy surrendered himself as a Death Eater!" Emmeline looked pleased almost as she personally put handcuffs on the dark wizard.

Only when she said that Sirius noticed the platinum hair and the famous stick with the head of the snake instead of the knob protruding from the tangled limbs and robes.

"Maybe you should let him breathe? It would be such a shame for him to suffocate before we can throw him into the Azkaban..."

31 September 1981

Sirius insisted that he could take all these strange cases and visit all the sittings.

"Alastor, she's on our side! If we could only find her, we could win this war within days."

"Don't get ahead of yourself Black." Moody growled.

"She made more progress in three months than we did in 3 years!"

"Do you think that I don't know that?! That's what's so dangerous about all of this!" Moody threw his quill on his desk and looked over the younger man noting with worry that he lost weight and that his skin had an unhealthy tone to it. "Black, I see that her involvement is like a wish come true for us right now. And it makes me all that more suspicious. We could be dealing with a powerful ally or with another dark witch, but only this time a one who is after Voldemort...for now. CONSTANT VIGILANCE!" Moody suddenly hit his desk with his hand; the ink bottle fell over and spilled its contents onto the documents and a piece of old Auror's sleeve.

Sirius tightened his lips feeling the growing frustration. He did not tell anyone about what the stranger had told him before she disappeared, most likely to continue massacring the Death Eaters. He felt that it was intended only for him, that it was a clue, something that would lead him... just for what?

"Black...listen." Moody sounded serious but there was also a strange parental tone to his voice. "We interrogated Malfoy. And when we asked why he surrendered himself, he started shaking and crying like a little girl. He begged us to throw him into Azkaban and hide his family. Before she gets mad, he said." Brown beady eyes met wide grey ones. "He did not say anything more about her. Even when we asked directly, he only said that we could ask for anything but this. Then he sang a few significant names..."

"I honestly was not surprised when you arrested Bella, Rodolphus and Rabastan. I guess I can only say 'I told you so?'" he said with a cheeky grin. Moody only grumbled something about 'evidence'.

"Your cousin at least didn't try to blow off my face. If Rosier had any better of an aim I would end up without a nose!" he reached for his mug and made a sound of dissatisfaction when it turned empty. "I want you to take a few days off. Let Lupin take care of you. DO NOT SIT ON THIS FUCKING CASE. You hear me?" Sirius nodded only knowing that he had to back up this time. Right now, it was like the whole Order ganged up on him, trying to get him to relax in the slightest.

He was exhausted. This war depleted him, paranoia made him unable to think rationally and always set him on brink of an outburst; he had an argument this morning with Remus about some total nonsense...

He felt as if their relationship was slowly dying. They were still friends but their intimacy actually ended only on this.

He loved Remus.

But lastly felt that something in him was in constant tension and was just waiting for some tragedy to break. Despite the fact that the scale of victory was going towards them, Sirius felt that this was not the end. That something horrible was waiting on the horizon, something that would scar them all.

13 October 1981

Sirius returned late that evening; he, the Prewett brothers and Emmeline Vance were looking for Benjy Fenwick. Contact with him broke off the previous day when he was sent on a reconnaissance near Shillingford St. George where probably one of many safe houses for Death Eaters was.

•••

It was a relatively simple task, especially since Benjy had an invisibility cloak with him. All he had to do was check if there were any suspicious units near the house that was supposedly occupied by dark wizards.

Nothing difficult, right?

They did not find Benjy. At least they did not find anything that looked like Benjy.

After searching the forest around the building that was assigned to observe, they decided to take a chance and check the house itself. It was a simple hut in the middle of an overgrown field; definitely no one cared for this patch of land for years.

It was dusk when they finally got inside.

The inside looked abandoned; the pale light from their wands cast long shadows on the peeling wallpaper. The ominous feeling lingered in those walls and Sirius felt the hair on his neck stand up. His canine instincts told him that something's wrong. The cottage inside was almost empty; there were only a few broken chairs and pieces of broken dishes mixed with dust and leaves lying on the floor of the main room.

He smelled it before they saw it.

Among all this, in the center of the room was a red, bloody puddle.

The puddle was not uniform as if it consisted of only blood. Texture resembled minced meat.

Emmeline, seeing this, ran out of the hut. After a moment, they heard the sounds of vomiting. Gideon, green on the face, followed her. Sirius swallowed loudly; he felt his stomach go up to his throat. He looked at Fabian; the redhead was pale and sweaty, he looked like he was about to pass out.

Sirius gathered in himself and turned back to the puddle to examine it.

There was something strange about it. He lowered his wand to light the spot a little better

There was no splash; it had a perfectly round shape.

"They trapped him..."

Fabian pulled out a linen handkerchief from his robe pocket and put it on his mouth and nose before he came over.

"Merlin...there's his wand..."

And indeed, in the bloody mash there were broken pieces of wood connected with something that was probably the core of the wand.

Sirius, trying to watch all the pieces of Benjy's wand, came across a strange shape in this mass. It was round, milky-white with a spec of blue and black in the middle...

When he realized what exactly he was looking at, he ran out of the hut and got rid of all the contents of his stomach.

•••

They called Moody over, and he came with a few of his trusted Aurors. They waited for a while to be sure they composed themselves enough to safely apparate away from that damned place.

When he teleported on a small balcony of his and Remus's flat, in London, it was raining. Their place was close enough to Leaky Cauldron to get there in 5 minutes on foot, but in a sufficiently Muggle district to not have to worry about nosy wizarding neighbours.

Every other day he would stop there for a moment to smoke a cigarette before going to bed. But that day he smoked three-quarters of the packet he had on him while they waited for Moody, and felt another wave of nausea at the thought of the smell of cigarettes mixed with the metallic smell of blood. The wind broke into an icy breeze under his cloak, making him shudder.

So he just walked into the apartment and was greeted by the sight of Remus rolled into a ball and sleeping on the couch. When he closed the balcony door, the young werewolf opened his sleepy, green eyes and raised his head, blinking like an owl.

"Padfoot?"

"Yeah..." he said softly, coming up to him and placing a gentle kiss on the top of his shaggy hair tied with greying specks. "Let's go to bed, babe, it's late."

"No...come here, we must talk..." Remus murmured and tugged his boyfriend's sleeve getting him to sit beside him. Sirius suddenly got a sinking feeling in his stomach hearing the tone of his voice. "Where have you've been? I was worried..."

"We...we've looked for Benjy..." he croaked. He could not get rid of the images from inside the cottage. Sirius suspected he would never get rid of them.

He felt a calloused palm on his cheek, gently guiding him to look at Remus. His gaze was researching, worried. Recently, it was like that too often.

"You found him."

"Yeah."

"What happened?"

"You really don't want to know." he brought their foreheads together, closing his eyes. He felt Remus arms snaking around his neck. "I will never forget it. I won't...I'm so, so fucking tired of this...I'm afraid to sleep because I have nightmares about my friends getting murdered. And now I just won't forget Benjy...everything..." he felt the bile in his throat grow. He breathed shakily.

"It's okay...we're all tired...you have every right to be tired..." Remus murmured softly slipping his hands into his hair. His lips were soft and familiar but there was a strain in his tone and a stiffness in his posture that told Sirius that something wasn't right. They knew each other for eleven years at this point. They dated for five.

He knew when something bothered his werewolf.

He opened his eyes; he always had soft spot for Remus's eyes. They did not have the colour of emeralds like Lily's eyes. They were lighter, like fresh leaves, with gold spots. Thick eyelashes that surrounded them had exactly the same colour as his honey-brown hair.

For Sirius, Remus was all warm, familiar, safe. Like a home. He was like light, like a fire in the fireplace. He was all soft edges, gentleness and order.

Everything that Sirius was not.

"What's wrong?"

Remus worried his bottom lip with his teeth for a second before he spoke.

"Dumbledore was here today. He wants me to go back. To the pack."

"What?" Sirius asked weakly.

"And I agreed."

"Are you fucking kidding me?!"

"Sirius..."

"You almost fucking died last time!" Sirius jumped to his feet and looked at Remus incredulously.

"This time it will be easier. They know me now." He tried to smile reassuringly but his hand involuntarily went to the arm on which Sirius knew, hidden under long sleeves was a scar from the bite of another werewolf. A bite that snatched his shoulder from the pan and almost deprived him of the mobility in this joint. "I want to be useful. Everybody is out there risking their lives. And I sit here...useless."

"You're not useless! You teach people how to defend themselves! You call this 'nothing useful'?!"

"Anybody with a half of a wand could do this..."

"You do it better than any teacher or Auror I ever known!"

"It doesn't matter! There's only so much I can teach them! Besides, You Know Who is losing people right now. There's a big chance I can convince the pack to switch sides!"

"For fucks sake, Remus..." Sirius slumped to the floor next to the sofa and leaned against the man's legs. He took his hands and pressed them to his cheeks. He felt the onset of anxiety attack and began to take deep breaths to calm down.

It was too much. Too much for one day.

They sat there and Sirius was not sure whether it was five minutes or an hour. Remus stroked his face and hair, muttering the calming words. His legs were numb but he managed to calm his breath. Finally, he asked in a quiet voice:

"When do you leave?"

"In the morning."

"When you will be back?"

"Three weeks, more or less...I want... I want to stay with my mother for some time afterwards." he said quickly. "She feels sick again...and I want to spend some time with her..."

"You're not coming back here, aren't you?"

The silence was so thick that it could be cut with a knife. Sirius was sitting there on the floor with his head on Remus' lap, staring blankly at the wall and waiting for the answer he already knew.

"I thought about it...for so long right now. And you know how much you mean to me..." the werewolf breathed shakily. "But you're not my mate. And it's always in the back of my head. And everything's okay, and I just wish we could live in a less fucked up times and be worried only about bad mouthing from old witches and wizards. Not about fucking war..." he trailed off and when there was no reaction from the other man, he continued "I mean...I don't know how to explain it..." he started to stutter until Sirius interrupted him in a clipped tone:

"Please try. I would like to know."

"Every time we are together, there's also Moony...fucking Moony telling me it's pointless and I should be looking for my mate. Every. Fucking. Time." he hissed. "I'm happy. I'm content. I feel safe. I love you." he tangled his hand in Sirius' black locks and tugged lightly "But it's nagging me. My heart and mind go to you and my instincts tells me to seek something else."

He dropped to his knees beside Sirius and straddled the others man lap sneaking his arms around his neck.

"You are my friend. From the first day. If it wasn't for you, I would be alone." he continued quietly. "You saved me. I cannot go on knowing that one day I may meet my mate and I will just have to leave." he kissed shyly the corner of Sirius's mouth. "I don't want to hurt you. I just know that right now we still have the chance to stay friends."

The Animagus scoffed wrapping his arms around his waist.

"Merlin, how I fucking hate you right now Remus." he pressed their lips together making the other man whimper silently and return the kiss heatedly.

The tension snapped and left them grasping each other desperately, tugging at their clothes and hair. It was messy and passionate, and Sirius feverishly thought that it was exactly how their relationship was throughout the years.

Remus thought that he was saved by Sirius. But Sirius, being the human mess, he was, wasn't capable to even help himself. He could only pretend to keep it together for the people he held dearest to his heart. In the long run the Black insanity and bad luck always kicked in.

"You know I would've chosen you? I would always choose you." Remus mumbled struggling with buttons of his shirt.

"I know. I love you."

"I love you."

•••

When he woke up the next day, he was alone.

19 October 1981

"Are you alright?" Marlene McKinnon cornered him after the Order meeting when he stood in the garden beside the Order's safe house and smoked a cigarette. It was damp and cold outside so she was dressed like she was about to take part in a polar expedition. Her golden hair fanned itself on her shoulders from beneath her cap and her blue eyes searched his face cautiously from behind the rim of her scarf. Sirius stood there only in his leather jacket and a Gryffindor coloured scarf so thin and long that looked more like a giant shoelace. His black hair curled on the collar of his jacket.

Their relationship always was a little bittersweet; Marlene called them 'frenemies' on which Sirius only scoffed. Their occasional flings always ended in arguments that were on the lips of all Hogwarts gossip dealers. She was however Lily's best friend and were on good terms with Remus and the rest of Marauders.

And despite all of that when one Ravenclaw girl tried to spike up Sirius's food with love potion one day, Marlene made sure that she would end up in the Hospital Wing with a nasty pimple infestation on her face and back. And when the Slytherin group tried to corner Marlene in the library after chasing her through the corridors of the castle until she took refuge in the Gryffindor tower, Sirius first calmed her down, comforted her and then pulled out all the names she could give him. Then all the identified Slytherins, oddly enough, found all their clothes hanging on the flanks and turrets of the castle, and they themselves spent almost two days in the hospital wing, after their pumpkin juice turned out to be an admixture of an extremely strong emetic elixir.

They looked out and took care for each other.

He flashed her his best shit-eating grin.

"Always."

"Lily and James are worried you know?"

"There's no need for that. I'm perfectly fine."

"Well I can smell firewhisky on your breath so maybe that's why." she commented with a sour expression.

He shrugged.

"I'm not even drunk."

"What happened between you and Remus? Yeah, I know. You're not so hard to crack Sirius Black." she added seeing his wide eyes.

"What happened between me and Remus is our business" he mumbled avoiding her eyes.

"Sirius for fuck's sake...You cannot just sulk around and do not tell anyone what's going on. How we are supposed to help you two?"

"Ask Remus then, maybe he will be more talkative."

"Remus is on an Order mission and you know it."

"Well, shit out of luck, love. I can't help you then."

They were quiet for a moment. And then:

"He will eventually come around." Marlene said moving the toe of her boot, a patch of rotten, wet leaves. Sirius chew around a curse seeing her hurt stance and shy looks she threw in his direction; he knew that move, of course she would try to soften him that way.

"He won't, Marly. It wasn't a normal fallout per se. It's something that none of us has any control over whatsoever." when Marlene crooked her brow questioningly, he sighed and continued: "I'm not his mate. With his...little furry problem Remus is tied to a mate. It can be a man, a woman, a person with a similar problem or someone totally not connected to it. It can be anyone..." he took a drag from his cigarette and finished letting out the smoke from his lungs: "...all we know is that it's not me."

"It's like this soulmate mumbo-jumbo? You really believe it?"

Did he believe it? Of course, he did. He could not help but believe when he knew James Potter and Lily Evans ... now Lily Potter. Knowing them for so many years and seeing their interactions, he knew that there was more to them than love. There was a bond between the two that could not be faked. Among other things, for this reason, he could not be angry with Remus.

"Yeah. I believe it."

"I would never take you for a romantic, Black."

He barked a laugh.

"Not much of a romantic there, I just watched James run around one girl for so many years that I had to believe it. That or finally accepting that I'm best friends with a complete moron."

They laughed and for a moment Sirius could almost forget that dull pain that he carried around in his chest for the last couple of days.

"So Remus must find his mate? What are the chances that he will be able to do it?"

"Slim to none."

"That's...horrible." she looked at Sirius with a furrowed brow. "Why would he throw away everything with you for something so... iffy?"

"Because he has no choice. I read a lot about it. The difference between soulmates and mates is that when you find your soulmate, you do not have to do anything about it. You don't have to act on it. You will miss out something valuable but it's entirely your decision. But in the case of a mate for our furry friend, he has no choice. When he finds his mate, his first instinct will be to protect him or her. And until he finds them ... well...all other relationships will be tainted by this awareness that it is not full."

There was silence for a while. Each of them plunged in their thoughts. After a moment Sirius felt a small, warm hand in his and when he looked at Marlene he saw the tears in her eyes.

"I hope he finds his mate. And that you will find your soulmate. Circe knows that you two deserve some happiness."

He smiled and put his arm around her.

"Don't worry your pretty head about me, McKinnon. I will survive."

25 October 1981

"JAMES POTTER LOOK AFTER YOUR BLOODY WAND!"

"Shit." James jumped to his feet and ran inside the house. Sirius laughed under his breath and stretched his legs forward. He and James were sitting on the steps behind Potter's Cottage wrapped in coats and smoking in turns the last cigarette from Sirius's packet; they were talking in hushed voices about the latest reports from the Order. There was another sighting of the strange white smoke, this time in a shady London neighbourhood where the Death Eaters tried to torture a couple of muggles. The whole ordeal ended before the Aurors managed to get there. They found two unconscious muggles, two dead dark wizards and one injured above healing. He died cackling that he managed to hit their attacker before they fled the site.

Sirius silently prayed to any entity that could hear him that their silent ally was alright.

He took the last blow, threw the cigarette to the ground and crushed it with his shoe. He flicked his wand and the butt flew behind the fence and behind the magical barrier around the Potter house, straight onto the neighbor's yard.

When he stepped inside, he saw clearly offended James rocking a teared-up Harry in his arms.

"Oh, what's wrong Bambi?" Sirius cooed taking the toddler from his father. The boy immediately took fistful of his hair and tugged with a gleeful laugh.

"Siri!"

"Ouch! Not so rough. I don't want to go bald like your old man one day!"

"Fuck off, Padfoot!"

"Language!" Lily scolded entering the living room balancing a tray with tea and biscuits on the tip of her wand.

"Lils, honey, he will not remember it." James said defensively. At the same moment Harry, still in Sirius' arms, shouted with all his might:

"Fuck! Fu..." Sirius clasped a hand over the boy's mouth and looked at Lily. She sighed heavily and took her son from his godfather.

"Stop spoiling our baby, James."

Sirius laughed at his friend distraught face.

Most of the evening they sat and talked; about Harry, about war, about "old times", about Remus and his and Sirius's breakup. Harry sat on the carpet between them and played quietly, sometimes just coming wobbly to one of them to show off a toy.

"Sirius, have you seen Peter lately? Or you had any contact with him?" Lily asked suddenly, frowning. Sirius shook his head.

"I got the last letter from him somehow two weeks ago. He wrote that he could not reach the Order's meetings in the near future. And indeed, he was not on them."

James scratched his chin.

"He said that Dumbledore gave him some kind of assignment. Maybe he's undercover like Remus."

Sirius snorted.

"Mate, Pete sweats like a plague-ridden rat when he lies." James started laughing and Lily cracked a smile but still looked worried.

...there are rats among you. They will tear you to pieces if you are not careful...

He suddenly remembered the words and felt a wave of panic. Why now? After so many months? Is it because of the rat joke? Did that trigger his memory? Certainly, she did not mean it. Nobody knows about their forms. Nobody but themselves, Lily and Marlene, know that they are animagi...

"Maybe you're right...I'm worried because Dumbledore said we need to perform the Fidelius Charm as soon as possible before the other protection becomes too weak."

"Don't worry Lils." James put his arm around her and kissed the top of her head reassuringly. "Wormtail knows this. We agreed to do this before Halloween and there's still a few days to go."

"Yeah Evans. Don't worry about it. Wormtail has just a lot on his mind with the Order and his mom's not feeling well." Sirius forced a smile and immediately hid the resulting grimace taking a sip of tea.

30 October 1981

Peter looked like shit.

That was Sirius first thought when he saw his friend that day at the Potter Cottage.

He always was the smallest kid from their group; he was lanky and slim like Remus but not as tall and he lacked the bulk Sirius and James gained through Quidditch practice.

But right now, he looked sick; his face was in an unhealthy earthy colour, his skin looked almost saggy like he lost a couple of pounds in a very short time. His eyes were dim and watery when he looked around the living room. Even his shiny blond hair was mated and looked thinned.

They didn't see each other for a month or maybe more. And on a spawn of couple of weeks Wormtail turned into a walking corpse.

Sirius sat stiffly on the couch with his fingers clutched on his wand; for last couple of days he couldn't throw that nagging thoughts from his head.

...there are rats among you...

He tried to put it on his paranoia that has progressed over the past few months. There is no way that Peter would betray them.

Sirius moved his hand over his face; for the last couple of days he slept close to nothing and his eyes burned him from exhaustion.

...They will tear you to pieces...

Why Peter? Why would you do this?

But he didn't ask that out loud.

"Guys?" James asked uncertainly looking between him and Peter. Just then Sirius realised that they were looking at each other in silence. Sirius's hand was clamped so tightly over his wand that his knuckles turned white. Peter breathed heavily like he was about to start hyperventilating; he was sweating profusely.

Sirius stood up quickly and murmured something about a cigarette before he went outside.

He stood on the step outside the Potter Cottage and with trembling hands tried to light up his smoke. He wasn't sure if his hands shook because he forgot to take his jacket or because the strange encounter with Wormtail.

When he became so paranoid? He should be ashamed by the mere thought of that one of his best friends, one of the Marauders could betray them to You Know Who.

He felt warmness embracing him. He looked over to see Lily placing a blanket over his shoulders.

Prongs is a one lucky bastard. He thought seeing her soft smile and light in her emerald eyes.

"Everything's okay?"

He nodded.

"Yeah. Just some of the Black's loony heritage kicked in."

She chuckled and nudged his arm so she could tuck herself under the blanket with him.

"Sirius, I want you to do something for me."

"For you? Anything, Evans."

"I'm serious." she clasped a hand over her mouth as soon as she said it. Sirius bursted with laugh.

"It's okay! I'm listening Lils. Anything really."

She took a deep breath and leaned her head on his shoulder. She went quiet for a minute looking over the naked trees and bushes in her small, neat garden. Autumn went in with full force casting the Godric's Hollow in a gloomy hue. Sirius despised this time of year. Halloween could be a joyful feast, but in fact the only thing this season brought with it was death and decay.

"I want you to promise to take care of Harry. If something happens to us."

"What? Lily, come on..."

"No! Sirius, please, promise! Promise that you won't let anybody to take him away!" she took a shaky breath. "You're the only one we can trust."

"Lily, everything will be fine. You and James will be fine. You...you'll raise Harry by yourself." His voice broken a little. He felt a stinging in the eyes.

"I want you to promise you will raise him to be a wonderful man and a good wizard. And that you won't let anybody interfere. That he will have a happy childhood."

"What happened?"

She bit her lips; her cheeks were already wet from tears.

"Dumbledore wanted to talk with us about a plan B in case something happened to us. He really insisted for us to agree to let him take Harry in case of something's happening. He suggested that Harry should live with my sister then."

"Dumbledore did that?"

"Yeah...you know Petunia. I don't trust her to take good care for Harry. She's...she's too blinded by her hate to magic. James told Dumbledore that we made a decision about who would take care of Harry the day we chose you as godfather." she smiled weakly, turned to him and took his hand in hers. "You are our best friend, Padfoot. You are like a brother to both of us. I know you will be the best guardian for him...just...just promise me..." big tears began to roll on her cheeks again, and Sirius felt that similar ones began to fall over his face.

"I promise, Lily."

Peter would never betray his friends.

31 October 1981

"JAMES! LILY! HARRY!"

As usual, he apparated in a secluded street near the fountain in Godric's Hollow's main square. He agreed with the Potters for a small Halloween celebration; they were about to carve pumpkins and decorate cookies with Harry. All in muggle fashion, because Lily insisted that it was developing fun for the child.

The streets were deserted and quiet. The wet pavement shone pale in the light of the streetlights.

He saw it when he left the alley; the streak of emerald smoke was clearly cut off in the night sky. Immediately he felt cold sweat pour over him.

No. No, no, no, no, no!

In the blink of an eye, a bear-like, black dog ran through the streets of a deserted town. His huge paws hit the pavement with a dull thud, splashing puddles, trampling the leaves.

No, no, no. Why Peter? Why would you do this?

...They will tear you to pieces...

He always had our backs in school and outside of Hogwarts. Right?

...there are rats among you...

He has his own bag of dicks to carry around. His mother is very sick, that's why he isn't so much around. And his father's business is all on him right now.

...you are not careful...

He looks sick because of the stress of running a business and caring for a sick parent.

...think before you act...

No, no, no. Not James, not Lily, not Harry!

...BE CAREFUL!...

He ran through the main gate of Potters Cottage and transformed mid-jump. The wards were off; he should not be able to cross them without the help of someone from the inside.

But nobody came to meet him. Potter's Cottage was dark, dead. The right side of the top floor had been blown apart. Harry's room was now a pile of smoking rubble.

"PRONGS! LILY! HARRY!"

When he entered the lobby of the house he was greeted by a dead silence.

"Lumos." he lifted his wand.

From the living room door, there were now only two long splinters barely hanging on the hinges. He moved slowly, feeling the terror coming from his chest and chilling the blood in his veins. When he saw James, he did not even feel his legs bend under him and his knees hit the floor.

James lay on his stomach with his hands spread like the arms of a broken puppet. He was barefoot, in home clothing. His wand was a few feet away from his outstretched hand. His tanned face was gray in shade. His eyes were wide open, glasses crooked on his nose, his lips slightly parted as if he greeted Death with surprise.

A strangled sob escaped Sirius's chest.

"Prongs...no, no..." almost on all fours, he crawled over to his friend. He touched his icy cheek with a shaking hand, brushed the black, unruly hair, straightened his glasses. "James..."

The hot anger that replaced icy terror was all-encompassing, almost blinding.

He had to find and kill Peter. He had to find and tear to pieces this slimy traitor.

And then he heard the sound that made the anger disappear as quickly as it appeared.

Child's cry.

...Remember: think before you act. Especially in the next few months...

He scrambled to his feet and ran upstairs.

The room was like a battlefield at the moment. Through the gaping hole that remained after two walls and the roof, cold air burst in. The night was calm, moonless and the stars shone extremely bright. Pieces of debris littered the floor with broken furniture and toys.

He wanted to look everywhere, but at Lily.

She lay on her back beside the crib in which Harry stood, crying his eyes out. Her fiery red hair was scattered, her mouth open in a silent scream.

Sirius passed her carefully, clenching his jaws to stop the groan of despair threatening to get out, took Harry out of the crib and grabbed a blanket to wrap the toddler in.

He hugged the boy, whispering empty words of comfort, and left the room, casting his last glance at Lily. Harry whimpered silently in his arms calling his mom and dad, and Sirius tucked the child's head into his neck, shielding the site of his father body when they passed through the living room.

"It's okay Bambi...you're okay...they will be okay...Harry...shhh..."

Rubeus Hagrid's giant frame was probably the last thing he expected to see outside the cottage.

"Sirius!" the half-giant approached him quickly with red, tear-streaked face.

"Hagrid? He killed them...Lily, James...They're dead."

"Sirius...'Arry? What' with the boy?"

Sirius tensed and pressed the boy closer to his chest.

"Dumbledore sent you?"

Hagrid nodded, reaching out his big as trash cover hand, gently stroking with one finger the tip of a dishevelled, little head protruding from the blanket.

Sirius felt his heart beating like crazy. On the one hand, the need to find Peter and kill him in cold blood was extremely strong. On the other hand...

...think before you act...

Chasing Peter was easy. Finding Peter was easy. Letting Dumbledore to take care of Harry was easy. That was the thing Sirius would probably do just a few months ago.

But right now, he had to do the difficult thing. Right now, for the first time he was alone, but in the same time he wasn't. With his godson in his arms, James and Lily dead...

He promised.

"Okay, let's go see Albus."

He had to stay with Harry. They needed each other.