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Chapter Four

"Who survived?" Sonea asked quietly. She had managed to convince Marin to allow Akkarin to come back to her bedside somehow, where he now sat and held her hands just like the day before. Later this day she would be taken to a treatment room where a team of Healers would try their best to mend her bones. She was not exactly looking forward to that procedure but something good had come from it – it had softened Marin enough to let Akkarin into the room.

She really did not want to ask that question, but she knew that she had to at some point. She could not remember the part of the past that had gotten people killed, who knew how many deaths she had already grieved and now had no memory of it.

"Why do you ask?" Akkarin replied with an edge to his voice that for some reason scared her. "Is it so important?"

"Listen, Akkarin." She straightened her back a little just to feel more confident than she actually was. "I don't remember it. At all. To me, we defeated Parika at the Pass and then I woke up with a body that might have been run over by a herd of Gorin. Marin won't tell me what happened in between but I know that I miss the part that had people I know killed, so I beg you to tell me at least that."

She took a deep breath, not daring to look at his eyes fearing what she might see there. She had spent half the night trying to figure out how to tell him what had to be explained, and the other half trying to decide whether or not to really do it. It must be so painful for him to revisit that part of the past.

He sighed and looked away. His gaze directed at the floor, he almost whispered, "Lorlen is dead."

"No. Oh, Akkarin, I am so sorry. I am so sorry." Sonea pulled him closer and embraced him tightly, unable to put what she needed to say into words. His hands found her hair and held on to it as if it were all that was keeping him where he was. She could feel his troubled breathing against her own body and knew that he would never say or show how he felt in that moment, and it broke her heart to know that.

"I am so very, very sorry," she said and cursed herself for ripping open a wound that must barely have had time to heal. She could not imagine how Akkarin felt, but even trying brought stinging tears to her eyes. At the same time she grieved herself. She had liked the Administrator a lot, he had always been kind and helped her so many times. His death seemed like a criminal waste.

Akkarin recovered after a few minutes, straightening and gently lowering Sonea back to the pillows she was supposed to sit against. "You mustn't exhaust yourself," he said quietly.

"It's not important," she replied, waving it away with a gesture, all the while watching him closely. "I'll rest enough later. But do you… want to talk?"

He shook his head. "Not now. I just can't, Sonea, I'm sorry."

"Don't apologise. It's fine. It's your choice."

"What about you?", Akkarin suddenly asked, so suddenly that she needed a moment to understand what he might be talking about.

"No," she finally said. "I am not going to ask you to think about it again. I can do without the memories for some time. If you could just tell me… is my family safe? My friends? Is Rothen alive?"

"Rothen is alive and well. The last I know is that your family is safe and everybody is unhurt, but I am afraid I cannot tell you for sure. I have received no more news than you did." He frowned, and a look of frustration appeared on his face. "I do not know what will become of us, Sonea. I tried to ask Lady Vinara what the Higher Magicians have decided but she would not answer – we can only hope that they will be forgiving."

"Is there anything we can do? Anything at all?" She sighed, knowing that their fate was not in their hands anymore. "Well, whatever they decide…"

They talked for hours, while the room lit up with the sun and then darkened again when it had risen too high to shine through the tiny window. Two Healers came to send Akkarin away and take Sonea on an endless, painful journey through the corridors. Although she sat in a wheelchair again, it was as if she felt Akkarin's absence with every fibre of her body. She was given a drug that would put her in a state close to unconsciousness so she would not feel the procedure itself, but she recognised the smell from classes she had taken a lifetime ago and knew that she would probably wake up with either a blinding headache or muscles so limp she would not even be able to open her eyes. She drained the cup nonetheless.

The effect on her weakened system was immediate and powerful like a physical blow. She was vaguely aware of hands catching her and lowering her from her sitting position so that she lay flat upon the hard table, but her world drowned in darkness before she knew anything else.

A weight was crushing down on her when the light returned, glowing red behind her eyelids. She knew what was causing it but that knowledge was in no way making her feel better. She was weirdly light-headed, but she did not fool herself, the painful part was yet to come.

"She's waking," Akkarin said close to her, and she was suddenly aware of his cool fingers brushing her skin. "Finally."

"Finally?" she repeated, forcing the sounds over her numbed lips. Her eyes fluttered open and she found Akkarin leaning over her, his dark eyes shining with concern and relief. "How long did I sleep?"

She managed to push herself up to her elbows although it cost her an enormous amount of energy. She was back in her room, or one just like it. Akkarin sat beside her, Lady Vinara stood in the open door with her back to the room and by the sound of it, she was very unhappy with somebody.

"I do not want to hear your excuses, Karem. This will have consequences. Now go and file the reports as I told you. Now, Karem." The Healer sighed and turned around. "Good, you are awake. That fool. The dosage he gave you was strong enough for a healthy man twice your weight. You are lucky that it only lengthened the effect instead of simply killing you. How do you feel?"

Sonea considered for a moment before answering. "Horrible," she decided. "And tired." She fell back to the pillows and sighed. "Will I ever not be tired again?"

"Soon," Vinara reassured her. "You were unconscious for almost two days, you need food and some real sleep. You will be fine."

"My leg?"

"Needs time and rest to heal. You will be left with scars but I am quite confident that you will have no further problems. Now, if you two will excuse me, there is a lot of work waiting for me." She inclined her head to both of them and left the door open behind her.

Time passed cruelly slowly while Sonea was forced to wait for her wounds to heal. She developed a slight fever that gave her nightmares she could never remember, and which doomed her to stay in bed even longer. The inability to act sometimes felt worse than the fading pains of her healing injuries.

"Give it time," Akkarin said again and again when she tried to use the fingers of her left hand and almost cried out in pain, when she laughed or even sneezed and the scar on her cheek threatened to break open again, when she accidentally moved her leg… She knew that her body needed time to heal but that did not stop the frustration from building up to a point when the only thing keeping her in bed was Akkarin's firm will.

He was always there with her, and tried to distract her from her annoyance with every method he could imagine. He had started to tell her the stories that he had heard as a child, and that seemed so strange to her because they were so completely different from what she had listened to when she was little.

His own injuries, while significantly more severe, healed much more quickly. He had told Sonea that a knife had almost stabbed his heart, but not who had done it or how it had happened, and for the moment, she did not ask, just as she dared not ask about what had brought her into this situation she hated so intensely.

More weeks passed, hours at a time. Finally, almost two months after she had first opened her eyes after the invasion, even Marin could not find an excuse to keep her in bed any longer. She could almost feel his hesitation when he begrudgingly approved her "release". Purely out of decency, she delayed her grin of success until he was out of the room. She celebrated this little victory as if she had just jumped off death's list. And Akkarin celebrated with her, although she was very well aware of the amused glint in his eyes.

Sonea carefully moved her legs. Everything felt fine, and very slowly, one after the other, she placed her feet on the floor. No words could describe the joy she felt at the simply feeling of hard, solid ground under her feet after weeks of too-soft mattresses. A smile spread on her face.

Akkarin took her hands again, standing right in front of her, close enough that she could feel his breath on her face. "You're smiling," he said quietly. "It suits you."

She laughed. "Would you help me stand?"

He stepped back without letting go of her hands, and gently pulled her up until she stood, with shaking legs and clenched teeth, but she stood. It hurt, and her muscles felt like they had been kneaded like dough. She knew that she had been lying flat for far too long and that she would need days and weeks of hard work and practice before she would be able to walk properly but for now, each little victory was important.

"How are you feeling?" Akkarin asked.

"Never better," she said through gritted teeth and made him laugh at the contrast between her voice and her words. "Although…" She reached up to his neck and pulled his head down to kiss him, but just as he was close enough, the door burst open and sent both of them stumbling backwards in surprise.

"I'm sorry," Lady Vinara said with a badly hidden smile. Behind her stood Lords Balkan and Osen, apparently who was left of the Higher Magicians. "Are we interrupting something?"

Finally! Here it is, my new chapter in an eternity. Cookies for everybody as an apology! Now would you be so kind and review this for me? I promise the next one isn't so far away!