Chapter 44

Who Says You Can't Go Home Again

My fork stopped halfway to my mouth, convinced I'd heard him wrong. "What... Why?"

The sides of his mouth dipped down in regret. "I can't go into details, but the case I was working on hit a snag."

I put my fork down, cake all but forgotten and tried not to let him see how much fear was rushing through me. I didn't want to be here alone… or anywhere alone. "I thought your case was wrapped up?"

"I thought so too."

I tried not to think about what I'd do if something happened to him in the line of duty, but the seed had been planted and now I was fixated on that possibility. He never hesitates to remind me of the dangers of my job and now I was going to return the favor. "I worry when you're off on a case."

He took my good hand in his and gave it a gentle squeeze. "I won't be in any danger so there's no need for you to worry. Loose ends like these happen all the time. I'll be back before you even miss me."

"That would be impossible because you haven't left yet, and I already miss you." I gave him a thin smile, hoping he couldn't see through my attempt at being brave.

He stood up, pulling me into his arms. "When I get back, there will be no more out of town assignments. I'll be all yours. I promise."

I pulled back so I could see his face. "What do you mean?"

"I've already told my Captain. I'm taking myself out of rotation. They'll have to get the younger guys, the ones without families, to step up."

My first reaction was excitement and then I realized I was being selfish. Joe's job was important to him and if he was doing this for me, he'd eventually resent me. I looked down at my feet. "Don't do it for me, Joe. I'd never make a demand like that."

"I know, Cupcake." He rubbed his hand from my shoulder to my elbow and back again, smiling expectantly. "I've decided to take the Sergeant's exam."

"Really?" I was surprised and maybe a little confused. I hadn't known he was thinking about that. He nodded and hugged me to him. "When do you have to leave?" I whispered against his chest.

"In the morning." He looked down at me. "But I don't like the thought of leaving you here alone while I'm gone. Will you stay with your parents until I get back?"

I decided to be strong and ignore the butterflies of fear fluttering in my stomach. "I'll be fine staying here. Bob will keep me company." At the mention of his name, Bob trotted over, wiping his wet nose on my thigh.

Joe reached down to scratch Bob's head. "He'll need to be walked. What if he takes off while on the leash and pulls you down? You should be taking it easy, not taking care of a dog. I'll just take him to Mooch's like I usually do. He owes me a favor."

I felt safe here and I didn't want to leave. "Oh," I said, my voice falling, unable to hide my disappointment. "I guess I should go home, then. I need to check out the security upgrades Hector installed in my apartment, anyway."

He shook his head, not ready to give up so easily. "You still need someone with you. Will you please stay at your parents… for me?"

"I'm sure I can get Hector to stay with me. I'll be fine. You just concentrate on staying safe and coming home to me."

He sighed but didn't argue further. He tipped my chin, so our eyes met. "While I'm gone, think about my proposal. Nothing would make me happier than coming back and hearing you say you'll be my wife."

I wanted to make him as happy as he makes me. I smiled big and started to blurt out my answer. He put his finger over my lips, shushing me. "No pressure, Cupcake. Hold that thought and tell me when I get back."

Finally, two and a half weeks after getting out of the cellar, I was back home. Joe turned off the ignition while I stared at the familiar three-story brick building, my chest fluttering uncomfortably. I glanced around, noticing my Jeep was still parked beside the dumpster where I'd left it. Seeing it sparked a memory. I had the sensation of being grabbed from behind and then a stinging pain in my neck. I shivered as I ran my hand over the back of my neck where I'd been drugged. In dire need of air, I reached for the door handle, but hesitated before throwing the door open. Maybe coming home wasn't the best idea after all.

"You don't have to stay here if you're not ready," Joe said. "Say the word and I'll take you back to my house or to your parents."

I wanted to run back to his house, crawl into his bed and let him hold me like he had last night. I was so desperate I was ready to beg for those things, but I couldn't make him feel guilty for having to do his job and I wasn't going to live my life hiding from what Durant had done to me. I had to conquer this fear and I had to do it now. "Let's do this," I said with forced bravado and stepped out of the SUV.

As soon as we got off the elevator and turned the corner, I could see that my apartment door was ajar. From the hallway, I heard Ranger and Hector talking quietly about the new security features they'd installed. A feeling of shame came over me. They were willing to take time out of their busy schedules, not mention the cost of all the upgrades, to make my apartment safe for me and until now, I'd been too stupid to take advantage of their help. Why? Was my independence worth more than my life? No, it wasn't. It was time I started taking my safety seriously and if that meant asking for help, then that's what I'd do. Never again would I let myself be vulnerable to a man like Durant.

All talking ceased as we stepped inside. "Babe." Ranger stepped forward, hugging me to him and then Hector did the same.

I glanced around my apartment. I'd expected it to be in shambles since the police had probably tossed it while looking for clues as to who had abducted me, but it was immaculate. "Did Ella do all this?" Ranger's small smile was my only answer.

I turned to find Joe. He was sticking close behind me, lending support and listening, but not really being an active part of the welcome home.

Hector pointed to my new front door. It was painted the same dark brown as my other one had been, but along with the existing floor bolt there was now a locking bar across the center. "This is made of reinforced steel," he said. "It would take two people and a battering ram to get through this door."

"That will give you plenty of time to call for help and draw your weapon," Ranger added as he handed me a key fob similar to the one he uses for his apartment. He gave me a hundred-watt smile, and added, "This lock will even keep me out."

I appreciated all their hard work to make me feel secure, but I was a little sad Ranger wouldn't be able to break in. He'd been doing it for so long, it was expected. It made me wonder what other changes I'd have to live with thanks to Durant.

Hector directed my attention to a five-inch video screen on the wall beside the door. "This monitor will let you see who is at your door before you open it. You can also access it remotely from your cell phone." He pointed to a button below the screen. "If someone is here to harm you, press this and an alarm will sound at Rangeman." He saw the question in my eyes. "Do not worry. It is just as you asked. No one will monitor your private movements. Rangeman will only be contacted when you press these buttons."

I cast a look at Ranger to see his reaction, but any worries that I'd hurt his feelings seemed to be unfounded. He was business as usual. He pointed at the red light on the remote in my hand and at the one on the video screen. "If this light is blinking, you'll know the perimeter has been compromised. Don't enter. Call Rangeman and someone will be dispatched right away."

I smiled, trying to appear grateful, but a small seed of discomfort had started to grow.

Ranger put his hand on my back, leading me to the living room widows that were now covered with bars on the inside. "The windows in here and the one's in your bedroom have been replaced with bullet proof glass," he explained. "And the bars will prevent an intruder from prying the windows open and getting inside."

I became fixated on the bars. The walls of my apartment began closing in on me. I started counting my breaths, hoping I wasn't about to give into panic.

As if he sensed my discomfort, he quickly continued. "You don't have to worry. In case of fire or if you need to exit quickly, just press this lever and it will easily open." As he explained, he pressed the lever and the bars swung open like a cabinet door. He closed it again and waited to see if I had any questions.

I latched onto the bars, staring out the window, hiding the tears that were filling my eyes. The cellar had been my prison for weeks, and now my home was going to be a prison, too.

Joe's POV

I leaned against the living room wall, watching Stephanie's two besotted protectors explain the new security measures to her. She was listening, but she didn't look happy. She prided herself on appearing independent and being allowed to make her own choices without interference. I didn't understand where that need came from, but every time I've tried to tell her what to do, or give her an ultimatum, she's shut me down fast. That's why I was staying out of this. Let them find out for themselves because there was no way she'd live under these conditions for long.

As they revealed each new feature, I couldn't help adding up the cost. It was too steep for my blood, but then Ranger never spares any expense when it comes to Stephanie. It left me at a disadvantage because I couldn't compete with his wealth. That was just one of the many reasons I wanted him out of her life. And if I had to listen to him call her Babe, one more time, I was going to put my fist through his face.

I should have insisted she stay at my house, but I didn't want her to be alone and I damn sure didn't want Ranger or his men in my home while I was gone. That was asking too much. It would have been easier on everyone if she'd just agreed to stay with her parents because as soon as I got back, I was moving her in with me permanently. All the money Ranger spent on this stuff was going to be wasted. That gave me some enjoyment.

I checked my watch. I needed to get on the road. My plan was to spend a nice evening with Terry, easing her into the breakup and then packing my stuff. I had to handle this just right or there would be consequences. She might even go after Steph. Once I'd broken it off with her, I was going to come back here and sweep Stephanie off her feet. Since she'd been married before she probably wouldn't want a big wedding. I know I didn't. Maybe we'd have something small and intimate or take a quick trip to Vegas. That would suit me just fine.

Ranger had just finished demonstrating how to open and close the bars he'd installed on her living room window. She couldn't take her eyes off the black wrought iron. Her skin had paled, and she latched onto the bars as if she couldn't believe this was happening. Before she turned away, I saw her watery eyes. She was on emotional overload right now. I stepped forward, taking the opportunity to have a necessary conversation with Ranger and Hector. I needed to know who was going to be keeping an eye on Stephanie while I was gone. I didn't like Hector, but I liked the idea of Ranger spending the night with Stephanie even less. I wouldn't put it past him to seduce her in her weakened condition.

"Could we talk in the kitchen?" I asked and walked the short route to stand beside her kitchen counter. Ranger and Hector each gave Stephanie an assessing look and reluctantly followed. I started off cordial… grateful even. "I want to thank you for what you've done here. I appreciate it more than you know."

Hector lifted his chin indignantly, and his voice became guttural. "I do for her, not you." I don't know what I ever did to this little fucker, but he needed to back off me before I decided to take a closer look at his criminal history. A man like him had to have more than a few skeletons in his closet. Just a whiff of a crime and I'd have his ass sitting in a jail cell.

At the sound of Hector's angry voice, Stephanie spun around. When she saw Hector standing closely to me, she got a surprised look in her eyes. Ranger even seemed to be confused by Hector's attitude toward me. I'd been trying to be gracious and look what it got me. Choosing to take the high road, I held my hands up as if surrendering. "Whatever man. You have my thanks anyway."

Dismissing Hector, I focused on Ranger. "I'll be reachable by phone. If something happens, I'd appreciate a call." With that, I left them in the kitchen and went to Steph, putting my arm around her. "Let's talk in the bedroom." I led her down the hallway, past the kitchen and into the bedroom. As soon as I closed the door behind me, I pulled her into my arms, but like usual, Stephanie wanted to know what was going on.

"What was that all about?" She sounded worried, but there was also a hint of accusation in her tone.

Was she blaming that conniving criminal's rudeness on me? I went on the defensive, shrugging my shoulders as if I had no clue what Hector's problem was, which I really didn't. "I'm not sure," I said. "All I did was thank him for what they've done for you." She narrowed her eyes, making me wonder if she believed me. She was probably right to question my honesty. I'd become such a liar lately. I wasn't even sure I believed myself. The guilt about my double life was eating me up inside. I pulled her close and buried my face in her neck, kissing her smooth skin. "I don't like leaving you. Promise me you'll be okay?"

She was stiff for a minute and then she melted into me. "I wish you didn't have to go, but the sooner you get your case wrapped up, the sooner you can get back here." She leaned back so she could look at me. "Are you sure you're not mad that I'm staying here?"

"Now that I see the level of security they've installed, I think you'll be safe here. Besides, it won't be long before I'm back for good and then we'll have that long overdue discussion." I smiled down at her. "You know the one I'm talking about."

"That's a conversation that I'm finally ready to have." She smiled, knowingly.

"Hector seemed pretty angry back there. Are you sure he'll stay with you until I get back?"

"I haven't asked him yet, but I'm sure he will."

I was having a hard time letting her go. "Promise me that you'll call me if you need anything… day or night." I kissed her thoroughly, my lips lingering on hers. "I love you, Cupcake." My arms tightened around her instead of letting go. My insides were churning. I had this feeling that if I released her, I'd never hold her again.

She laughed. "You act like you'll never see me again. You are coming back, Joe."

The sound of her laughter eased my fears and I stepped back, letting my arms fall to my side. As I walked away from her, I sensed I was making the biggest mistake of my life.

Ranger's POV

Morelli came out of the bedroom, ignoring Hector as he walked past, but gave me a nod of acknowledgment before leaving the apartment. There was something about him that looked shaken. It made me wonder what had transpired in the bedroom and if Stephanie was alright. As soon as the door shut behind Morelli, Hector grabbed his coat and put it on. Before I could ask him why he was taking off, Stephanie came out of the bedroom. She stopped in her tracks, eyes widening when she caught sight of Hector. "You're leaving?"

The panic in her voice had us both concerned. Hector placed his hands on her shoulders. "I will be back in the morning," he smiled and pulled her in for a quick hug. "Ranger will stay the night."

She resembled a puppy whose owner was leaving and didn't believe they'd ever be back. My heart took the hit even though she hadn't meant to hurt me. For so long, I'd been the one she relied on to keep her safe and now Hector was taking my place. It was my own fault. I'd put us in this position.

After locking up behind Hector, I came back into the kitchen. I wanted to hold her, but I didn't think she'd let me. "Are you hungry?" I asked.

"You don't have to stay. I'll be fine now that I have all the new security." I didn't bother answering. I was staying and we both knew it.

While she'd been at Morelli's, I had Ella stock her fridge and pantry. Stephanie wouldn't have to set foot in a grocery store for a while. "We can eat one of the meals Ella prepared or order in. It's your choice."

Her eyes got misty and she looked down at the floor. "Whatever Ella made is fine," she said, looking so fragile that I was afraid to touch her.

I pretended not to notice as I pulled an aluminum pan out of the fridge and popped it into the oven.

"Did Ella do all this?"

"Did Ella do all of what?"

"My apartment is cleaner than its ever been and I have more food than I could possibly eat."

"Ella wanted to do something for you. It was all her idea."

"I keep saying thank you, but I don't know what else to say." Her sincerity squeezed my heart. I'd have to tell Ella how much her kind gesture meant to Stephanie.

"I don't want your thanks, Babe. I want you to tell me you're going to be okay."

She stepped around me and opened the freezer door to avoid answering me. She gasped and then froze, staring open mouthed at the contents inside. Before I could figure out what the problem was, she slammed the door and jumped back, hitting her side on the counter behind her.

I put my hands on her shoulders, steadying her and watched her reaction as I asked, "What's wrong?"

Her hands were balled into fists at her side and she was shaking her head violently as she tried to get control over her breathing. I put my hand on her back, gently forcing her to lean over to ease her panic. When she was breathing normally again, she straightened and pulled the garbage over to the fridge. She jerked the freezer open and began pulling pints of Ben & Jerry's ice cream out and dumping them into the garbage.

I couldn't believe what I was seeing. "What are you doing? Those are your favorites."

"Not anymore," she said as she threw the last of the offensive pints into the garbage. She tried to pull the garbage bag out of the plastic can, but it started to tear. Frustrated, she released it and began dragging the entire can to the front door. She grabbed the door knob and turned, but the door wouldn't open. I'd locked everything up tight as soon as Hector had left. Her breathing became choppy, but she wasn't ready to give up. Her hand hovered over the keypad, unable to remember the code. In a fit of rage, she tugged and kicked the door until the alarm started going off. The piercing sound had her covering her ears. I quickly deactivated the alarm and disengaged the floor bolt and bar across the center of the door.

As soon as the door was open, I expected her to run out into the hallway, but instead, she sighed with relief and rested her forehead against the wall beside the door, giving her heart a chance to slow down. I put my hand on her back to offer comfort. She gasped and her whole body tensed. "Babe?" Tentatively, as if I was dealing with a wild animal, I rubbed her shoulders and turned her toward me. Once I had her in my arms, I led her to the couch and helped her sit down. "Sit here while I take the garbage can to the dumpster."

"No!" She grabbed my forearm, shaking her head erratically. "Don't go out there."

I softened my voice and sat down beside her. "Okay, I won't go out." I soothed, holding her against my chest as she clung to me. We sat that way for a few minutes. Finally, her body relaxed. "Would it be okay if I quickly opened the door and set the garbage can outside. I'll call one of my men to take it to the dumpster." She was still for a minute and then her hair tickled my chin as she nodded her head. I waited until she pulled away and sat back on the couch before getting to my feet. Once the garbage was in the hall and the locks were all secured again, I sat back down beside her. "Are you going to tell me what just happened?"

The oven timer dinged, but I ignored it, never breaking eye contact with her. She was shutting me out. For some reason she didn't want me to know what she was thinking or feeling and that hurt. Realizing I wasn't going to get an answer, I got up to take the food out of the oven. I think both of us had lost our appetite. I held my hand out to her. Maybe if she had a moment to get herself together, she'd feel like eating. "Why don't you take a long hot bath while I get dinner ready?"

When she nodded, I pulled her up and put my arm around her as we walked toward the kitchen. While I took the lasagna out of the oven, she continued to the bedroom to gather some clothes. At the sound of things being slammed and banged around in the room, I went to check on her. I found her emptying her drawers onto the floor. She let out an angry sob as she grabbed the handle of the last drawer and turned it upside down. A cascade of intimate silks fell to the ground. Now that she was out of drawers, she moved to the closet, yanking everything within reach off the hangers and throwing them onto the floor.

"Babe." I came up behind her, grabbing her hands to prevent her from doing more damage. "What are you doing?"

She turned around in my arms, anger sparking from every pore. "It's all dirty," she snapped, her eyes darting around the room. "His filthy hands touched everything."

I put gentle pressure on her arms, keeping them down at her sides, but being careful not to hurt her. Immediately, she stopped struggling and buried her face against my chest, clinging to me as she sobbed. I held her while I sat down on the bed with her in my lap. She swiped the moisture away from her eyes and when she could see clearly, she noticed the new bedding. She ran her hand over the fabric. "Where did this come from?" Her voice was hoarse and scratchy.

"Ella bought it. If you don't like it, we can get something else."

I thought she was done crying, but she choked on another sob. She tried to speak but nothing came out. She put her arms around my neck, hugging me tight. "I don't deserve you."

"Babe." I rubbed my hands up and down her back. I was telling her in my own way that she was talking nonsense, but it only made her cry harder. I had to admit, I was getting scared. I could count on one hand the number of times I've seen Stephanie cry. I tightened my arms around her, cradling the back of her head. "You don't have to be tough anymore. If you let me, I'll take care of everything."

I thought my words would make her feel better, but she only cried harder. When she calmed, and there was only the occasional hiccup, she surveyed the mess she'd made.

Before she could get upset again, I said, "Everything is clean. Ella spent a week deep cleaning the entire apartment. All the clothes in the drawers and the closet have been freshly laundered or replaced with new ones." She kept her face against my neck, unable to respond. We sat quietly for a while. "Come stay with me on seven. You can stay as long as you like."