Thank you for the reviews! I completely understand that the sex scenes between Christian and Elena could be uncomfortable for some but that is my intention. If that is how it makes you feel then I am doing my job for this part of the story. Elena is nothing more than a child predator who took advantage of a young, desperate boy and I intend to portray her as such. This may be the last chapter for a while.
"I can't believe you Christian" my mom says as soon as were in the car. "You knew how important this was, you had one more chance and what did you do?"
I can't bring words to my mouth. I feel like I've failed her again. Maybe its the last time, maybe she'll finally give up on me.
"How could you do this Christian? What more can we do. Tell me. Is this going to be a never ending cycle?"
I can tell she's close to tears of frustration. She sighs "You were doing so well"
The pain hits me as soon as I'm in my room. I can't believe it, I fucked up again. What the fuck is wrong with me. I can't control myself. I can't control the anger inside of me that consumes me. I kick my desk chair and I collapse. I feel so empty, so alone. The only person who understands me is now pissed off at me too. Can I even face her? I know it won't be pretty. Will she give up on me too?
GRACE POV
"What else can we do Carrick?" I ask him. I'm so close to tears all I want to do is scream. We've tried everything I have no idea what's left. I can tell he's lost whenever I look into his beautiful grey eyes all I see is pain. No fifteen year old should have that much pain in their eyes, it's not right. My son is broken and I have no idea what to do. His own mother can't help him.
Carrick closes the drawer and comes to sit on the bed next to me. "I don't know Grace, I don't know"
We both stay silent before he speaks again "I suppose I can look into finding another school but.."
"But what then, what happens when he decides to fight someone else and gets kicked out again? We can't keep doing this" I almost yell but I remember Mia and Christian are upstairs.
"I know dear but right now it's all we can do." he looks at me and I can see the same pain I feel for our son in his eyes.
I move closer to him and rest my head on his shoulder "I don't know what to do Carrick" I feel tears forming in my eyes. He wraps his arms around me and hugs me. We both feel so helpless and lost. I'm glad we have each other to lean on.
"Do you remember when Christian was little how he wouldn't go in the pool"
"Come on sweety" I say trying to coax him to get near the water. He shakes his head and runs to hide in the corner of the fence. I instantly get dejavu of when I first saw him in the hospital.
"Come on Christian" Elliot yells as he jumps in the pool. "Mommy look" he asks as he shows me he can swim. I smile at him "Good job my little fish" he giggles and I turn back to Christian.
"Do you want to come in the pool sweety?" I ask.
He shakes his head no rapidly. "It's really fun, look at Elliot"
He looks at Elliot who is showing off his swim lessons. He shakes his head no again. I don't know why he is afraid to go in the pool but I am determined not to let him have anymore fears than he already has. I want him to have a normal life so I know that it is my job to help him face some of his fears.
"What are you scared of Christian" I ask hoping for a reply but all I get is silence.
" You know I would never let anything happen to you." He looks at me hopelessly and my heart sinks. I see the pain in his eyes that is engraved into his soul. I can not bear to think of what has happened to him to make him never trust anyone, to not even trust me.
"What if I promise to hold your hand?" he looks at me and I know that he doesn't like that idea. He's always kept to himself and rejected all of our touches.
"Do you want to play a game?" He smiles and shakes his head yes. We're getting somewhere.
"Close your eyes sweety. I want you to spread your arms and I will spread mine too. We are going to be planes. Can you be mommy's little plane?" He smiles and shakes his head yes.
"Okay let's fly" we start walking slowly and can see the stairs from here. "We have to turn left hurry there is some birds and if we don't turn fast we are going to hit them"
We turn to the left swifty and he giggles. We continue to walk and I smile when I glance at Christian. His arms are spread wide and he is smiling joyfully. He looks completely at peace and I wish I could just stay in this moment forever. I look up and see Carrick and Elliot watching us.
"Come on my little plane we're almost there" I say as I reach the stairs. I quickly climb down them and lift Christian by his hands in the air. "Oh no we have to land one of the engine is blown" I bring him in the water and his eyes shoot open.
I let go of both of his hands and wait for his reaction. "We're here my little plane"
I splash some water around and smile at him. He looks at me and then does the same. He starts to giggle and I relax.
"Come play with me Christian" Elliot says when he reaches us. Christian goes off to play with his brother and I let out a sigh of relief.
"Well done Grace" Carrick says as he wraps his arms around me. I smile at him and we watch as our sons splash each other laughing. I will live for moments like this, moments to see my son free from the darkness that wants to consume him, moments when my family is peacefully happy.
Of course Christian loved the water after that but that was what it took to get there.
"It was baby steps Grace. He may move forward one step and then a hundred steps back but he will get there. Just like the pool when he accomplished that and we could see the joy in him. We will have many moments like that but also moments like now. We just have to walk with him and see where the journey takes us"
"I love you" I say. He kisses my head and smiles. "I love you too Grace, now let's sleep we both have a big day tommorrow"
I walk into the Lincoln home and its silent. This is a huge contrast to what will be happening soon. I know I fucked up and I need Elena to help me fix it. I need her help me so I will take whatever punishment she will give me. I strip my clothes and walk into the playroom. I assume the submissive position and wait. Waiting is the worst part because my mind goes crazy with all the possibilities of what could happen. I know its going to hurt but I have no idea how bad. I hear the door open and the familiar click of heels. Shit here we go. She stays silent which only drives my mind even more crazy.
"stand up" she says. I obey and keep my eyes down. She slides my underwear down and walks away. I hear her unlock a door and push it open.
"Walk through" she says. "Look up" I do and see she is smirking as I walk through the door.
I am completely overwhelmed and my jaw drops open. I have never see anything like this before. What the fuck is this? Everything looks like it could be used to torture someone. I do a double take and start from the left side again. I see a red wooden bench that I know won't be used for sitting, a chair that is full of restraints, stocks like they used in the fucking medieval ages, a giant red cross, and hanging from the cieling a few chains. In the back of the room I can see a few things that I am familiar with: a bed and a rack of objects Elena usually uses on me.
The sound of Mozart playing snaps me out of my thoughts and I see Elena walking towards me. Her eyes are hard and there is nothing calming about her. I gulp and freeze where I'm standing.
"Come" she says coldly and I feel I can't move. She looks back at me with a pure look of rage and I follow her. She leads me to the bench. "Lay over it"
As I do I feel her restrain my arms with cuffs. She moves to my feet and does the same. I am completely at her mercy which is not a comforting thought right now. I wait for her as I hear her walk to get something. This is not going to be something that I'm going to enjoy.
"You disappointed me yesterday Christian" her tone is flat and frightening.
"I do recall telling you that you were not to get into any fights." I hear her walking around me. Right now she is a predator and I am her prey. Prey that is laying helplessly before her with no way to defend itself.
"But yet you defied me and fought anyway even when I had told you the consequences"
I fell her tug me hair and she forces me to meet her gaze "What shall I do about that?" she asks. I stare into her eyes and they are empty. For the first time I am actually scared of her. She lets my hair go and walks to the back of me. My nerves pick up and I am scared of what she is going to do to me.
She slides something along my ass and I tense. Whatever it is, it feels wooden. This is not going to be good for me. Without warning she hits my ass and I grunt. I hold onto my restraints having felt the most pain I have felt in a while. She hits me again and I almost scream. My mind wanders back again to my past beatings and right now I can't tell the difference. She hits me again and this time I let out a scream. I bit my lip as I feel another blow. This fucking hurts. The pain is almost unbearable. I've been hit like this before and now it's being repeated. Right now I feel like I was born to be beat. She strikes me again and I feel it tear through my skin. I clench my fists but that does nothing to help the pain. The pain is excruciating and I just want it to end. I almost safe word but I know I deserve this. I am the one who fucked up, I am the one who deserves the punishment. I think back to all the times I've dissapointed my family and I feel all the hate in my body rise. I deserve this pain. Every punch, every kick, every strike. This is what happens when I fuck up. I submit to the pain. Elena strikes me again and I feel it tear through my skin again. I feel tears forming in my eyes but I will not stop it. I hear her walk away giving me time to take a break. I hear the click of her heels again and I tense when I sense she is near me. I hear a whoosh near me. Fuck is that a whip? I get my answer when I feel it tear through my skin. I scream and feel the tears in my eyes fall.
"Why did you defy me Christian" she asks. I feel the whip cut through more skin and the tears continue to fall.
wanting the pain to stop I shout "I don't know Mistress"
"You must know if you did it" she says and the whip once again makes contact with my ass.
"No mistress" I say
"Are you going to defy me again?" she asks as she strikes me again.
"No" I say through gritted teeth. She strikes me again and I bite my lip.
"No what"
"No Mistress" I say
"Christian what happens to those who break the rules?"
"They are punished Mistress"
"That is right Christian, they are punished. They deserve it though do they not?"
"Yes Mistress" I say geniually. I do deserve this for putting my family through all the shit I've put them through. She hits me again with the whip and I grunt.
She releases the restraints and I sink to the ground on my hands and knees. I let the remaining tears fall but I stop any new ones from forming. I deserved that I think to myself. I don't deserve to feel sorry for myself. I slowly assume the submissive position wincing as my ass briefly makes contact with the ground.
Elena circle me and I can't imagine what could be left. What else can she do to me? She grips my chin and forces me to look up at her.
"You have a problem Christian. Do you know what it is?"
I look at her not knowing what to say. I know I have a problem and I need help but I can't explain it "No Mistress"
She smirks at me "It is control Christian. You refuse to submit. That is why you continue to make mistakes. I know the anger inside of you I've experienced it before. Do you want to know what saved me from it?"
I continue to stare at her "The playroom saved me Christian. You and I we have needs we need to fill to feel sane, to feel human. We're not like anyone else. I could see it in your eyes the first day we met, you crave it but you didn't know it yet. I see you in the playroom and I know what you feel, what I feel. This is our place Christian, it makes us feel right in the world. Your place is submission Christian. I can teach you to control this anger and the hate but you cannot defy me anymore. There will be no more of what happened the other day is that understood."
"You can choose to walk away now or you can choose to finally be in control. Do you want to be in control Christian"
I nod my head desperately. This is what I have always asked for: a way to control myself. A way to control my pain and torment. She kisses me roughly and I am desperate for her breakthrough.
I wince as I feel my ass stinging with every step I take. I make it into the bathroom so I can survey the damage. Shit. It doesn't look like I have any skin left. What's left of my ass is gashes and purple marks. That's what I get for hurting everyone. I quickly pull up my pants when I hear my mother walking up the stairs.
"Christian sweety can we have a talk"
I open the door and she is smiling at me. I half smile at her but I don't understand her love towards me. What more can I do to finally break her? She sits on my bed and I know she's expecting me to sit beside her. I can't sit down or she know something is wrong. I can't let her see my marks or she'll take it all away from me. I lean up against the wall and cross my arms.
"Sweetheart come sit down so we can chat"
I slowly walk to the opposite side of the bed which earns a frown from my mother. I slowly sit on my bed and bit my lip with all my strength to keep the pain I am feeling off of my face.
"I have some good news. Elena made a few phone calls to the president of the school, apparently he has a good business relationship with Linc and he has agreed to let you continue attending the school"
I stare at her. Elena called them?
"I think you owe the principal an apology. I also think you need to show your gratitude to Elena, she did not have to do this" I snort if only she knew.
"Christian this is no laughing matter. Elena might have been able to help you this time but there will be no next time. This is your last shot. Please try to take it seriously" I can hear the desperation in her voice.
"I do mom"
She smiles at me but her face grows blank and she looks horrified. I look down to see what she is looking at and I gasp. I forgot to cover up the bruises from Elena's handcuffs.
"Christian what is that?"
I grow panicked. I know I can't say nothing because she will only push for more answers and I definately can not tell her the truth. Thankfully they are just bruises now and not whelps. It makes it easier to lie.
"It's from the fight. The kid held my wrists with all his strength to keep me from punching him but I guess that didn't work out to well" I think it is a solid lie and I'm hoping that she buys it.
She looks at them as if she's trying to see if what I said was possible.
Finally she says "Why didn't you tell me? Come they need to be soaked and iced" I let out a sigh or relief and almost collapse. Thankfully it was my wrists and not my ass because they is no way I could have lied about that.
I sigh remember my promise to my dad and Elena to see Dr. Rosenberg. This should be entertaining.
"Hello Christian, my name is Dr. Rosenburg. How are you today" I am instantly put off by his tone. He is taking to me like a child.
"super" I state without any emotion. I decide to talk to him to see how this plays out.
"Thats great. shall we begin? Can you tell me about your childhood?" he asks in that same tone.
"we'll let's see my mother was a whore, she like to snort cocaine, but you know her pimp was really nice he just liked to beat the shit out of us until she couldn't take it anymore and she offed herself"
i smile an he looks shocked. That was definitely not what he was expecting. What can I say I am one fucked up kid.
"can you tell me about that" he asks once he's recovered from the shock. I realize he must be used to dealing with cases of kids who have anger problems or who suffer from loneliness.
I snort "which part? The cocaine or the prostitution"
"I was referring to what you felt about all this"
"I feel great"
"no child suffers from that without any reprocessions. You must feel something whether its anger or abandonment"
I shrug and kick me feet up.
"you need a source to take out all the emotions you are feeling" there's that same phrase that Ross brought up. I decide to humor him.
"I have"
"really? What source have you found"
"sex-it really takes the edge off of things."
he stares at me his mouth hanging open like he can't believe a fifteen year old boy said that.
"Mr. Grey I don't think this is an appropriate topic"
I glance at his wedding band "is your wife into any kink Dr. Rosenburg? I really liked to be tied up" I wink at him.
"that is a highly inappropriate question"
"does she know your screwing around on her"
he stares at me in shock and his face confirms that I'm right.
"so is she into any kink doc?" He continues to stare at me and I'm really enjoying myself now.
"Ooh what kind is it" I smirk
"I think it's time for you to go Mr. Grey"
"we were just getting to the fun part" I exclaim.
he rushes out of the room and carefully explains to my dad that I beyond his help.
"Dr. Ross it is" my dad says watching Rosenburg storm from the building.
GRACE POV
"Thank you so much again. I just don't know what to do anymore."
"Your doing the best you can Grace, no one would except you to do more" Elena tells me again. I honestly have no idea what I would have done with out her. She has been there for me even before Christian came into my life. She has gotten me through some tough situations with Christian and has always been there for me to lean on. I remember having a breakdown in front of her a couple times but she has given me some of the best advice I have gotten. I really don't know how to thank her enough for getting Christian back into his school, she really went above and beyond this time. She is one of the only people that Christian didn't run from growing up. He avoided Carrick but that was because he found it hard to trust men for a while. She actually knew how to handle him sometimes better than me.
"Hey sweety there is someone I want you to meet" I say and he gives me a nod. I bring him over to meet one of my coworkers. She smiles at him and reaches out to hug him before I can stop her. He screams in pain and silence fills the air. Everyone looks up from their previous activities in time to see him run from the room. My face grows horrified because they have no idea what my son goes through everyday. Everyone stares at me in silence before Elena pulls me aside into an office space.
"I knew this wouldn't be good for him, I just thought.."
"It's okay Grace, it happened. It is going to take a while for him to become comfortable around people"
"I don't know what to do. Nothing is I know. What should I tell everyone? It's none of their business but I want to tell them something before they make up some ridiculous story about him"
"You do not owe anyone an explanation. Besides half the people in there are cheating on their spouses so why would they need more gossip?"
"What do you think I should do? How do I help him overcome this?"
"Let him be for a while. Come we've been in here too long"
I nod and let her lead me out of the office. I try to go on as normal by talking to guests but all I can think about is the pain my son is in. I just want to run to him and take away his pain. I sigh because there is nothing I can do without causing him more pain.
I am so glad that she is in my life especially now. I am so close to having another meltdown.
"How can I make it up to you?"
"You won't. You already have so much on your plate"
"There must be something I can do"
"No. It's fine Grace"
"Is there anything Christian can do to show you his gratitude?"
She smirks "He already has. He's very grateful."
I decide to change the subject "How is everything going on with the extensions?"
"It's going well. We are nearly done. We will hopefully be done in January"
"That's good"
We engage in more conversation but my mind is elsewhere, like always it is mostly on Christian. I wonder how he is doing right now and my hope is that he is completely at peace but that might be a far stretch"