I never asked for much in this world. I never had a real reason to. The majority of my life, well… I spent it inside of a hospital bed. Staring out the windows to the world below. I always wanted to be a part of that world. But I was born weak. I was born in a life that wasn't meant to walk along side others. Since I was young, I had been told I wouldn't live long. Every year was another miracle. Every day was another accomplishment. Every time I could hold down my food was a blessing. I've grown accustomed to the sounds of medical equipment. I've been hooked up to so many machines, had so many tests run on me… None of it phases me any more. I'm surprised that I've grown so much. I'm surprised that I can still stand. I'm surprised that I can walk. I barely hold weight. My muscles are so weak. Everyone thinks I'm so strong… But I know the truth. I'm so very, very weak.
"It's a trial period..." The doctor was explaining to my parents, who sat in two comfortably large chairs as he stood before them. "If you would all agree, we can admit Kisara into testing immediately. She would be the first to have the treatment done, and everything would have to remain extremely confidential. While we have the approval of the CDC and the FDAAAA, we must be honest and upfront with the fact that we do not know what causes the T-Cells to read MR1 proteins and recognize which cells are cancerous." "You see, this cell wasn't originally designed for the purpose of curing cancers, but it was stumbled upon by accident while attempting to use immune cells, called T-Cells, to fight lots of different bacterias. Instead of the T-Cell just killing infections and bacterias, one was particularly aggressive and killed the entire cancer cells. We've already successfully reported the T-Cells completely worked against: lung cancer, colon cancer, bone cancer, breast cancer, blood cancer, skin cancer. All of them, the T-Cells killed, and left the healthy cells alone."
"If all works out… Then the question of 'when' will be delayed. Perhaps even double the amount of time she has. I know she was expected to pass years ago… But those words could potentially vanish as a whole." I sat in the hospital bed, staring out the window, looking to the large building in the distance. My parents brought me to this hospital when I was little. When I was diagnosed with Multiple myeloma, I was given roughly four years to live. They gave me everything I could have asked for. Everything, except a promise of more time, or to get better. I always expected to get worse.
"What do you think, honey?" My mother was asking my father. I didn't turn to look at them. "It's not really up to us at this point… I think it sounds wonderful, but it's Kisara's choice." This was the first promising news they could give me. This was the first test they say could actually cure me, but they tried to avoid actually using those words in the event the treatment failed. I didn't blame them. My death had been delayed time and time again. "What do you say, Kisara?" My mother asked me. I turned my head to them, chills running down my arms. It felt cold in here, more so than usual. I struggled to breathe normally. That was typical though. I pressed my hands together and averted my view to the frame of the hospital bed. I was feeling better from the last treatment. Treatment after treatment has gotten me to where I am today. My parents were lucky to be able to afford to continue getting me treatment. But where some where great for my health, others were… Let's just say I don't know how I managed to make it this far in life. "I..." This one felt more serious to think about.
Most times, I would quickly answer "yes" or "no." Hearing side effects normally persuaded me towards or away tests. But this one didn't sound bad. It gave off a vibe of being "too good to be true." At this point in my life, I didn't know what I had to lose though. I swallowed in my painful breath. "I want to try it…" Nineteen years I have lived like this. Nineteen long years that I have struggled with the question: Why am I alive? I never could find an answer. Why am I still fighting? Perhaps for my parents sake. But they had my older sister and brother. They could have gave up on me at any time… They didn't need to be spending every day here with me when their other children were living their lives to their fullest. My father missed my sister's wedding to be here when I was undergoing a new treatment that had ultimately failed. My siblings hardly ever visit me… I'm honestly shocked that I haven't been abandoned by them entirely. I sometimes wonder if they resent me…
"If you decide against it, we will completely understand. You'd be the first person to try this treatment out." The doctor trotted in the side of the bed, my eyes now focused on him. "Don't hesitate to say no. I want you to live a normal life. I want you to live. But I can sense your fear." He was a kind doctor. He had been for the past three years that he's helped this family. He was sincere in every possible way. "I want to do this." I told him, staring him in the eyes. And that smile returned to his face. "That's what I like to hear."
I came out of my treatment feeling refined and fresh. I didn't struggle to walk today, though my mother had me hold her arm in case I felt faint. But… I had energy that I hadn't know before. My skin felt warm for the first time in a long time. I had an actual appetite again. "What can I eat…?" I asked my mother as we walked to the elevator. She stared at me with surprise. "Well well. That's something I hadn't heard before. Heh. We can stop and pick up something small from the cafeteria if you'd like." "Yeah!" The energy was flowing through me. What was this miracle cure that I was going through?
I went in for treatment three times a week after that first time. Two months had passed since that day. I was eating more and more every day. I was standing and walking around more. I wasn't vomiting any longer. Even though I was still weak, I felt strength filling my limbs. "I have good new for you all today!" The doctor entered my room. It was full in here today. My mother, father, brother, sister, her husband, and her four year old son were all here today. Just for this. This news that we would be hearing for the first time since trials began and my treatment commenced. This was the day that we all hoped and prayed for. But I didn't have my hopes up. "Kisara Adrian. Today, for the first time since you were admitted, can officially release you from Otome Hospital. Of course, you will need to continue coming in three times a week until the cancer cells have completely cleared up." You could see the light in his eyes shine as he spoke. "We do recommend that you do your best not to stress yourself and take it easy."
My heart skipped a beat. My mother burst into tears as my dad pulled her close to his chest. Even though there was just the few of us here, it felt like a crowd was cheering for me. My brother and sister hugged me, not too tightly, but just enough to feel squished. My nephew climbed up onto the bed, also making his way over to hug me. I felt stunned. I never expected to hear those words. My eyes swelled up as the tears started over flowing. I was so happy that I merely screamed as I cried streams of joy. "Thank… you…!" I hugged my nephew tightly as my siblings released their hugs.