A/N: Hey guys! I know I haven't posted in forever. It's because I have been so uninspired. I injured my foot and it's been months and it's not healing, so, I have been pretty depressed. I'm hoping to force myself out of this writer's block by writing a Drarry one-shot. These just are the easiest for me to write. It's probably not gonna be the best but i shall give it a go. Enjoy!
I will never forget the moment I realized I loved him. It wasn't anything big that he said or did, just an ordinary, everyday, non-event. One day, I happen to glance at this beautiful raven haired boy and he is talking with his friends, emerald eyes sparkling as he laughs at something one of them said. I see it every day but suddenly it's like I'm seeing him for the first time. I don't know how but one moment I thought I hated him and the next I was falling. I was falling faster and deeper than I ever thought possible. At that moment, not only did I realize I love him but I also realized that it could never happen. The boy who lived with a death eater? That's crazy. Even if the death eater was forced to become one and would rather be normal. Not to mention that my father would literally kill me if he found out I liked a boy, let alone him. Right then, I decided that it would be safer for both of us if i kept my feelings to myself, even if it kills me.
I could see in his eyes that something changed in him. I don't know what but in that split second that our eyes met, I could see it. A million emotions in his grey eyes all at once. Then, just as quickly as our eyes met, he turned away. I wish I could read his mind. I wish I knew what he was thinking about that made his eyes glisten with the threat of tears. I wish I knew why he puts his guards up, even around his friends and always tries to hide every little drop of emotions that he feels. I wish I could be the one person that he trusted enough to let his guard down around. But that will never be. We are enemies. Or at least we are supposed to be. It's what everyone expects because he is a death eater. But I see something in him. Something that tells me I'm right about him. That he isn't what his reputation makes him out to be.
Sometimes I wish I was never born. At least not to this family. I might have had a chance if I was born to normal parents. But it's like its my destiny to be miserable and to hurt people who I would give anything not to hurt. It might be how I was raised, but it's not who I am. Sometimes I fantasize about rebelling against my family and joining the good side, but that will just get more people hurt. I can't imagine what my family would do to me and the people I care about if they knew. If I ever did get brave enough to act on these feelings. My dreams are haunted with emerald eyes full of pain. Pain that I brought him by disobeying. I could maybe handle it if it was just me getting hurt but I am not going to risk bringing any more pain to the beautiful boy who stole my heart. I just can't
Sometimes It sucks being the hero. I never asked for this. Why did I have to be the Chosen one. Being in the spotlight all the time really takes the joy out of life. You can't talk to a new friend without a rumor spreading that your dating them, or have a bad game of quidditch without the whole school knowing instantly. Everybody thinks fame is great but I will give anything to trade it. I would trade lives with anyone if it meant I could live my life without having to think about my reputation every second of the day. I see my friends in the common room, talking about nothing and just having a good time, knowing if they make a mistake or say something embarrassing that there is a good chance it will stay between the few people who are around to witness it. I, on the other hand, can't take the risk of embarrassing myself because the minute I do, somebody will run to spread it across the school. And if it's embarrassing enough, It will be all over the wizarding world by the next day. I know I dont have the worst life ever but it's still not that great. Sometimes I wonder if there is an escape route. Some way out of all this. Someway to give it to someone else. But even if there was, I couldn't burden someone else with it and I can't let them all down. I can't let Voldemort hurt the ones I love. Nobody would be safe. Not even his followers. If he found out anyone had any doubts, they would be dead right then and there. This is the main reason I worry so much about a certain blonde. A blonde that I know in my heart has good in him. He is just too scared to show it, and I can't blame him for that.
The longer I think about him, the more I wish there was a way out. A way to just switch sides without the consequences. I can't think of anything though. I know they would try to protect me as if I had always been on their side, if I did, but I don't know how this is all gonna turn out and I can't give them more reason to want to kill him. And if they succeed… well I can't see him die when I should be protecting him. I know I don't stand a chance against voldemort and my family. But I will try so hard. And when I fail or mess up somehow like I always do and get him killed, well, I wouldn't be able to live with myself. Maybe if he doesn't know how I feel, not just about him but about everything, maybe he will fight harder. If I can't save him, maybe one of them will kill me before I have to watch him die. I have to tell myself it's for the best, even though I'm starting to run out of reasons. Am I overthinking this? Would it be better for everyone if I do switch? Probably not.
He has been quieter than usual. I shouldn't be noticing things like that but I can't help it. It breaks my heart to see him sad. I want to be able to pull him close and comfort him. But if I did something like that, well, I can just imagine what the people would have to say about it. It's not just me I would be putting on the line but him too. I could never do that. I cant make him go through the hell i go through every day because of my own stupid feelings. Not to mention he probably hates me and it would give Voldemort and his family more incentive to kill me. That's the last thing I need. Even if he doesn't hate me, he probably goes through enough at home. I can't be selfish with him. I need to protect him from me. And if that means pushing the feelings down and not saying a word, then that's what I will do.
I wonder if there is a way to switch sides without anyone getting hurt. I can't do this anymore. If it wasn't for the fact that I would be risking his life, I would just go up to him and confess everything. I'm just so scared that if I do, I will ruin everything and get him hurt. There has to be a way. I can't listen to the screams of them torturing muggleborns everytime im at home anymore. It makes me feel so helpless. I just wish I could help the poor people but what could i possibly do? Maybe if I just talk to him… maybe he will understand and help me. I feel like I'm being selfish even thinking about this. But maybe there is a way to save us both.
I've noticed something. He seems to want to say something to me but he can't. His eyes look so sad everytime I see him. I wish he would just tell me what is on his mind. I'm sure I can get him help if he needs it, or even if he just needs someone to talk to, I would be there for him in a heartbeat. Maybe I should say something to him. I don't want to pressure him into talking if he doesn't want to, though. I want him to trust me, not to feel obligated to tell me anything. I haven't seen him smile in so long. I miss his smile. His smile lights up a room. I feel cold and dark without seeing it on his face.
I think I'm gonna do it. I can't keep living this way. I'm sure Dumbledore will find a way to protect us both. It's dumbledore. If anyone can do it, it will be him. After potions class, I am going to go up to the raven haired gryffindor and admit it all. I just have to believe that good will win. Even Though i'm still not totally sure how. I can't help but stare at him through class, not paying attention to a thing Snape says. I can only focus on this beautiful boy and how nervous I am about what I'm about to do. Love can make you do crazy things, I guess. Before I loved him, I never would have had the courage to do this. But now, I have to be brave for him.
When I see him walking towards me, my breath catches. I have been waiting for him to talk to me about whatever it is that is bothering him all week. He stops an arms length away from me and stares at me with large eyes. Please, don't back out now. Just tell me so I can tell you that I am here for you. I need you to know but I can't be the first to speak. I watch him intently as he looks around us, making sure that there is nobody around, I assume. He takes a deep breath, as if what he is about to say will change everything, which, it just might. He licks his lips slightly and takes one more breath and in a whisper so low that it's barely audible...
"Can I...Can I talk to you for a minute? It's important."
"Of course you can. I'm here. You can tell me anything."
A/N: Well, there it is. I decided to try a new writing style. It took me forever to figure out how to end it but I wanted to make sure the story had a lot of emotion. I wanted it to be something that could happen in the series if Drarry was canon. I also wanted to play it out as if it was in their heads. That is why there is barely any dialogue. I don't know how good it is but I gave it a shot and it was pretty fun to write. I hope it's not too you guys for reading and let me know what you guys think of this style. I might write some more stories in this style if it goes over well.
p.s: Anybody who reads my multi-chapter Supernatural fic, Winsister, I will be updating it soon.