It's my birthday today. Mommy is baking me a cake. It's a chocolate one because that's my favorite. I watch mommy cook and she even let me crack the eggs. That was fun. I don't see mommy too much but I love mommy. My tummy hurts and I can't wait to eat the cake. There is a knock at the door and I see one of mommy's friends come through the door. Maybe he came to eat it cake with us. Does he know it is my birthday? Did he bring me a present? Mommy tells me that I need to stay in the living room again and they go to her room. My tummy hurts really bad so I go to look at the cake, it is still in the oven. I open the door and reach for the cake. I pull my hand back and cry, it was really hot. I sit there crying but mommy is still in her room. When mommy comes out she looks at my hand and puts it under the sink. I see her throw the cake away and I start to cry more. My tummy hurts and mommy leaves me. She takes some packets and goes to her room.

I wake up and sigh. I have that dream every birthday. Shit. I forgot it was my birthday today. My parents have planned a whole big party at their lake house. I hate parties because I don't want to be the center of attention. I'm not comfortable with that. I don't want anyone to touch me or lie and tell me how great of a kid I am just to get into good terms with my parents. I slowly get out of bed and walk to my picture board. Every birthday I can't help but think about her, she did give birth to me this very day. What did she think about me? Was I just some kid who she got knocked up with and who always got in her way? I am this fucked up because of her, I hope she knows this- it is her fault. I turn away and get dressed not wanting to give any more of my time to the crack whore. When I walk downstairs I see that my mother has laid out the table with my favorite breakfast.

"Happy Birthday Sweety" she says with a huge smile on her face.

I smile, my mother is amazing to do all this for me but I wish she could have a better son. She deserves one that she can be proud of.

"Happy Birthday Christian" Mia yells as she runs to hug me.

"Thanks Mia" I say laughing

"I can't wait until the party tonight. Mom bought me a new dress and she's even letting me wear heels. Just wait until you see what I bought you" I groan, I don't like gifts. People don't need to waste their time on me. I finish my breakfast and head back to my room. I need some time to think about Elena's proposal. I don't know what it will be like. My mind wanders back to Elena. I smile remembering her smile and remembering the way she makes me feel. I'd rather be spending today with her. I hear a knock on my window breaking me out of my thoughts.

"How the fuck did you get up here Elliot?" he never fails to suprise me.

"Not really relevant, we need to go celebrate your birthday or would you rather spend the whole day in here?"

"What do you have in mind?"

he smiles "Let's go"

Elliot's idea of fun was trying to pick up girls while teaching me how it was done. I didn't talk very much and the whole time I was thinking about Elena. I felt I might be betraying her by doing this. As always the girls were attracted to the pretty face and one of them moved closer to me and immediately I tensed. Elliot noticed this and finally decided to do something different. He took my me dirt back riding instead.

"First one to get down the slope wins" Elliot tells me as we are about to take off.

"Want to put money on it Grey?" I ask

"50 bucks"

"You better have that 50"

"Oh I love your confidence little bro but I'm sorry to say that you are in for an ass kicking"

I laugh "We'll see, make sure you have that 50"

I have to say that I did enjoy kicking Elliot's ass even though surprisingly he did not have the 50. He claims to have let me win because it was my birthday and claims that was his payment. I smile, he can be such a sorry ass sore loser sometimes.

We get to the party and instantly I am overwhelmed. There are so many people who come up to us and like I predicted they lie to my face about how great I am and how I've grown up so fast. I can't deal with this anymore so I turn to leave.

"Elena" my mother exclaims. My head whips back around and I stare at her in shock. My mother greets her with a hug and I am happy to see that she came alone. I think I stand there with my mouth open for a few seconds until my mother gestures for us to sit down. I have so many thoughts going through my head. Did she come here just to see me?

"Elena, how are the rennovations coming along?" my dad asks her

"They are coming along well, thank you for asking Carrick. They are actually coming along better now that Christian is helping us clean up the yard. You should have seen it, it was such a mess" she says glancing at me.

"Really? Is he doing a good job then? He never seems to want to talk about it"

"He is doing an excellent job" she says smirking

"Elena would you like something to drink" my mother asks her

"Some wine would be nice"

"Christian would you mind getting two glasses of pinot noir from the bar over there? They will know what you are talking about" I get up but as I walk away I can still hear the conversation.

"Thank you so much Elena, I think he is really enjoying it. I have never seen him so happy"

"It's nothing Grace, I should be thanking him he has been such a tremendous help" They continue their conversation and when I get back to the table my mother asks me to go talk to some of the guests because they were here to wish me a happy birthday. After a few minutes I can't take it anymore so I leave the room. I search for the one thing that brings me peace besides Elena. I sit down and start to play. I feel like I've been transported to another world.

"You play beautifully" my head whips around and I see Elena in the doorway. Fuck she looks hot tonight. Her hair is slightly curled and her emerald dress shows off her breasts perfectly.

I nod embarrassed.

"Why are you in here when the party that was thrown for you is out there?"

"I needed some quiet, it got too crowded" I say nervously

"Not a big fan of crowds?"

"No"

"What are you a fan of Christian? You are very hard to figure out"

I smirk "Music"

"What was that piece called" She asks as she starts to walk towards me.

"Moonlight Sonata " I studder "It's by Beethoven"

I see she has made her way all the way towards me. "Beethoven, he seems a little old for you" she asks surprised

"Yeah he was the first composer I learned to play" I explain nervously

she smirks "Me too"

before I can answer her she pulls my shirt and presses her lips onto mine. Her hand rests on my thigh and I feel myself grow excited. Shit that has never happened before, I have never felt like this before. Her tounge slips into my mouth and I moan. Her hand traces my now hardened length. She pulls back and smirks at me while I try to catch my breath. "Come let's get back to the party"

"The party goes the same: people laugh and drink while most talk to my parents. I sit at a table in the back not wanting to be noticed.

"May I have everyone's attention please" my dad announces to the room "I am usually not one for speeches but for this occasion I can make an exception. I am not vey good at these but I can say this: Christian you have made my life more excitinmidlife fulfilling and every second worth it. Ii am going to let my eldest son take over before I mess this up" he hands the mic to Elliot.

"My brother and I have had many ups and downs in your lives but Christian is the most amazing little brother I could have asked for. He is also the strongest person I know" Elliot continues his speech embarrassing me by bringing up the funniest stories of me. At the end of his speech Elliot holds up his glass "To Christian" the crowd follows his example "To Christian" as Elliot walks off a video begins to play. It is full of pictures of me growing up. This is too much for me so I walk outside for some air. I don't hear Elena come out after me.

"First I find you in a room by yourself now I find you out here" she says "you must really not like crowds"

"I needed some air" I say excited and nervous. I have no idea what she is going to do now. She's always full of suprises.

"I'm sure it was more than that" I meet her gaze and I sigh

"people think of me too highly"

"No they don't. They see what I see. You are a very special boy: you are bright and talented you just don't realize it"

"I have my reasons"

"what reasons are those"

I stay silent and stare at the lake.

"Have you though about what I asked you?"

I stare down at my hands "yes"

"and"

"what is it like? I know what you told me but I need to know more than that"

"what is your question Christian?"

I hesitate " how can you enjoy beating someone?" I want to ask will it hurt but I feel that would be stupid.

"I enjoy control Christian not beating someone. I don't beat people for pain, I beat them for pleasure unless it's for punishment. I've told you before that there is pleasure in pain. I know the difference between real pain and pleasurable pain trust me. It wouldn't be the kind of beating you are thinking about."

I look at her "What about our relationship, what will that be like?"

"it will be something like this but I will be your dominant Christian. I will have control over you but it will not be something that will make you uncomfortable, you will like me to be in control." Even though it's strange, I believe her. Her words are soothing to me. "I will see you inside Christian" She kisses me and walks back into the house. I stare up at the sky deeply reflecting on her words. I needed her to clarify these things because I need her in my life. I have never felt these things I feel with her. I walk back into the house with the intention of finding her. I see her sitting down alone at a table. Couples are making their way to the dance floor. Mia steps in front of me and pulls me to the dance floor. I start to spin her around and she giggles. I look back towards the table but see Elena is no longer there. A break comes in the song and we switch partners. I smile as I end up with Elena.

"Yes" I whisper

"Yes what Christian?" She asks

I don't hesitate" yes Elena I will be your sub"

She smirks at me and her eyes hide something beneath them and I feel myself harden again. She kisses my cheek and then whispers in my ear "Goodnight Christian , I will see you tomorrow" The way she said the last sentence sounded more threatening than cheerful but I shrug it off. I have no idea how to prepare myself but I know there is no going back, this is what I choose.

I walk into the Lincoln house excited and nervous. My thoughts are all over the place and I have no idea what to expect. I walk into the study and my jaw drops when I see Elena. She is wearing a skintight red mini dress and heels. She smirks at me and walks over to kiss me. As she kisses me I instantly feel at peace. "Come" she says her voice devoid of emotion. She leads me to the same door at the end of the hallway. She walks over to the radio and I smile when she puts on Beethoven's Midnight Sonata.

"Kneel" she says coldly. Nervously I do what she asks and stare up at her.

"lay back on your legs and spread them open. Put your hands on your thighs and spread your fingers. Look at the ground"

I do as she asks.

"This is called the submissive pose Christian. When you are in this room I want you to drop to this position. I want you to just be in your underwear unless I tell you otherwise."

My heartbeat quickens. Am I comfortable with that?

"You may call me Elena any other time but in this room you are to refer to me as Miss or Mistress" she says staring down at me "you may not speak or look at me unless you are given permission to, do you understand"

"yes"

"yes what" she asks with no emotion

I think for a moment "yes Miss" I feel so out of control. I hear her walk over to one of the chests.

"I need you to obey everything I tell you but if something goes pass your limits you will use a safe word. What I do is meant to put you out of your comfort zone so do not use these words unless you truly can not handle it. You will use the words yellow as a warning to me that you are getting close to your limit. You will use the word red to tell me to completely stop" my heart is racing. I feel so many things: scared, excited, out of control.

" Do you know what limits are?"

"no"

"no what Christian"

" no Miss"

"limits are things that you never want to do. We can figure that out later. Christian I need your trust. Do you trust me?"

I don't hesitate "yes Miss"

"I will not just be your Dom in this room Christian, I will be your Dom everywhere. You will always have the option of leaving but if you do then that is it. I will not chase after you"

"Christian I want you to undress." My heart races. I don't think I can do that. I glance up at her. "Eyes down Christian" she says coldly. My hands move to my shirt and carefully I unbotton it. I am mindful of my scars and I want to cover them. No one has seen them except for my family. She walks over to me. "stand up" I do and she says "I'm going to do this part" she unbottons my jeans and I hold my breath. She slides down my jeans and I realize how close she is to me. I step out of my jeans and let out my breath.

"in the submissive pose Christian" I get back into my previous position. Never have I felt more bare in my life. I have never been this naked in front of someone who wasn't my mother.

"get on your hands and knees Christian" Elena runs her hands down my arms sending shivers down my spine. Her hands move to my hair and she tugs it and I moan. She leaves and I hear her pull something out of the chest. She runs it from my feet, up my legs, up the side of my stomach mindful of my forbidden area and down my arms. I moan feeling excited. She shows me it and I see it is the flogger that she showed me before. "There is pleasure in pain Christian" she reminds me. I tense. I have no idea what this will feel like. This is what I have been dreading. My mind starts to wonder to my past beatings but I shake it off. This won't be anything like that I tell myself. I then feel her place something over my eyes and I know it's a blindfold. I start to panic because I can't see anything. I can only hear her. Without warning me Elena strikes her first hit on the back of my legs. I gasp in suprise. It tingles and it felt exciting. It was nothing like I expected. Her hand slaps my ass and I moan. She does it again and instantly I harden.

All of a sudden the flogger hits my ass and I almost fall over. Shit I did not expect that-that one hurt. She continues to hit me and it becomes more painful. I grunt and start to move. "Don't move Christian" she warns. All I can think about is the pain I am in but the pain actually excites me, it starts to feel good after a while. I like this, this feels good. I feel better. This clicks for me. This is okay I think to myself, she's not touching me. It is pleasurable. I feel my control slipping away as I submit to Elena. The flogger continues to hit me and I bite my lip as I feel it tear through my skin. I feel like this is right like I need to be whipped to control me. With each strike I feel more excited and more pleasured. After a while Elena stops.

"You still had your underwear on so it did not bite through your skin too bad. How was that?" She asks

"good, really good" I say

She smirks and brings my lips to hers. Her tounge slips in my mouth and I'm on fire. This is amazing. This is where I'm supposed to be.