Wow. Thats the only word I can think of to describe Elena, to describe how I feel when I'm around her. She leaves me speechless. It's incredible. It's undescriable. I am on an Elena high. I can't think of anything else. She consumes me. With her all the pain is forgotten for a little while. The way she touches me excites me. That is shocking to me. No one touches me but with her it's different and I can't understand why. Is this what those couples feel like? I am grinning like an idiot as I walk down the stairs and without realizing it walk straight into my dad.

He notices my smile and says. "I was just looking for you, come let's have a talk"

we walk into his office and I see all the pictures he has of us up. "So judging by your good mood I see you are enjoying your new job?"

"Yeah I guess"

"How is everything going with the rennovations? I've been meaning take a look at them myself"

"Fine" I reply. I have no idea how they are going. I haven't exactly been paying attention to them as I have been a little preocupied engaging in some rather different activities while at the Lincoln's.

"Ok then, I take it that you saying a minimal amount of words is a sign that you really like this job?"

"I do dad, I really do"

"Good" he smiles. "I have been researching some different therapists in our area and I have found one that is seemingly qualified but I need to warn you Christian if this does not work out then you will continue to see Dr. Ross"

He really has kept his promise for me "I understand"

"I think Mia was looking for you earlier to help her with her chello practice but if that does not interest you we could always go to a Mariners game" he says as he pulls out the tickets.

I smile "While that does seem interesting I think I'll opt for the Mariner's game"

After school I walk down to one of my "favorite places", thankful for the peace and quiet because I am alone. I love when it's quiet but then again it gives me time to reflect on my problems. While I am walking I see a couple of kids pulling out a blunt and smoking it and laughing with out a care in the world. I shake my head. I could not do that. I made a promise to myself a long time ago that I would be nothing like the crack whore. That is not the life that I want. I don't want to spend my whole life addicted to something that will in the end kill me. I stand in front of the familiar sign Greenwood Corner Grocery. It is the only place that has liquior on the shelves so it's easy to slip a bottle into my backpack and the only grocery that does not have cameras. I pull my hood over my head and walk in. Shit. It's pretty empty in here today. I start walking down an aisle pretending to be looking at some candy bars, what any normal kid my age what be doing. I see the liquior and slowly inch my way towards it. I quickly glance around to see if anyone is looking. I see whiskey and bourbon on the shelf and opt for the bourbon. I slip the bourbon in my backpack and sigh in relief. The only reason I have to do this is my dad has become suspicious of his missing liquior and the person who usually sells me it is on vacation in Miami. I need it to calm me down everyday so I have resorted to this.

"hey kid, what are you doing?" I see the cashier who welcomed me making his way towards me. Shit. I bolt down the aisle and see the door. The cashier is chasing me and yelling at others to stop me. I evade the grip of another employee and continue with my escape. It is then that I notice that one of them has blocked the exit. I turn the other way noticing a back door and run towards it. On the way I decide to take out the bottle of bourbon just in case I am caught. I set it down and continue to the back door. I reach the door but when I open it I am caught in the grip of a police officer. I don't like the way he is touching me so I try to pull myself away from him. He notices this and tightens his grip yelling for someone to help him hold me down. The cashier removes my backpack while he puts me in handcuffs. "What the hell kid?" he asks out of breath from struggling with me. I hear the cashier explain to him how he saw me by the alchol and he saw me slip something into my backpack. The officer glances at me and then begins to search my backpack. Then I realize I am exactly like her. Look at me, the hypocrite. Here I am stealing for my own addiction. I can't do this anymore. I can't end up like that. I need help. I need Elena.

Finding nothing the officer looks at me " Why were running if you didn't have anything"

I shrug. "Do you have anyone to call? I need a parent to explain everything that has just occured here." Without thinking I give him Elliot's number. Elliot pulls up fifteen minutes later giving me time to reflect on myself. His eyes widen when he sees me in handcuffs.

"What is the problem here" he asks the officer.

"I'm sorry I will need to discuss that with a parent"

"Well then considering that's my son I suggest you start talking"

"Do you really expect me to believe that? You don't look that much older than him"

"I've made some poor choices in my life. Now will you please take my son out of the fucking handcuffs?"

"Do you have any identification so I can verify your relationship to your son? " He spit the last word out

"I don't. I must have forgotten it on the rush to get here"

"Then I am sorry but I can not release him to you"

"I think you can. You see I'm pretty familiar with the law system myself. I don't know if you've ever heard of Grey Law firm? Hi I'm Carrick Grey" Elliot holds his hand out sarcastically introducing himself. "And I know for a fact it is illegal to detain someone without bringing charges against them. What are the charges being brought against him"

The officer hesitates "There are none"

"Then I suggest you take off the handcuffs but if you want to continue this argueme just know that it will cost you any chance you ever have of working for the FBI again I will make sure of it" The officer gives Elliot one last glance and walks over to me to undo the handcuffs.

"I don't want to see you on this property again or I will arrest you for trespassing. Do you understand"

I nod.

"What the fuck Christian" Elliot yells as soon as we're in the car. I stay silent not knowing what to say.

"I get a call saying that I need to come pick you up and then I see you in handcuffs? What were you doing? Is this what you want? Do you want this to be your life?"

"No"

"Well it sure as fuck looks that way. Grow up and get your shit together Christian"

"What were you doing?"

"Nothing"

"Obviously it wasn't nothing if he had you if fucking handcuffs"

"I'm sorry Elliot...I need help" I whisper the last part so low that he doesn't hear.

"Sorry for what? Waisting your life? This is not you Christian. What are you trying to do? Tell me so I can help you"

We pull up the driveway "Are you going to tell them?" I ask nervously

He stays silent for a minute "Get your shit together Grey"

ELLIOT POV

I watch him walk up the driveway and I can't believe that I'm covering for him. I can't even recognize him right now. What is he doing with himself? I sigh and rest my head back against my seat and close my eyes. My mind travels to when I met my brother for the first time. My mother had warned me to be nice.

My mother walked him to me but he hid behind my mother like he was scared of me. "It's ok Christian, this is your brother Elliot" she says soothingly. I continued to stare at him until he came closer to me. I didn't know what to do so I looked at my mother and then looked down at the toy train I had in my hand. I held out the train towards him and he looked at me warily before taking it and smiling.

I was jealous of him when he first came home because I was no longer an only child and he seemed to get all the attention. Thats changed very quickly. Christian didn't really speak to me for a while. He liked to be alone but we still used to play together. I remember learning about his haphephobia the hard way. We were playing cars in my room when we started fighting over a firetruck. We both pulled at it but Christian ended up winning the struggle. I was so mad that I pushed him in his chest. His eyes widened and he dropped the truck. He let out the loudest scream and looked like he was in pain. He ran from the room crying. I was so shocked that I just froze. After calming Christian done my mother walked into my room and I just broke into tears. I didn't know what I did wrong. My mother held me and explained to me that Christian had been hurt in the past and he reacted like that because he was remembering those times. She told me that I had to avoid touching him or it would bring back those painful memories. I also remember the first time I saw his scars.

"Christian come on" I say as we sneak off from our babysitter to go swimming. Christian follows behind me glancing back towards the direction of our house. I roll my eyes Christian was always the goody too shoes of the family, he always listens to whatever our parents said. "It's too late to go back now we're already here" I take off my shirt and jump in the pool. I see Christian just staring at me. "Come on it's fun, jump in" He hesitates but he finally decides that I'm right. He slowly lifts off his shirt and that's when I notice some circular scars on his chests. What is that I ask myself. Christian sees me looking and tries to cover his chest. I get out of the pool and walk over to him. "Did someone do this to you?" He looks away and there is pain on his face. I know that look, it is the look he has whenever he thinks about what happened to him before he became a part of this family. Someone hurt my brother that's all I can think about. Rage pours from my body and I feel like I am about to cry. "No one is going to hit you like that again" I say to him. I give him his shirt and we silently walk back to the house.

I made a vow that day to protect my brother from everything and anyone who wanted to do him harm. No one was allowed to touch my brother. I laugh as I remember that I was the one who used to get into fights. Whenever anyone would pick on Christian or would try to touch him, I would always make sure they would never do it again. I became my brother's protector.

Christian was always the sweet one growing up. He liked to be alone but he would always willingly help us when someone was wrong with one of us. When I had measles, Christian was the one who really took care of me. He helped my mother prepare my meals and he would sit with me when I wasn't sleeping. Sometimes I think he might have even sat with me when I was sleeping. He has always been devoted to protect the things he loves and he would get angry when he couldn't fix the situations we were in.

He really started to break out of his shell when Mia came. He adorned Mia from the start unlike when he first met me. He felt it was his job to protect her just like I felt it was my job to protect him. Mia also got him to talk. He used to call me llijot because he could pronounce my name. I smile, it used to piss me off so much and I blame Mia that I had to deal with that for two years until he learned how to correctly pronounce my name. What shocked me the most about Mia was that he had allowed her to touch him. The first time I saw Mia hug him, I froze waiting for his response and to correct Mia. Christian only tensed but he allowed it. I always thought maybe he would allow me to do the same but I never wanted to push him past his comfort so I never tried.

I am starting to wonder who my brother is. Why is he acting like this? When I saw him in handcuffs my heart sank. I don't want his life to end up like that or worse like his birth mother. I can not just sit back and watch it happen. I sigh as I pull out of the driveway seeing "the boy with the most beautiful grey eyes" enter the house. I head back to WSU campus. What am I going to do with you Grey I think.

Finally I think as the weekend is over. I need to see Elena, all I did the whole weekend was think about her. She consumed every thought in my mind. I walk through the house into the study but am horrified when I see Mr. Lincoln along with Elena deep in conversation. Oh shit does he know? My heart quickens and I freeze.

"Oh there you are" Mr. Lincoln says suprisingly cheerful "I was on my way to work but when I say the yard work I thought I needed to tell you myself how good of a job you are doing"

Im confused so I glance at Elena. She is smirking and she nods her head.

"Thank you Mr. Lincoln"

"When Elena talked me into hiring you I have to admit I was a little skeptical because of all the trouble you get into but you proved me wrong. People rarely prove me wrong"

I nod my head.

"Well I better leave you to it" he says as he walks out.

"What the hell is he talking about Elena?"

"We needed the yard work done so I hired someone to do it"

"Why would you do that"

She smirks and walks towards me. She kisses me and I sense all of my confusion and restless thoughts about her lift. Her tounge slips into my mouth and it's like magic. Her hands grips my length and I moan. "I need to talk to you Christian" she take my hand and lead me to yet another room. She sits me on the couch and walks over to the shelf. I'm nervous sitting there. What does she want to talk about? I see she has something behind her hands as she takes a seat in front of me. She puts something in my hands and I glance down. What is this? In my hands is a long stick with some strips of leather coming out of it.

"Do you know what this is Christian?"

"No" I say as I continue to look at it in confusion.

"It's called a flogger. Do you know what it does?"

flogger? Then it clicks. "You use it to hit someone?"

"Yes but not in the way you are thinking about. It's for pleasure"

I snort "People can be beat for pleasure?" this is a new idea to me.

"Yes, trust me"

"Why are you showing me this Elena?"

"I want to use it on you Christian."

"You want to beat me" I say bitterly

"I want to pleasure you." The way she says it makes me believe her so I calm down. How can she calm me down with just her words when my own family can't even calm me down?

"Do you know anything about bdsm?"

"No really but I know it has something to do with this" I say as I lift up the flogger.

"Christian it's much more than that. The basis of bdsm is the dominant/ submissive relationship. The dominant provides everything that the sub needs including pleasure. The sub provides the dom with whatever they want"

"What do you want Elena"

"I want you to be my sub Christian"

I stare at her shocked but intruiged by her words.

"Christian I want to touch you more but I cannot unless you agree to this. This a part of who I am, it is a part of me. I want you Christian but this is the only way I can have you. If you cannot agree then I understand but know that this will be it. I will finish the yard work and you will be done here without another word but there will be no more contact between us"

I hesitate before asking "What would it be like?"

"I will be your Dom Christian. This means you must obey what I say. You are giving up your control and surrendering to me. I will put you before anything and everything I demand you to do will be beneficial to you. We will experiment. I do like to play, very much. I can show you things that will pleasure you in ways you have never imagined"

"What about the beatings" I ask not caring about anything she can show me. I only care about her.

"It is nothing to be afraid of. I would never hurt you any more than you can take"

I stay silent and stare at my feet.

She cups my face and bringing my eyes to hers. "There is pleasure in pain Christian. Anything I do you will enjoy I promise. The only time you need to be afraid of me is when I punish you but it will be for something you did to disobey me or to cause harm to yourself" She brushes my cheek with her hand "Think about it Christian but if you don't choose it, this will be it" She kisses me with passion and I kiss her back with all the passion in my body like this will be the last time. The can not be the last time I think to myself. She breaks away and leaves, leaving me confused and scared.

I walk into my room feeling pissed and confused. I take the whiskey out from under my bed and gulp down the remaining contents of the bottle. Could I do this? She wants to beat me. My mind wanders back to my past and I shudder but something inside me that it will be nothing like that. Maybe I could enjoy it. Shit. I throw the bottle against the wall feeling enraged. I sit down with my head in my hands. How does she do this to me? She can calm me down or wound me up with just her words. I need her. I can not loose her. She is my hope. I feel alive when I am with her. I lay my head back and wonder what it would be like. I would never do this with out her and the only reason I am even considering it is because it is her. The thought of doing this with Elena actually excites me. She said she wanted to touch me, that she would never harm me more than I can take, that she would put me before everything. That last part makes me smile. Does she feel these same feelings for me? I don't know. I do know one thing: I can not loose Elena Lincoln. I know then my choice is made.