Chapter Thirteen - Nightmares

"Oh, I'm sorry; I didn't know you had a visitor." Sonea had not really thought about the possibility when she had practically crashed through the door into their guestroom, too glad to be finally home. Now she stood in the doorframe, slightly embarrassed, and tried to school her features.

The man Akkarin had been talking to until she had interrupted them so suddenly didn't hide his obvious interest in her but that was not what was so unsettling about the situation. It was rather that the two men were almost like mirror images of each other – Akkarin's hair was longer, the visitor's posture was a little less rigid, but otherwise they might have been identical.

"Sonea, meet my brother, Kiran."

"It is a pleasure to meet you, Lady Sonea. I have heard much about you." Kiran had risen to his feet and now bowed very deeply, the hint of a smile on his lips.

"Only good things, I hope," she replied, gaze flickering to Akkarin, who raised an eyebrow and did not reply. "Well, I won't intrude any longer. Let me just sit down for a moment and I'll be on my way again."

"You don't have to," Akkarin said quietly and almost reached for her. "You must be tired –"

"Don't. I'll be fine." She fell into a chair and suppressed the sigh of relief. Closing her eyes, she sent a stream of healing magic through her body, easing the ache wherever she could. She was using a lot of power today; at least tonight she would sleep deeply. Pushing herself back up proved more difficult than she had expected, as if her whole body had decided that it would rather not move again today, but she persevered, ignoring Akkarin's disapproval as she did so.

"Don't exhaust yourself," he warned.

She pressed a kiss on his cheek. "I'll be back in half an hour."

Afternoon classes were long over, so the University corridors were mostly empty except for the occasional teacher locking their classrooms. Sonea found herself for the most part ignored or only vaguely acknowledged and she had to admit it was not exactly unpleasant. It was nice not to be the centre of attention after the events of the day so far. She could feel herself relaxing, unclenching her jaw and releasing the death grip on the crutches. When she reached the Novices' Library, she was almost comfortable.

Lady Tya, the librarian, was nowhere in sight, so Sonea simply ducked between the shelves and began to collect what she needed. She could always leave a note on Tya's desk when she left. It turned out the best way to proceed was to leave one of the crutches by a table and very carefully balance the books on top of each other, levitating them at about knee height.

Thankfully, most of the volumes she was looking for had not been taken out, possibly because examinations were already over for the year. She was after books about medicine tonight, for a simple reason. The conversation with the Administrator earlier had sparked her ambitions again, and he had correctly observed that she would not let anything stop her now that she knew it was possible. And if that meant that she had to spend the entire summer studying, then so be it.

When she was done, Sonea wrote the titles of the books onto a scrap of paper and left it for the librarian to find when she returned. The stack of books still floating in front of her, she started to make her way back to the Magicians' Quarters – she knew she had already been gone for longer than the promised half hour and if she did not return soon Akkarin would probably send out a search party.

It turned out to be rather difficult to levitate something and concentrate on her own feet at the same time, so when she turned a corner and collided with somebody, she was not even surprised. When she had regained her balance, the books were scattered on the floor and her adversary was hurrying to collect them. Seeing brown robes and all too familiar blond hair, Sonea involuntarily took a step back.

But Regin did not seem to notice her reaction. Instead, when he had rebuilt her stack of books, he met her eyes and said: "I hope you're alright."

She was too surprised to answer and instead just nodded. Her memory must be even worse than she had thought, because she could think of absolutely no explanation for this.

"It's my fault; I should have slowed down. Can I carry these for you?"

Swallowing, Sonea found her voice again. "You don't have to."

"Yes, I do. I ran into you."

"You're being ridiculous."

He shrugged. "Maybe I am. It doesn't matter – I'm carrying your things. Lead the way."

It was odd to walk with him this way, trailing behind her as if it was not strange at all. Only little more than a year ago, he had taken every opportunity to torment her, and now this. He even insisted on accompanying her up the stairs.

"Well," she said as she stopped in front of her door. "Thank you, but I think I can handle the rest."

"It's fine, I don't mind."

She sighed, and knocked. There was no protest from inside, so she pushed the door open. "Just… put them down somewhere."

Regin shuffled past her, found an empty spot, dropped his load and then, thankfully, left her alone. And she was alone; Akkarin was not here, and she could not help but hope that he had not started the search just yet. Then she saw the note propped against the back of her chair: "I'll be right back".

It was getting late by now; the sun was just barely clinging to the horizon and Sonea was tired. Tired enough that when she sat down and closed her eyes for only a moment, she fell asleep instead.

##

"So that is the famous Sonea. Really, from what I heard about her, I imagined her to be somewhat more… intimidating." Kiran smiled, mockery in every syllable but Akkarin had grown up with him and was not so easily provoked.

"If you had either seen her fight or, alternatively, attempted to have a conversation with her when she was angry with you, you would not say that," he replied matter-of-factly and poured his brother another glass of wine. "I assure you, she can be quite formidable. Now tell me, how is your wife?"

Kiran raised an eyebrow at the sudden change of topic but did not comment. "Very well, as far as I know. She has gone to Ferryrest with the girls to visit her parents; I am told they are being terribly spoiled." Taking a long, slow drink from his glass, he studied his younger brother more closely than the person in question would have liked. A seemingly long time later, he shook his head. "Forgive me for saying this, little brother, but you do not look well."

"I am fine."

"It has been almost three months since the Invasion."

"Only three months. The Ichani have inflicted a lot of damage on all of us, Kiran – we are still healing. It will take time."

Kiran set down his wine and leaned forward. "I understand that you have gone through horrible things, Akkarin, and I will not attempt to degrade what you – and Sonea - have done but when I go back to our mother she will ask me about you and the way I see it I will feel compelled to lie to her."

Akkarin shrugged. "Then do that; Mother seems to care little enough about my health."

Hesitating, the older man voiced the question he had obviously been waiting to ask ever since he had entered the room: "Will you tell me what happened?"

"The Ichani invaded. We confronted them and I woke up when they removed a dagger from my heart."

Taken aback, Kiran tried and failed to find words for several moments, a definite first since their childhood as far as Akkarin could remember. Under normal circumstances he would have taken pleasure in being able to shock his brother, now he only ran a hand through his hair to resist the temptation to touch his chest, to feel for the scar Kariko's knife had left there.

"We did not know," Kiran said finally, a distinct pale hue around his face. "Mother received a message that you had been injured but that was days after the actual Invasion so we thought it could not have been too serious."

"The Ichani left the Guild and half of Imardin practically in ruins. I imagine the families of those who were killed were informed first but I should have contacted you nevertheless. Please convey my apologies to Mother; she must be positively sick with worry," he added dryly, which almost physically resolved some of the tension building up in the room as his brother snorted.

"I am sorry to disappoint you there, brother mine – if anything, she is fuming; that she was not asked to visit you, that she did not receive details, that you did not write to her. She has followed the news, of course, of your case." He sobered. "Have you any idea what consequences your actions might have had? As I understand, you could have been executed even now."

"Ah, but that would never have happened. They will never admit it but the Guild needs us to stand as their line of defence in case this episode should be repeated someday." Akkarin said this with as much conviction as he could muster. In truth, he was not quite convinced of this statement and had certainly not expected the magicians to be as forgiving as they had presented themselves. The best outcome he had dared hope for himself had been lifelong incarceration in some half-forgotten prison cell deep under the City, left to rot on his own unless his abilities were required. He shuddered – his mind had dutifully continued this thought and presented to him the vivid image of Sonea, skeletally thin and chained to a wall, alone in a room filled with blackness and the smell of blood. He shook it off, put it under lock and key in the back of his mind never to surface again if he had any say in the matter.

But it was impossible to carry on the conversation as lightly as he had before, and his brother noticed. Thankfully, however, Kiran did not remark on his sudden lack of enthusiasm and instead suggested that he should be starting his way home soon – "I'll see you out, then."

After leaving a note for Sonea, Akkarin accompanied his older brother to his carriage. He set a deliberately slow pace out of necessity; although he, too, had been exercising and improving his stamina he still tended to run out of breath very quickly, and did not want his brother to notice.

"I will see you again, I hope," Kiran told him through the carriage window and added, "both of you."

"Give my love to Mother," Akkarin replied, and saw him off.

He found Sonea sprawled in her favoured chair, her hair loose on her shoulders and dark shadows under her closed eyes.

"If you sleep here all night you're going to regret it in the morning," he murmured into her ear, one hand cupping her cheek. "Come to bed."

She obeyed without question, without even fully opening her eyes, and allowed him to guide her into their bedroom, half walking, half leaning on him for support. How she managed to strip off her robes and put on her nightclothes would remain a mystery to him. Drawing the sheets over both of them, Akkarin waited in the darkness until he could hear her breathing slowly and rhythmically and only then allowed himself to sleep.

He woke again only a few short hours later, to Sonea sobbing and whimpering next to him, curled up protectively and her fingers digging into the mattress. When he gingerly touched her shoulder, she cringed and drew away from him; he could not tell if she was awake or caught in a nightmare but decided that it didn't really matter all that much because she was suffering regardless.

"Sonea," he said as gently as he could, not daring to touch her again. He formed a small globe light, just enough to light her features, twisted as they were with fear, and watched helplessly as she stayed trapped in either memories or nightmares – or maybe both. At some point he began talking to her. He told her that she was safe, that it was all over (although it obviously was not over for her, she seemed to be still in the middle of whatever it was), and he said her name almost as if he thought it would call her back to him but in the end, all he could do was wait.

It was over an hour after it had begun. The sobbing subsided, the mask of terror dissolved and Sonea's small frame relaxed. She turned to lie facing him, eyes closed and apparently sleeping, and he let out the breath he had been holding for half an eternity. She looked as if nothing had happened. There were a few tears still glistening in the faint light, and beads of sweat on her forehead but otherwise she looked as peaceful as ever.

He pulled her close and wished he could protect her from her own dreams.

##

"I didn't know you had a brother," Sonea said over breakfast, hours later. She had not given any indication that she remembered anything about last night's terror; maybe she was a little wearier than she ought to be after sleeping for almost twelve hours. And she seemed to seek physical contact with him even though she might not notice it herself. Her fingers lingered whenever she touched his skin, brushing her knee against his under the table every once in a while. Akkarin chose not to comment on this for fear that it might bring the memories to the surface, so he simply watched her, closely, to recognise signs of change as soon as possible. He was not sure if there would be anything he could do but at least he wanted to know.

He shrugged. "I also have two sisters. They are a few years younger than me; I haven't seen them in some time. When they were little they used to play tricks on Kiran and me."

She laughed a little. "I'm trying to imagine you shouting and chasing two giggling girls through the house but I'm failing."

"I must admit that it happened more than once." He couldn't help but smile. "Those two were devils and I was rather glad to be rid of them when I became a novice, but it turned out my classmates were not much better."

He told her a couple of stories from his time at the University, pranks that had been played on both other novices and teachers, and the retaliation that always followed. Although most of these stories involved Lorlen – they really had been inseparable from almost the first day – he did not feel the sting of regret and guilt that had disturbed every memory of his friend since he had died. He realised he was enjoying himself, reminiscing the happier, carefree days of his youth, and Sonea sitting next to him listening and smiling.

"There is so much I don't know about you," she said when he had concluded his account of a particularly entertaining episode ending with a rather enraged Alchemy teacher.

"You know more than most," he pointed out. "I have told you things about my past…"

"I know." She took his hand again, carefully turning it so his palm was up and she could find his pulse with her fingertips. "But that is not what I meant. You know my family, my friends, everything about me. Don't deny it, you've read my mind. And until yesterday I did not even know you had siblings."

He curled his fingers to meet with hers, absently, as if his muscles were acting without consulting him. "You want to know more."

"I want to know you. Who you are is more than what you went through in Sachaka, even though you don't believe that. Just as I am more than my time at the University. And since I am planning to spend a considerable amount of time with you in the future, I think I ought to know who I am dealing with, don't you think?" There was the hint of a grin on her lips, and Akkarin found himself unable to resist. He leaned closer, slowly at first to give her time to move away but when she didn't, he kissed her without hesitation. His right hand was still holding hers but the other started to glide through her hair, across her shoulder and down her side, and finally came to rest on her waist so he could pull her closer to him, close enough to feel her warmth on his skin.

She whispered his name against his lips. She was not holding back, either, leaning into the caress, holding tightly onto his hand. Finally, when she had to draw away to breathe, she let out a breezy laugh that made him shiver.

"You still haven't told me anything. Don't think you can seduce your way out of this."

"I could try," he offered, and could not be brought to care that the smirk on his face should have been somewhat embarrassing.

Sonea shook her head with firm finality and, rising, moved away from him. "Later, maybe," she said and went to get properly dressed. "I need to speak to Lady Vinara."

Eyebrows raised, Akkarin just watched her. Her features had taken a distinctive, determined expression that he knew far too well.

"There might still be a chance for me to be a Healer."

You lot can thank Sal aka for this chapter. Since my last update she has posted no less than three herself and I felt incredibly guilty for being so terribly unproductive, especially since I keep promising that it will get better. Thank you to everybody who left me such sweet reviews the last time, and I hope you enjoyed this one as well.

Love,

Jojo