Hi y'all. when was the last time I ever posted? 4 months ago. Wow.
This was actually inspired by a nightmare that I had. Creepy.
Anyway, enjoy!
"Usui, damnit, let go!" she screamed. I swallowed away my pleas as my arms constricted around her slim body. "Usui!"
I didn't know what to do. My mind was completely shutting down. All I knew was that she didn't want me. She didn't want me. She didn't want me.
She shoved me back. "Misaki," I pleaded, stumbling back. I was painfully aware of the tears streaking down her cheeks, and how all of this was my fault. The walls of my apartment seemed to be shrinking.
"I hate you," she said, not an ounce of hesitation or kindness in her voice. She wasn't joking this time–she meant it. She really didn't want me anymore. "I hate you. I fxcking hate you!"
"Misaki, please." I didn't know what would stop her from leaving. "Please. I didn't kiss her back." I was desperate. She couldn't leave.
"Usui, cut your crap! I saw you! I don't care that you didn't kiss her back. You didn't do anything to stop it." Her voice dropped an octave. "If you loved me, you would've stopped it."
I didn't know what to do. "Misaki—"
"Shut up! Who would even want a mess like you?" she yelled. I swallowed thickly. I didn't have anything else to offer other than the broken, cracked pieces of me. She wanted me before, but now that she saw what I truly was, she didn't anymore. I understood. I wouldn't want me either.
I lunged forward, catching her wrist. "Please," I whispered. She opened her mouth to say something. "Please," I cut her off, shutting my eyes. "Just, please." She couldn't leave. She couldn't. I would break if she did.
"Usui. Let go." No, no, no. I couldn't do that. If I did, I wouldn't know when I'd ever see her again. If I let go, she wouldn't ever come back. But if I didn't, she'd hate me forever. A tear trickled down my face. Not that she cared.
"Let go!" she said, louder this time—more forcefully. She tried yanking her hand away. My grip held firm as I fell to my knees.
"Misaki," I whispered, broken. That's what I was. A broken, cracked, mess. Who would ever want me? This was all I could do—beg for her forgiveness. I already knew it was futile, but I didn't want her to leave. "Please… please." I dragged out the syllable, close to sobbing.
She didn't respond. "Please," I said.
"Usui," her voice softened. Not in forgiveness or mercy, but in resignation. She was tired of me. "If you ever loved me, let go."
I froze. I risked a glance up at her and stood up. She didn't meet my gaze. "Misaki," I whispered. "Please. Please, don't leave me."
She scoffed, burrowing daggers into my heart. "You don't want me to leave? That's too bad. I wish you happiness with your new girlfriend."
"No. Misaki, please." My heart screeched in pain and pounded agony through my veins. Something deep inside me was dying. "Please."
I knew that I always feigned control of our relationship, but I wasn't the one in control. She was. She had all the damn control, and I willingly surrendered every last, jagged piece of me. I would give her anything and everything.
She stared at me with cold, unflinching eyes. No sympathy. No warmness. No mercy. "If you love me," she repeated, "let go." I swallowed stiffly, tears pouring down my face. "Now," she added.
"Please," I said again. "I swear I didn't kiss her back. I tried to stop it, Misaki… please."
She stared at me incredulously. "Are you saying that my eyes are faulty? I know what I saw, Usui. Lying won't help."
"Please," I whispered. "Please."
"Usui." Her voice rose. "Let go!" My grip slipped a bit when she tried to yank her arm away forcefully.
"Misaki," I said.
She looked at me painfully. I registered the tears streaming down her face as she glared at me, but her spirit had been broken. She looked crushed—and it was all my fault. My fault.
"Please," she said. I looked into her eyes, desperately trying to cling on to any shred that was left of us, of our happiness—of our love. I found none as I hit the shields that were resurrected.
I let go.
She pushed me back as she ran away, taking the tattered pieces of my soul with her. The door closed halfway behind her. I walked over to push it closed, but my limbs didn't work. I left it open.
Dead—that's how I felt. Dead.
Pain pulsed through my veins and tears blurred my vision. The rain was pouring now outside—that was good. Somebody could cry with me.
The streets and building looked so gray and drab. That was good, too, I suppose. Why were colors even invented? The world would be fine black and white, cycling over the same thing day by day.
I looked around at my apartment. It seemed so empty. Good. It was no longer cramped. Desolation and a fine layer of dust seemed to settle over everything.
Good. Everything was good. Nothing had changed.
I collapsed on the couch.
Dead—that's how I felt.
Dead.
Whew. My writing skills are beginning to feel rusty. I hope that was okay. The semi-childish writing style was intentional on Usui's behalf.
Please leave a review! I'd like to know what you think!
Also, I apologize for any mistakes. If you spot any, feel free to let me know!
Xoxo
-AnimeGirl9781