Chapter 7: Therefore, Another Prologue Must He Tell He Is Not A Lion

Jacob

And yet, to say the truth, reason and love keep little company together nowadays.

William Shakespeare

A Midsummer Night's Dream

Act III, Scene I

Under loves heavy burden do I sink.

For all that I have lived so far, that is what a women's love has done to me.

Sink. My heart sinks every time women very dear to my heart leaves me. That's what they all do to me leave, leaving my heart in agony.

Depressing I know. But I couldn't help letting these thoughts run through my mind when I start to think of those who have permanently left me. My mom taken away from me because the winding roads were too slick to be driven on, leaving Rachel, Rebecca, and I without a mother, and my dad without a wife.

An eternal eclipse looming over our house, having our beaming light that brought us all together now gone forever. The clouds I can handle. But I can't fight with an eclipse. That's what life in the Black household became. No one having hope of light being cased on us again, that's what my sisters believed any way.

To many it seemed as though her death didn't affect me since I didn't openly grieve as much as my sisters did. Of course, between the three of us they took it the hardest having spent more time with her. I didn't have the same relationship they had with her. They basically idolized our mom; Rebecca even took up oil painting to be like her. Mom loved using watercolors for her works, she'd set up her easel and paint what was in front of her. Mother nature was the best artist she'd say adding how she could never compete with such beauty.

Sometimes she'd sit me on her lap while she painted humming to herself, once she had me paint in a little tree for her to add character. Those were the times I cherished the most with her. It wasn't often I got to spent time alone with her. With the girls always glued by her side, though even then she'd make it a point to make me feel included. Apparently when she married my dad, she would have dreams of a baby boy in her arms. That's what she wanted was a little boy, she was over the moon when she had the girls, but she had to beg dad to try for another baby just to get her boy. A story she told me once before bed and dad confirmed it when they were telling us how they choose our names.

They all did their best on raising me, but I knew it hurt them thinking I wouldn't grow up with mom. This ran true with dad especially having caught him mutter to himself how "Sarah would have been better at this." I did my best at seeming like it didn't bother me seeing how devastated Rachel and Rebecca were, I didn't want to add on to their pain. But my efforts at easing their hearts never worked. With me being a constant reminder of mom, Charlie Swan would often say how I got my kind and cheerful personality from her. Another reason they wanted to get the hell out of here. Something I envied them for leaving all the pity attention to me: "Poor thing won't be able to grow up with a mother's love." "Looks like the girls are going to have to step up and help Billy raise Jake." Those were the kind of comments I would hear constantly at first. With them leaving now it's more asking me directly how I've been holding up and what I miss most about mom. I lie saying how I was too young to remember. It was better that way, it hurt too much to talk about her.

Adeline was someone I really confined in she's someone I can completely let out all my emotions with. Sure, I had Embry and Quil, who I can tell anything to. Hell, there are somethings I've told them that I wouldn't dare tell Addie. Just like she has something's that she would only tell Kim. You know girl stuff. But there was something about Adeline that put me at ease. Whenever I felt like I was sinking her presence would lift me up back to shore. It may sound sappy but that's the best I could describe it. Her mom Everly Clearwater was pretty much my mom's best friend. They both were pregnant at the same time with us and their dream was for us to be as close as they were. At least mom got to see Adeline and I's growing friendship before she passed.

Everyone thought I was insane when I continued my friendship with Adeline after she broke my nose. Sadomasochism is what Quil called our relationship since he couldn't come up with any other logical reason why I still hung out with her. Growing up Adeline didn't really have friends she only had my sisters and her cousins. Other kids thought it was suicide being around her since she had built a rep of being aggressive. I've seen her bite this boy's arm while on the jungle gym. His mom saw the deep bite marks when she picked him up, she yelled at Addie for what she had done. This lady even waited for Everly to show up only to tell her that she had given birth to a demon. I remember that day clearly since my mom took them straight to our house and I heard her cry her frustrations to my mom.

Many people blamed her for Addie's behavior saying she doesn't know how to raise her own daughter. Sure, Adeline had a hell of a temper, but it was never without reason. But most didn't know that kids around the rez made fun of her provoking that side of her. She was the only one in our tribe to have hazel eyes, so people made rumors that Michael Clearwater wasn't her father. There was only a few who truly believe those rumors most of the tribe still gave Everly the benefit of the doubt that she was faithful to Michael. Only because she didn't have brown eyes was the excuse, whatever people around here liked to gossip whether it was true or not. That's one of the few things that pissed me off about living in such a small community. Everyone noticed every single damn thing that happened around here nothing was off limits. I felt for Adeline having to be black listed for such a dumb reason I mean her dad did marry someone outside of the tribe what did they expect a fully blooded Native American. I could see why she's on edge all the time. I was supposed to distract Addie by taking her outside to play but she had already heard her mom's cries. After that day Addie seemed to try and contain herself from throttling people when they spoke about her. But then Kim came into the picture and that seemed to change her luck.

It was completely opposite to how Embry acted when people talked about how his father. He keeps to himself acting as if it didn't faze him whenever he heard about his mother being a whore. He would be just like Addie had Tiffany Call not taught him from a young age to not let it get to him. He has always been kind of a shy kid, he was quiet never really talked unless he was comfortable someone. Which made him an easy target knowing he'll never fight back even if what they said was hurtful. Embry knew in his heart his mom was any but those horrible things, when she gave him so much love, he felt like he didn't need a father's love. Though he said at times he wondered what it would be like.

I always just figured that the younger Clearwater women were emotionally bulletproof nothing can hurt them. Well I was wrong because when I was thirteen, I got to see Leah have her heart broken…twice. Seeing Sam break it off with for no real reason until she got a call that night from Emily telling her what his true intentions were for leaving her. In all honestly, I thought that was the worst of it until Emily started to hang out with him and eventually becoming his. Hell might as well have frozen over with Sam and Emily the two people Leah had loved with all her soul basically ripped her heart out of her chest and pissed all over it. This had broken Adeline as well seeing her cousin go through so much heartache and knowing all the little healing Leah had done with the brake up was destroyed on Addie's fourteenth birthday.

Adeline had refused to come out of her house so, I had to make my way in to at least see her. I needed to see her whatever dark hole she was digging herself into I had help take her out of it.

"Adeline please open the door for me…" No response.

I peered out of the hallway to see if her dad was around. Michael Clearwater was the only man who I was afraid of he was very protective of his daughter. Last summer he had pulled me aside to warn me on getting to close with her. As much as he thought I was a good kid he said and I quote, "All men are animals no matter how kind." That day I thanked god that I had feelings for Bella and not Adeline.

Seeing Michael nowhere in sight I try to see if her bedroom door was open. Feeling the door open as I turn the door knob to peer inside. I open the door a little more to see Adeline lying face down on a bunch of pillows on her bed. I slowly make my way to her trying not to startle her, as I got to her bed, she lifts up her head to turn to me as I sit on her bed.

"…Hey… I heard you weren't coming to Harry's place." No response. "…Well we're all waiting for you to come to wish you happy birthday. Sue even made her berry cobbler for you instead of cake."

She shakes her head as a response.

"Come on at least come out to have one slice you don't have to stay long."

"…How did you know…" She pauses, "…Where's my mom…" She asks in a whisper, but I can tell its strained from crying.

"She's outside talking to Sue, um, we were just arriving at Harry's when your dad came in saying that you refused to leave your house."

"Then why are you here?"

"Well Michael and Harry started to argue about Sam then my dad cut in and… well it didn't seem like it was going to end soon. So, I snuck out to see you. It is your birthday after all. Your mom said it was okay for me to come in."

"I hate him." For the first time since I've come in this was the first expression she gave other than a blank stare. Anger. "I hate Sam, I hate how he hurt Leah, I hate how the elders let him do whatever he wants, I hate how they idolize him and his cult, I just really hate him."

She never let go of her hate for Sam but she sure as hell knew how to hide it.

Having Embry call to tell me that both him and Quil were grounded for crashing the quads for god knows how long, felt like a stab to my heart. Was this how Adeline felt every year when Kim left. I didn't know what to do with myself somehow, I ended up lying on the shore of First Beach. Adeline found me there and pulled me out of my sorrows by assuring me we can survive without our other half's.

It felt good having her by my side constantly. Although she didn't help me with fixing cars, hearing her talk was relaxing and seeing her get excited when one of her favorite songs came on the radio made me happy. Her presence gave me comfort and I never got tired of her. But I got scared that she would get tired of me. I mean, why wouldn't she. Though the guys around here were scared of her, they had taken notice of how pretty Adeline had gotten. She had this really pretty shade of hazel eyes that depending on the lightening made them look more green than brown. She also had these rosy cheeks that would turn red whenever she got embarrassed and her pink lips always had a bit of red from her constantly biting her lip. These were things I had always noticed but as of recent it was all I can think about. Like the other day when she undid her braid to re-braid it, I just thought how cute she looked with her hair down.

Having any kind of feelings for Adeline other than friendship was out of the question. I couldn't risk our friendship just because I was starting to feel something. Which seems ridiculous considering Quil and I got in a fight when were younger over which one of us was going to marry Addie. But things were different now, I was older, and I had to more to lose if I ever tried anything with her.

To ensure her that hanging out with me wasn't just fixing old cars in my garage, I took her to a party on First Beach. Everything was going fine until I went to take a leak leaving her by herself. I didn't think leaving her alone was a big issue since we knew most of the people there but there were a few folks from Forks that were unknown to us. On my way back I see some guy creeping on Adeline as I got closer, I noticed how tense she was.

"You're a fine piece of ass." Hearing him say that to her and put his arm around her trying to grab her hip, inching closer to her ass, pissed me off. What was worse was seeing how freaked Addie was that she was frozen in place. So, I punched him.

Since we were eleven, I had been promising Adeline if anyone messed with her, I'd deck them. Every time she'd laugh and say I was too much of a string bean to have enough muscle for a punch. Sure, I was tall and lanky, but I knew how to fight but she didn't believe me. After that punch I half expected her to tease me with 'string bean', but it didn't come. Instead she worried over my hand and iced it for me.

During all of this all I could think about how close that guy got to doing something to Addie I was sure she didn't want. I knew she didn't have any experience with guys it was a given since every guy in the rez at one point avoided her like the plague. And for this guy to almost ruin the little faith she still had on men killed me. So, in that moment I offered that we be each other's first kiss.

Having Adeline be my first kiss was something I had wishfully thought of. Hearing her think I was trying to kiss her out of pity hurt me that she thought I would do so to her. I reassured her that it was would mean so much for her to be my first. Adeline had nodded her head yes. I moved slowly to her lips, our lips barley touch when I ask her if it was okay. She nodded again and this time gently rest my lips against hers. I felt my whole body warm up once our lips fully connected but it was short lived with her pulling away. Her lips felt so good that I went in for another and another. Each kiss made my heart pumped faster than the last. And finally, I stop resting my forehead on hers. Seeing her red face after our kiss made my heart soar. At this moment I realized that Adeline Clearwater was the kind of girl my heart ached for and not Bella Swan.

Love moderately. Long love doth so.
Too swift arrives as tardy as too slow. – Romeo and Juliet