A/N: This is the chapter that I struggled with for weeks. It was literally written in one night and it came out in a tidal wave that left me emotionally drained and distracted for days wondering where it came from and why. I have been editing this chapter since February and honestly, I'm still not totally happy with it because it wasn't where it was supposed to go. Sometimes though, the characters have a life of their own. I hope you all enjoy.
Chapter 16:
Adam looked to Preach and the two of them pulled up a closer look of Andy's body cam. "Talk to me Andy. What do you see?" Adam demanded as he reached for his sidearm.
"They wired the cave entrance with explosives," she answered sounding out of breath. She didn't dare shine a light on anything because she didn't want to draw attention to herself.
"Andy, get out of there. That's an order," he dictated stilling his movements. "Jaz, Amir, you get her out of that damn cave," he added for safe measure.
"Big brother, I'm not a soldier, I don't follow orders," she whispered carefully taking pictures of the wires and where they were connected. "But I'm getting out of here," she assured him as she started backing away from the cave entrance slowly.
Amir breathed a sigh of relief as Andy came into view. She looked concerned and motioned for them to leave the cave. They moved swiftly and silently until the entrance came into view. He climbed down first, followed by Jaz and finally Andy. He silently led them up the hill where Top, Preach and McG were waiting for them.
"Get in the car," Top ordered angrily. Andy looked him in the eye and stood stock still while the rest of the team climbed into the van and SUV. She had never seen her brother mad at her. Not like this. "Andrea, get in the car. Now," he ground out and she set her shoulders before climbing into the back of the van with McG and Amir.
Andy sat silently wedged between both men in the back. She ran over the evening in her head and knew that she had probably pushed the limit with Adam, but she had never seen him so angry. In thirteen years, he had never used that tone with her, but it was also the first time they had been in the field together.
McG and Amir exchanged a look, the night turning eerily into an evening not long ago involving Jaz. It was too close. Andy had gone off book. She had put the team at risk and Top had a thing about his team being put in danger. It was a good thing Preach was driving and Top was in the other car with Jaz, because Andy looked ready for a fight of her own.
Jaz sat beside Top and could feel the anger rolling off him in waves. She wanted to say something, but his grip on the steering wheel and the set of his jaw, she knew it would probably be pointless. She could understand the anger about going off book, experience had shown her that unless permission to improvise had been given, don't do it.
"Top, Andy was right," Jaz stated quietly. He shot her a glare and she swallowed but continued anyway. "Her method wasn't smart, but she's used to being on her own. She has to be her own army," Jaz added thinking back on her conversation with Andy a few days before. Top looked over at her again and she saw his eyes soften a fraction. She had succeeded in taking the edge off his anger but knew that Andy was still going to have to face his wrath. Jaz didn't doubt that she could handle it, but she was also going to stick up for her when she would have done the same thing if positions were reversed.
They pulled up to the safe house and piled out slowly. Andy was the last out of the van and she followed them in with the anxiety she had felt all day gaining traction again. She walked into the living space and stood near the window with her back to the room. She knew she was going to get a dressing down by her brother. It wasn't the first time she had been given one by someone above her pay grade, but it was the first time she had had to justify her actions to her brother. Her gut had served her well in the last four years. She was not going to apologize for trusting what had kept her alive.
"Give us the room," Adam ordered as he stepped into the room and his team looked anxiously between brother and sister.
Andy turned around and straightened her spine, crossed her arms, and looked at her brother defiantly. She looked him in the eye with only the coffee table between them. He mirrored her position and they stood silently as the team slipped out of the room. Amir, Jaz and McGuire heading upstairs and Preach to set up watch over the cameras.
Once everyone had cleared the room, Andy took a deep breath and released her arms to hang by her sides. Adam continued to stare at her and his face was a mask, except for his eyes that were raging with emotions. Whatever it was that he had to say, had very little to do with what she had actually done. This was built up. She was simply the safest person he could let it out on. She was his sister and he knew she would stick no matter what he said.
Adam looked at Andy and he wanted to unleash everything he had been feeling since Elijah's death, Jaz's capture, and Preach's coma. All the anger, the frustration, the helplessness, and the sadness that he had only let out in short bursts and with only a few people. Seeing the dawning understanding in her eyes took a lot of the wind out of his sails, but not enough.
"Don't you ever do that again," he whispered harshly.
"I was protecting the team from walking into a trap," she countered quietly.
"You do not put yourself in those positions when my team is involved. You do not improvise without clearing it with me first."
"I was protecting your team," she repeated as he grew more agitated. She kept her voice level, despite the slight hurt she felt, not raising her voice to meet his agitation.
Adam moved around the table and stood toe to toe with his sister. He looked her in the eye and repeated, "You became a part of that team when you called me. You do not improvise. That is my job."
"Adam, I made you a promise when you got here. I would not put this team in harm's way. I put the body cam on and the wire, so you knew what was going on. I went in armed and I was careful. I wasn't going to risk the team on a hunch. You sent Jaz and Amir as back up and I appreciate that, but I do this all the time. That is my job," she insisted once more.
This was apparently the wrong thing to say, the anger and the fear that had finally been cooling off sparked again and Adam saw red. "Then next time do not call me or my team. I won't watch another member of my team be taken, hurt or killed," he bit out barely above a whisper. He stepped away from her and stared at his sister with resignation.
Andy swallowed hard. She wanted to huff away, but the heartbreak in his voice stopped her. This wasn't about what she had done, but what he had already seen. "Adam, I'm sorry I worried you," she whispered because she didn't trust her voice to remain steady. She went to stand in front of him and look him in the eyes once again. She wanted to make sure he heard what she had to say.
"You said to me once that I wasn't alone when you were around. I just wanted to make sure you would still be able to be around. You are all I have left, and you need to understand where I'm coming from. You and the family you built with this team are the people I fight for every day. I fight to make sure you don't have to be called in and put in danger, so you and your team can go back to the families that you fight for every day. I don't want you to lose more than you already have. One person versus a team of people risking their lives? The math is in my favor on this one. I'm an orphan, I have no kids, and the one person I loved cared more about revenge than me," the emotion clogged her throat and she swallowed to clear it, "The thought of my mistakes costing you any one of these people you care for is more than I can take. So, I'm not going to apologize for doing my job and protecting them. Protecting you," she stated quietly. She took a deep breath and made sure he understood that she was trying to keep him safe.
Adam looked at his baby sister, he hadn't been there when she was growing up, he had never had to protect her from bullies, never had to protect her from their father, and when she had asked for his help she hadn't needed him to protect her. It was just as it had always been, she only needed him to be there, so she wasn't alone. He never entertained the idea that she was the one trying to protect him.
Andy held her brother's gaze for a minute, turned silently and left the room, heading straight for the door. She needed to get out. The room was suffocating her, and she had never meant to make a confession. It revealed too many things, and she didn't want to draw pity, and she was afraid that was what her brother would give her. She had made peace with her choices years before and had been okay with never having the family Preach had so long ago asked her if she wanted. She knew that Adam would have people waiting for him on the other side of this whenever he decided to give it up.
She made it down the block and looked up to the hotel they were using as a cover for Jaz and Adam and she called Marcus to come pick her up. He met her out front and climbed into the SUV without him asking any questions. A few tears managed to escape as she stared out the window on the drive back to the house, but she quickly swiped them away. She had a mission to complete. With or without her brother's team, she was getting those girls out and home.
They had all seen Andy leave from their perch on the stairs, they would never admit to eavesdropping, but they had wanted to be able to offer support where it was needed. If Andy saw them as she exited the building, she didn't let on. They had heard every word she had said to Top. Jaz had glanced at Amir and felt sympathy for him knowing that Andy didn't realize that Amir was still in love with her. They had all felt the weight of what Andy was willing to sacrifice and, on some level, they had always been fighting for the same thing: to protect the people they cared about and who had grown to care about them in return.
Adam felt her leave and couldn't move. He had always thought that if she had ever called him in, it would be to rescue her. She didn't need the rescue, the lives she was protecting needed the rescue. Germany made more sense after her confession. Andy hadn't called for the help, she had been willing to die because she thought no one needed her any more. She never needed rescuing, never needed to be protected and only asked for help when there were others that needed it.
Preach came to stand beside him and he looked to his friend. "Was she right about the trap?" Adam questioned. Preach nodded and showed him the images she had captured of the bombs and the detonators. He knew that she had had bomb disposal training, but he and Preach were the experts and would need to diffuse them before the party the following night.
"Look Adam, all Andy ever wanted was family, but the one thing that she still hasn't learned is that sometimes you have to choose the people you call family because most of the time, they've already chosen you," he offered looking pointedly at the group huddled on the stairs.
Adam looked to his team and realized they had heard the whole conversation with Andy. Amir refused to look him in the eye, McG and Jaz both kept glancing at Amir, and Preach simply looked like he was waiting for them to do something.
"Jaz, McG, get some sleep, you both have to be up early in the morning. Amir hang tight for a minute. Preach, make sure she gets back in one piece," he offered up the orders as a default. He needed the space to think, but first he needed to address the elephant in the room. He motioned for Amir to follow him into the room where they had held Dimitri and looked at his invisible man trying hard to actually be invisible.
"Top, I…" Amir started to say, but Top held up a hand to stop him.
"She never told you how she felt about you going in deep with ISIS, did she?" he asked knowing that if he were in his sister's position, he would have held back as well. She would step aside for anyone if that is what she thought they needed. Amir shook his head. "She probably never wanted you to know that she felt that way. We probably have more in common than we care to admit, but was she right?"
"Yes, and no. When I met her, it stopped being about revenge until the day they made me shoot her," he explained. Adam nodded in understanding and motioned for him to leave the room. Amir sighed knowing that he needed to talk to Andy. He realized that there were mistakes he had blindly made when the opportunity to go after the people who had organized the bombing that had killed his sister. He left the room and kept Preach company for the duration of the evening.
Once Adam was alone, he sat heavily in the chair facing the door and scrubbed his hands over his face, trying to force his brain to focus on the things he could control at the moment. The mission was the important thing as they would be stepping off shortly, but he couldn't get Andy's words out of his head.
"One person versus a team of people risking their lives? The math is in my favor on this one."
He had no doubt in his mind that the next night, Andy would do whatever it took to make sure his team got out in one piece. He was no longer the final stop between his team and the enemy, his sister had stepped in front because she felt she had the least to lose. He put his head in his hands and wondered when she had become the one protecting everyone else.
"I'm not asking you to take care of me. I know you already have two other sisters and that your other sister died because of our father. You don't know me, and you don't need me tagging along interrupting your family. I get it. I have taken care of myself this far and I will continue to do so."
His answer was clear, it started the day he met her. She had told him flat out that she didn't need to be taken care of, that she didn't want to interrupt his family. He had called the team his family, including the man she had once loved. He had promised her she wasn't alone and that he would always find her. She had been the one to find him and this was the first time she had asked him to return the gesture.
Jaz glanced into the dark room and saw Top sitting quietly on his own. He was so lost in his thoughts, he didn't even glance up at her until she was sitting in front of him. He looked at her and it was the first time in all the years she had known him, that she could read clearly the emotions he was feeling.
"You know I realized something tonight," he started softly. He was studying her face like he had that night by the bonfire after Tehran. "In thirteen years of knowing Andy was my sister, I've never told her that I love her. My other sisters I tell all the time, but I've never told Andy that. The day I met her I remember feeling this weight of responsibility when I realized she wasn't lying about who she was and my relationship to her. She was stubborn and called me every night for two weeks; peppered me with questions about my life. After that deployment, I was a mess. She was one of the ones that helped pull me out of it by giving me a purpose. Since then? She has never asked for anything, but for family, but I have never told her I loved her and was proud to have her as my sister." The regret in Top's voice broke her heart a little because she knew he regretted very little in his life.
"She is used to only feeling disappointment when it comes to family. A father and sisters that didn't want her and a mother that died when she was still young. She's used to being alone because alone means you can't be disappointed. If you're alone, there is no one to let you down. You can surround yourself with people you care about and still keep your distance because it is easier than them disappointing you. You are probably the only one in her life who hasn't disappointed her," Jaz offered looking him in the eye. Apparently, he was not the only one that felt the need to confess.
"You aren't alone anymore," he stated quietly, making sure she was looking him in the eye when he said it. She nodded, and they sat in silence while he thought of everything to come the next day.