A Kiss in Ba Sing Se

[A/N: The past has arisen and now Zuko is confronted with one of the worst things he had ever committed. Time has past but the past is still

present in his mind and the mind of his victim.

What will he do and will he try and live up to his new image?

Disclaimer: I do not own the Avatar: The Last Airbender

Enjoy.

Comment if you wish. All feedback is welcomed.]

Chapter 65

Bitter Recollections

The Fire Lord quickly stood to his feet. Even though it had been years, the memory of the gentle yet bold girl had never left his mind, nor what he had done to her that fateful night.

"Eh, Jin," he spoke out softly, "...why would I take her away from you? Why would I ever do such a horrible thing to you of all people?" he asked genuinely attempting a benevolent smile.

"He knows her?" he could hear a voice murmur in surprise from the crowd gathered in the room. "How does the Fire Lord know a street trollop like her?" another voice posed.

Zuko glared over at the small mob and all the disdaining voices at once fell silent.

As for Jin, fear was replaced by sheer anger as she stomped across the room to get into his face. Actually he stood head and shoulders taller than her now. She had to peer up from his broad chest into his golden eyes. Her heart began to beat wildly as she started to speak. "By Earth you know what you did! For a man to do, what you did to me, what can't you do?" she asked though gritted teeth. "You-you know what you did... don't deny it!" she repeated pointing her finger into his face. "But, I guess that was no big deal for the future Fire Lord... our might conqueror, right? Who cares about making a fool of a stupid peasant girl and then tossing her away like so much trash in the night? Why should a king be ashamed to admit he's turned a maiden into a whore, Lee?" she asked this time pounding a fist onto his chest. "I guess it'sbetter than using your hand! Probably all the same to you royals," Jin growled with obvious loathing in her heated, whispered voice.

Zuko swallowed hard as he felt his heart move up into his throat. There was no avoiding or getting around the truth of what she was reminding him of. He had to clear his throat with a small cough before he started to speak. "I-I looked for you after the city was liberated Jin, honestly I did," he exclaimed in a shaking voice. "For months I went back to that little tea shop and that fountain asking if anyone had seen you. There must be 1000 Jins in Ba Sing Se alone..." he stated sincerely through his trembling voice.

She did not find any comfort in his words as she stepped even closer until they were standing but a breath apart. "Hard to be out and about when you're big with child or in the pangs of giving birth, milord," she commented in a ragged tone only he could hear. "Sorry but she was born 2 months early. midwife said if she was a weaker child she would have died," Jin informed him as her tears fell freely. "Stress they said caused her to come early. Do you know, can you possibly imagine what it's like to be called an 'Ash Whore', by your own mother and kin, milord? Only my father said a child is a child. He alone stood by me until he he was killed by one of your precious occupation soldiers as an example!" she screamed out. "I wish I would have never met you!"

Zuko almost physically felt the sting of her words as he closed his eyes recalling the bitterest day of his life and the many people he betrayed that day. He visualized Iroh, Aang, Katara and mostly intimately, the woman that now stood before him, Jin. He felt sick to his stomach and wanted to just run away but understood there was nowhere to go. He looked over at the little girl that stood over by Lei, the evidence was far too conclusive and damning.

Almost 6 Six Years Prior:

Zuko felt so much confusion as he stood next to the throne of the now fleeing Earth King, Kuie, that he really couldn't focus. Atop it sat his arrogant younger sister, and the mastermind of the coupédete that toppled the naïve and pompous monarch from the inside. She had gained control of his own secret service and then beheaded his army by capturing his five top generals. It was a masterful stroke, even one Zuko could see the brilliance in. However, the final piece was the striking down of the Avatar, assuring the Fire Nation's inevitable victory and rule for years to come, if not forever.

Azula, as beautiful as she was deadly, savored her victory as she thought of how she was going to share an evening romp with her newly reunited brother. Seeing how he fought in the crystal caves had really excited her and assured her of his sincerity when he fought the water peasant. "I can finally trust you again Zuzu. We can share the throne and start a dynasty the likes the world has never seen!" she thought letting her incestuous scheme run rampant in her mind. "Sorry Mai, it's the harem for you," she tittered to herself as she softly bit at the side of her index finger in anticipation of the night. "You've grown so much, I can hardly wait!"

As the shadows lengthen in the throne room, Zuko was lost in far less amorous thoughts. "What happened to 'Azula always lies,' and how could I trust trust her now?",ran through his mind as he gazed over at the impish grin on her face. It caused him to shudder inside as he recounted almost being captured on that ship with a promise of returning. "Is this another trap and I fell for it?" he pondered as a dull headache appeared. "Your thinking too hard Zuko and her mouth is only good for one thing," he told himself as he sighed deeply.

"Today you have restored your own honor," Azula had said with her hand on his shoulder so confidently earlier. He couldn't forget how she added a gently massage to the mix that made his heart flutter as in the old days. He scoffed inwardly, "Like you know what true honor really is sister. Nothing we did today had any semblance of honor," he told himself. "So what have I done? Just paid my father's price to go home after costing him the North Pole?" he questioned once more. "I guess Ba Sing Se and the Avatar is a fair trade."

Zuko slowly rubbed his forehead, "Azula... I have to go," he told her suddenly feeling as though the distant walls of the throne room were closing in on him..

"But why Zuzu? I have a little private celebration planned for just the two of us, you know, in my quarters. It's been forever since you and I really, 'talked' alone dear brother," she replied, almost in a natural voice letting her tongue play briefly upon the rise of her top lip as she sent her secret message.. "Wouldn't you like that?"

Although she sounded just fine to most, he could detect the aggravation in her voice she was trying to hide. She didn't like being disappointed, and in this regard, he didn't mind meeting her expectations, but right now his mind was far too vexed. The restored Fire Prince could only gaze down at the ornate marble flooring. "Maybe later Azula. I-I just need to clear my head you know, and gather my thoughts, Everything has happened so fast, especially with uncle..."

Azula face formed into a tight frown. "He's a traitor to our nation and to our father, his own brother, pure and simple. Zuzu! When are you going to accept that?" she exclaimed as she stood to look her brother in the eye. "Face it, he could have taken this city ages ago but instead dishonored himself and the sacrifice of our cousin Lu Ten by lifting that glorious siege. We have now been allowed by Agni himself to let Lu Ten's spirit and all those others who fell in battle know the peace and victory they were deprived of by his cowardice! Plus, dear brother, don't forget, you two would have been eventually thrown into that dungeon at the bottom of this forsaken place if you would have kept trusting that old fat fool! It was only a matter of time before someone recognized the Dragon of the West or the Fire Lord's son."

He turned his eyes away from hers and she read the angst that resonated across his weary expression. "Oh Zuzu. It's only natural that you have developed some amount of affection for the old fuddy duddy after so long with him. Even I find myself pulled in my his supple charms at times. Take it from me, he was living his pathetic life through you," she told him as her expression softened and she began to massage his stiff shoulder once again. "Tell you what. Go out there brother, the city is ours. Do what you want and then come back to me! To the victor, the spoils. Take a big fat purse with you and remember, the locals don't know we are their masters yet. Enjoy yourself and even get a little practice in by plowing a few doe-eyed maidens. From the looks of you, you haven't had a sound release in a while. What does father say, 'Empty sacks lead to a clear mind,' That should sweeten your grumpy disposition I think." Azula remarked with a wanton smile as she signaled one of the Dai Li who handed the Fire Prince a coin belt. From the weight of it he could tell it was loaded.

Azula leaned into his ear, "Just remember where you're sleeping tonight... Zuzu. I'll have a bath waiting. Its been far too long and I think a little skinship is in order," she whispered nipping his earlobe.

He nodded tilting his head her way. "I'll be back," he replied tapping her lightly on the hip. The siblings took a moment to stare into each others eyes, exchanging a complex series of emotions before he turned and left the immense throne room.

The Fire Princess raised a finger once he was out of sight. The same agent that had given him the belt was at her feet. "Follow him," Azula ordered sternly. "But do not interfere with his plans. Make sure he has everything or anyone he desires. He of course... is my dear brother and should be rewarded for returning to the fold."

"Yes your Majesty," the agent replied with a deeper bow as he silently retreated from the room, two others following after.

Zuko felt like his mind was slipping away as he wandered from the Palace Compound that was now in the firm control of the Fire Nation. He knew the plans for next day. The Earth Kingdom armies would be confined to their barracks as the mighty walls of Ba Sing Se, the Impenetrable City, would come down without a single fire-ball being launched. "What a great victory, they'll say back home," he thought in a mocking tone. "Well, all it took was the betrayal of a good man and the death of a twelve-year-old boy," he sighed under his breath.

He felt his stomach churn once again as his head still spun filled with the caustic memories.

Now a series of faces played through his mind. He could see the disappointment in his uncle's face when the Dai Li lead him away. The hurt in the Water Tribe's girl's eyes, those penetrating blue eyes, when he attacked them. They seemed to scorch down to his very soul. It played over and over again in his mind.

"Dammit! Why did I trust you Azula and sell my soul to such a heartless witch?" he question once more. "Are we that much one flesh still? It's been over two years," he recalled to himself. Still he didn't like how she smirked and gloated in Iroh's face just a few hours before, calling him a coward and traitor... once he was secured, of course.

All Zuko had now for his effort was questions and this incredible feeling of emptiness. The emptiness was almost as dark as the night sky as he left the confines of the Imperial Compound. Here the demons seemed to surface once more in his tortured mind. "You know, Azula will never let you make it to the throne alive," the voice of the red dragon rang out into his thoughts.

"I am the rightful heir!" Zuko shouted to no one on the empty street. "We-we'll see about that... when the time comes!" he vowed as he began to run.

He stopped suddenly taking in several deep breaths. "I-I just want my father to accept me!" he thought holding his head. "But, I've still failed! I haven't brought him the Avatar... or at least his body. Damn that girl, snatching him away! I don't know if he'll believe that Azula killed him. He might just put me back on another Agni forsaken ship and send me out to find proof. This time I'd be all by myself," Zuko sighed in distress, as he continued to walk aimlessly into the night.

"Stupid old man," Zuko started to muttered. "If you really wanted to help people, you should have become the Fire Lord," he growled to himself. "You could have made things like you wanted them to be and no one could have stopped you." He pulled a hand through his thick hair, "Maybe Azula was right, you were just too weak after Lu Ten died. It took the fight right out of you didn't it? You could have been the conqueror of Ba Sing Se instead of her. Stupid old man, you lost that honor! its like father says… only the crafty and the strong have the right to rule."

The young prince started pacing in a circle, muttering to himself between loud curses.

"I have to get back to being me... the old me," Zuko thought as he anxiously rubbed his hands together. . In his mind, he was feeling conflicted by the pangs of guilt and he knew he had to get rid of these crippling feeling. "I have to be... no, I must be, more like you sister," he finally said out loud. "If you are the perfect daughter, then I will be the perfect son. This Zuko, the kind and gentle tea server will be no more," he proclaimed to himself triumphantly. "I am the son of Ozai and I need a... no, I need a sacrifice to remember who I am! Something, ah... someone, that will prove that I'm nothing like you old man!" he declared shaking his fist towards the sky.

Zuko could feel the coldness creep into his heart as a wicked grin creased his dry lips.

He stopped and took a look around. He didn't recognize the area. "Well uncle, you did want me to get to know her better... and I guess for once, I'll take your advice, just probably not the way you meant it," he snickered as he hailed a cab.

Present Day:

"Look at me!" Jin demanded slapping his chest loudly. "I said look at me, you, you, ... Coward!" she yelled garnering the attention of all in the room, including the Fire Nation guards at had come in with the crowd.

Before anyone of them could make a move towards her, Zuko raised his hand. "Leave her be! No one, and I do mean no one is to interfere," he ordered looking about the room.

His men and women instantly formed a line between the couple and the awestruck crowd. Lei and Vahnijaya stood off to the side of both groups with the small girl clinging to the lady's skirt. "It'll be okay little one," she whispered reassuringly to the shaking child. "He'll make everything better, you'll see."

Vahnijaya kept her eyes fixed upon her mother but nodded that she had heard Lei's comforting words.

Zuko surveyed the scene once more before he looked down into the time worn face of the woman that still had her hands upon him. Memories, complex and bitter cascaded into his mind as his eyes welled up with tears and began to stream down his heated cheeks.

"Wh-why are you crying, did I prick your pride that much, Fire Lord? she asked as her own jade eyes began to glisten and stream. "I-I probably won't live out this day will I?" she asked tentatively realizing that she just struck a royal. "B-but I have to tell you, I didn't deserve what you did to me. No one deserved that Lee," she said, again her voice dropping into a trembling whisper. "If you have me killed, please remember, she's your child and she's an innocent! She has no one else to take care of her. All my relatives have forsaken us plus they call her a monster. I don't want her living her life tainted like that!"

Zuko gazed at her in disbelief as he dropped to his knees. "I'm so, so, sorry for what I did to you Jin," he cried as his hands covered his face. "I'm so ashamed of myself an-and you should hate me... want to see me dead in fact. I accept that," the monarch remarked as he choked on his own words. "But Jin, I did search for you. I even had my people looking all over this city for you, and I couldn't find a single trace, I swear by Agni's beard! I-I thought maybe you had moved away or didn't survive the occupation!"

Jin frowned deeply. "Oh, I survived and I know of the rapes, beatings and torture done by your precious benevolent occupation forces, especially on the lower rings. I was one of the fortunate who were able to get a position as a maid in one of your administrator's homes or I would have surely had first hand experience... again," she seethed raggedly crossing her arms.

The Fire Lord sat back on his heels softly rubbing his brow. "I can't change the past. I did... what I did to you. You pleaded with me to stop, and I still..."

Jin covered his mouth with both hands as she leaned close to his ear. "Say no more of that night aloud. Vahnijaya believes her father and I had a loving relationship. I told her you were a wonderful man," she whispered heatedly as their cheeks rubbed. "This is why I have been so hushed." she explained releasing her hands.

Zuko took hold of her upper arms as he stood. "I understand Jin. Let me make this up to you, and her. That the least I can do after so many years," he request as his jaw trembled. "You have every right to hate me and want to see me dead, I still recall that icicle. But I really have changed and I swear, even if it takes my entire life, I will prove it to you!" he declared taking in a deep breath and bringing her into a full hug.

Jin's eyes almost doubled in size. "Lee, what are you doing? Let go of me. I'm not some naive little girl anymore. You changed all that!" she stated as she tried to extricate herself from his almost superhuman hold.

He slowly released her. "Again, I'm so sorry for ruining that precious girl," he replied biting his lower lip. "I hope she's still in there, somewhere. Jin, will you let me help you?" he asked wiping at the stream of tears that soaked his collar.

The scullery maid looked deeply into his eyes and then over at her daughter. "It has been a hard life for my girl. I told myself the next time I saw you, I would try my best to kill you Lee..."

"Zuko, my name is Zuko," he corrected her.

She nodded. "I knew that. But in my mind, you're still that bastard Lee," she breathed out. "Funny, I don't even want to kill you as much right now."

Zuko raised a hand. "Capt. Ming, your dagger please," he ordered.

Without hesitation the Fire Nation officer unsheathed and tossed him the long lethal weapon.

"As I said Jin, you have the right to want me dead. Here, take this," he said placing the carved hilt in her hand.

She let it slip from her hand to the floor with a loud clang. "Are you crazy! I could never do such a thing you idiot! I loved you... I still..." her voice faded as she looked down. "Forget it. I forgive you, Lee, I mean Zuko. You must have been beating yourself up pretty bad to put a dagger in my hands," Jin sighed as she shook her head.

He bent over and picked up the blade, tossing it back to its owner as he smiled. "I knew you were still there Jin, The gentle girl that this stupid world couldn't change. No matter how hard you tried to be, your eyes kept saying something else," Zuko remarked as he stared into her weathered face.

Jin's cheeks lit up a bright red. 'Milord, why are you staring at me like this. I look so pitiful," she mentioned as she combed her hand through a loose strand of hair.

Zuko spun her around to face the small inquisitive crowd that had grown considerably since their talk began. "You look beautiful... Baroness," he said in a booming voice for all to hear.

She felt her heart almost stop as she slowly turned her head to look at him once more. "Baroness? But I'm no noble milord. I'm only common folk and..."

"The mother of my first child," he interjected beaming with pride as he gazed over at the little girl. "Jin, she's a princess. That makes you royalty as well," he explained still addressing everyone in the room at the same time.

Suddenly several people ran for the door causing a slight pile up before they squeezed through. "The king and queen must hear of this!" one of them shouted as he lead the rush.

'Hear that you dweebs! I'm a first rate princess!" Jaya announced placing her hands on her small hips. 'Bow before me you peasants!"

Zuko pinched the bridge of his nose. "Yep, no doubt about it. She's my kid!" he confirmed with a little chuckle.

"Sweeties, don't talk to people like that," Jin corrected her still in shock herself.