Okay, guys, I sincerely hope that I've finally got enough processing power in my brain to go on with this. I want you to know that I have in no way given up on this story – on the contrary, there's so much I still have to do! Thank you to everybody who left those lovely messages to keep me at it! Love, Jojo

Chapter Eleven - Caring

It was wonderful to wake up and not be alone. There was no cold space beside her but a warm body with his arm resting across her waist and his breath tickling her ear and she had not woken with that sense of terror that so often had greeted her first thing in the morning. Sonea was relaxed, well rested, and utterly content.

"Don't move," Akkarin murmured so quietly she almost didn't hear. "It's early still."

She smiled. It could not be that early if her lack of tiredness meant anything. But she would not mind staying here for a few more moments, in this small bubble of comfort and happiness.

"It's not as if we have to be anywhere."

"Exactly. And I will not allow you out of my sight as long as I can manage. "

Turning her head, she looked at his face. He wore a dreamy smile that she had never seen before and she doubted he was aware of it; it did not seem to match the mask his face usually was. She flicked a strand of hair out of his eyes. He looked better, too, exactly like she felt – content and alive, not like the ghosts they had been yesterday.

They did not move for some time, savouring the rare moment of peace together. The sun crept through the gaps in the blinds and threw strange lines of light against walls and ceiling. She almost thought she could hear birds chirping outside. It was mid-summer by now, although the period of heat had not yet fully begun. The sun would be bearable for a few more days.

Finally, she said: "We have to get up."

"Are you sure? We could just stay right here forever."

"I'm afraid not." She pushed herself to her elbows and nudged his arm out of the way so she could get up completely. He obliged, but not willingly.

"Why?" he asked with his voice still rough from sleeping. "Do we have to attend some ceremony I have forgotten?"

"Not quite. I'm just hungry." Her stomach growled as if to agree with her. "Come on."

Akkarin had the nerve to laugh. "We certainly can't have you going hungry. Let's find you something then."

It was almost noon when they had eaten but neither of them cared much. The night had restored an intimacy between them that Sonea had so sorely missed in the last few days; they sat very closely together, somehow always touching in some way, be it deliberately or not. The warmth of Akkarin's hand even through layers of fabric comforted her more than anything else. Knowing he was there for her and that she only had to reach out to feel his heartbeat filled her with a sense of calm she had not experienced in the past week. The fluttering unrest in her stomach had settled, replaced by a sensation of serenity.

Together, Sonea and Akkarin finished organising their belongings along the walls of the guestroom until Sonea could easily move everywhere without risking to knock over any boxes. Without them cluttered around on every bit of space not occupied by furniture, the room looked infinitely larger and lighter. Or maybe that impression was due to their new ease, palpable in the very air they breathed. In the few hours before sunset, Sonea smiled more than she had all week.

When Marin came to check on her, Akkarin did not excuse himself like he had before; he stood unmoving by the window and pretended to watch the gardens below. Sonea could tell that he was observing her in the reflection on the glass and had to suppress a smile.

The Healer's gaze wandered from her feet to her face before he even said anything. "You look much better," he stated by means of greeting. "Although you are still a little too pale for my taste. Are you sleeping enough?"

"Of course."

He narrowed his eyes at her, as if he knew she was lying. There had been many sleepless nights since he had last seen her and he could probably tell. "How is your leg doing? It should be healing quickly."

It was her turn to frown. From the corner of her eye, she saw Akkarin shifting slightly so he could better see her, and for that reason, she played it down: "It's improving."

Which was only partly true. She was growing stronger, yes, and able to stand for longer periods of time without her knees buckling but the pain was always there, throbbing, pulsing through her whole body when she took a step too carelessly. But she did not want Akkarin to know that, or he would worry endlessly and try not to let her set her feet on the floor until he was sure she was all right, and she did not want him to do that.

Instead, she let Marin place a cool hand on her forehead and waited as he assessed his findings. Opening his eyes, he nodded to himself. "It seems to me you are well on the way to recovery. I will have to speak to Lady Vinara first but as far as I am concerned, you can start walking longer distances to build up your strength. Slowly, of course, but I expect you to be fully recovered by the end of summer."

"Thank you, Marin." She spoke quietly so her disbelief would not be so prominently audible but Akkarin's eyes flickered to hers nonetheless. Not now, she mouthed at him.

The Healer acknowledged her with a slight nod, then turned to Akkarin. "Lady Vinara asked me to check on your condition as well; she asks you to excuse that she cannot come by herself."

Maybe it was her imagination but Sonea thought to hear a hint of nervousness in Marin's voice. The suspicion was confirmed when he jumped slightly as Akkarin turned and approached them, shooting Sonea a stern look when she tried to rise and offer him her seat. Her heart sank. He had noticed and he was fussing already.

He sat casually on their only other chair and watched patiently as Marin very hesitantly examined him, too. The verdict was much the same – he should start exercising with care, gradually increasing the strain on his wounded heart and he would be all right soon enough.

The Healer was eager to leave afterwards, and the door had barely shut behind him when Akkarin's eyes found hers. She sighed and braced herself for the storm.

"What are you not telling me?" he asked.

"It's nothing, really. Just a little more pain than I'm comfortable with." She flashed a smile but without the desired effect; Akkarin just snorted.

"I have been keeping you on your feet all day! You should have said something. You should have told me you were in pain."

He had gotten to his feet and come to stand in front of her, looming over her because she did not dare get up and he was so much taller than she was. She resisted the urge to glare at him; that would only lead to heated argument and she was too tired for that right now.

"I'm sorry," she said instead. "But I promise you it is not as bad as you think. I'm sure I will be fine once I've built up some muscle again. And while we're at it, what about you? I feel so terrible for not asking…"

That finally distracted him. He dismissed her concern with a wave of his hand and returned to his chair. "Let us not talk about this now."

Eyebrows raised, she asked: "Please, don't play it down when you've just told me off for doing the same thing. I have the same right to worry as you do."

"And I'll give you the same answer – I'll be fine. Would you please do me the favour of speaking of something other than our health for a moment?"

She shrugged. If it meant he wouldn't bother her anymore either, she certainly did not mind.

"What would you talk about, then?

He actually looked nervous now, running his hand through his hair in a gesture she had never seen from him before. "I've been meaning to ask you since last night," he began and his eyes all but burned into hers. "I would not want you to stay with me out of a sense of obligation."

She stared at him, unable to comprehend; the implication of what he had just said was too absurd. "I beg your pardon?"

"What I am saying is that I would hate to hold you back –"

"Is this about what you said in the mountains?" She couldn't help herself; she sprang to her feet and somehow managed not to falter. "Because if it is, I will tell you now what I told you then: I don't care. Yes, I'm young and yes, you were my guardian but I don't care and unless everything I thought about you is wrong then you don't care either."

"Sonea, when we were in Sachaka I never expected to survive. I had planned for you to return to the Guild on your own, all sympathy on your side, just imagine what you could have done! But here I am and now you are keeping the criminal High Lord company, endangering every prospect you ever had…"

How could he sit there, so calm and apparently unmoved while saying such things? "I sincerely hope that you have lost your mind," she told him with all the composure she could muster. There was no relief when she tried to inhale deeply; her existence was a horrible mixture of ragged breaths and thrumming pulse. Her throat was so tight she could barely speak. "There can't be a different explanation. I love you, and I know that you have loved me for longer than you dared admit to yourself so why would you… You of all people should know that I do not stay with you out of obligation."

Her body betrayed her, her knees gave in and she would have fallen if Akkarin had not suddenly caught her. He held her at arm's length but she could feel his touch through the tears she was desperately trying to hold back. I will not cry. I will not cry.

"Sonea."

"Do you want me to leave? Because I will if you say it. I'll leave this room; I'll leave the country if you say you want me to but please, Akkarin, please, think about this. Do you want me to leave?"

He looked as if she had struck him. "Gods, Sonea, no, I don't. But – "

"Shut up." Reaching out, her fingertips found his cheek, his jaw, his lips, tracing, sensing, reassuring her that he was real and not an evil spirit. "Just shut up then."

Somehow she pulled him close, somehow she moulded her lips to his in an utterly insane attempt to keep him with her, and somehow Akkarin relented and encircled her in his arms.

"I'm sorry," he whispered against her skin but she pinched his arm.

"Shut up. I don't care." Right now she really didn't, his feelings were written clearly all across his face and she could sense every single one as if he'd shouted them from the rooftops.

"I'm going to fall over and take you with me any moment."

She stared at him. "How many times do I have to tell you that I don't care?"

4