Felicity and Oliver just arrived at their hotel after driving for nearly eight hours to get out of Starling City. They had both practically collapsed onto the bed out of pure exhaustion, neither Felicity nor Oliver could really believe that they were there together. They were finally getting the chance to be together like they had both always really wanted.
Felicity picked her head up and looked over at Oliver and watched as he undressed and got ready for bed and she couldn't help but ogle him and imagine herself doing all kinds of inappropriate things to that amazing god like body of his.
"Enjoying the show Miss Smoak?" He asks as he gives her an incredulous smile not being able to resist, he can read exactly what she is thinking about just by the flush tone of her skin and the fact that her eyes wouldn't stop racking his body as she licked her lips.
"Oh, most definitely Mr. Queen, in fact I might enjoy it a little bit more if you continued taking off the little piece of clothing that you still have on." She smiled and gave him a sly wink before getting up from the bed and stalking over towards him and grabbing his neck to get better leverage to kiss him. He immediately responded to her and pulled her as close as he possibly could, he picked her up and carried her over to the bed practically throwing her down eliciting a squeal from her.
She giggled as he laid down on top of her making sure that he didn't squish her before kissing her again. His hands roamed up her shirt and skirting under her bra making Felicity moan with pleasure and arch her back into his touch. Oliver kissed his way down her jaw and her neck leaving bite marks in his wake, but Felicity couldn't get herself to particularly care she was just focused on how good it felt to get to be with Oliver again after thinking that this wasn't ever going to be an option again.
They spent hours lying in bed and getting to know each other's bodies and what made the other tick. It was complete and utter bliss for both of them, Oliver had such a goofy grin on his face that Felicity made light fun of him and teased him. She had never in the three years that she had known Oliver ever see him so happy that a smile wouldn't ever leave his face.
They both fell into a blissful sleep with smiles on their faces both of them still pinching themselves that they were both there with each other. That they both loved each other and wanted nothing but to make this thing between them work. The bliss however did not last very long, before long Oliver started tossing and turning and thrashing about in his sleep. Felicity woke up to Oliver screaming out her name, she gently shook him and tried to wake him up from the dream. She had never seen him like this before, she knew that he had nightmares, but she had never witnessed one of them before. It was breaking her heart to hear the agony in his voice, all that she wanted to do was hug him and tell him that everything was going to be okay.
However, never having witnessed this before she didn't know that you should never wake someone with PTSD from a nightmare.
His eyes opened and Felicity was looming over him but that's not what Oliver saw, he saw Ra's over him and heard him threaten to kill Felicity if he didn't come with him. Oliver did the only thing that he could think to do and reacted to what he thought he saw, he rolled them over and instantly wrapped his fingers around her neck still seeing Ra's below him.
Felicity's adrenaline kicked in as her vision started getting spotted the longer that she couldn't get oxygen to her lungs. She started to try and pry Oliver's fingers from her neck with one hand while the other started scratching at his arms trying to somehow wake up.
"Oliver...Wake up...You're dreaming." She could barely get the words out around his fingers, she started to see more stars and she knew that she was going to pass out soon if he didn't let go of her neck. She scratched at his face hoping at this point to just get him off of her.
He finally seems to come to as her nails drag across his face and break skin, he felt the sting and a light trickle of blood run down his face. He quickly let go of her and scurried away from her, he fell off of the bed from the shock of what he just did. He sat of the floor in horror of what he had just done to her, Felicity, the one and only woman that he had ever loved, and he early killed her. He sat on the floor with his head in his hands as he sobbed at the pure image that he had in his head of his hands wrapped around her neck intent on killing her because of who he thought she was.
Felicity took a giant gulp of breath and turned her head to the side violently coughing, she tried taking a deep breath, but it burned and brought tears to her eyes from the pain. She let a sob escape her lips briefly trying to get the image of Oliver looming over her with his hands wrapped around her neck out of her head. She knew that he would never intentionally hurt her, that he was obviously dreaming, her heart was breaking for him. She knew that he was never going to forgive himself for this, she could already feel the bruises starting to form on her neck. Bruises that weren't going to going away for a few days, maybe even a week. She took a steadying breath before slowly making her way off of the bed and over to Oliver grabbing his oversized Henley from the floor to cover up with.
She slowly approached him knowing that he was probably going to be extremely skittish after what he had just woken up to. She knew that she had to be careful about how she went about handling this situation, she knew that he had nightmares, but she never thought that it got this bad. She had to let him know that she was okay and even though what he did isn't okay she knows that he didn't do it on purpose and that she knew that he would never intentionally hurt her. She knew that he loved her with everything in him, she could see it now in the way that she could tell that he was breaking at the thought of what he did.
"Oliver?" She slowly approached him, she knelt down in front of him but never took his eyes off of him.
He stayed in the same spot that he was in, but she knew that he heard her by the sob that she heard him let out at just the sound of her voice, a few tears escaped her eyes unwillingly and she had to take a deep breath to steady herself. She had to be the strong one right now, she had to show him that she was okay and strong and that she wasn't going anywhere. So, with her newfound strength she took another deep and centering breath before lightly touching his wrists so that she could get a good look at him. He had other plans however and shook his head almost violently trying to get her to back off, he didn't want to hurt her again.
"Oliver. I'm okay, I promise you...Please baby, look at me." Felicity was nearly begging him at this point to just remove his hands from his face so that she could at least look at his face. She was almost scared to look at his face knowing that she was going to find it scratched nearly to hell from where her nails hand dug into his skin. She looked at his wrists and saw the scratch marks there and knew that his face must look ten times worse.
After a little bit of tugging on his wrists on her part he finally gave up and looked up at her and the sight that they both saw nearly broke both of their hearts simultaneously. She saw his red rimmed eyes and his scratched-up face, and it took every ounce of control for her not to break down in tears. Oliver looked like a broken and scared little boy, she was never going to be able to forget the look on his face in this moment. All that she wanted to do was tell him that everything was going to be okay and just wrap him up and hug him so tight that all of his pieces would fit back together; however, she knew that it wasn't that simple.
When Oliver looked up at Felicity all that he could see was the bruising on her neck that his hands had left, he saw tear tracks down her face, but he never once saw fear in her eyes. He saw love and sorrow and somehow forgiveness which confused him. How could she forgive him after what he had just done to her, he had nearly killed her, what would have happened if he didn't let go when he did? She wouldn't be here, she would have died at his hands because he is too broken, he doesn't deserve her love or forgiveness. Maybe this wasn't a good idea, maybe they should just turn around and go home and go back to reality, go back to when she was dating Ray and Oliver pretended that he didn't have feelings for her when they both knew that he did.
Oliver slowly reached up and touched the quickly forming bruises on her neck and they both seemed to take a shuddering breath. Felicity closed her eyes and let her tears fall as she felt his calloused fingertips on the still sensitive bruises on her neck, she lets a quiet sob escape her mouth. She tried her best not to flinch but failed and he pulled away from her like he had burned her, she knew that it was going to be a while before she wouldn't flinch when he touched her neck.
"Oliver, I'm okay. Look at me." She didn't continue speaking until he finally looked in her eyes, she needed him to know that she wasn't going anywhere. She was in this for the long-haul, for forever if he would let her into his heart.
"I love you Oliver and you didn't mean to hurt me, you were dreaming and weren't completely aware of what was going on. That doesn't make it okay what you did but I know that you would never intentionally hurt me, I am in this for the long-haul Oliver I want to be here for you, but I can't do that if you try to shut me out. It may take a little while for us to get through this, but I want to and I am willing, I can tell by just looking at your face right now that you are sorry and that you didn't meant to do it." Felicity knew that she sounded kind of insane and crazy if someone on the outside heard what she was saying after what had just happened.
Less than 30 minutes ago he was strangling her, and she almost nearly passed out from the lack of oxygen, she knows that he could easily overpower her if this were to ever happen again. However, she loved this man more than life itself and she knew that it wasn't going to be easy in any regard of the word, but she wanted to stick around to make sure that she was there for him when he needed her. If her mother heard what she was saying she would tell her that her judgement was clouded by love and maybe it was, but she knew deep down that together, her and Oliver could get through this.
"Felicity it's not safe with me, I nearly killed you just now. You deserve someone that isn't going to assault you every time that they have a bad dream." It took everything in her not to sigh out of frustration from him thinking that he could make these kinds of decisions for her.
"Maybe so, but Oliver I don't want anyone else but you, you are it for me. I want you and all of the baggage that comes with being with you, you deserve someone who isn't going to give up on you the second things get scary or hard. Someone who loves you for everything that you are and doesn't leave you, and I'm not going to leave, no matter how much you want me to. It's not going to be easy Oliver, it's probably going to be as hard as hell, but we can get through this. Like I said before, I know that you didn't mean to do it and the second you realized what you were doing you immediately let go, because you didn't ever mean to hurt me-"
"But I did Felicity, I hurt you so badly that you have bruises of my hands on your neck, I hurt you so badly that you nearly passed out. I'm not safe. I'm dangerous, what if one day I don't stop, and I kill you Felicity?" Oliver was sobbing again, and he went to go and touch her but stopped himself, afraid to lay a finger on her in fear of hurting her.
"You won't. I know without a doubt in my whole being that you would never and will never kill me, I should have known to not try and shake you awake from your nightmare. It doesn't excuse what happened but now I know not to try that again, that you have to wake up on your own. You are the gentlest, caring, loving, and compassionate person that I know Oliver, you are the only person that I feel completely safe with. I trust you with my life Oliver and I know that you would never purposely put me in unnecessary danger." Felicity leaned forward and gently put both of her hands on his cheeks and leaned forward until their foreheads were touching, she needed him to see that she wasn't going anywhere and that he was forgiven for what happened, that it wasn't okay, but she understood that under their circumstance's, things were different.
"I'm so sorry Felicity, I don't think I will ever be able to forgive myself, I never wanted to hurt you. I love you so much, I wish I could take it back." Oliver took a steadying breath feeling marginally better after the talk that him and Felicity had shared, he didn't think that he would ever understand what he did to deserve a woman like her in his life. She was so kind and forgiving and always knew how to harness the light inside of him and let him know that he deserved to be happy.
"I know sweetheart, you didn't mean it I understand. Prove to me that it won't happen again by getting better, putting in the work and try in any way that you can to get better. Things won't change Oliver unless you put in the work to try." Felicity softly let her finger run through to stubble on his face before moving her hands around his neck and hugging him tightly to her body ignoring to pain in her neck the second anything so much as touched it. He needed to know that they were going to be okay, that she was there and wasn't going to leave him.
She knew that nothing was ever going to be the same between them after this, she knew that it was going to take a lot of work between the both of them for them to even get a sense of normalcy back into their relationship. She was willing to try as long as he was and by the way that he was clinging to her she knew that he didn't want to let her go. It broke her at the thought of even leaving him at such a vulnerable time, she couldn't even fathom leaving him to deal with all of his demons on his own.
"Come on, let's go back to bed." Felicity pulled away from him and looked at him and saw complete and utter fear of even the thought of going to sleep and maybe hurting her again.
"I'm going to sleep on the couch, I don't know if I will be able to sleep…" The thought wasn't finished but Felicity knew what he meant, he didn't think that he was going to be able to sleep next to her. She didn't want to take it personally but she kind of did, he wasn't leaving so that was at least a start.
"Okay. If that's what you want but you can't run forever, I won't let you." Felicity nodded and put up a strong front, she wasn't going to let him run from his troubles. If this was going to work in any sort of way, then he needed to not only trust her but himself.
"I'm sorry, just for tonight. I don't want to hurt you...Please." His face was torn and sorrowful and completely broken and she knew that she could give him this if it was what he needed.
"Okay. Just for tonight." She nodded and kissed his cheek and stood up, helping him up in the process. She wasn't sure what to do, did she kiss him goodnight? Did she just get back into bed and try to go back to sleep? She was at a complete loss of what she should do. She opted for the warmer option and leaned up giving him a gentle kiss on the lips, she kept her eyes closed for a few seconds afterwards and let her fingers curl around the hair that was barely there. After a few moments she pulled back just enough to look him in the eye and give him a small smile, the first one since everything had happened that night. Both of her hands settled on either of his cheeks as she starred up into his eyes letting every guard that she had down, wanting him to see every part of her.
"I love you Oliver Queen, no matter if you think I should or not. You are a good man, you deserve all of the love and kindness that anyone shows you." She gives him another smile and he took a shaky breath before pulling her into a bone crushing hug.
"I love you too...Thank you for always being the one person I can always count on." Oliver gently kissed one of the many bruises littering her neck and she nearly let out a sob but stopped herself just in time. She was determined to be strong for him and that meant that she wasn't going to let it show how much pain she was in. She knew how backwards that sounded after everything she had just told Oliver, but for the time being she needed to be strong until she was ready to share everything with him.
Felicity pulled away from the hug and gave him another kiss before turning around and making her way into the bed, she laid down on his side and covered up, she looked over and saw that Oliver was standing there staring at her.
"You plan on standing there all night and watch me sleep?" She asked in what was meant to be a playful tone but came out more accusatory, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath and sat up in bed before looking back up at him.
"You can come and lay down in bed with me Oliver, we don't even have to be touching. We can lay on complete opposite ends of the bed if you want." She was offering an olive branch considering it didn't look like he would ever fit on that couch if he tried to sleep on it.
He nodded and moved to what was her side of the bed and laid practically on the edge of the bed, Felicity was convinced that he wasn't even laying on the bed with how far away he was. They stared at each other for a few moments before Felicity sighed knowing that neither one of them was going to be able to sleep after what just happened, but she was determined to try. She at least wanted to show him that she trusted him enough to sleep in his presence.
However, things would have worked out a lot better if he wasn't thinking so loudly and clearly staring at her, there was no way that she was going to fall asleep knowing that he was watching her.
"Oliver, honey, I love you, but I am never going to be able to fall asleep if you are staring at me and thinking so darn loud." She opened one eye and he was in fact staring at her but at least now he had a small smile on his face from her comment. It was more than likely from her calling him honey, she had taken to calling him pet names whenever the moment called for it.
"Sorry. I'll stop, go to sleep baby." He had a sheepish smile on his face and a slow blush crept us his cheeks, sometimes her love for this man hit her like a ton of bricks and this was one of those moments. He looked so innocent in this moment, she wanted to spend the rest of her life making sure that he had a happy and peaceful life no matter how hard that may be to accomplish.
She waited to close her eyes until he finally did so that she knew that he was actually trying to go to sleep, or at least fake it until she was actually asleep. She would take that if it meant that she got a few more hours of sleep before they hopped on a plane to Bali the next morning.
It took them a few weeks until they got back to themselves again, it was hard hiding the bruises on her neck especially considering it was warm wherever they went, and she couldn't just hide it with a scarf or anything. She mostly used makeup to cover it up and it mostly worked for all of the time that they littered her skin until they wanted to go swimming in the ocean and then the makeup would fade off of her skin and people gave them uncomfortable stares. It took until the bruises were no longer visible for them to get back to normal.
Oliver found a therapist back home in Starling City that he would facetime with and talk through his demons with. He obviously didn't share everything with the man, but he did share his insecurities and fears with him, he helped him work through some things. He could feel himself start to heal and at least recognize when things were getting bad so that he could ask Felicity for help.
Felicity was so proud of him for putting in the work and trying to actually get marginally better and heal from the things that have happened to him. She understood that most of the things he couldn't talk about to his therapist because of how illegal they were but she was happy that he was taking what she said seriously and to heart.
By the time they had moved to Ivy Town and bought their home he was a new man, he was still struggling with everything but he was more hopeful about things. After that first night together Oliver and Felicity's bond grew stronger, they both know that they could make it through anything as long as they were together, they were always stronger when they were together after all.