Thank you to all of the readers who have read, favorited, and commented on this story. Due to a new mommy break, all my writing took a backseat. As of late, I have found my mojo to get back into the swing of things and will be updating as much as I possibly can. Sorry for the ridiculously long delay ._.
Once we managed to get our horses tied up, Eren couldn't stop spouting from his mouth. I don't blame him though, Erwin and Levi both kept this from us, so that meant someone in the corps could be a spy. Even though it made sense as to why they kept most of us in the dark, it felt a little off putting that the commander was willing to sacrifice so many lives to find out who one person was. I couldn't help but sit quietly chewing the inside of my cheek. I had a gut wrenching feeling that I was going to get pegged in some of this blame in some way.
A guttural, monstrous scream belted through the air, putting us all off guard. Was that the titan we caught? Blue smoke rose from the tree line signaling retreat.
"That's our que, saddle up people!"
Everyone began checking their gas and adjusting their gear, getting ready to roll out.
"Oluo, Petra, I gotta hand it to ya, for someone who wet themselves their first time out, you've come along way!" Eld yelled as we swung through the trees.
"HA, that's amazing!" I blurted as Petra turned red and screamed in embarrassment.
"I thought we agreed never to speak of it again!" Petra yelled back.
"Don't worry Petra, I won't make fun of you too much." I winked, getting a nasty glare in my direction. The bickering continued, my giggles getting louder as we moved through the trees. A hooded figure raced beside us, catching us off guard. Gunter was the first to be hit; the hooded figured slicing him down and leaving him hanging upside down from the trees in one quick scoop. There was no way he was alive, that was for certain. Eren called out his name before realizing the inevitable. I grit my teeth, shooting my 3DMG towards the figure, quickly, though they were much quicker in escaping my advance.
"Who is that?" Petra yelled as the hooded figure came in behind us now. We had no time to react, all of us questioning if this was the female titan. Our suspicions confirmed as she transformed before our eyes, making our hasty retreat even that more serious. Eren tried his damned hardest to turn and fight but the bickering of this group and their trust kept up. Eld, Oluo and Petra turned to face the titan after convincing Eren to continue on.
"Alessa, keep Eren safe!" Eld yelled, as they began to attack the Titan. I nodded; the pit of my stomach heavy with the situation. I had 2 choices now…I could kill Eren now and could even blame it on the female titan…or I could keep him safe. I grit my teeth as the Levi Squad fought bravely against the titan, incapacitating her for the time being.
Eld attacked her face, the female titan biting him in half in an instant. Shit, we need to turn around. The crash of Petra getting slammed into the tree made my heart stop for a moment.
"PETRA!" I screamed involuntarily as I watched Oluo join the other fallen members of the squad. Eren and I both stood dazed for a moment taking it all in.
"I WILL KILL YOU!" Eren screamed transforming before I could react.
"EREN NO!" I yelled, but he was already running in his titan form towards the female titan. Shit, shit, shit! I pulled myself up to one of the tree branches as the two titans started to battle it out. I had never seen anything like this, both of them completely feral as their fists swung through the air. I caught a glimpse of Levi as he came through the trees, his eyes locked on Petra's corpse. My heart sunk, this girl whom I've grown to befriend and cherished in my own way…she was gone that fast. The immense screams coming from Eren's titan gave me shivers, confirming how bad I needed to kill him. He could turn on any of us just like whoever the female titan was. His existence was too risky. I shot my 3DMG in his direction, moving as quickly as I could to wipe him out.
A hard kick to my side sent me flying sideways into a nearby tree. Captain Levi glared down at me, landing next to me, his sword at my throat.
"You will not touch him." I growled at him, knocking his sword away and lunging at him.
"He could kill us all! Don't get in my fucking way!" I screamed, swinging my own sword. He sidestepped me, hitting me hard in the back of the head, forcing me to my knees. I definitely saw stars for a moment.
"I told you not to get up. One more time and I kill you." His voice was cold and I could feel his sword against the nape of my neck. My eyes finally found their focus, Petra, Oluo, Eld and Gunter coming into focus. My heart stung at the sight. I never cared for the death of people, mostly it was just what happened or needed to happen. My short time being here with the corps had proven that they had a tremendous effect on me if I was this distressed by their deaths. I could feel the hot tears stream my face, a foreign feeling that I definitely wasn't used to. I couldn't help but let out a scream as I punched the dirt. My tears fell from my cheeks, into the dirt; my hand throbbing slightly from the punch.
The blade that was once at my neck slowly moved away. I turned to look back at the Captain who also had a look of disdain. He truly cared for his squad, and he truly believed Eren would help humanity. For a cold natured ass, I couldn't bring myself to fight him right then. Both of our defenses down, enemies on normal circumstances, needing to fight together to survive this chaos brought upon us.
A loud bang snapped both of our attention back to Eren. The female titan let out a punch, decapitating half of Eren's titan head, and snapping a tree in the process. Levi and I stared surprised, as the female titan bit down on his neck, pulling him into her mouth.
"Eren, NO!" Mikasa's voice rang through the forest. She swung through the trees manically; determined to get Eren back. Levi and I sprang into pursuit, knowing Mikasa was going to get herself killed if she acted alone.
"Leave Eren alone." I didn't respond but I followed him regardless. As Mikasa went in for another strike, Levi managed to grab her.
"Maintain distance for now…" Eren may not have survived. Mikasa looked even more pissed, but she truly believes he was still alive. That meant that the female titan didn't want to kill him, but maybe wanted to turn him to her side. I now had even more reason to kill that boy.
The new plan of getting Eren out alive was going to be tough, especially if I didn't kill him myself. But, having Levi AND Mikasa there, my chances of survival were highly unlikely, so my only option was to help. Levi went about bringing her defenses down, but Mikasa being stupid went for her nape. I flew towards Mikasa pulling her out of there.
"He said don't take her down." I growled, as Levi sliced the female titan's mouth open, pulling Levi to safety.
"I get that you love him, but don't do anything crazy." Mikasa kept quiet, as we pulled out of there. We managed to get back to our horses and the rest of the corps, readying ourselves for the venture back. My eyes scanned the corpses that were there, landing on Petra. It felt as though I had a frog in my throat. I tried to swallow some water but the tears threatened another escape. I turned to my horse, a few stray tears pushing their way through.
"You really cared for them didn't you?" Levi's voice broke the sorrow silence.
"I don't know how you all did it, Captain. I've never felt emotions like this in my entire life." He stared at my face for a long moment.
"It means you actually have a heart. It's a shitty feeling, but cherish it." I looked over at him confused but he had already started to walk away. It was time to start our venture back. We rode fast, but the red flare shooting through the sky meant bad news. Shit, what could it be this time? We're out in the open…
Titans began to gain on us, many soldiers getting captured and eaten as they started to close the distance. What the hell is going on? I noticed the two dopes who were screaming earlier about getting their dead friend's corpse. You damn idiots! I thought to myself. How the hell were we going to get out of this…bodies flying through the air made me realize how. They were taking off the extra weight by dumping the bodies…
"PETRA!" I screamed as her body rolled over the ground.
"Keep moving." Levi's voice was harsh, but as I turned to argue, I saw it in his face too. It was not the decision he wanted to make. He had to do what was needed. I bit my tongue and followed back towards the wall. How in the world did they do this all the time? I heard many stories about the Survey Corpse, and a lot of it was about how they lose so many people and people questioning whether they were worth it. Now, to see them and what they go through…to see them lose their loved ones, their family and closest friends…I get it. I thought about my brother and what choices we would have made in these situations. Would we have been able to get through it? Would we have been better people for it. Guilt started to build in my chest as I watched Mikasa and Eren. Her concern for her childhood friend, her love, even with what he was, she had truly believed he was a good person. She believed in him and fought by his side to protect him with every ounce of her being.
I was starting to regret this decision. It was certainly easier to just torture information out of people and collect debts. It was easier to live day to day without much thought to the titans and people being eaten by them. I came here for a purpose and my purpose was starting to look stupid. I gripped the reigns of my horse tighter. I had no one here now that Petra was gone. She was my closest friend in this sea of emotions called the Survey Corps. I regret not truly getting to know her now. The only other person who knew anything about me was Captain Levi…and I couldn't help but wonder about what was going through his mind at this time. He could've certainly killed me in that forest and called it a day. Was he tired of people dying all around him?
We finally came to a quiet clearing, able to regain our bearings and regroup before the last stretch to the wall. Everyone was spread out; solemn looks etched into their faces. I found the one I was looking for though, walking slowly towards him.
"Captain…do you have a minute?" Levi looked up at me, the stress of the day wearing heavily on his face. This was probably the first time I really seen him have any sort of emotion. He didn't respond but I continued anyway. "How do you do it?" He looked a bit confused by my words. "How do you lose people so much and keep on doing what you do?" He took a deep breath, his hand gently caressing the neck of his horse.
"It's not easy, but the hope that we all can make a difference for the sake of humanity is what drives me. I want to rid the world of the titans and push towards a better future, and if people I care about die fighting that same cause, I would gladly lay down my life with theirs so long as we made a difference." I bit my lip, pushing myself to say my next sentence without crying.
"Captain…I'm sorry." His head snapped in my direction, eyes wide with surprise. "I'm sorry for everything…I don't want to continue what I came here to do, but I truly want to fight with you for your cause. I never understood what the Survey Corpse did, but now that I've been here and learned firsthand what you do and go through, please Captain, forgive me." The waterworks went full throttle towards the end of my apology. He stood speechless as I, the blubbering mess, broke down in front of him. He limped towards me, his hand on my shoulder now, his other hand pulling my face to look at him.
"I knew there was more to you." I attempted to smile at the compliment. "If you truly mean what you say then it's time we start trusting each other, right?" I nodded, wiping away my tears, probably looking like a wreck.
"Thank you Captain…"
"Just call me Levi." He patted my shoulder, excusing himself to finish a few more things. I took a deep breath making my way over to my horse. It was going to be an interesting adventure helping the Survey Corps full time and not returning back to the MP's. I only could hope that my family didn't come after me for my choices. I would also hope the Commander would let me stay too. My eyes travelled to the blue eyed giant as he barked orders and got the group ready to roll out.