Like daylight
It's golden like daylight
You gotta step into the daylight and let it go
Just let it go, let it go
️
One would think that few things scared Elsa these days. After all that she had seen and faced, after she'd found herself, there shouldn't be anything to be afraid of. And yet she was terrified of something that by all rights shouldn't scare her at all.
But there was a fear in her heart, an icy grip that made her hesitate. It made her jump onto the Nokk and ride as far and as fast as she could away from this thing that she was afraid of. And yet, despite the distance, it followed her, close on her tail and ever at the edge of her mind.
So Elsa went to the one place that might give her the answers she sought, even if experience told her she might not always like those answers.
Sunlight filtered in through the ice overhead as she descended into Ahtohollan. In the distance were the voices of memory, calling and echoing off the ice. Her mother's voice was silent, as it had been since the day she'd died. But there were others, friends and family, the people she loved and cared for. Memories, good and bad both.
Elsa came to a stop at the threshold to that chamber, staring at all the different versions of herself that walked and talked and sang. As she often did, she approached her parents, the way her father was bent over a book, her mother's hand on his shoulder as she gazed at him.
They'd loved each other, so much and while her feelings remained conflicted (and likely always would), that was on constant she could count on.
"If only you'd told Anna the truth before you'd left. If only we had years and years before that." But the past couldn't be changed, only learned from.
There was a quiet night nearby, Anna and Kristoff sitting at a table eating and teasing each other over something or other. Elsa leaned on the table, allowing their presence to be a calming salve to her frayed nerves. Ahtohollan had never given her a memory of her family in Arendelle that was particularly private, so she didn't feel all that guilty when she got a chance to see one. It made her feel like she was still part of the family.
There were yet more memories now, too; Anna's coronation, game nights, learning to hunt and fish and work leather. She had built many new memories to put on display here and there was a common theme among more than a few of them.
Honeymaren rode by on a deer. Honeymaren approaching Elsa, taking her hand to lead her in a traditional festival dance.
Long nights, sitting and talking with the woman, her head on Elsa's shoulder.
Honeymaren, Honeymaren Honeymaren. When had Maren become such a huge part of her life? The answer was something she knew, she just had to be willing to face it.
Swallowing hard, Elsa walked past those memories, to another late night, where Elsa lay with her head in Maren's lap as they watched the sun rise. Only Maren's gaze was firmly on Elsa's face as her fingers stroked through her hair.
Memory after memory, Maren was staring at Elsa as though she were the very stars in the sky. Memory after memory, Elsa would stare back when Maren wasn't looking. That terror grew again and Elsa pressed her palm to her heart.
"...something I need to tell you."
Elsa turned around, following the sound of Honeymaren's voice, until she reached a clearing in the forest, frozen flowers all around her. Icy versions of Honeymaren and Elsa walked together, the flowers parting before them. Their fingers were tied tightly together.
"Is everything all right?" Elsa asked, frosty eyebrows furrowing. She came to a stop, running her hand up Maren's arm.
"What? Oh. Yes." Maren brushed some hair out of her eyes, "I just. There's something. It's been a thing for awhile actually. It's not bad, at least I hope it's not bad."
Elsa smiled, waiting patiently for Maren to cease tripping over her own words.
"It's probably bad," Maren added, letting go of Elsa's hand and pulling away. "Let's just forget this and get back to the village, I'm sure Yelana has some tasks for us."
"Mare, wait." Elsa followed after her, grabbing her hands, "What is it?"
Honeymaren looked up at her, expression soft and vulnerable. Her mouth opened, and closed, and then she leaned up on her tip toes and kissed Elsa on the lips.
Elsa, the real Elsa, closed her eyes, touching her lips with two fingers. She knew what happened next. Knew that she didn't know how to act.
"I… I need to think." Her mirror image turned and walked quickly away, and then ran, and then summoned the Nokk.
"I love you." Honeymaren's voice was a quiet echo, all alone in that field of flowers.
Rubbing her thumb against her palm, Elsa tried to slow her breathing even as those words echoed in her mind. And now she couldn't look at anything else. Just Honeymaren, standing there alone and heartbroken, and Honeymaren all around her, on her mind constantly, a friend and something more and it was as obvious as daylight.
God, she was such a fool.
Elsa ran out of the glaciar, stepping into the sun, the warmth of the day even this far north making everything so clear.
Waving at the Nokk as it formed from the waves, she jumped onto his back, stroking his neck, "We've got to get back to Honeymaren."
They bolted across the ocean at supernatural speeds, up onto the shore and into the woods.
Elsa left the Nokk when she got close to the meadow, walking the rest of the way and then leaning against a tree. Honeymaren was still there, barely moved from where she'd left her though she was now sitting on the ground, head in her hands.
"I'm sorry," Elsa called out, before stepping into the meadow and out from under the shade of the trees. "I wasn't … I didn't know what to say or do and I was scared."
Maren lifted her head, wiping her eyes, "It's okay."
"No, it's not." Elsa leaned over and pulled her to her feet. "That wasn't fair of me to you. I know I hurt you."
"I kind of sprung it on you," Maren started to say, but Elsa put her finger over her lips.
"I went to think and the only thing I could think about was how stupid I've been."
Maren blinked at her, but didn't try to say anything else, a kindle of hope sparking in her eyes.
"My whole life has been spent either hiding or running from something and now that I've had a taste of freedom, of who I am, there's so much more to life that I didn't know existed." Elsa touched Maren's face, "Not until you."
This time, Elsa kissed Maren first, folding her into her arms as she did so.
"I love you too."
️
I don't wanna look at anything else now that I saw you
(I can never look away)
I don't wanna think of anything else now that I thought of you
(Things will never be the same)
I've been sleepin' so long in a twenty-year dark night
(Now I'm wide awake)
And now I see daylight (I see daylight)
I only see daylight (oh)