A/N: Okay… to make sure I can actually finish the content properly, and not be an idiot about it in the process, I actually will be doing something I've never quite done before. I'm actually going to share my general plan for how this story is supposed to go. This way, I can keep you guys more interested in what I have in mind.

Essentially, my plan for this story is for my version of Ichigo to beat Aizen at a game of Soul Chess (deliberate reference to the fanfic of the same name), in which case Aizen prepares to bring a bigger fight out for Karakura Town later on… only to find out about Suwahara City and its impressive lands. Naturally, things are going to be a fair bit messy when Ichigo has to go with his friends to defeat Aizen… only to discover the base of operations for the Longinus Dreizehn Orden by complete accident. Naturally, Ichigo and his pals defeat Aizen there, but it really puts a damper on the plans for the Transmutation of Gold… in Suwahara City, at least. Then, later, Ichigo discovers something about himself that he didn't really know… and any further would be spoiler territory. Just understand that I'm planning this story to be a triple crossover for the time being.

Now… where was I? Oh, right, it's time to start the story. For reference purposes, the review corner is at the bottom of this chapter (much like the original version of this). Saa… story hajime yo!

…please pardon the Japanese written here. (/)_-)

Bleach ~Amantes amentes~
by Xamusel

Chapter 1

I knew this was going to be a problem, having to deal with being in a little kid's body at the same time as having a little girl share my soul space, but I didn't know how much of a problem it would end up being. For some reason, the reasonable adults (yes, this ironically included Isshin at this point in time) were unwilling to let me do anything that I knew I could handle at all. This included preparing a meal for the whole family of five… even if I knew that Yuzu and Karin were too young to handle eating grownup food yet. Anyway, the point was, they didn't trust me with a kitchen knife to help cook with them… okay, bad example. I never trained in how to use a knife properly at my day job before being reincarnated as Kurosaki Ichigo.

*ahem* Moving on.

Now, this wasn't to say that I hated being a kid again. For one thing, I could pass off my nearly thirty autistic self as being normal for my age for once. For another, I could actually say that I was doing a good job being the big brother Yuzu and Karin needed, no questions asked. However… Ren's presence in my soulscape was annoyingly obvious whenever I went to sleep in the bed provided for me. She wanted me to play tag with her… on the sideways skyscrapers… while both of us were nude. Ugh…

Yeah, this was going to need to end, and as soon as humanly possible.

Unfortunately for me, I didn't know who would be able to help me out of this predicament, not unless it required me actually searching for the Urahara Shoten. I also didn't know how to ask Ichigo's parents about these things… ugh. I still need to address them as my parents in this instance. Ichigo's dead, end of story.

Still… how do I manage to find the Urahara Shoten at this rate? It's not like I have any memories of going to there in this life, ri—?

"Ichigo?" Masaki-kaa-san interrupted my train of thought. "Did you have a question you wanted to ask your father or myself?"

I turned to face the woman who became my mother, before I decided to ask something that might get me found out if I wasn't careful. "Okaa-san, what's the Urahara Shoten?"

Masaki tilted her head to one side, before she asked, "Why are you asking about that, dear? How do you know what it is?"

I paled slightly from the question, before I figured out a good way to get her to believe me on this. "I heard you and otou-san talk about it yesterday, while I was doing homework in my bedroom," I said. "I'm asking because I wanted to ask the store owner what he could sell me for dealing with certain headaches I'm dealing with."

Suddenly, I felt a mental thwack upside the head by both Ren and Zangetsu, which made me wince in pain. The hell was that for?

'King, I hope you weren't talking about me in that aspect,' Zangetsu told me. 'Otherwise, I might have to do some form of training torment on you when you go to sleep next.'

No, I wasn't talking about you, Zangetsu, I replied in my thoughts. I was thinking of how the games of nude tag were getting on my nerves.

Ren's comment would've been something else, I know it, but my reply was enough to get her to change her answer. "I don't have any clothes in here, though," she said.

…now I feel like a moron. I honestly hadn't considered that possibility.

'You mean you needed clothes the whole time, but were afraid to ask how to get some?' Zangetsu asked Ren. 'Just imagine yourself wearing something, and the rest will come naturally.'

"Ichigo?" Masaki-kaa-san got my attention back on her. "I think you might want to go see a doctor sooner than later, especially if you're dea—"

At that point, the house phone rang. Who could that be?

"I'll get it," Masaki-kaa-san said, walking over to the phone. Upon picking up, she said, "Hello… ah, Kisuke-san, what's the matter? I was… you need to see him? What's the matter with him? …oh, okay, I'll bring him over… he was wondering where to find you at, anyway… yes, he was. I'll bring him over right away… thank you for calling us… see you." With that, she hung up the phone.

My mind was reeling from the one-sided conversation I heard from Masaki-kaa-san. Urahara Kisuke knew something was up, it seemed… but what? Well, only one way to find out… I have to go over to the shop.

Fifteen minutes of walking later, we arrived at the Urahara Shoten, which was a sight to behold in person more than it was in manga and anime form… well, okay, maybe in how trashy the place looked on the outside. Did Kisuke not hire anyone to clean the place up? It seriously looked like a warzone took place here.

"Strange," Masaki-kaa-san mused. "Where did this mess come from? I could've sworn it would be a lot cleaner looking than this by now."

At that point, the sliding door to the shop opened up, showing Tessai at the door. "We've been ex… pecting… you… where did this mess come from?" he ultimately asked.

"You mean you didn't know?" Masaki asked him while tilting her head to the side. "What happened here?"

Finally, Urahara showed up from behind the giant that was named Tessai. "Okay, I'm seriously going to consider hiring someone to clean up this mess," he said. "How did it happen without our knowing about it?" He then turned and faced me, a curious look in his eyes. "You Kurosaki Ichigo?" he asked.

I nodded, unsure of how to say otherwise in front of Masaki-kaa-san.

"Okay, good," he said. "Could you please come in the shop? We need to talk… well, without worrying your mother in the process."

Before I could do anything, even so much as letting go of Masaki-kaa-san's arm like I would've done to follow Urahara's instructions, Masaki-kaa-san asked, "What are you implying, Kisuke-san?"

"Nothing dangerous, I can assure you," Urahara answered with a wave of his hand. "I just want to make sure that nothing's going on wrong here. After all, your son is clearly going to need help for whatever troubles you say he mentioned earlier."

Before she could retort, I said, "Okaa-san, I'll be fine… however, could you please give me a bit of money to pay for the needed items here?"

Masaki-kaa-san looked at me as if I'd grown horns… uh-oh. "Are you sure you'll be able to keep the payment down to within the amount I give you, Ichigo?" she asked.

Urahara coughed into his fist at that moment. "I'll send you the bill later, Kurosaki-chan," he told Masaki-kaa-san. "Now, shall we, Ichigo-kun?"

I nodded at that, Masaki-kaa-san allowing me to let go of her arm at this point, before walking on forward. I didn't know what sort of mess I was going to get involved in from that point onward, but it was probably worth it.

…yeah, right.

Upon entry into the Urahara Shoten, I looked around and saw how everything was in its proper place, which made me wonder what all I was going to get involved with when the canon timeline of Bleach started. It wasn't going to be a pain in the butt if I was properly involved, was it? At the very least, nobody was going to screw up things more than I could, and th—

Suddenly, I saw that Urahara stopped in his tracks in his living quarters. Turning to face me, he asked, "Who are you, and what have you done with Kurosaki Ichigo, boy?"

Instead of reacting like I was playing dumb, I facepalmed. "Okay, finally someone notices that I'm not the original Kurosaki Ichigo," I mutter loud enough for him to hear me.

"What happened?" Urahara questioned me.

"The original Ichigo took a pill that was in his parents' things and got his soul to commit suicide by accident," I said. "I only know about this because I woke up in his body the next day."

"Wait…" Urahara said after a moment of silence. "When did you wake up in his body?"

"Yuzu and Karin were born that day, so I'd say about three months ago," I answered. "Is there anything more you need from me?"

"Hmm…" Urahara let out, as if he was thinking of some insane plan. "I'd like to put you through some humane tests to see what you went through before anything else happens, okay?"

I removed my palm from my face, blinking in surprise, before I answered, "Sure, though there's something I need to discuss with you immediately."

"What would that be?" he asked me.

"I have a girl's soul stuck in my mind, along with someone calling himself a Zanpakuto named Zangetsu," I told him, mentally enjoying his reaction as he suddenly started sweating on his face. "Could you please help with getting both of them out here?"

Urahara began wiping his face with a towel that he produced from within his outfit, before he told me, "It's not possible to eject the Zanpakuto from you, kid. Instead, I'll help with getting this girl's soul out of your mind, though what happens after is up to her."

I could only give Urahara a thumbs up for the answer.

A few minutes later, Urahara was getting ready to perform his tests with me as the guinea pig. Fortunately for me, he told me what all I was going to go through, which included the part where I had to perform Jinzen without actually having Zangetsu manifested so far. He gave me an Asauchi to test it with, then he had me follow the instructions he gave me, with some… interesting results thrown into the mix.

Although, come to think of it, how did he get his hands on an Asauchi, anyway? Are there more that he never mentioned acquiring?

Finally, the testing was ready to commence. I wanted to get this over with the right way, which meant following the instructions as given. Without much in the way of fanfare, Urahara walked over to grab a clipboard and a pencil off of his desk and began his testing. "You may begin the Jinzen test now, kid," he told me.

With that, I got into position and performed Jinzen, opening my eyes back in the Inner World I had access to. Sideways skyscrapers? Check. Zangetsu in the Inner World? Check. Ren in a leotard? Ch—wait, what?!

"King, welcome back," Zangetsu told me. "Ready to get Ren-chan out of your body and into her own body as provided outside?"

"Yeah, though I'm unsure what she wanted to do in a leotard," I told Zangetsu. "I hope there's a good reason for this…"

"She wanted to practice gymnastics while in your Inner World," Zangetsu answered.

"…oh," I said.

"Ne, ne, ne," Ren asked, "do you think I can transfer my skill in gymnastics into my new body?"

Zangetsu and I looked at each other incredulously.

"I can't, can I?" Ren asked, looking down to her feet.

I looked at Ren again, telling her, "I think you can, actually."

"Eh?" Ren let out.

"Yep," I affirmed.

"Hold up, both of you," Zangetsu said. "When you get a new body again, Ren-chan, you'll be given access to your own Zanpakuto. Just letting you know now, before you try accessing the whole power you currently have, you'll lose that power altogether."

"Huh?!" Ren cried out.

"What I mean is, you were being hardwired to use a specific power that would've stuck with you had things gone differently," Zangetsu told her. "Instead, that power's going to King here, though he'll be sure to help you acquire your own version of this power."

I didn't know that… so Ren's going to lose access to her Ewigkeit power temporarily? Okay, point in our favor, for the time being. How will this affect Mercurius' plans?

"Oh, it will affect my plans in a way you never would have expected, young one," Mercurius answered. "Although, come to think of it, what's with your script being an outdated copy?"

"Karl?" a German voice echoed throughout the area that the Snake was living in. "What's going on over there?"

Mercurius coughed into his left hand, before he answered, "Just making sure that the Grand Guignol can carry on uninterrupted, my dear friend. Why do you ask?"

"I feel you might want to double-check your work on this matter, Karl," the German voice replied. "It seems that Gladsheimr is beginning to fluctuate, which we both know shouldn't be possible."

Mercurius facepalmed with his right hand. "How in all creation is that possible?" he questioned. "I mean, really…" With a sigh, he removed his hand from his face. "Okay, please report to me in a while how your Beriah is holding up, alright?"

"Will do, Karl."

A few minutes after I started performing Jinzen, I woke up from the meditative stance, seeing that Urahara was busy doing some note taking on his end. He didn't notice that I was awake yet, which made sense to me. He was busy with the process of writing down his observations… which suited me just fine. I would let him do that while practicing what Zangetsu told me I needed to do.

With a slight twitch of my body, I started mentally chanting a spell that Zangetsu told me would help with getting Ren-chan out of my mindscape and into the real world. Here we go…

Béni est le Seigneur, ô mon âme, pendant même que je marche dans la vallée de l'ombre de la mort. (Bless The Lord, O My Soul, Even As I Walk Into The Valley Of The Shadow Of Death.)

"Not working, King," Zangetsu told me. "I guess it needs to be said out loud for this to even work."

Dammit… I thought. How do we get it to work properly in this case?

"No idea," Zangetsu told me bluntly, "but we'll figure something out sooner or later."

At that point, Urahara finished writing down his notes, before he looked at me. "Ah, good, you're out of Jinzen now," he said. "I guess things went well for you, all things considered?"

"Yeah, I think so," I told him. "I wonder, though…"

"Yes?" Urahara asked me.

"How do you draw on the power of a Zanpakuto spirit?"

"Hmm… do you want me to teach you how to fuse a Zanpakuto spirit into an Asauchi?"

"Yes, please," I replied with a nod.

Urahara put a hand to his chin. "Well, okay," he said at last, removing the hand from his chin. "I'll do that for you."

Before we could begin that part of the training, however, Tessai opened the door to the room. "Master Kisuke," he said, "Madam Kurosaki wishes to have her son come back to her now."

"Aww…" Urahara and I groaned at the same time.

"Do you want her to come here instead?" Tessai asked us.

"Hmm…" Urahara put a hand to his chin… again. "Let her in then," he said, removing the hand from his chin… again.

Tessai bowed, before he headed to where Masaki-kaa-san was waiting for me.

I looked at Urahara. "Why do that?" I asked him.

"Because I feel we need to explain things to your mother before we continue the process we were about to do," he told me. "Better to get parental permission for these sorts of things."

Fortunately, Masaki-kaa-san was willing to let me go through with this particular experience, merging Zangetsu into a new Asauchi. However, there was a major problem… I was told, in no uncertain terms, that I needed to practice how to hold a sword before I could practice with it. Not only that, but Masaki-kaa-san wanted me to learn how to hold a bow (as if I could use the Quincy arts at all). It was as if she expected to die anytime soon.

Oh well… I don't want her to die on me, anyway, so I'll live with that restriction.

Now, half an hour later, I was walking home with Masaki-kaa-san to make sure that our new purchase would be kept safe at the house. Of course, the majority of the 'purchase' was actually hard candy for when Yuzu and Karin were old enough to eat candy in the first place. The only thing not candy that we got from the Urahara Shoten? Um… yeah, I got the Asauchi that he let me use, for free. I wasn't allowed to undo the transformation Kido on it, mind, not until I was old enough to go to a dojo to learn how to use a sword properly.

As for what it was transformed into? I requested that the blade be turned into a bokken for training purposes. Of course, nobody else would know the truth behind it just yet. I didn't want to make it known that this was even a thing, especially since Soul Society was going to give everyone a lot of grief for it happening if they ever discovered the Asauchis being used in that way. I'm not going to let that happen in this timeframe… no way at all.

Of course, Urahara gave me a note to give Isshin-tou-san in reference to what happened earlier, because I wanted to find a way to explain what happened to the original Ichigo in such a way that it wouldn't be bad for the whole family. Then again, there was bound to be some cause for concern, especially if Isshin-tou-san did something that would put the whole family in jeopardy later on down the line. I didn't really think it'd make sense to get rid of their eldest, especially in regards to the whole 'Elder Siblings Come First To Protect Their Younger Siblings' routine that canon!Ichigo pulled off when facing Inoue Sora.

Now, what all am I supposed to be able to do with this information? I don't know how to best keep things from going down the drain, truly, but then again, here's hoping that nothing bad goes on while I'm still a child… did I just jinx it all of a sudden?

Suddenly, to my right, I saw a male Japanese Plus spirit attached by his chain to a house that was well-lived in from the looks of things. Normally, I'd do my best to ignore it, but then I noticed something about the house in question. On the sign post, the kanji and hiragana that read 'Sakurai' was displayed for all to see… and I could see a blonde woman walking along in the direction of the house... don't tell me… Sakurai Kei and her family live in Karakura Town?! I can't believe it!

As if summoned by my thoughts, the Plus spirit came walking up to my location and asked me, "Who are you, young man? Do you have ill intent towards the residents of this house?"

Jumping backwards and into Masaki-kaa-san, I cried out in surprise that the Plus was even giving me the time of day, though I don't know if the other Sakurai family members would even know what I'm dealing with. After all—

"Ichigo, what's wrong?" Masaki-kaa-san asked me. "It's not like there's a ghost in the area, is there?"

It took me a couple seconds of looking, before I dropped my head and sighed in dejection. This was not going to end well. "Okaa-san," I said, "I think I see a man chained by his chest to the house here." I pointed in the general area of the Plus spirit, to give him some comfort, or so I think. "Is that normal?"

Masaki-kaa-san got in between me and the Plus spirit, before she turned and knelt down to face me. "Sweetie, it isn't normal for a regular human to see that sort of thing," she told me. "It's something of a curse, all things considered."

"You mean… I'm not going crazy?" I asked her.

Before anything else could happen, the Plus spirit guffawed in laughter, causing Masaki-kaa-san and I to look in his direction. It took at least fifteen seconds of laughing for him to calm down, before he said, "I'm sorry about that, you two. I'd been tasked with a lot of stuff in life, and most of that revolved around doing some crazy stuff that most people would hardly dream of. I don't want my descendants to be caught in this mess any more than you want to be." He then bowed in greeting. "My name is Sakurai Musashi, formerly designated as seat number 2 of my organization."

I felt my eyes bugging out in response to his declaration. Oh, my crap is this a bad thing to hear about! When thinking in terms of TV Tropes, this seems to qualify for Did You Just Have Tea With Cthulhu? in terms of how much of a mess this was going to be. My reason for this? Masaki-kaa-san and I were talking with the first person to be labeled Tubal Cain!

"Is that right?" Masaki-kaa-san asked him. "My name is Kurosaki Masaki, and this is my eldest, Ichigo. He's the only one to be old enough to handle going out on walks like this." She bowed to Musashi, before nudging me to do the same. "Come on, Ichigo, don't be scared."

I nodded to Masaki-kaa-san, before I bowed to the ghost of Tubal Cain. I didn't really feel up to continuing all of that any time soon, though, especially since I was sure the blonde woman was going to be showing up sooner than later and make us look like fools—

"King, don't worry," Zangetsu told me. "She's not even looking in your general direction."

—and that is supposed to make this better how?

"Simple, King," Zangetsu replied, as if I had actually said that to him. "She doesn't know you're bowing to the man you seem to think went by the name Tubal Cain."

That's because he was Tubal Cain, back in World War II, Zangetsu.

"You seem to know a lot about these things, King… could you please say how come, or is it not the right time yet?"

…how do you even know what I'm even saying to myself like this? Wait, are you breaking the fourth wall?!

"What's that?" Zangetsu asked me. "As for how I know, it's because I'm able to listen to your thoughts a lot better than you can keep them quiet."

I feel like an idiot… ugh. Well, here's hoping nothing goes horribly wrong in this case. I mean, it's not like we'll be stuck with having to entertain the Sakurai family here, ri—?

"Excuse me, you two, who are you and what are you doing here?"

I jerked upright to see a young man who looked to be in his mid-teenage years, with Sakurai Kei's hair and eye coloring, only obviously a man because of his body shape and structure… oops. Did I just meet her big brother Kai? This doesn't bode well… does it?

"Ah, sorry," Masaki-kaa-san said to who had to be Kai, standing upright to do so. "It seems we're neighbors, but we never met before, have we?" With a cough into her hand, she said, "Good afternoon, my name is Kurosaki Masaki. This is my son, Ichigo." She gestured to me, to indicate that I was who she was talking about.

Kai looked at Masaki-kaa-san and I dubiously, or so I could tell, before he looked me in the eye, squatting down to do so. As if he were possibly chanting under his breath, he kept his gaze up and then performed a one-handed Buddhist Prayer gesture… wait a second, that's no Buddhist Prayer gesture, that's a one-handed seal like in Naruto!

"King, get ready…" Zangetsu told me all of a sudden. "This guy feels completely off, as in—"

With that, I was pulled into my Inner World, a feeling that was rather forced because of what was going on…

It didn't take me even a single second before I opened my eyes and saw that I was truly inside my Inner World, with a strange change in the atmosphere of the realm… it looked like I was inside a field of poison merged with what my Inner World looked like normally. How did… wait, I'm suddenly taller?!

I looked around myself, hoping to see what I was missing, before I discovered that I was my pre-Ichigo self… namely, about 5'8" in the Imperial system, wearing glasses, and wearing clothes that looked a lot out of place for a Japanese citizen. I also had my dark brown hair and hazel eyes, or so I could imagine, but then again—

"Who the hell are you?" Kai questioned me from behind, causing me to look and see him pointing and holding a giant broadsword-like weapon in his right hand… wait a damn second! Wewelsburg Longinus?! "Are you a corpse stealer? You sure don't look like you're the little boy named Kurosaki Ichigo. Tell me the truth, unless you want to die a painful death."

I gaped when he said that. How am I supposed to fight off against something like this?! Before I could cave in to the demand, however, I noticed something blurring into existence behind Kai… it was Zangetsu!

"Drop the sword," he said, drawing his copy of a sealed Zanpakuto in his right hand. "Do that, and we'll allow you to leave with your soul intact. Fail to comply…? Well, you'll not like the consequences."

Kai looked like he had swallowed a whole lemon upon hearing that, before he spun around and swung Wewelsburg Longinus at Zangetsu, who parried the massive Ahnenerbe properly. "How many souls has the corpse stealer got under his will?" he growled.

Zangetsu laughed like a lunatic when he heard that. "You really think I'm supposed to be an enslaved soul?" he questioned when he got the laughs out of his system. "Don't make me laugh!" As he said that, his copy of a Zanpakuto swung towards Kai's right arm, as if intent on chopping it off.

Kai simply dodged to his left, before he swung Wewelsburg Longinus up to try connecting with Zangetsu… with the predictable result of Zangetsu dodging. "Who are you?!" he roared at Zangetsu. "No human soul is supposed to be this good without a lot of instinct and experience on their side—"

"You want to know who I am, huh?" Zangetsu questioned. "Well, if you can't hear my name, it's your fault for not being attuned to me properly." With that, I heard Zangetsu say his name, but a few seconds passed by before he continued speaking. "You're a fool, boy," he added.

"What…?" Kai let out, before he growled angrily and attempted to slice Zangetsu's head off, only for the Zanpakuto spirit to block. "Why can't I hear your name?!"

"Simple," Zangetsu said. "You're in an Inner World that doesn't belong to you. You can only hear the name of your own Zanpakuto when the time comes."

"Zanpakuto…?" Kai asked. "Don't you mean Ahnenerbe? I already know the name of my Ahnenerbe, Wewelsburg Longinus, yo—"

"No, I meant Zanpakuto, you idiot," Zangetsu interrupted. "Zanpakuto don't like it when outsiders like you enter their users Inner Worlds. With that said, kindly take a hike, will ya, you creep?!"

Before Zangetsu could banish Kai, however, I spoke up. "Hold up, both of you," I walked up to Kai. "My name is Samuel," I told him, "though I'm currently known as Ichigo because I don't know why I'm even here and how to best explain this to my current life's mother. You?"

"King, you're walking a dangerous road here," Zangetsu said.

I looked Zangetsu in the eye, before I smirked. "Relax, will ya?" I asked. "I'm aware of the risks. I just want to offer the olive branch to this guy first."

Kai sighed a few seconds after hearing what I had to say. "Sakurai Kai. I'm a member of what is called the Longinus Dreizehn Orden, better known by the normal people as the Lost Battalion. My position is second seat, and my Demonic Name is Tubal Cain…" He then looked at me square in the eyes. "It seems like you know that about me. How do you know this?"

…crap. How do I explain this without giving myself away?

"King here is probably from a world where we're fictional, bub," Zangetsu told Kai, unaware of the look of horror that seemed to be mounting on my face. "After all, he knows what I am, and is not afraid of me one bit."

Kai looked at me in shock, before looking at Zangetsu with the same expression. With a sigh, he said, "I guess I shouldn't be surprised. It's not every day this sort of thing happens, but I'm pretty used to it by now."

I really don't know what else I should even say here, but I do know that this required some fine tuning to prevent him leaving his sister alone with Tri… fa… uh-oh.

"Listen, mister Sakurai," I said. "I became a big brother three months ago in this life. If there's anything I can do as a big brother for your benefit, please, tell me… alright?"

Kai looked at me for a few seconds, a look of contemplation on his face, before he nodded. "I want to keep my little sister Kei out of the role of Tubal Cain when I die," he said, a look of finality on his face. "Can you promise me that?"

"Even better," I said, what had to be a shit-eating grin on my face. "I can keep her out of the Order as well, should you so desire, at least."

Kai's expression changed to that of a boy who had just been told Christmas was coming early… by nine, six, and three months. "You mean it?" he asked me.

I nodded, before I said, "I'll do that at the cost of my life if I have to. Willing to trust me?"

Kai nodded at that, before my Inner World restored itself, the patches of poison going away as Kai left the place in a burst of particles… Reishi?

"Correct, King," Zangetsu told me (much to my surprise, as I jumped out of my skin, more or less). "That's Reishi."

Ugh… here goes nothing. I'm headed back to the realm of the waking now. I'll be back in this place sooner or later, Zangetsu.

"You'd better, King," Zangetsu said as I faded from my Inner World. "Don't want to be lonely here without any chance of a fight."

Before I could try getting Zangetsu to elaborate, I had already left, leaving me curious what he was trying to say to me.

Upon opening my eyes back up, I noticed that Kai was in front of me, and that I was in my current body to live in. How that happened, I have no idea, and I frankly don't want to know just yet. In any event, it had to be the most ridiculous moment in my entire life, me being the way I am now.

Kai suddenly stood up from his crouching position, leaving his posture the way it was supposed to be, before he said to Masaki-kaa-san, "It's a pleasure to meet you, Missus Kurosaki, Ichigo-kun. My name is Sakurai Kai. I live here with my little sister, Kei, and my best friend, Beatrice." I gave a pointed stare at Musashi, Kai's great-grandfather, that the latter caught onto. "You can see him?" he asked.

"Yeah, both of us can," I answered, shrugging in indifference. "Been that way since I was born, if not sooner for mama's case." Kai promptly fainted when he heard that. "Uh… did I say something wrong?" I asked Masaki-kaa-san.

"No, I don't think so," she said. "I think you're alright."

Musashi cleared his throat at that exact moment. "I'll let him know what's going on later," he said. "For now, please return when you get a chance. I want to surprise Kai's little sister with a playmate, so to speak, and I'm certain he'll like it if Kei could play with someone around her age."

I nodded in agreement, before looking at Masaki-kaa-san. "Okaa-san?" I asked.

"I agree," she said, "but we'll need to talk with Kai about this when he's awake later. I hope that this doesn't become a problem for all of us here."

Musashi nodded, before he leapt up to the top of the gate where he could sit, allowing us to leave properly.

A few minutes later, we got home, and just in time for me to see Isshin-tou-san leaving the clinic to go somewhere… wait. He was still wearing his doctor's uniform. What gives?

"Isshin, what's the matter?" Masaki-kaa-san called out to him.

Isshin-tou-san looked at Masaki-kaa-san and I before he gave out a sigh of relief. "Thank the kami that you're alright, Masaki, Ichigo," he said. "I was worried that you both were abducted or something."

…abducted? He seriously thought we were abducted?!

"Honey, we weren't abducted," Masaki-kaa-san said. "We went over to the Urahara Shoten."

"Huh?!" Isshin-tou-san gaped out. "What did Kisuke-san request of you two for?!"

At this point, I handed him the note that was supposed to explain what went down, though I didn't read it yet. It wasn't as if I lacked trying, mind you, it was because Kisuke kept writing in Korean of all things… how did he even know how to write Korean?

Isshin-tou-san took the note and said, "Thanks, Ichigo." With that, he opened the note and began reading the Korean text, before he looked at me with raised eyebrows. "You didn't catch what he wrote, did you?" he asked me.

I shook my head, saying, "Not for lack of trying… I can't understand the language used."

Isshin-tou-san nodded, a look of understanding on his face. "I'm glad, Ichigo," he said. "It would be a major hassle in that case." He seemed to notice something about Masaki-kaa-san, because he said to her, "It's nothing serious, dear. I'll explain later." With that, he folded the note and headed back to the house, Masaki-kaa-san and I in tow.

It turned into a stressful few days at the house, what with Isshin-tou-san and Masaki-kaa-san having to deal with what they eventually learned, but they still wanted to keep me as their eldest child. I was eternally grateful for that, but the mess that came out of it was… frankly, quite annoying for me. It would prove to be a good thing I'm technically an adult in a child's body, since they were worried that I hadn't gotten the Birds and the Bees yet, especially when I had to help give Yuzu and Karin baths during that time… ugh. Good thing I was given express freedom from that task after the first time.

Still, it was about time for me to get ready for school, or the equivalent for those under the age of Kindergarten in Japan. I'd been doing well so far, obviously, but I'm having trouble not falling back onto my old habits of being a loner by nature. I did mention that I was born Autistic originally, didn't I? Well, not like the Japanese know how to truly deal with mental health issues… best to disguise the effects on my end.

…speaking of school efforts, I needed to figure out how to get Ren-chan out of my Inner World, and in such a way as to bring her to preschool with me. I have to wonder how I'm supposed to do that, however, since… wait. I forgot the chant from earlier this week!

Okay, time to relax… there'll be time to pull this one off after I get out of preschool this week. In fact… wait, is it just me, or am I hearing Masaki-kaa-san calling for me from downstairs?

"Ichigo, please come downstairs so that you can have your breakfast sooner than later, dear."

It's not me… okay, time to get downstairs to do this. I walk on down the stairs after ensuring my clothes are on… and then I notice the strange addition of a girl about my age who looks vaguely familiar at the dining table… where did I see this girl's features before? Who is she, and why is she so familiar?

"Ah, good, you're ready for breakfast," Masaki-kaa-san said to me. "Might I introduce you to Sakurai Kei-chan?"

I tripped over practically nothing by the time I heard that question.

"Karl, what is it you're planning to do now?"

"Relax, my dear friend," Mercurius said. "I'm in the process of ensuring you have a decent foe to challenge you, at least after this 'jump' he's going through ends for him."

"And what's a 'jump', as you put it, Karl?"

"Ah, that," Mercurius said. "Simply put, throughout the whole multiverse, there's a single place where we are considered either fictitious or somewhat historical in the way that our true selves didn't happen to occur. I merely borrowed a single person from that place."

"That didn't answer my question, Karl…"

"I'm getting there, my dear friend," Mercurius stated. "In this person's realm, there's this form of media called fanfiction, where authors tend to do crazy things with the base media that they're writing about. One such type of fanfiction is called a 'jump chain'. Essentially, it revolves around a person, usually a self-insert in terms of fanfiction purposes, jumping between universes until they either die, decide to go home, decide to stay on the world they started the jumps with, or become what's called a Planeswalker."

"A Planeswalker? Interesting… I take it this has to do with the media called Magic: The Gathering?"

"Well… I'm surprised you know what that is," Mercurius groaned in reply.

"It's hard to avoid knowing when you gave me the requisite knowledge by accident, Karl. Now, how do we know if this person is meant to be your successor in the off-chance they beat me in a fight?"

"Simple," Mercurius answered. "They aren't."

"I beg your pardon?"

"It's only because someone else is my chosen successor, because she has transcended the Law I made back in the 19th Century of this world," Mercurius answered. "She doesn't exist anywhere else in the multiverse, I'm afraid, because of many things that prevent her from existing elsewhere."

"Well, in that case, I have to wonder how she's able to stack up as a Goddess."

"I'm preparing her to become a Hegemony Goddess," Mercurius said. "The fact is, she's too much along the lines of a Transcendence-type to properly inherit the Throne from me."

"On the off-chance she fails to become a Hegemony Goddess, then who will be your successor, Karl?"

"Hmm…" Mercurius pondered that. "Good question, my dear friend…"

A/N: Alright, that's enough for this chapter. Here's the review corner I am planning to keep intact with this version of the story.

"Oooh, this is promising! I can already see all the Dies Irae elements, and I'm pretty sure it's going to make for an epic story! I'm going to keep an eye out for this one, so keep up the good work! :)" ~Lily Nadesico

Thanks, pal. I appreciate it a lot. Don't worry, you'll see more like it coming your way ASAP.

"Huh.

Well, wasn't expecting a rewrite of this, but this looks alright.

And man, the gender reveal for Ren-san was hilarious. :)

Looking forward to seeing what happens next. Including the inevitable eventual encounter with Hat-'n'-Clogs, aka Urahara." ~Takeshi Yamato

Thank you to you, too, Takeshi. :) Not to worry, you'll be seeing it in this chapter, obviously.