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My body felt like there had been a boulder crushing it when I woke the next morning. So many stresses within a day and there were only going to be more to come. My arm lay over my forehead as I stared up at the ceiling; sun rays beaming through the window and casting their light upon the wall. If this was under any other circumstance it'd be considered a fairly peaceful morning, but peace is only given to the blissfully ignorant bastards in those inner walls who don't have to worry about the titan threat nearly as much as those of us who fight the damn things on an almost daily basis. Even I can't say I fully understand what the Corps really goes through, and in all honesty, if I did, I'd probably almost as numb to the pain as they are.
I closed my eyes for a few more minutes, letting my mind wander to the events of yesterday. I had no idea what I was going to be able to do for Jason…he wasn't going to talk and now that he was in the Survey Corps' custody, he was probably going to hate me for life. This whole thing turned into the biggest shit show ever and it was only going to get worse. I groaned trying not to think about it anymore, turning to my side and hugging my pillow. I'd never been this emotional but being through this much shit this quickly really takes its toll.
I pushed the thoughts from my mind finally, glancing down to the floor. A few papers from the night before were still scattered, making my heart skip a beat. Why did the thought of the captain last night have me excited? My thoughts lingered at his fiery grey eyes that bore into mine from down below making me bite my lip. Why in hell…I chuckled to myself, placing my hands over my face. The way he moved etched into my brain, and though we didn't last long, the quality of letting loose was incredible. I fought every ounce of my being now to get up and get dressed and head to the dining hall. I needed to keep those thoughts out of my mind, though he did say to let him know if I ever wanted it again…I shook my head. STOP it Alessa, jeez.
I entered the busy dining hall, everyone not as chipper as they usually are, but for what we all dealt with yesterday, I'm surprised any of them are talking and smiling. I took a seat a decent distance away from most of the people I knew. I just wasn't up for talking, but Hange sat her ass right in front of me anyway as I started to eat my breakfast.
"Hey, are you okay?" I didn't mean to glare up at her, but my look was to say 'drop it'. She nodded, but continued. "Captain Levi told me what's been going on. I'm sorry about your brother, and Petra, but if you need to vent to someone, I'll be here to listen."
"Thanks but no thanks." I mumbled, biting into a biscuit, hoping she'd just let it go. She actually stayed silent for a while, eating her breakfast and letting me enjoy the little peace I had.
"We got summons to the capitol. It'll be in a few days." I glanced up a little confused. "The whole incident with the female titan, no one is happy. Once the MPs get ahold of Eren, we're going to be really limited in what we can do." I rolled my eyes, sipping at my coffee. Hange's face looked incredibly sad at the thought of losing her prize test subject.
"Those pesky shits never keep their noses out of shit." I mean I would know, I was one of them.
"You can say that again." An all too familiar voice approached. I glanced over at the semi casually dressed captain limping his way over to the table. For someone with a leg injury, he didn't seem phased by it last night. I had to look away before I started visibly chuckling; forcing myself to focus on sipping my coffee. He sat next to me, though his eyes kept to Hange.
"I just have a bad feeling…" she groaned. "I'll catch up with you later though; I need to talk with Erwin about a few things." I nodded, fidgeting with my cup slightly. I wasn't really sure what to say to Levi, if anything. A few minutes passed as he drank his tea before I gave in.
"How's your leg?" He shrugged; his face still emotionless as ever.
"I'll live."
"That's too bad; I was hoping to rid of you quickly." Sometimes the sarcasm just flows before I catch myself, but the slight smirk on his face meant he didn't care.
"It won't be that easy to get rid of me." I turned towards him fully now, his eyes catching mine.
"So what you're saying is I need to tie you up and torture you first? Like you guys are doing to my brother?"
"I can't say I wouldn't enjoy it coming from you." I couldn't help the giggle that escaped my throat.
"Naturally, weird ass…" His faint smirk faded back to his serious emotionless face.
"Honestly, I didn't know Erwin was going to lock up your brother. I really don't know what his plan is, but when I find out I'll let you know. Just don't do anything stupid until then."
"I can behave…occasionally." I mumbled the last part before finishing my cup of coffee. His eyes darted to mine with a slight glimmer, and immediately, my mind went back to the night before. A small blush came across my face as I grabbed my dishes and left the table quickly before he could add anything to the conversation. I needed to get ahold of my thought process, though it wasn't easy. I remembered the first time I saw him, beating the crap out of Eren in the court room. I remember feeling antsy and wanting to meet him, shit I think I even wanted to kiss him. I bit my lip, tossing my plate into the sink, leaning against it as I tried to gather my bearings. What happened…it shouldn't have happened last night. I needed to stop this in its tracks before I allowed myself to falter completely.
"I didn't peg you for a shy person." His voice rang out as he approached the sink with his own dishes. I kind of chuckled to myself as he began washing his own.
"What makes you think I'm shy?" He finished washing his dishes, towel drying his giving me his usual expressionless face. "I'm not shy…I just have a lot on my mind." It wasn't totally false.
"What's on your mind?" He folded and tossed the towel on the side of the sink, his eyes never leaving mine as he waited for his response.
"Are you expecting me to say, you?" I smirked now, folding my arms across my chest. One of his eyebrows rose, as if to say 'you weren't'? I rolled my eyes at him. "You were right honestly, what happened last night was a mistake." He didn't respond, so I continued on. "It was too soon after Petra. I think we both just got lost in the moment." Levi nodded this time, folding his arms across his chest and leaning against the sink. A small twinge in my heart made me realize I didn't like admitting it, but everything in the damn Corps moved so fast, it was hard to keep any of my emotions in check.
"I really wanted to dislike you, Alessa." I chuckled lightly. "A little fiery MP soldier trying to get her hands dirty and undermine everything here, and then you got a shock of what reality is like here."
"What is it you're trying to say…?" I stared at him a little confused, but knowing him there was a reason for what he was saying.
"Yesterday, you broke down and allowed yourself to be totally vulnerable in the place you probably felt you needed to constantly watch your back in. Not once, but twice. You're not this hard ass you seem to think you are." I cocked an eyebrow.
"You don't know me, Levi." I wasn't an easy person to read, and I definitely wasn't some softie.
"I only know what I've seen, and I've seen you drop your walls unintentionally on multiple occasions. You don't want to be the person you thought you needed to be." I glared at him now; how dare he sit here and act like he knows me. "Stop fighting it."
"You don't know shit." I scoffed, turning to leave.
"I do know, cause I've been through the same shit." I stopped and looked back at him for a moment. "I came here with different intentions too and after getting that smack in the face of what this place is really like, I managed to stop fighting it and just accept it."
"Just because you may have gone through something similar, doesn't mean you know what exactly I'm going through or what I want." I could feel the slight anger building inside me, but in actuality I didn't want to admit he was right. My pride, getting in the way like it usually does. "I let my guard down, you're right about that, but don't think it's happening again."
"We'll see." I clenched my teeth behind my closed lips, narrowing my eyes at him before storming out of the kitchen. He was so damn frustrating that he had me mentally screaming as I left. In retrospect, it was the second time he mentioned liking me. Damn you Levi, you pain in the ass, stop making this harder for me. I already agreed to be a part of the Survey Corps so I will still fight for you, but can you please not make me change completely from my norm? I sighed loudly, my feet pulling me in the direction of the holding cells.
"Let me in." I growled angrily at the MP soldiers guarding the entrance to the holding cells.
"Look Captain, I really want to let you in, but I really can't!" One of young girls tried to hush me so I wouldn't make a scene. The fact that they knew exactly who my brother and I were should've had them pissing themselves as it was, but they still tried to stay firm.
"You. Will. Let. Me. In. Otherwise, who knows what I might do to you in your sleep, child." My voice was menacing as I touched noses with the girl. She was shivering and certainly not from the cold.
"Y…yes ma'am." She muttered, the other soldiers knowing better than to object.
"Good girl, now I might consider not shoving bamboo sticks under your pretty little nails." Her eyes widened as she gulped, head down and moving out of my way quickly. A faint twinge of guilt hit my stomach and I mentally sighed. Damn it, just as I was enjoying getting back into the swing of the real me. I shook the guilty feeling quickly as I descended the steps, the torches barely providing enough light to see into any of the cells.
"Alessa!" Oh good at least he can see me in this dark ass hallway. "Get me out of here please!" Jason begged. His clothes were incredibly dirty for being in here less than 24 hours and his hair was a mess.
"Jeez, what the hell are they doing to you?" He leaned forward into the light more and I could make out the blood and bruises from his face. "Are you fucking kidding me?" I growled, ready to go kill whoever touched my brother.
"Stop, you know they were going to do it, I'm fine." He sighed, grabbing the bars with his blood caked hands. "This was just to prove a point for them anyway so it really wasn't anything that bad. Not like what Dad can do." I rolled my eyes, placing my hands over his.
"Jason, I don't know how to help you though. I pledged to help the Survey Corps now. With the situation I'm in I can't lose the little bit of trust I've started to gain from them." Anger flashed in his eyes now as he pulled away from the bars.
"So you're a fucking traitor now? Fuck family right?" His demeanor changing completely as he paced around the cell.
"No, just please let me explain." I took the fact that he stood still quietly, though still untrusting of what I could potentially say. I explained to him everything that I had been going through here since day one. Well…minus one factor. I left Levi out of the situation. He didn't need to know that; it would only cause him to turn all…weird and protective and brotherly, and god knows I don't need that right now.
"Shit Alessa, what the hell could start breaking you, seriously?" He let out a soft chuckle as he sat down on the small wooden stool in his cell.
"Thank you! That's what I'd like to find out." He sat quiet for a moment taking it all in.
"I get it, I really do, but you need to get ahold of Dad. He needs to get us out of here and we need to go back. Just chalk this up to a failure and go home."
"Jason…" I sighed, throwing my hands up in the air. "I can't ask dad for help because, like I just told you, he probably thinks I totally abandoned the family. And, if he does come to help, he is going to find a way to kill anyone here that gets in his way." Jason stared at me with a blank expression.
"So? You owe nothing to these people; you don't need to be here Alessa. You need to be back home, with people who know you." I could feel another lovely little headache forming, only this time behind my eyes.
"Jason, I don't want anyone here killed." I rubbed my eyes with one hand, trying desperately to rid myself of this pain.
"So I have to sit here dealing with this shit treatment because you for some stupid fucking reason decided to have a conscious. One of the things we were trained NOT to have." He waited for me to respond but I couldn't. I really didn't know what else to say. "Or is it that you just want on person in particular not to die?" My head shot up quickly and rather confused.
"What the fuck are you on about Jason, I said I didn't want anyone here killed." He stared at me for a good minute, like he was trying to find something hidden in my face.
"You said that the one person you really came to care for just died the other day. I would think you would have no one else you'd feel this strongly to protect now. So what? Is it that titan kid?" The look on my face must've been pretty amusing because he definitely got a chuckle out of it. I mean how else do you say 'what the fuck is wrong with you' without actually saying it? "At least it's not the shifter kid. I know you're hiding something though."
"What reason would I have to hide anything from you?"
"I don't know, but I do know you and I know when you keep things from me. You know damn well I'm right." This was true; I was usually incredibly honest with him because of the fact that he could tell when I was lying.
"I have nothing to lie to you about Jason." I sighed, trying to push past the subject.
"What the hell are you doing down here?" Levi's voice rang out as he limped his way down the hall, the anger lighting his eyes like a fire.
"I was seeing my brother." I crossed my arms, leaning against the wall. "You and bushy brows could've let me at any time but seeing as I had to threaten the guards, there must've been something you didn't want me to see." I put my finger on my lips and pretended to be thinking really hard. "OH, you know what, it must be the fact that in less than 24 hours you guys had the shit kicked out of him and not even for information! That must be it!" Sarcasm dripped from my voice as I stared at Levi. "You guys talk about trust but you sure have a lot to hide." Levi rolled his eyes.
"You need to get the hell out of here, now." He demanded, pulling onto my elbow.
"I'm not going anywhere until you explain to me what the hell is going on here." He clenched his jaw and gave his 'tch' as a reply. We both stood our ground, our glares bouncing back and forth for a good couple of minutes, neither of us wanting to waiver.
"It's him, isn't it?" Jason spoke, breaking the glare-off between me and Levi; both of us snapping our heads in his direction.
"What's me?" Levi sounded agitated and I didn't respond.
"So, you have a thing for Captain fucking Levi and that's why you won't help your own brother." Jason chuckled in disbelief. "You know, for a girl who's stooped to the lowest of lows in her life-time as was her job, this is pretty fucking low."
"I don't…" I began but Jason cut me off before I could protest.
"Stop fucking lying." He growled. "You know better than to keep that shit up with me." For the first time in a long time, I adverted my eyes from my brother's. He was right and I hated to admit it. Jason glanced over at an expressionless Levi, who kept his eyes on Jason. "I'm telling you now, if you so much as touch her, and I find out, I promise I will kill you myself."
"Too late for that." My wide eyes snapped to Levi in disbelief. REALLY?! YOU COULDN'T HAVE JUST KEPT YOUR MOUTH SHUT?! I'm pretty sure my insides felt like an atom bomb just went off. I couldn't say anything but look over to Jason, who's look was indeed murderous.
"You must really want to die you little shit." Jason snarled, though Levi's face remained unfazed. Levi tilted his head slightly and I realized he was taunting Jason now.
"Remind me to tell you about it the next time I pay you a visit." My eyes narrowed at Levi…did he just say he's the one who did this the first time?
"Go ahead, though next time why don't you be a man and leave me untied."
"Wait a second," I growled, "Levi…were you the one that fucking did this to him? And you had the fucking audacity to tell me you 'didn't know what was going on,' all after you told me to start trusting you?!" It felt like a fire storm just surged through my body as I spoke. Levi glanced to me, but his ever unchanging expression had me burning alive.
"Go upstairs, cadet." His voice was cold as ice and I couldn't hold myself back anymore. My sucker punch landed a direct hit to his face. He recovered incredibly quickly, grabbing me and throwing me towards the door. I stumbled slightly but realized he would've done worse but the pained expression on his face, and his hand on his leg from his injury the other day meant he wasn't going to really fight me.
"Guards! Get her the fuck out of here. She does NOT leave her fucking room." He growled as a bunch of guards came grabbing me forcefully. I fought back, throwing a few of them to the ground before they managed to subdue and drag me back to my room. Levi wiped the blood from his mouth 'tch-ing' as he saw there was blood on his shirt too.
"Screw you, you lying piece of shit. Don't expect me to ever fucking trust you!" I yelled, flailing the best I could to try and get out of the guards' grasp, still to no avail. Screw you, Levi, and screw the damned Survey Corps.