10 years before…

Sitting on his bed, Robin tried to settle the lurches of his stomach as he scrolled through Regina's MySpace page. It'd been more than three months since graduation, the day he'd last seen her. He'd expected to run into her around town, maybe get an angry phone call or two, but she might as well have been a ghost. He hadn't seen her at all. After checking the Harvard academic calendar, he knew that school had started a week ago and the word had gone through town that she'd decided to go after all, just like he'd hoped. It was pathetic to be monitoring her MySpace page, he knew that, but… he just wanted to see her face. Even if it was just through a screen.

He thought maybe he'd get a glimpse of where she'd been all summer, see some pictures of her on move-in day… see her smile. Imagine his disappointment when all he saw were the same pictures of her from graduation. They'd been sitting at the top of her profile for the whole summer.

It was torture.

Tossing his laptop aside, he got up from his bed. He had more urgent things to do than think about Regina (not that he would ever stop). Grabbing a throw blanket from the living room, he headed outside and saw his father sitting on the front steps of the porch, looking out at the lawn with a blank stare. He'd gotten much worse since graduation. His clothes hung loser, his skin was ashen and the dark circles under his eyes grew more defined every day. Robin knew his father looked downright sickly but even still the sight of him on the front porch was a familiar sight.

The porch had always been his father's thinking place, or rather his parent's. When his mother was alive she and his father would have all their big hushed talks there. It was the place where they talked out problems and his father continued to the trend long after she died. Growing up Robin would catch him sitting there at night, more often than not with a cigarette in hand, thinking about things that Robin knew he probably couldn't understand.

Joining him on the steps, Robin placed the blanket over his father's shoulders. "Cold?"

"A little," sighed his father. Pulling it closer around himself, he grumbled, "You know when you do stuff like this it makes me feel like an old lady?"

"Then you're gonna hate it when I start helping you across the street," replied Robin, sitting next to him on the steps. "What are you thinking about?"

"Oh the usual," said his father. He smiled at his son. "You."

Robin raised his eyebrows. "Me? I'm fine Dad."

"No you aren't." He covered his mouth to stifle a cough. "You forget I raised you. I know when you're sad." He sighed, pulling the blanket tighter around himself. "You miss Regina."

Hanging his head, Robin sucked in a sharp breath. He did miss her. He missed her more than he'd ever missed anyone, save his mother. At first he'd hoped that maybe his feelings would fade away, that they'd grow lesser over time until he no longer noticed them but that wasn't the case. The more he tried to let his feelings go the more they dug into his heart. Every day he grew more and more certain that he would always love Regina Mills.

"What happened between you two?"

Robin sighed. "I told you. We decided to end it."

"I'm a dying man, son. Don't bullshit me." Robin glared at him but Robert held firm. "Tell me the truth. What happened?"

For a brief second he considered lying again but deep down Robin knew he'd already done enough of that. Lifting his head, he let out a deep breath. "I chose to end it. Not her. It was all me."

"You?" Robert twisted his face in confusion. "Why the hell would you do that?"

"Because it was a choice between me or Harvard," he whispered, shrugging his shoulders. "And she would've chosen wrong."

Robert nodded understandingly, clearing his throat. "So… you made the choice for her."

"What else was I supposed to do?" asked Robin. "It was her dream and she was never gonna get another chance at it. I couldn't let her give it up."

Gripping his son's shoulders, Robert groaned. "And what about you Robin? What about your dreams?"

Robin shrugged. "I don't know, I guess I'll figure it out."

They sat together in silence for a moment, looking out on the yard, both of them thinking of the past and the future. Finally Robert spoke again. "You think you've got all the time in the world, Robin… you're wrong."

"Dad…"

"Let me finish," he ordered, his voice turning hoarse. "You always think you'll get another chance, that there'll come a time when you can right wrongs and set things right but that's just not true. Time is too steady and too fast to pass on the things that make you happy. Before you know it you'll be an old man sitting on your porch thinking of all the things you could've done better."

Robin sighed, letting his father's words sink in. "What am I supposed to do Dad? She's already gone."

"Gone but not lost," he replied. "You know where she is, go to her, see if you can work things out."

Robin shook his head. "Doubt she'd be happy to see me. Besides I want to stick around here for awhile."

Robert gave him a long hard look before rolling his eyes with a sigh. "Fine, I tried but just know… that I only wanted you to be happy Robin."

"I know that Dad."

"I mean it," he said, smiling. "You know when I sit here and think of all things in my life that I did right, you're always at the top of the list. There's nothing I did better than you."

His hand shook as he reached up run his fingers over his son's hair. "Just don't let the next opportunity pass you by, okay son?"

"Okay, I promise."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Robin's father died eight months after he graduated high school. His passing was slow and quiet, lit by the muted, florescent lights of his hospital room and the only person present was his son, who stayed by his side until his last breath. Watching his father wither away was the hardest thing he'd ever done but even after he was gone Robin never stopped feeling connected to him. He still lived in the house where he grew up, he owned the bar his father had opened and all through his adult life his voice had remained in the back of his head. Every time a decision came along, big or small, he would think back to tiny bits of advice and wisdom his father had offered in the past. But some pieces of his wisdom were harder to listen to than others.

Even now as he stood behind the bar counter wiping down glasses, he could hear his father's voice had been roaring in the back of his head, reminding him of the promise he'd once made. Regina was back in town and he finally had a chance to make things right, to come clean. But how could he? It'd been ten years. Was it even worth it now?

He ducked behind the counter for another tray of glasses, his thoughts so heavy with the possibility for second chances that he didn't hear the bell above the door ring.

"Is 10:30 to early to ask for a drink?"

Raising his head above the counter, Robin chuckled when he saw Mal walking over to the bar. "Depends on the kind of morning you've had."

He'd been wondering if she'd speak to him during the reunion. It hadn't escaped his notice that when he'd given up Regina, he gave up Mal too. Even though Regina was clearly their common thread, he and Mal had been pretty close in school, too. They'd spent lunch times eating under the bleachers, she was the only reason he'd passed math in freshman year, and they shared a certain streak of humor that others didn't usually get. He'd missed her after graduation. Though, she didn't appear to feel the same given the look on her face when she sat down.

"What are you doing here, Mal?"

She shrugged, keeping her ice blue eyes on him. "It's our ten-year reunion Robin. I'm supposed to visit all my old friends."

Raising an eyebrow, Robin tilted his head. "I'm still on that list?"

"Third from the bottom but yeah, you're still on there," replied Mal, a slick smile pulling on her lips.

He rolled his eyes, covering up his relief. "I'm guessing it's a little too early for your usual bourbon?"

"I suppose I'll settle for a root beer," she sighed. Eyeing him as he moved behind the counter, she asked, "How are you?"

"Surviving," he replied with a shrug. "What about you? I'm surprised you came back town, I figured it might be hard for you."

"You mean because this whole town was the metaphorical closet in which I hid my sexuality?"

Setting a root beer down in front of her, he nodded. "Yeah, pretty much."

Mal sucked her teeth. "Yeah that was rough but I figured that was the whole reason I should come back." She took a sip of her drink. "I mean, isn't the point of this reunion? To face confront old demons and bullies, show how you've changed?"

"I guess," mumbled Robin, resuming his chores. "But maybe some things are better off buried. Dredging up the past… it's not always worth it."

"Maybe," she softly replied. Leaning her elbows against the counter, she studies him carefully. "You know, it's been weird seeing everyone again. I used to spend so much time watching everyone in school. It was easier to think about them and their relationships and failings than my own. Coming back to this reunion what I've noticed the most is how differently people look at each other."

"What do you mean?"

"Oh, you know, old friends who barely look at each other," she elaborated. "People who don't cower under old bullies. But then there are some things that don't change… like you."

Robin turned to her, confused. "Me?"

"Yeah… you and Regina," she said. "After all these years… you still look at her the same way."

Robin's throat grew dry as he tried not to look her in the eye. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Mal chuckled, shaking her head. "You made me your third wheel so many times the googly eyes you made at each other are etched in my memory. That's why I could never wrap my head around the idea that you never loved her. People who only tolerate each other don't look at each other the way you looked at her."

Leaning against the counter, Robin stared her down, trying not to let his true feelings show. "What are you saying Mal?"

"I'm saying that I have always found it extremely convenient that you broke her heart in time for her to enroll in Harvard," she said. "No dragging it out or waiting for a better time. It was almost like you had a deadline."

He didn't say a word, just stayed silent. Of course, for Mal, his silence held all the answers she'd been looking for.

Closing her eyes, she let out a huff. "You… dumb son of a bitch."

"I… I thought it was best," Robin mumbled under his breath. "I knew how much she wanted Harvard but I knew if it was a choice between Harvard and me… she'd choose wrong."

"You didn't know that," argued Mal, shaking her head. "You didn't know anything. You have no idea what you put her through, how much pain you caused her." She pressed her lips together. "You have to tell her the truth."

"Why?" stressed Robin. "What good would it do for her to know the truth?"

Mal stared at him for a second before scoffing and sliding off her stool. "God, nothing has changed in this town. It's still slathered in secrets, just like it used to be."

Still shaking her head, she headed for the door, Robin watching her as she went.

He called after her. "Give me one good reason why I should tell her the truth!"

"Because she deserves it!" Mal shot back. After a moment, she softens. "And honestly, so do you."

The bell above the door chimes as she heads back out onto the street, leaving Robin to ponder the meaning of her last sentence.

I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Please leave a review if you did!